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Tribute to Queen
When you just can't find anything NICE to say...
Probably the most humorous incident was the Pee Wee Herman fiasco. It either took place in the late 80's or the early nineties, but at any rate, I loved watching Pee Wee's playhouse every Saturday morning. Pee Wee Herman, or Paul Rubens, as he was properly named, was caught spanking his monkey in a porn theater. The internet had not yet caught on in a big way. So here's a guy doing what I'm guessing they all do there while watching porn: Honing his boner. He was seen by police officers (what the hell were they doing there?) and subsequently was arrested. That was the end of his tv career. Pee Wee dolls were pulled from toy shelves all over the country. The officers had been there for hours. Got to have some justification for being there, so seeing Pee Wee spilling his spooge gave them a good excuse to having even been there. Good job, coppers. You should be awarded the Golden Donut Award.
The Doors stormed the music scene in the '60's, giving us songs like 'Light My Fire' 'People Are Strange' 'The End' and 'Hello I Love You'. Jim Morrison was a pop idol. His lyrics were out there, man. He was all about excess and strange behavior. He was arrested in '69 for indecent exposure. Supposedly he exposed his man-goods onstage. Peope attended 'Doors' concerts just to see what Jim might do. Many of the lyrics he improvised.
Jim Morrison died on July 3rd, 1971. I remember this date because it was my 5th birthday. He was 27. It has never been made clear what the cause of death truly was. There had not been an autopsy. Some claim suicide, others accidental overdose, but I've watched hours of Doors footage, and between the years of '65 to '70, Jim was changing. His skin tone didn't look good, and the weight gain just before he died indicated something more sinister than drugs. I'm guessing all the years of abuse finally led to a heart attack. He was found dead in the bathtub by his long-time girlfriend Pamela Courson, who subsequently overdosed on heroine a few years later.
The Beatles had by far the most interesting career of any group of entertainers of all time. They churned out hit after hit in their short career which lasted just under 10 years. Probably one of the most memorable 'rumors' about the band was that Paul McCartney had supposedly died and the band replaced him with a look-alike. I think the band helped to generate that falsehood to further their success. It worked. Sales increased by not only fans, but others searching for clues about Paul's death. They found them... In album cover pics and lyrics. The truth of the matter is that there was a Paul McCartney look alike contest. The winner appeared in many photos with the band... Without Paul. The hoax stayed alive for many years, but it was just that: A HOAX. If you fell for it, you were a total tool. The boys from Liverpool were laughing all the way to the bank.
While the members split up officially in '69, each forged his way into his own solo career. Paul McCartney, John Lennon and George Harrison went on to at least semi-successful musical careers (Paul's 'Wings' venture being the most popular and profitable) while Ringo Starr acted and directed in movies and tv. John and his bride Yoko were not popular with the United States Government. Go figure. They had ostentatiously protested the Vietnam war, and being the pop culture icons that they were, they continued to have a great deal of influence on the 'young' people. John was killed by a crazed fan in New York just outside his apartment in December of 1980. He was shot through the head.
Paul McCartney had a rough start to the eighties as well. He had lost a dear friend only a month ago when he was arrested in Japan with 7.7 ounces of marijuana in his possession. Wings was touring the country and had to cancel due to the arrest... An eleven show concert. No one got to see the band perform in Japan. Paul was detained in a Tokyo jail for 9 days before being deported. They did not want him back, and it was 10 years before he was allowed to return. Paul had several prior arrests on file in Europe, and was always an advocate for the legalization of marijuana. Someday, Paul.. Someday.
George Harrison was the most spiritual of the 'Fab Four'. He had convinced the others in the sixties to travel to the East and 'convert'. They left their old lives behind them as they recharged their 'spiritual' batteries with the guidance of the Maharishi. Harrison continued to write and perform beautiful ballads after the separation. He died of cancer in 2001. It was a very sad time. I had become a fan of George's solo work, as well as the work he had done with The Traveling Wilburys in the eighties, when he joined forces with some of Rock's most phenomenal forces including Roy Orbison, Tom Petty, Jeff Lynne, and Bob Dylan.
'When I seen him on TV, I'd mostly watch his motions, just to see how he acted. The same voice. I said "God, what a freak. Kinky. Here he is up there preaching for all this money and when I see him, he's kinky and cheap." -Debra Murphree speaking about Jimmy Swaggart
Who can forget the '80's? It was a very interesting time for TV evangelists and politicians. Jim Baker was screwing a young follower in a motel room just before his show one day. She later claimed rape, but come on. Get real. She was a PTL groupie. 'Praise The Libido' was its new name. Tammy Faye always appeared next to her holy-ass-grabbing hubby in her spray-on face. Jessica Hahn, the recipient of Baker's 'ministering' for a day was awarded a nice sum of money, making her a very high-priced call girl, and not to mention what she was paid to pose in Playboy magazine in 1988. I saw the pics. She should have been paying THEM. The next to fall was Jimmy Swaggart, who was quick to attack Baker for his indiscretion, was found in a motel room with a hooker... A very unattractive one. A twenty-dollar hooker, no less. She shared every single solitary detail with Penthouse readers. He even tried to 'jew' her down by saying all he wanted to do was masturbate in front of her and he'd give her 10 bucks, but it was no dice. She demanded her standard twenty.
Who could forget Gary Hart's Monkey Business with model Donna Rice, who had once dated Don Henley of The Eagles? She was definitely slumming it. He must have been a democrat. They screw like little bunnies, especially the ones in Politics.
It seems that Michael Jackson is currently amongst the hot topics for now. He was first accused of molesting little boys several years ago, and recently gave a very personal interview with some guy... Bashir I think his name was. He had succeeded in earning Jackson's trust and then proceeded to cut him to peices after the interview for the world to see. I was never a fan of the monkey-loving freak who likes to collect the corpses of sideshow attractions, but please... I think the interviewer unjustly accused Jackson not only of being a molester, but also a bad father. I have come to reject both theories after seeing the interview. It left me with many questions of my own: Does sleeping in the same room or even the same bed with someone necessarily mean that there was sexual activity? I don't think so. Sex can be done in many, many places. The bed does tend to get boring. But I digress: We WERE talking about MJ.. Not me. My point is this: Of all the children who have been guests of Jacko's, only one accused him of molestation. Jackson settled out of court which was probably the smart thing to do. I don't believe he did it, but I'm sure money-hungry parents could easily find a shiester lawyer who would publicly crucify the weirdo. I happen to think he's probably a good father as well, besides a couple of poor judgement calls. How many folks out there think they are perfect?? I got some news for you... You're not. I can't pretend to know what goes on the mind of a grown man, because I'm not one, but isn't it possible to be near a person without automatically kicking into 'fu*k mode'?
How many of you remember Jimmy Carter's Presidency? Well, I remember. How dare he criticize Bush's decision on this war matter. I was very young, but I seem to remember a Hostage crisis that ended immediately upon his leaving office... I remember gas prices going throught the roof.. The Panama Canal thing... And most of all, I remember PEANUTS and a DRUNK BROTHER BILLY. Nice legacy, Jimmy. You have no room to talk. You would have let Iran take us over, wouldn't you? Coward. While I don't believe in WAR, I do believe that we have no other choices here. Saddam has GOT to go. God knows we have given him every chance to straighten his act up, and he's ignored every warning. I would like to say, however, that I hope and pray our people don't get too cocky. I don't think we're dealing with someone COMPLETELY stupid.