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Confessions of a Dislocated Texan

The more we deny our faults the dumber we look
By Ezra Mann (Editor in Spoof)

There may be no greater miracles worked in Hollywood than the job done by makeup artists. They are given some of the most challenging projects that involve turning the horrors of reality into a slightly more tolerable fantasy.
As human beings we can’t seem to accept things as they are so we take the cosmetic lessons of the entertainment industry and apply it to our daily lives. We have gotten so used creating a fake alternative to who we really are that we base all of our decisions on feeding the lies that make us comfortable. From politicians who are ashamed of their past to acting like we are experts in areas that make no sense at all, we seem to be unable to realize that we’d be better off just admitting that dumb only begins to describe our nature.
If you are still following me, yes, I just told you to embrace the fact that we all resort to acting stupid at one time or another. No, we don’t need to abuse the idiot characteristic inside each of us, but you aren’t helping your case if you think you are somehow a squeaky clean example of perfection.
I am just as guilty as anyone when it comes to trying to separate myself from those who have gotten more attention for making mistakes. One such area I (and I’m sure many of my readers as well) tend to fool myself into thinking I’m superior is when it comes to driving out on the open road. It may infuriate me when I see people forget their blinker or trying to zoom to a destination when they could have just left earlier, but if I or you take a good slap upside the noggin, we might realize that we’ve not exactly been saints every time we’ve been on the highway.
Then there is the never ending punch line we call our elected representatives. If there is any greater example of humanity trying to convince itself that it is not one brainless goof-up after another, I’m not sure it would be safe to find out.
I think that the voters of this great nation of ours might have a tiny bit more respect and faith in the political process if these morons just went ahead and acknowledged where they went wrong instead of making us gag with advertisements that try and make them seem like Jesus Christ personally endorsed them. So some of them tried a drug or had more than one adult relationship before office, if some of them would tell us that they have screwed up, we might be able to relate to them as regular people. Quit giving the 24 hour gossip channels something to dig up, clear the airwaves and get over the ego trip.
Finally and unfortunately, there is a segment of the human species that might outdo even the densest electoral blockhead. That pond scum example that dominates a portion of media, is the sports analyst.
At some point in the history of televised buffoonery, someone decided it would be a good idea to take a bunch of rabid sports fans and give them airtime where they do nothing other than make meaningless predictions (like who will win this year’s championship before a single game has even been played) and speculate on why one sports star is at the moment more selfish than the others. Yes, we get it, Lebron James is a millionaire sellout, Tiger Woods had more women than a fairytale harem, Brett Favre can’t retire anything but our patience and the Big 12 is run by a man who would lick the cow patties off of the Long Horns’ shoes if they would take a moment to stop walking all over him. However, if I convince too many to give up these silly practices, I might just put my column out of commission.

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1031 B.C. - 2010 A.D., Really Pathetic, LLC.