"Didn't some philosopher once say that climbing a hill was one of man's most pleasurable activities?"

Hercules and Iolaus were just reaching the crest of a steep hill, or as Iolaus had termed it when he first saw it, 'a damn miniature mountain'. "I can't say for sure, but it sounds like something a philosopher would say."

"Whoever said it is full of shit. Going for seconds or thirds at a banquet? That's pleasurable. Trying to decide between being given a back rub or a foot massage? That's not bad, either. Now, if we were to get into the subject of tavern maids..."

"I suppose if it was up to you we'd still be at that inn back in Komotini."

"Since when have I ever turned down the chance at a night spent in an actual bed instead of camping out on the cold, hard ground?"

"Iolaus--we were broke."

"Yeah, but Cassandra, the maid, was willing to let me share her room."

Hercules put his hands on his hips. "And I was supposed to do what? Sleep in the stable?"

Iolaus grinned, wiggling his eyebrows. "She had a big bed, and she was an adventurous sort of girl."

Hercules gave him a disbelieving look. "You can't seriously..." He saw his friend's grin, and sighed. "Why do you do that?"

"Because it makes you blush. I was joking--she didn't invite you to sleep with us." Hercules nodded, and started to turn away. "But the innkeeper's wife mentioned that he was going to be away for a few days, if you were lonely."

Hercules turned a little green. "She had to be at least sixty."

"She said you reminded her of her son."

"That's... disturbing."

"You're telling me? I saw her reading a scroll of Oedipus Rex. Maybe it is a good thing that we left when we did. Why couldn't we have made camp at the foot of the hill instead of scaling it?"

"Because I didn't feel like trying to herd you up it first thing in the morning. You move about as quickly as one of Asgard's glaciers when you first get up. This way we have your bitching out of the way." Hercules glanced around, admiring the view. "Anyway, it's pretty here."

Iolaus nodded, spreading his arms to indicate the beautiful green scenery. "And it's ours!"

Hercules smiled at him. "I'm pretty sure the local ruler would take exception to that."

"I mean it belongs to Greece. However, past THAT mountain," Iolaus pointed to a nearby peak, "it belongs to Macedonia--I think."

"It might be better to be sure. The Macedonians are not notorious for their hospitality."

"I'm pretty sure. According to the folks in Komotini the border is four days walk from there. This is the third day, and the border is supposed to be just beyond a mountain, so I'd say it's a fair bet. May I just say again that I think trekking all the way out here is ridiculous? Why are we doing it?"

"That's a rhetorical question, right? We're doing it because Iphicles asked us to help in getting a more accurate idea of what the less traveled border areas are like, to help with future maps."

"I know that. Why couldn't he just ask the gods for a more accurate map? I mean, they look down on Greece, so they'd be the ones in a position to know."

"Are you kidding? You have to have some idea of the magnitude of what an Olympian would expect in return for a favor like that."

"Some of them would do it for free. I recall Strife once provided Xena with a map of an uncharted territory."

"Uh-huh. Think about it for a minute."

Iolaus recalled the incident in question. Xena had sworn that she was going to give Strife some unplanned body piercing if she got her hands on him. "Right. Say, did anyone ever figure out exactly what or where Disneyland is?"

Hercules shook his head. "I don't think Xena would have fallen for it if the map hadn't had that area labeled 'Space Mountain'. She thought it meant Mount Olympus."

"Okay, you made your point, but why are we doing it? We're a lot of things, Herc, but we're not mapmakers. I find it hard to believe he'd have us traipsing up to the Northern-most tip of Greece when his kingdom had a whole lot of perfectly good cartographers available." Hercules started to say something. "And before you give me the excuse that all his royal mapmakers had already been sent to scout other obscure locations, I happen to know that he's rich enough to finance rent-a-mappers. Why us?" Hercules was silent, looking back toward the valley they'd just left. Iolaus' eyes narrowed. "You're not answering. Why aren't you answering, Herc? The only time you avoid responding is when you're hiding something."

"Don't be silly." "You're blushing! That tears it--there's something you're not telling me. Spill it. Spill it right not, or... or..." Iolaus' expression lit with holy glee as he came up with the perfect threat. "Or I'll sing Joxer's theme song till your ears bleed."

Hercules looked dismayed. "You wouldn't."

Iolaus started singing. "Joxer the Mighty roams through the countryside. He never needs a place to hide..."

Hercules grabbed the back of Iolaus head, clapping his free hand over his friend's mouth. "Don't--do--that." Iolaus lifted his eyebrows. "If I let you go, do you promise not to sing that anymore?"

Iolaus rolled his eyes upward, as if considering, then nodded. Hercules lowered his hand. Iolaus drew a breath. "With Gabby as his sidekick, fighting with her..."

*thwap* The hand was returned. The sound Iolaus made was muffled, but could easily be interpreted as 'ow'. "Iolaus, listen--you're my friend, and I don't want to hurt you. Do we understand each other?" *nod* "Good." He lowered his hand.

"Fighting with her little stick. Righting wrongs and singing songs..."

"You hate me this much?"

"Till your ears bleed, Herk. You might as well give up. You have too much of a conscience to cold-cock me."

"I could gag you."

"Same thing. I'd give you big, accusing eyes, and your guilt would make you almost as miserable as the song."

"The key word is 'almost'."

"Just give up. You know how persistent I can be."

Hercules sighed. "He sent us because..." his voice dropped to a mumble.

Iolaus wiggled a finger in his ear. "Excuse me?" Hercules mumbled a little louder. "You used more volume that time we were trying to hide from the Gorgon. Speak up, or I'll sing every verse, including the variation he uses when he visits bordellos."

"I said he sent us because I asked him to." Iolaus' mouth dropped open. Since no singing was coming out, Hercules dared to believe that this was a hopeful sign. "We were stagnating there at court--getting soft. We needed to get out on the road again."

Iolaus closed his mouth slowly. "Three free meals a day. A soft bed, either all to myself or filled from a delectable assortment of maidens, or courtiers. Hot baths. Yeah, I could see where that would grow stale real fast--not!" He turned his back, crossing his arms.

Hercules was silent for a moment, then said, "You're angry, aren't you?" The only response was a slight turn of Iolaus' head--not enough for him to look at Hercules. "Don't bother to try to deny it--I can tell."

"I'm not talking to you." There was a moment more of silence. Hercules was about to try to explain again when Iolaus said, "If I was talking to you, I'd ask whatever put such a harebrained idea into your head? Are you sure Strife didn't whisper in your ear? Getting soft... Ever heard of exercise, Herk? Ever heard of training? Ever heard that Iphicles has not only a palace guard but an entire ARMY that would have been available for any sparring or training you could dream up?" He turned back, eyes flashing. "Ever considered the fact that there's always the fucking royal garden if you have to camp out?"

Hercules blinked. "I thought you weren't talking to me."

"I'm not. That's just what I'd say if I was talking to you." He turned away again.

Hercules sighed. He really couldn't blame Iolaus. Hercules knew how much his friend enjoyed the nicer things in life. He also knew that since Iolaus chose to follow Hercules he had scant opportunity to indulge in little comforts. Everything Iolaus had said was true. If Hercules was to admit it to himself, the danger of going soft had been minimal--and an excuse. The real reason he'd arranged for them to leave had been the second amenity Iolaus had mentioned--the plentiful supply of not just willing, but eager, bed warmers that swarmed through Iphicles' court.

Hercules and Iolaus had been best friends since childhood. Where Hercules had married and started a family, Iolaus had gleefully continued in what seemed to be a quest to get under every skirt and into every pair of breeches in Greece. It hadn't really bothered Hercules, though he felt obligated to admonish his friend occasionally about the joys of monogamy. Iolaus would just pat his shoulder, then take off after a tempting, twitching ass (male or female).

After his family died, it was Iolaus who had kept him sane, had made him want to go on living instead of following them to Hades' realm. They became even closer, and gradually Hercules had realized that the friendship had deepened into something that wasn't just friendship--at least on his side. It made him horribly confused. He loved Iolaus, but he didn't want to admit that he was in love with him.

Like many Grecian men he'd had experiences with his own sex. It was more-or-less expected for youths to experiment before they settled down to being husbands and fathers. And most people thought nothing of an older man taking a youth under his guidance, providing support and advice as he entered manhood. A sexual exchange was seen as a normal part of such relationships. Of course anyone who touched a child was beyond the pale, and men of like age and social standing might occasionally sport together, but anything more than quick, simple relief was viewed with a bit of suspicion.

Hercules had followed the common sexual path in his life. He'd developed an interest in girls during his adolescence, but given Greek society, nice girls weren't readily available, and the loose women who might have been interested in 'initiating' a handsome boy frankly unnerved him.

Hercules might have been the most physically developed, but Iolaus had been the first of their class to experience the wonders of an erection, and he'd been so pleased and proud that he'd awakened Hercules to share the news. Hercules remembered it vividly. When Hercules had started to comment, Iolaus had held a finger to his lips and pointed. Dim moonlight slanted through the dorm window, illuminating their friends sleeping nearby. Hercules got the message--quiet, we don't want a crowd.

It wasn't the first erection Hercules had seen. After all, he was living in an all male environment, populated mostly by hormone laden teenagers. It was a rarity if a day went by when someone didn't sport a spontaneous boner in the bathing chamber. But he'd never seen one on anyone his own age, someone he knew as well as Iolaus. Of course he'd seen Iolaus naked before--same reason why he knew about erections--but there was something... different that time.

Iolaus expression had been proud and impish as he whispered, "Watch!" He pressed one finger to the stiff shaft, pressing down, then let go. It sprang back up, and both of the boys quickly slapped hands over their mouths to stifle laughter. There'd been a stir at the far end of the room, and they had quickly lain back down, flipping the covers up to their necks as they turned their backs to each other. Iolaus faked a soft snore, and the movement on the other side subsided.

Hercules had been about to drift off to sleep again when there'd been more movement--but this time right beside him. It was subtle, a slight, rhythmic shifting of Iolaus' arm and shoulder. Hercules stayed carefully still as his friend's breathing sped up, then he gasped. After a moment Iolaus whispered, "Herc?"

"What?"

"Something happened, but, uh, nothing happened. Shouldn't there have been something wet?"

"I think that happens later. The first few times are sort of practice runs."

"Well, that's good to know." He was quiet a moment. Just before Hercules was ready to drop off to sleep he heard his friend murmur, "Guess I'll just have to keep on practicing."

Hercules had always been conscientious about his physical training, but he became almost fanatic about it. One of his teachers remarked that it was as if he were trying to exhaust himself.

A few months later found a similar scene, but this time both boys were staring down into their own laps--Iolaus with glee, Hercules with awe. Iolaus had begun to stroke himself, whispering, "Well? You aren't going to let your first one go to waste, are you?" Hercules found out what Iolaus had meant about something happening, but not happening. There had been a burst of pleasure, but no emission--on his part. Iolaus, though, face pink with intense effort, produced a small squirt of milky fluid. It surprised both boys so much that one of them, they were never really sure which one, squawked. A sleepy voice from the dark called, "Zeus, you'd think you guys never had a wet dream! Shove someone over on the wet spot and let the rest of us get some sleep."

It had become a nightly habit after that--almost as regular as brushing their teeth before they went to bed. When Hercules had produced fluid, Iolaus had gone the next day and bought him the biggest custard tart he could find to celebrate. Hercules knew his friend was really happy for him when Iolaus ate less than half of the treat himself.

After that it had seemed perfectly natural when they'd experimented to find out if it felt as good if someone else touched you as it did when you touched yourself. Both decided that it felt even better.

It had gone on for a year or so--then the Academy laundress had started bringing her daughter with her--a girl only a couple of years older than Hercules and Iolaus, and very buxom for her age. Hercules had known that things were going to change when Iolaus began to be very particular about how his clothes were kept. It wasn't long before Iolaus was creeping out the dorm window at night, and returning an hour or two later, disheveled, grinning, and smelling of soap.

Hercules didn't ask, and Iolaus didn't tell. When Hercules heard some of the other boys snickering about the young laundress he knocked a few heads together. That stopped that, but the girl quit her job in a huff, saying that she didn't need anyone to defend her honor. Hercules had hesitantly asked Iolaus if he was upset. He didn't specify about what--the fact that the girl had left, or the fact that she'd obviously been free with her charms. Iolaus had shrugged. "It's not like we were betrothed. I liked her, Herc, but I didn't love her. I knew she was with other guys." He wiggled his eyebrows significantly. "Who am I to point fingers? She isn't the only person I've ever been with, either."

Hercules had been quiet for longer than usual. Iolaus forgot his resolve and shot a quick glance back at his friend. He hesitated. *What put that look on his face? He looks like he's remembering something wonderful, but he's in pain at the same time.* He started to feel guilty. *I'm being too hard on the big doofus. He meant well. He always means well--he just doesn't always stop to consider that what he thinks is good or right might not be exactly what someone else wants or needs.*

He turned around. "Okay, I'm talking to you again." The smile that broke over his friend's face gave him a twinge around his heart. He'd realized a long time ago that he had the power to hurt his friend, but sometimes he was careless, and sometimes, he had to admit, he was a little vindictive--but Herc always forgave him. It worried him, though. He was afraid that someday he might go to far, and lose his friend. He couldn't stand the thought of that, so he decided he'd better make an effort now. "Ya know, I'm glad you goaded my butt up here. Smooth ground, nice thick grass." He pointed toward a small, nearby grove. "Plenty of firewood."

Hercules nodded happily. "And I think that grove means that there's a pond or spring. I bet I can get us some fresh fish for supper. I know you're getting tired of the dried kind."

Iolaus wrinkled his nose. "Oh, they're all right--for avoiding starvation."

Hercules wiped his brow and examined his fingers, seeing a glisten of sweat. "I think I'll take a dip before I start fishing. I'm feeling a little ripe."

"Who wants something unripe?" said Iolaus cheerfully. "Even I won't eat green persimmons or bananas."

"You know what I mean."

"Yeah, I do, but you need to hold off on the swim."

"Why?" Hercules gestured at the blazing sun overhead. "It's perfect swimming weather."

Iolaus had picked up his pack and was rummaging in it. "That's as may be, but I want to study something first."

Hercules was already stripping off his shirt as he started for the grove. "You go ahead. You can join me when you're done."

Iolaus glanced up. Hercules was almost to the trees. "Remember why we're here!" Hercules had paused on the fringe of the grove, and was unlacing his breeches. Iolaus felt his mouth dry slightly. The thought of Hercules swimming naked was very appealing, but there was something nagging at his memory. As Hercules began to step into the grove Iolaus' fingers closed around a map, and he called out, "Wait till I check the map, Herc. There's supposed to be an enchanted spring around here."