The Love Of My Life : Heather Graham


  • She's my love. My obsession. My goddess. Her name in Heather Graham, and she truly is the love of my life. This, dear friends, chronicled for you in intimate detail, is the sad but true tale of one man's quest for love in these strange, strange times. So read on, and hear my words. And who knows... you might just learn a little something about yourself.

    At First Sight...

  • The year was 1989, and I was in the fifth grade. A naive young lad. But that would all change the fateful Saturday afternoon I happened to catch the Corey Haim / Corey Feldman collaboration License To Drive on HBO. From the first moment I saw her, lounging in a Ferrari in a tight blue dress that left little to the imagination, I heard destiny calling. The fates had spoken, and they had whispered one name: Heather Graham. At that moment, I knew it was destiny. We were star-crossed lovers, Heather and I, a real Romeo and Juliet kind of thing. Of course this presented problems, seeing that she was an older woman, lived on the opposite seaboard, and had not the slightest clue that I existed - and probably wouldn't have cared had she known - but I saw past all this. I was in love, and this was only the beginning.


  • But being that naive young lad, my passion was brief - I think she eventually lost out to Kerri Green, Andi in The Goonies and Maggie in Lucas (ironically, another Corey Haim movie). There were brief flashes, though. I can remember wanting to see Diggstown in the theaters, and the brief Twin Peaks phonomenon that swept the nation, of which she was a part. But it wasn't until 1996, years later, that we met again. Swingers. Heather had little more than a glorified cameo as Lorraine, hitting it off with Mikey and dancing to Big Bad Voodoo Daddy's "Go Daddy-O", but even those ten brief minutes or so of screen time were enough. The torch had been rekindled, and for the second time, I fell in love.

    The Getting To Know Her Stage

  • And how my love has grown. Disney World, September, I held four guys I was sharing a hotel room with hostage and made them watch her little-known Guilty As Charged, where Rod Steiger has his own personal electric chair, on a late movie. (Currently, I'm studying up on how to make my own electric chair with household items; it's going pretty well). During my brief stint working at a local video store, I took home Diggstown, heart skipping a beat whenever she showed up on-screen, and just the other day I watched Shout on the USA Daily Double Feature, where I was forced to watch helplessly as she gave her virginity to greasy Jamie Walters, last seen doing his time on Beverly Hills 90210 as Tori Spelling's angst-ridden Dylan-wannabe boyfriend. But as much as it hurt, I was quick to forgive her; John Travolta was in it, and she might have needed the money.

    A Brief Pause...

  • Indulge me a moment while I rant. Take a look at the Sharon Stones, the Demi Moores, and all the "America's Sweethearts" of the Julia Roberts variety. Each pulling down multi-millions per movie and getting their names over the titles. So why not Heather? She's easily better-looking than the best of them, and she's damn-sure paid her dues in Hollywood - one look at her filmography and that's abundantly clear. Even now, after so many films, you say Heather Graham to a person, and usually get nothing but a blank stare in return. Luckily, Swingers seems to have given her career a major shot in the arm, with lots more high-profile films and better roles, but I still don't think she's reached the status that she's owed. And I, for one, will not rest until she has. But anyways, back to our story.

    Coming Soon To A Theater Near You...

  • I haven't yet had a chance to see Boogie Nights, currently in theaters, where Heather plays Rollergirl, a porn starlet in the late-seventies whose trademark is roller skates. She always wears them - even into the sack. Okay, so she does have to have sex with Marky Mark - excuse me, Mark Wahlberg - but the Funky Bunch are nowhere to be found, and even better, neither is Jamie Walters. Then soon we've got Scream 2, where Heather shares screen time with Neve Campbell, Courteney Cox, David Arquette, Jerry O'Connell, and even Tori Spelling, and this summer we've got Lost In Space to look forward to. So she gets romanced by Matt Le Blanc (who should be blacklisted in Hollywood for at least ten years after Ed)... but, most importantly, no Jamie Walters. Have I mentioned how much I loathe Jamie Walters? Anyways, lots of Heather in the future. Stay tuned.

    December 14th, 1997, 12:30 a.m.

  • Scream 2. Kind of dissapointed - not in the movie, which was great, but in the length of Heather's moment... six, maybe seven minutes, tops. Heather plays Drew Barrymore playing Casey Becker, the first girl killed in Scream, in Stab, the movie adaptation of Gail Weathers's book The Woodsboro Murders. A book all about the events of Scream. Still with me? Anyways, she gets in the shower (while Jiffy Pop is cooking on the stove... definite fire hazard), but all you see is the robe dropping to the floor and her back. They don't show her IN the shower, of course. Damn Wes Craven! However, the current issue of Rolling Stone (Tori Spelling about to get knifed in the shower on the cover - serves her right for dating Jamie Walters.) there's a nice picture of Heather bound and gagged to a chair, looking terrified into the camera. If you're a bondage fetishist - and, this being the Internet, I'm sure there's a lot of you out there - this is definitely your cup of tea. And, since I'm such a nice guy, I'm going to save you the cover price. Here it is...

    Extra - Aimee Graham, The Next Heather?

  • Saw Jackie Brown on Christmas night. Good flick - fun to watch screen legend Robert DeNiro going at both a bong and a hash pipe like a pro. However, I happened to take special notice of a salesgirl in a department store selling Pam Grier a suit in a crucial scene in the movie that they play back four times. The girl looked so much like a younger Heather that I stuck around to watch the credits. Aimee Graham was her name. Coincidence? Or could we have another Heather up-and-coming in Hollywood? I'll let you know...

    Boogie Nights

  • I finally saw Boogie Nights at my exalted Movie Center III, here in sunny Coral Springs, Florida. While I could have lived my whole life without seeing Mark Wahlberg's "member", (knowing it was prosthetic didn't lessen my horror one bit), it was worth it for Heather. She actually had a pretty big part too, as opposed to Swingers or Scream 2. Still as beautiful as ever... even while kicking living hell out of a guy, wearing her beloved roller skates all the while. That, my friends, takes talent. Extremely dissapointing that neither Burt Reynolds nor Julianne Moore won an Oscar last night for Boogie Nights, because I think they both deserved them. Jamie Walters? Nope.

    For Further Suggested Reading:

    "The Love Of My Life: Part Two"
    "The Love Of My Life: Part Three"
    "Heather Graham: Space Cadet"

    Yes, I'm acclaimed.

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