Author's Notes: In the Manchurian Candidate, Jocelyn was the daughter of Senator Jordan. Raymond, under his brainwashing influence and unaware of what he is doing, kills the senator and Jocelyn, and Gaines in seperate incidents. I have played with these elements considerably.

I don't know how long we sat there. No one came looking for us, though I had been kinda worried after the noise that Ray had made. I thought that Honoria or Mom might have thought one of us had gotten hurt and come out to investigate. Well, one of us had gotten hurt. Both of us, actually, in different ways. But there wasn't anything either of the women could have done about it. I think they kinda knew that, and were wise enough to leave us alone together.

I hugged Ray, my face against his chest, saying, "It's gonna be all right, Ray. I'm better now, I'm getting better all the time. Please, don't cry."

He kept squeezing me. He pressed his face against the top of my head, and I felt his tears seeping down. His voice was choked. "Oh, God, baby. I wasn't there, I wasn't there."

"You didn't know. Nobody could have seen something like that coming, Ray." Oh, man. Now I'm lying to him. I sorta saw it coming, but I just couldn't get out of the way.

"Damn." Ray wiped away the tears with a clenched fist. "I'm the one who should be comforting you, Walter, and here I am: bawling like a baby."

"It's okay. It's kind of a shock, I know."

He sighed, "Oh, sweetheart." After a moment's silence, he said, "The doctors looked you over in Korea?"

"I... yeah. It... was kinda bad. But they took care of it. The stitches are probably gone now, they used some sort of disolving... Ray!" His grip had tightened again.

"I'm sorry, bably." He relaxed his grip a little. "You mean that they had to stitch you up?"

"Uh... yeah. He... It wasn't anything like what we do, Ray. He was pretty rough."

Ray swallowed hard. "Jesus. And I had sex with you last night. Walter, how could you stand it?"

I was shocked to hear what sounded like self-loathing in his voice. "No, Ray, you don't understand. Like I told you, it wasn't anything like with us. It... it wasn't love. It wasn't even really sex. It was just hurting." I touched his face. "And you'd never hurt me, not on purpose. I know that."

He took my hand and kissed it, then folded it against his chest. "Walter," his voice was gentle. "I want you to think very carefully. Are you sure that you don't know who it was?"

I stared at him. "Why?"

He stroked my hair, his voice soft and reasonable. "I have to kill him, baby. He can't be allowed to go on breathing after this."

"Ray, you're scarin' me."

"Am I? I don't mean to. But you see what I mean, don't you? I can't let him get away with it."

"No, Ray. This isn't anything you can solve like that. Even if I knew who it was, even if you could find him, do you think I'd want you to do that to yourself?"

"To myself? Walter, it's that scum who..."

"To yourself, Ray. You're not a secretive sort of person. People would find out, then what? You'd go to prison. Or maybe you'd go to the electric chair. I think they'd call it premeditated."

"I don't care, Walter."

"Well, I do!" I shook him fiercely. "I just got you, Ray. Do you think I want to lose you like that? I already lost you once, and I never thought I'd get you back, and that hurt enough."

"You're not going to lose me. Maybe... I won't kill him. But I need to know."

I stared at him. "Ray, I don't think you're deliberately lying to me. I think you honestly believe that you'd be able to restrain yourself. But I'm not so sure. Anyway," I looked away again. "It was dark. I didn't see who it was. That's the end of it."

"Maybe."

"I mean it, Ray."

"Maybe."

I sighed, and rested my head on his chest again. "I'm gonna have to ask Honoria if all people from Boston are this darn stubborn. You're not gonna tell Mom about this." It was a statement, not a request.

"No, I'm not. I'll just tell her that I'll be helping you."

"You do, Ray. You already have."

"Not enough, Walter. But I will. I'm going to do everything I can to help you get past this. But why didn't you tell me before?"

"I didn't want you to think..." I trailed off."

"No, Walter." He said quietly. "Tell me you didn't think this would make a difference in how I felt about you."

"Not really. But... I just didn't want you thinking about it when we were together. It would be like he was coming between us. I don't want that."

He stood up, pulling me to my feet. "We'd better go in before they send a search party after us."

"Okay."

We climbed down out of the loft. I was extra careful, because I was still feeling a little shaky. I don't know how much of it was emotional, and how much was left over from the time I wasn't taking care of myself. Ray put his arm around me as we walked back to the house, and for once I didn't worry about who might be watching, or what they might think. The only ones who would see were Mom and Honoria. I knew Mom would understand, and I thought Honoria would.

When we got into the house I said, "I think I'm gonna take a nap. I'm feeling a little tired."

"You do that, Baby Boy." Ray tousled my hair and pushed me toward the stairs.

I started up, then hesitated. "You wanna come with me?" I said shyly.

"In a couple of minutes. Go lay down."

I went up stairs and laid down. I knew what he was going to do. As much as I wanted him to leave it alone, he couldn't. He was going to call someone and try to find out more about what had happened to me. I didn't worry too much. I knew how hard it could be to get through to a MASH unit, even for Army Communications. And if he did get through, who would tell him? I'd never admitted it to any of them, and all they had was suspicions.

It was awhile when he came upstairs, and I knew right away that he hadn't found out anything. The frustration and anger was still simmering in the back of his eyes. He sat beside me on the bed, rubbing my belly, and I said quietly, "Who'd you talk to, Ray?"

He shook his head, smiling. "Can't fool you, can I?"

"Nope. No real point in trying."

"I suppose not. It was Honoria's brother, Charles."

"And what did he tell you?"

Raymond sighed. "Nothing at first. He kept saying that it was doctor-patient privilege, and I should talk to you. When I told him I knew about the rape he said that they didn't know who it was." He cocked his head, looking at me intently. "His actual phrasing was that you wouldn't tell them who it was."

I turned on my side, away from him. "You were right the first time."

"I don't think so, Walter." He laid his hand on my hip, and I closed my eyes. It was hard to deny him anything when he was touching me. He spoke slowly. "Maybe you don't know for sure, but I think you at least have an idea. Won't you tell me?"

I glanced back at him. "No. Ray, that's not something you can just accuse somebody of. It's too big, it's too dangerous."

He turned me back over, pulling me to him. "Kid, I'm not going to do anything. Not... not just fly off the handle anyway."

I hugged him, but I whispered. "I don't believe you."

He sighed, stroking my back. "All right. I see I'm going to have to go about this the hard way." He gripped my hair, gently pulling my head back and kissed me. "God, you're such a stubborn little cuss."

"Well, at least you know what you're gettin' into now."

Ray lay down beside me, pulling me on top of him, and I was happy to use him as a mattress. "Walter, I have to go back to New York tomorrow. Holborn Gaines, my new boss, is an understanding man, but the job is brand-new. I shouldn't take any more time off."

I felt a sinking in the pit of my stomach, but I said, "I understand."

Ray spread his legs, dropping me down between his thighs, and I made a woofing sound as our groins met. I could feel that he was already getting hard. "No, you don't understand." He began to undulate his hips, rubbing against me. "I want you to come with me."

I started to pull up off him, but he hooked his legs over mine, trapping me. "New York? But Ray, what about my Mom? The farm?"

He didn't stop moving, and pulled me back down. "Not forever, baby. Not this time. It's just that I don't want to leave you now. I talked with your Mom, and she agrees that you'd be better off with me for a little while. She's doing okay with the farm." He grinned. "She says Mr. Tupper is sweet on her, and he's bullying his son-in-laws to help out."

I was getting aroused now, but I couldn't help laughing. That was so like Mom. I started to move, too, pushing down to meet his upward thrusts. "What about your family?"

He groaned. "Walter, don't spoil the mood by bringing them up. They'll be in Boston, we'll be in New York, except for the few duty trips I can't avoid." He grabbed my ass, squeezing. "Say yes," he demanded. I just made a noise. He slipped a hand down the back of my pants, sliding a finger into the crack of my ass and repeated, "Say yes!"

"R-a-y!" I whined. "That isn't fair! How'm I s'posed to say no when you do that?"

"That's the whole point, Walter." He pushed deeper, tickling my anus, then reaching farther to press the sensitive spot just behind my balls, which were feeling very, very tight. "Say yes."

"Ray, you're gonna make me get my pants dirty."

"I'll do a load of laundry. Say yes."

I shuddered as I felt my orgasm hit, my seed spilling out and beginning to soak through my underwear, then my pants. "Yes, dammit." I collapsed. "You are so sneaky."

He held me tightly, thrusting up against me several more times, then settling back with a grunt as he had his own climax. "Only in a good cause, darlin'," he assured me.

So less than a week after I'd come home I was leaving again, but not as far this time. And this time I was going with someone, going to a place where I knew I'd have someone to care for me and love me. With that in mind, the idea of New York didn't scare me as bad as it might have.

That afternoon Ray made reservations for us to New York. I was kinda looking forward to it. It wouldn't be the first time I'd ever flown, but it would be the first time it wasn't on Army transport, which is kinda no frills, if you know what I mean. Oh, and unless you count the time I went up with that crop duster. I didn't really have a chance to enjoy that, because he kept doing loops to try to scare me. It didn't work, but I did upchuck, and man... that can cause a mess when you're in an open plane. I don't think he'll do that again, though, because he got a faceful.

Raymond called his new boss, Mr. Gaines, to let him know that he'd be back, and I listened to the conversation. "Yes, sir, tomorrow evening. I'm looking forward to it. What?" He frowned. "But I thought it was all arrainged. Yes, I understand. No, of course not, but it is very inconsiderate of them. They must have known that this would be causing someone a great deal of trouble. I'm not entirely sure what to do now." Uh oh. Sounded like there was some sort of trouble on the other end.

"That's a generous offer, sir. I'd be happy to take you up on it except that I won't be alone. No, I'm bringing someone with me. Yes, the friend I came out here to see. He's going to be staying with me for awhile, till he gets over this rough spot. Maybe longer. I appreciate the offer. How long do you think it will be? I understand. Yes, I've heard that housing is tight. What?"

Raymond's expression tightened, and I could see that something was upsetting him. I went over and kind of leaned against him. He glanced down at me, and put an arm around my shoulders, but his expression didn't lighten. He sighed. "Yes, I supposed I could do that. Oh, there won't be any trouble." His voice was bitter. "No , they'll welcome me with open arms. I have to warn you, the material I give you is likely to be less than objective. I'll call you when I get there and give you the number so we can keep in touch. Thank you again. Yes, sir. Just please, find one as quickly as possible. I came back to the states hoping to get away from combat zones."

He hung up, and I looked at him questioningly. "What's wrong, Ray?"

He sighed heavily. "The fates are conspiring against me, Walter."

"That's a fancy way of saying bad luck. What is it?"

"Bennet was supposed to be getting an apartment for me in New York. He was going to have it ready when I came back. Well, the people who had agreed to give up their apartment changed their mind, and I have nowhere in the city to stay now."

I winced in sympathy. "That's rough."

His voice was grim. "It gets rougher. I tied up most of my discharge pay in bonds, trying to get a little investment going, so my funds are more limited than I'd like. I can't afford to rent hotel rooms till Bennet finds something else. It could be weeks. There's a real squeeze on decent, affordable housing right now. He offered to let me stay with him, but..."

"But you can't because of me."

He gave me a squeeze. "It's not like that, Walter. I would have refused, even if I had been going back alone. You see, Bennet has a daughter, a very nice girl named Jocelyn. I knew her before I went into the army, and I'm afraid..." He trailed off.

I rested my chin on his shoulder, studying his face. "She has a crush on you?"

He cleared his throat. "It's a little more serious than that, Walter."

"You slept with her?" That didn't bother me. I'd seen Ray with Doris, I knew that he had been with women before. I also knew that he wasn't interested in anyone but me now.

He sighed. "More serious than that. We... were engaged."

I stiffened. I couldn't help it, it was a shock. My Ray, engaged? "Why didn't you marry her?"

"Let's go sit down and talk about this, babe." He led me into the livingroom and we sat down on the couch. He looked a little hurt when I moved to put some space between us.

"I'm not mad at you, or anything. But I think I should be clear headed when I hear about this. I don't think too good when you're real close, Ray."

His tension seemed to ease a little. I guess he saw that I wasn't going to get all upset by this. "I guess I should have told you about her, Walter, but I honestly haven't thought about her for a couple of years. When I met you it was... Well, it was almost biblical."

"What's that s'posed to mean?"

"You know, and the old is wiped away, and behold, all things are made new?" I smiled at that, and he smiled in answer.

"But why didn't you marry her?"

The smile faded, and his expression became grim again. "In the Iselin camp there are only three types of people: allies, enemies, and those who can be used. Bennet is an outspoken critic of Iselin, and will not automatically condemn anyone or anything that has a less than right-wing aura, so he certainly wasn't an ally, and my mother couldn't figure out a way to use him, so guess which class he fell into? I dated Jocie for some time before Mother came to this conclusion. She'd been tolerant before, but once she knew Bennet would be of no use I began hearing about the 'Communist tart' I was dating."

He stared across the room at nothing in particular. "You don't know what she's like, Walter. I hope you thank God on a regular basis for your own mother. I tried not to listen to her, but she just kept on, and on, and on... Guilt is a vicious thing, Walter. She was tearing my soul apart, a shred at a time, and Jocie could see that. I tried to be strong, I tried to last her out. But things just got more and more strained. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat." He looked down at me, and again there was the fleeting ghost of a smile. "That's one reason I was so concerned about you, kiddo. I went through a spell myself that was a little like that. Finally it was just too much. Jocie and I talked. I was willing to go on, but she saw that it wouldn't have been much of a marriage. Some marriages could withstand that sort of pressure, but they'd have to be very strong to start with. And I just didn't love her enough."

He closed his eyes. "I did love her, Walter, I won't deny it. But it was nothing like what I feel for you. All I felt when I left Jocelyn was a little vague regret. If I ever lost you..."

I moved over to sit beside him, taking his hands. "You're not gonna lose me, Ray. I'm really hard to lose. I stick like glue."

He opened his eyes, looking at me tenderly. Folding my hand in his, he pressed it to his chest, over his heart. "That's why I couldn't stay with him, Walter. He'd hope, and there's nothing there. Nothing but a little affection, at least on my part. And I haven't seen Jocelyn since then, so I don't know how she'd feel, and I can't risk hurting her again. She's a nice girl, and she deserves to find someone who can love her like she should be loved. I'm not that man. I never was. Does it bother you, that I was with her once?"

I answered honestly. "No. I don't wanna sound big headed or anything, but I know you love me." He chuckled. "So what do we do now?"

He sighed, rolling his eyes. "Bennet has asked me to take on an assignment I find supremely distasteful, but it will take care of our housing problems till he can find us a place in New York."

"What it it?"

"He's asked me to write an insider's piece on the new running mate for the man who may very well be the next president of the United States. I can get closer than anyone else, because I can go right into his home as well as into his political camp." Another sigh, almost a groan. "He asked me to go to Boston and cover my stepfather, Senator John Yerkses Iselin, and God help me, I said yes."