The Paddle Team Vs. Green Thumb Duo Part 29
By Jane
A Round Robin of the CS Insanity Central ML
Punk Rock Duo lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply. Too deeply. He coughed loudly, several times, and then tried to regain his composure, stubbing the cigarette out on his steel toed Doc Marten as if that was the plan in the first place. Grunge Duo sniggered behind his lank, filthy hair. "Dude," he whispered hoarsely, "I thought you smoked all the time." Punk Rock Duo shot him a scathing look. "Listen asshole," he sneered, "We're not here to discuss my smoking habits, my elitist, superior manner, my blind anarchist ideals, my terrible garage band filled with suburbanite rich kids who think that by picking up a guitar they automatically become the next Jimi Hendrix, my narcissism, my hedonism, or my authentic Scottish kilt, which I can wear because I am completely comfortable with my manliness, my lifestyle choices, and my sexual preference. Really. We're not. We are, in fact, here to discuss the unfortunate and extremely inconvenient disappearance of Pretty Duo."
"Uh... which one is that?" Grunge Duo asked, in a pot induced stupor. "You really are retarded," Punk Rock Duo said, his voice filled with wonder. "You know, I used to think that it was all an act or something, you know, to get attention or some shit like that. But I now realize that all of the acid, shrooms, and hash completely obliterated any of the brain cells you may have possessed. It's fascinating, really. I should write an angst filled song about it. Something with three cords and a deeply mediocre base line." He tilted his head to the side, pondering the many bland possibilities, and absentmindedly scratched one of his nipples through his tattered Ramones t-shirt.
"Huh?" Grunge asked, managing to look dumb, dirty, and really, really, hot, all at the same time.
"Look, cunt rag, I'm gonna make this real simple for you. Pretty Duo was the best piece of ass that I was able to get on a regular basis. Sex Kitten Duo, Hentai Duo, Colossal Penis Duo, Kinky Duo, Vampire Duo, and You Better Believe I can Go at it All Night and Then Some Duo are always having sex with each other. Brilliant Duo, Genius Duo, Mechanic Duo, Sniveling Lackey Duo, Chemist Duo, Doctor Duo, and Mathematician Duo are always doing something Important and Scientific. French Maid Duo is always cleaning up after the first two groups of Duos. All of the countless other Duos are doing countless other things. And YOU always fall asleep during sex because you smoked too much weed. Pretty Duo, however, makes Pretty Noises when he comes, and is Pretty Fucking Good in the sack."
"Ungghahgh..." Grunge Duo remarked, cleverly.
Punk Rock Duo continued, as if he hadn't heard the interruption. "We must rescue Pretty Duo from wherever he is right now, and bring him back safely to Duo House! We will use this place as our top secret headquarters."
"But dude," Grunge Duo protested, "This is the boiler room!"
"No time for arguments! My sex life is on the line! Just pretend that your drug stash is gonna be sold to Nicaraguans if we don't rescue Pretty by this time tomorrow!"
"Those bastards will never get my bud!" Grunge Duo spat out, cracking his neck and suddenly leaping to his feet. "Where are the dirty motherfuckers?! Take me to Pretty Duo before I kill the lot of em!"