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What a
sorry room of people.
I think
the only consistent thing here is how Gary’s voice is tuned out
Cheers to
the host.
Unfortunately the only thing he ever successfully hosted was
dandruff.
Bathing
works wonders my friend.
His vet
told Tracey after he got his rabies shot that
obedience
school would never fix his endless barking.
Tracey, do
yourself a favor and put a choker on the leash you have him on.
Its like
he reacts to every ear as would a dog watching a small creature
trying to find a nut
“Hey did I
mention that I got 69 miles to the gallon?”
What’s the
difference between Joel and a highly scratched CD?
Nothing.
You don’t
know what the heck either of them are saying half the time
Joel makes
great tips at outback.
I think
its because he talks like a stroke victim.-----------
( lady
voice) “Here’s twenty dollars, I hope they find a cure for your
horrible speaking ability.”
Do you
have to pay taxes on the charity money you make?
Everytime
I see Joel he’s got kids all around him.
They love
him.
I think
its because he looks like big bird without the muscles.
This kid
is skinnier than me.
If he was
to star in a movie he’d be the broom in Hocus Pocus.
And
Michelle P and Carla would be the witches.
You mind
taking your broom and leaving
Joel looks
like a spaghetti noodle with pipe cleaners tacked on.
He’s got
fat Italians following him wherever he goes.
In
Australia, they do things a lot differently.
Apparently
they wear goatees on the top of their chest.
Oh, I’m
sorry, its just Joel
Did you
have a heart operation or do that on purpose?
Anyone
know the difference between a male and female Emu?
Joel
doesn’t either, he’ll get on either one.
That’s why
I think he left Australia.
ran out of
Emu’s to get down with.
Ohio’s a
good place for an Emu rapist
Look
there’s one right there
Oh I’m
sorry that’s just Candace
I know
what your thinking
Afterall
he is thin, neat and opts to wear a white shirt everyday
If he was
anymore gay he’d be pooping skittles
I can draw
a picture of an Emu for you Joel, but you have to promise me not
to get on it
Anybody
here have a board
Anybody
Hey John,
open your mouth and start talking
John, How
the hell do I keep getting your phone calls on my message
machine?
Al Roker
called.
He wants
his sense of humor back
Ted Kopple
called later
he wants
you to return your notes from Gary’s roast
Watching
John speak was like watching C-span debate boxers versus briefs
Anyone
ever see a seizure
No,
Go ask
Angelo Butto a serious question and see what happens
Its like
the whistle for his feet to start playing gotcha last
And then
he starts rubs his hands like he’s going to ignite a fire
Jason
Duffy
What’s up?
He’s about
as reliable as a slot machine
If the
random thoughts match up right he might show up on time for what
he planned to do
The
jackpot being whether he bathed beforehand and remembered why
he’s there
Fox is
actually going to start a new reality series called, RELY ON
DUFFY
They take
8 random strangers and they put Duffy in charge of leading them
through life-changing events
Watch
Duffy default a home mortgage,
smoke a
blunt while taking a 911 call,
and
forget to book a wedding hall for some newlyweds
Do we have
any single ladies here?
Well Mojo
is too
I hope
you’re in the market for an aging, out-of-shape man
He’s just
a set of bad teeth shy of getting the single-forever trifecta
I don’t
know if anybody knows this, but Mojo has been trying for a long
time to get licensed.
He’s
trying to get licensed to be sexually satisfying
He’s got a
girlfriend, or instructor, if you will
Long story
short, she visits once every six months, finds out he learned
nothing and leaves
Hey
Candace,
I’m sorry
about that whole Louie thing
Rest
assured, I’m sure there’s more obnoxious, unbathed men out their
who only travel by bicycle out there
Mojo is
single you know
he may be
old, but, with enough patience, you may be able to teach him how
to ride a bike
And when
are you going to realize that no one believes that you research
mattresses for consumer reports
Who’s
going to believe a study that requires sleeping with 30 random
men?
In fact,
we have a mattress here tonight
It’s
outercover is like a stuffed sausage, it facilitates mites to
breed and stinks of dried sweat
Oh I’m
sorry Gary, I thought I was supposed to introduce Kyle Wells
Actually I
described a hot dog
He’d be
the one with the cheese filling
Yeah I’m
sorry everybody,
but the
only thing friendly up here is this tub of ice cream.
(Hold up
tub of ice cream, - was planned and never did- which
screwed up the joke)
There
Jeremy, here you go
clean up
that drool before it dries
Jeremy
Chernik,
now I can
finally understand how Dairy Queen can afford to be open during
the winter
In fact the only whipped thing
he doesn’t eat is Gary Sweatt
Gary
admitted to me awhile ago that he’s going to be a liberal arts
major
Apparently, his program has a 2- year co-op for doing NOTHING
He thinks
a resume is a button on a playstation controller.
When Joel
was born the doctor had to net him out of the toilet
That’s why
I think Joel’s the ONLY one at outback to wear a rag on his
shoulder
its there
to swat flies away.
I’m never
sure if he farted or if its just his regular smell
He never
understood why his parents made him use Raid for hair spray and
Off! For exfoliant
In fact I
think the “goatee” on the top of his chest is a flea collar.
Thank you.
Sean Kramer |
