"It isn't the worst idea he's ever come up with." Drew eyed Steve as he stepped out from behind the bar. His elder brother was wearing what looked like a large diaper and a pair of wings was strapped to his back. He winced as Mimi, wearing a screaming red dress came in, went to Steve, and exchanged a kiss. "Not nearly the worst."

Mimi walked over to the table and tossed a tiny cardboard box in front of Drew. "Happy Valentine's Day, pig."

Drew eyed the box suspiciously. "It's not ticking. Should I be soaking this in my beer?"

Mimi shrugged. "Hey, you do it to your breakfast cereal--no reason why this should be any different."

Drew gingerly opened the box and shook out several tiny, bright colored objects. "Conversational hearts! Mimi, I can't believe that you gave me these."

Kate had picked up one and was examining it. "I can." She handed it to Drew.

He read the candy. "BITE ME." He started flicking the candies with his fingertip. "BE MY PIG. STUFF IT." He picked up one and blinked at it, then cleaned his glasses and looked at it again. "I know damn good and well that they don't print that on these things--kids can get hold of them."

Mimi shrugged. "It's amazing what you can have printed for a few extra bucks." She looked around. "Where's Ozweird?"

Lewis thumped his head down on the table. Kate patted his back. "He's upstairs getting ready for his date with Wick." Lewis thumped his head again. "Lewis is a little upset." Two thumps.

Steve came over and set two beers on the table. Drew said, "No, that's not what Lewis meant. He was just..." Drew paused. "What the hell." He took the beers and passed one to Kate. "Thanks, Lewis."

"I don't get it," said Mimi. "Since when are you interested in tall, dark and dense, Lewis?"

"Since high school," said Lewis. "Neither one of us was ever all that brilliant or athletic, but man..." his eyes gleamed, "was Oswald ever good at showering."

Wick entered The Warsaw, and Kate blinked. "Wow." The usually dapper Englishman was resplendid in a formal tuxedo, complete with white tie and gloves, and tails.

Wick straightened his tie, then gave each glove a small tug. "Good evening."

Lewis glared at him. "Say the rest of the line. Go on and tell us about the children of the night."

"I assure you that they're very carefull about checking IDs at the Indulgence Club. Where is the delicious, delectable delivery man?"

"The Virgin Sacrifice is preparing himself," said Lewis morosely.

Wick cocked his head. "Virgin Sacrifice. I like the sound of that."

The door opened, and a tall man in a chauffer uniform came in, carrying a two florist boxes--a long one and a small one. "Sir, I thought you'd want these."

"Oh, heaven's yes! I'm all atwitter. Thank you, James."

He bowed and exited. Kate stood up, peering out the door as the man left. "Wick, is that white stretch limo at the curb yours?"

"For the evening, anyway. It has the loveliest stereo system, and mini-bar in the back." He opened the long box and showed it to the others. It contained a dozen longstemmed roses, just beginning to open. "And I have a bud for his buttonhole."

Drew pointed to the scarlet rose in Wick's own lapel. "Like yours?"

"Heaven's no! His is white," he smiled. "For purity. I've ordered champagne and the filet and lobster to be served at the club, and I intend to dance those long legs of his half off."

Kate got up and started for the door. "I thought you wanted to see Oswald off, Kate," said Drew. "Where ya going?"

"Do you remember Harvey Wilkersin?"

"Your prom date?" She nodded. "The one who picked you up on his moped, then gave you a corsage out of your mom's flowerbed, sprained two of your toes the one time you got him to dance with you, then took you to Taco Bell after the prom--dutch?" She nodded again. "What about him?"

"I'm going to hunt him down and punch him in the nose."

Lewis looked interested. "Wait till Oswald walks into Wick's clutches and I'll give you a ride." He sighed. "Prom." His eyes got a faraway look in his eyes. "I remember prom."

Drew set down his beer. "I remember the party after the prom." Pause. "Most of it. Boy, it livened up after the chaperones got drunk. Hey, Lewis, you sort of disappeared after that first case of beer, then I found you passed out on the stairs at the rec center."

Lewis smiled dreamily. "Stairs." He sighed. "You know, a high percentage of teenagers lose their virginities on promnight." He leered. "I made out on the stairs with some big brunette. She must've crashed from another school, because I don't remember her from our class."

"Lewis, you dog," said Wick genially.

Lewis' forehead puckered. "Come to think of it, I believe that doggy was involved in it." He realized everyone was staring at him. He coughed, then said heartily, "Must've been a dog." Again the dreamy look. "A purebred, blue ribbon, championship, best of show..."

There was the sound of footsteps, and everyone turned to look. Oswald, resplendent in an immaculate tuxedo, stood at the head of the stairs. He started down.

Music started up, and a haunting voice sang, "Kiss me out of the bearded barley. Nightly, beside the green, green grass. Swing, swing,(swing, swing) swing the spinning step. You wear those shoes and I will wear that dress..."

Wick blinked, fascinated, "My God, I've fallen into an American teen movie."

Kate and Drew exchanged looks. Drew said, "Tell me he's not moving in slow motion."

Lewis stalked over to the karaoke machine and pulled the plug. The woman who'd been singing yelled, "Hey!"

"Go back to Dawson's Creek!" he snarled.

Oswald was at the foot of the stairs now. Wick offered him the long box, with a courtly bow. Oswald opened the box, gasping at the sight of the beautiful, luxurious roses. "Oh, wow! Thank you, Nigel. They're fantastic." He touched one, then marveled, "And there's no thorns!"

"Of course not," said Lewis sourly. "He's not going to leave you anything you might use to defend yourself."

Wick whispered to him, "Actually I was afraid of them pricking that delicate white skin of his, but now that you mentioned it..." Drew caught Lewis by the collar before he could reach Wick.

"I want him home by midnight!" Lewis growled.

Wick was pinning the white rosebud on Oswald's lapel, and Oswald said, "Hey! I haven't had a curfew since freshman year!"

Kate said, "What about 1997?"

"That's long over with, and the parole officer was very understanding. I'll be back when I get back, Lewis."

"You tell him, cupcake," approved Wick, ushering him to the door. He held it open as Oswald stepped out. Then he turned back to Lewis, and raised an eyebrow suggestively, "After all, it isn't as if we can't do anything before midnight that we can do after."

The bottle Lewis threw bounced off the closed door. "When the fuck did they start bottling beer in plastic?" snarled Lewis. He slumped dejectedly at the table, putting his head in his arms.

Kate and Drew sat on either side of him. Drew patted his back comfortingly. "Damn, Lewis, you're taking this pretty seriously."

Lewis' voice was muffled. "How would you feel if the person you loved was going out with a suave, well-to-do, horny Englishman?"

Kate blinked. "Excuse me, did you just say 'love'?"

Lewis lifted his head, glaring. "I did. I've loved Oswald since junior high. Is that so hard to believe?"

Kate shrugged. "Well, frankly, it's a lot easier to believe that you're bi-curious, and decided that Oswald was your safest bet for a little experimentation." Lewis looked at her. She tried again. "Or that you just think he's hot, and want sex."

"That, too. But I love him." Lewis scratched at the tablecloth. "I... I have him down as my benificiary for all my Drugco benefits--401k, insurance, stocks." This got Drew to put down his beer. "Why, the total worth comes to over sixty-eight dollars. If I keep paying in till the end of the year, anyway." Drew picked his beer back up.

Kate said, "Lewis, if you've felt like this all this time, why haven't you told him?"

Lewis looked at his hands. "I'm shy. But I've tried to show him every way I know how. I let him shower first, and use all the hot water."

Drew asked, "Do you peek in hopes of catching him amid the steam?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Doesn't count."

"I bought him those designer swim trunks that he wanted for his birthday."

"The ones that are a size too small? The ones that got him banned from the public pool after that incident of the cannonball off the diving board in the presence of the Golden Agers Swim Club? The infamous 'peekaboo' incident?"

"Yeah."

"Doesn't count. It only counts if the actual words 'I love you' cross your lips."

Kate nodded. "While some people can say the words with little or no feeling behind them, it's still important to have someone make the declaration, and..." She froze. "I'm giving a guy advice on how to woo my ex-groom." Drew pushed a beer at her. "Drew, alcohol isn't the cure."

"Maybe not, but it sometimes helps control the symptoms." She chugged the beer. "Look, Lewis, quit torturing yourself. It's a date--one date. You don't think that Oswald would fall for a shallow shower of trinkets, a good time, and a smooth line of patter, do you?" Lewis stared at him. "Have a beer."

Oswald, wide-eyed, looked around the interior of the limo as it pulled away. "This is more space than I've had in most of my bedrooms."

"We can discuss bedrooms later," Wick purred. He touched a button, and a panel slid open. "What's your pleasure?"

Oswald edged nervously toward the door. "This is our first date, Nigel."

"Oswald? Hello?" Wick pointed. "Drinky, not nooky."

"Oh." Oswald sighed in relief.

"Unless you'd really rather..."

"No!"

"Good. It's such a short ride to the Indulgence Club." Wick poured two drinks, then handed one to Oswald.

Oswald eyed it suspiciously. A crafty light came into his eyes. "Let's change drinks."

Wick spread a hand over his chest. "Oswald, one would think you didn't trust me." Silence. "You wound me, dear boy. Very well."

They exchanged glassess. Oswald waited till Wick took a sip, then drank some of his own. "Hey," Oswald commented, "Your drink was, like, twice as big as mine."

Wick made his eyes round. "Really? Gosh, what a greedy thing I am!"

Oswald smirked. "But I turned the tables on you by insisting that we switch drinks."

"Uh, yeeessss. Drink up. You'll just have time for another before we arrive."

The interior of The Indulgence Club was fashionably dim, but somehow things still seemed to gleam--satin upholstery, heavy sterling silver, the gold hoops and diamond studs in the earlobes of some of the partygoers, Wick's eyes...

Oswald was goggling. "I've never seen so many good looking people in one place at one time since the last People's Magazine 50 Most Beautiful People issue, and even there they include a few oldies to be politically correct."

"Hey, there are women here!" Oswald observed. He indicated a tall, stunning brunette.

Wick waved. "Hello, Rupert. How was the trip to Sweden?"

"Ducky." The voice went past husky into basso.

Oswald quickly backed away. He bumped into someone, turned, and found himself looking down at a merry little blonde. Judging from the amount of cleavage showing, she was probably XX chromosome. "Hi," Oswald said cautiously. "What's your name?"

Before she could reply another blonde woman, wearing a tuxedo almost as spiffy as Wick's, swept the first woman into her arms, growling, "Her name is mine!" They danced away.

"Ohh-kay."

"Come along, Oswald." Wick led him to a reserved table. They were served a rich, delicious dinner by waiters who were more attentive and efficient than most surgical nurses. There was a floorshow, which did involve some floor action, and a lot more show than Oswald had anticipated. He was starting to sweat by the time the dancing started again. Wick stood and bowed, offering his hand. "Oh, um, I can't dance very well. I end up stepping on the girl's toes."

"Oswald, in case you haven't noticed, I'm not a girl." Wick took hold of Oswald's hand and jerked him into a standing position, flush against his body. Putting his left arm around Oswald's waist he said, "I dodge well," and backed him out onto the dance floor.

After a moment Oswald said, "It's funny."

"What is, Oswald? You'll have to be more specific." A couple of indeterminate sex, wearing more leather than most cows, danced past. "You have so much to choose from."

Oswald shrugged. "I thought I'd get dizzy, dancing backwards."

"You dance beautifully, Oswald. I think your trouble is that your were trying to lead. Dip."

"Hey!" Oswald said indignantly. "I've been called a geek and a nerd and a jerk, but..."

"Not that sort of dip. This sort." Wick suddenly bent Oswald backward. Oswald whooped and clutched at Wick's shoulders to keep from falling. There was applause.

Oswald was panting when Wick let him up again. "Don't do that!"

Wick batted his eyelashes flirtatiously. "Do what?"

"This." Oswald lunged. This time it was Wick who was bent backward, clutching at the taller man for support. But he was more of an opportunist than Oswald. While he was at the bottom of the dip, he threw his arms around Oswald's neck and laid a deep kiss on him. This time there was stompings and catcalls mixed in with the clapping.

Wick kept kissing Oswald, and his eyebrows climbed as the dip, and the kiss, went on, and on... and on. *Well, well, well.*

Finally Oswald stood back up, setting Wick back from him. He was panting a little, his eyes overly bright. "I got stuck."

"Not yet, you haven't." Wick grabbed his hand and dragged him toward the exit.

The limo pulled up smoothly as they exited the club, the chauffer hopping out to open the door for them. Oswald said, "Wow, we didn't have to wait at all! It was just waiting for us. I thought that only happened in, like, television shows." Wick coughed as he pushed Oswald into the backseat.

The chauffer hopped back into the car and glanced back over the seat. "Where to?"

Wick looked at Oswald. "My place?" Oswald started to reach for the door handle. "Oh, very well. Make it The Warsaw, but take the scenic route."

Oswald frowned. "What scenic route?"

"Through Akron." Oswald reached for the door handle again. "James?" The chauffer touched a button on the dash, and there was a click as all the locks engaged. "Now, now, Oswald. It's just a nice little drive, shouldn't take much more than, say, an hour and a half." Wick settled back against the seat, putting his arm along the top of it, behind Oswald. "Relax, get comfortable. Remove any article of clothing you'd like."

Oswald edged away nervously. "Look, don't try anything." He pointed toward the front seat. "I have a witness."

"James?" Another button was touched, and a sheet of tinted glass purred up between the front and back seats.

Oswald gasped in indignation. "How much are you paying him to ignore this?"

"You'd be surprised. It would have cost me less if he hadn't wanted to watch so much, but I'd rather not risk ending up in the on-coming traffic lane." He pulled his gloves off, one finger at a time. Oswald watched with the fascination of a rabbit caught in the headlights. "Tell me, have you ever seen that Kevin Costner movie, No Way Out?"

Oswald's brow wrinkled as he thought, "Um, let me see. That's not the one with the wolves. It's not the Robin Hood one."

"Think Navy dress whites."

"Hm. Oh!" Oswald brightened. "That's the one where Gene Hackman kills Sean Young! Oo, there's this really hot scene where Costner and her make out it the back... of..." he was slowing down, "a... limousine..." He looked back at a grinning Wick.

*pounce*

"I'm not that kind of a boy!" Oswald protested. "I'm not that kind of a boy! I'm not that kind of a..."

Wick's hand settled on Oswald's crotch and gave a firm, stroking squeezed. "Well," he purred, "you're some kind of a boy, and an interested one at that. I have proof."

"Nigel, get your hand out from under my cummerbund." *Squeak!* "I didn't mean you could stick it down my pants!"

"You have to be more specific, Oswald." *stroke* *squeeze*

"Stop that!" *strokestroke* "I, uh, I mean it." *rubstrokerub* "Any time now." *squeeze* "Isn't your hand kind of cramped in there? Maybe you ought to, uh, open the fly so you can get your hand out easier."

"What a good idea." *zip* "And you know, it would be even easier if those pants were..." *tug* "down a little way. My, what lovely underwear. I don't think I've ever seen plaid boxers before."

"They were a gift from Lewis."

"Why am I not surprised. They're much more fashionable than mine." *zip* *rustle* "See? Plain black silk briefs."

"Wow. I had no idea silk could stretch like that."

"You think that can stretch?" *tug*

Oswald yelped and scooted back. "You mean to tell me they let you into this country packing that?"

"Well, it was before the security restrictions were stepped up, but then, I wasn't interested in the guard."

Wick had been moving forward. By now he was half over Oswald. "Um, Nigel? I'm really, really conflicted about this."

"Very well, weigh the options."

"It's kinda hard to do that when you're rubbing against me like that."

"Try."

"Um, well, I'm not gay."

"Labels, labels. I'm shocked at you, Oswald." *hump hump*

"You... you're my best friend's boss."

"And you think that having sex with me would be bad for him? What a delightfully backward mind you have." *hunch hump rub*

Oswald was sounding more desparate. "I don't even like you, and you're really not a very nice person."

"And this precludes having sex? Oh, come on, Oswald. Everyone loves the bad boys. That takes care of the objections. Now, on the plus side?"

Oswald grabbed Wick's butt and pulled. "It feels reeeeeal good."

*humphumphumphumphumphumphumphumphumphumphumphumphumphumphump* *gasp gasp*

Wick snuggled against Oswald. "Well, how did you like your first homosexual experience?"

"Actually, I really, really enjoyed it." Wick smirked. "But what makes you think you were it?"

The door to The Warsaw opened, and a much rumpled Oswald stepped in, locking the door behind him. He started for the stairs that led up to the space he shared with Lewis, and stopped at the bottom, looking up.

Lewis was sprawled on the stairs, on his back, about halfway up. "Lewis!" Oswald cried. He hurried up to him. "Nine-one-one! Paramedics! Roy and Johnny!" He took a sniff, and squinted. "Hoooo. More like 40s, pina coladas, and Johnny Walker Black!"

Oswald sat beside his recumbent friend. Lewis snored, and Oswald nodded. Yep, that was his 'plastered' snore--Oswald had heard it often enough to be able to tell. Oswald poked him gently. "Hey." *snort* *poke* "Hey, Lewis."

"Five more minu's, Ma."

Oswald grinned, and made his voice high-pitched and nasal. "Look at the state of your sheets, young man! What have you been doing?"

Lewis jolted awake. Well, as close to awake as he could get with all the alcohol in his system. "I spilled a milkshake! Bottle of glue! Hand lotion! It wasn't me, it was the dog!"

"Lewis, when the dog starts humpin' your leg, you're supposed to swat his nose with a rolled up newspaper." He thought. "Well, that's what the girls used to do to me, anyway."

Lewis finally managed to focus on Oswald. "Well, Cinderella. What happened to Prince Chuckles?"

"Probably making a play for the chauffer on the way back to his high rise castle. Were you waiting up for me?"

Lewis sat up, rubbing his head. "No, this is just where the last shred of consciousness deserted me." He looked away. "I sort of figured you'd be spending the night with Wick."

Oswald shrugged. "He asked. I wasn't interested."

"Really?" Lewis perked up. "You fought him off?"

"Oh, I didn't say that." Lewis drooped. Oswald elbowed him. "C'mon, Lewis. It wasn't any more than a little backseat groping. I wasn't interested in taking it any farther."

"That didn't seem to deter him before."

"I think maybe his finding out that I wasn't a virgin had something to do with dampening his ardor."

"Well, of course you're not a virgin! You were with Kate for..." Oswald raised an eyebrow. "Oooh. You mean THAT kind of virgin."

Oswald nodded. Lewis's face crumpled. "Hey, what's wrong, buddy?" Oswald put his arm comfortingly around his friend.

Lewis sighed heavily. "It's just that... Oh, hell, Oswald. I wanted to be your first."

Oswald stared at him for a long time. Finally he said, "Lewis, how much of that after-prom party do you remember?"

Lewis squintted. "Not a hell of a lot."

Oswald tapped the stair. "Does this remind you of anything?"

A slow grin spread over Lewis's face. "Ooh, yeah! That tall brunette. She was really flat-chested, but boy!"

"Exactly."

Lewis looked confused again. "What?"

"Okay, does THIS remind you of anything?" Oswald wrapped his arms around Lewis's neck, fell back on the stairs, dragging Lewis down on top of him, and laid a lip-lock on him that lasted almost a full minute. Lewis was panting and looking dazed when Oswald allowed him to come up for air. "Still nothing? Lewis, what was my tux color for the prom?"

Lewis frowned. "Let's see... you said it was lime green or powder blue, and I said the blue brought out your eyes..." Suddenly Lewis's eyes got very big. He looked at Oswald questioningly.

"It was a good thing I'd bought that condom, just in case I got lucky, 'cause I did. Lewis, you dip--you WERE my first time."

"But... but... but... You never said anything."

Oswald shrugged. "Neither did you. At first I thought you were regretting it, or ashamed. Then you started bragging about making it with some strange chick, and I realized you had no idea. You seemed so happy believing that, that I didn't want to spoil it for you."

"Spoil it?! Oswald..." Lewis paused. He said cautiously, "How was I?"

Oswald grinned and bumped his shoulder. "Stud."

"But all these years, you've never shown the least interest in other men."

Oswald gave him a level look. "That's because the one man I was interested in didn't ask. When he finally did, I was in the process of being freaked out by another, more aggressive guy. I'm through that now." He looked at Lewis expectantly.

"Do you mean to say that if I asked now, you might?"

"Ask and find out."

Lewis cleared is throat. "Ya wanna?"

Oswald stood up, grabbed his hand, and hauled him to his feet. "You smooth talking devil." He dragged Lewis the rest of the way up the stairs. "I'm a victim of your subtle, seductive charms."

On the way up Lewis said, "So, Oswald, what was Wick like?"

"Why? Ya want me to try to set up a three way?"

"No! No, hell no." Lewis paused, then shook his head. "No."

"Just as well. When I told him who'd been there first, he went through a whole container of wet naps, and was asking the driver to stop by the drugstore for some alcohol and penicillin."