Least homoerotic post ever
Mood:  smelly
Now Playing: U2 - With Or Without You
So if you have been hiding under a rock or a bridge of sorts and have not been watching espn today you may not know that Jason Giambi and Barry Bonds admitted to using steroids. Personally, I don't think that steroids make you a better baseball player. The fact that Bonds was a hall of fame player BEFORE the year 2000 makes the whole "steroids made him better" argument a load of bullshit. The same goes for Giambi. Sure he was a beanpole for his whole life, but he was drafted in the second round in 1992, he was on the Olympic team, and he did well BEFORE he was an MVP. See kids, steroids don't increase the reaction time necesary to hit a 98 mph fastball or an 80 mph curveball that starts out at your head and breaks to your knees. Steroids don't improve your swing mechanics or hand-eye coordination. All of those things are what makes a great swing. What steroids DO help improve are increased acne, scarred and dead tissue around the area of injection, smaller and non-functioning testicles, uncontrolable mood swings that lead to violence, liver, heart and kidney failure, various cancers and tumors (testicluar being a really fun one). But it does make you stronger and bigger. Just look at these photos I have put together of Bonds and Giambi. I did NOT doctor these photos at ALL. Except for the steroid bottles. These are before and after pictures.

The picture on the left is of Bonds when he was in the minors. Pretty skinny huh? Bonds is huge now. Capital "H" u-g-e. And he is a world class asshole. He claims he didn't know that what he was given by his trainer was steroids. BITCH PLEASE. I'm not that dumb, and neither are the american people. Well...atleast I'm not that dumb.

Now on to Giambi. The guy was an amazing athelete in high school. He was all-state in basketball, football and baseball. He stuck with Baseball and probably made the right choice. The picture on the left is of him in the minor leagues in 93 or 94. Ironically he played for the same organization that Bonds did when he was in the minors. The picture on the right was taken in 2000. Right when, as he admitted to, he started to take steroids, human growth hormone, and even a female fertility drug (wtf?).

So after seeing some of MY idols do steroids, and seeing their results, I decided to follow in their footsteps. I mean, I AM an impressionable young guy, and other people in society are dumb enough to do this. I started this experiment about two months ago. And I have to say that it worked. See for yourself. These photos are not doctored in any way. Nope...not at all. These are ALL REAL.

So starting out, I was your typical 90 pound weakling. And appearantly I liked wearing leaves instead of underoos. And my nipples were brown. Anyways. By day 30 I had noticed some extra muscle. My bulge was still intact and I had not experienced any shrinkage. I did notice that I was lashing out at Brady more often. He ended up calling the cops on me...stupid spousal abuse. I mean what? Moving along. So, day 90. As you can see I was so big that I almost needed a manziere to hold back my man boobs. Also, my package had completely disappeared and I had a really bad fake tan. And I lost all my body hair. Which really wasn't that much to begin with.

To sum my experiment up, I guess it really was not that great. I began wearing spandex biking shorts, which is NOT HOT. My skin tone on my face didn't match the skin tone of my body. I lost my bulge. Don't do steroids kids. Steroids are bad. I will end with a quote from Jimmy of South Park "Taking steroids is just like pretending to be handicapped at the Special Olympics. Because you're taking all the fairness out of the game. But I know now that even if you do win on steroids, you're really not a winner. You're just a p-pussy. You're just a big fat p-p...p...pussy, and if you take steroids, the only decent thing to do is come forward and say, "Remove me from the record books, because I am a big, stinky p-pussy steroid-taking jackass." That's how I feel about myself, and why I must decline this medal and my place in the history books. And if you'll let me, I'll be back next year. To compete with honor.