15 Albums/Bands that you should NEVER listen to
Mood:  loud
Now Playing: U2-Where the streets have no name
So even after I ran this idea past caleb, he has either refused to do it or just forgotten. I like to think he refused to do it because he knew I could do it better. Anyways, to compliment Caleb's 15 cd's you should listen to, I have compiled an assortment of 15 band's and/or cd's that you should never EVER listen to under any circumstances. And no, these won't be stupid independent label bands that nobody has ever heard of because I don't try to be some kind of music snob like somebody I know...um, you know who you are. These will be bands that everyone has heard of, which is rather unfortunate seeing as how bad their music truly is. And now, without any certain order or rank, I give you the list-
1. Puddle of Mudd

These guys take sucking to new and terrifying heights. The guy sounds like a very bad Kurt Cobain and he tries way to hard to look like him too. That and the music just blows. I don't need to hear a song about how this loser likes some chick smacking his ass. How about less ass smacking and no more music from you at all.
2. Limp Bizkit
Alright, I will admit I liked half of their first album. But then Fred Durst turned into the biggest sellout/jackass/poser/terrible rhymer of all time. You can't rhyme "here" with "here" (see Rollin') THEY ARE THE SAME DAMN WORD. Plus that song was like a retarded version of the hokey pokey. And anyone that wears a yankees hat, especially backwards is automatically qualified to make this list. Also making up stuff about hooking up with hot girls helps you in making this list. For these pathetic acts Fred Durst should have been first, but I think number 2 fits him much better.
3. Nickleback
This is not the first time Canada has tried to dump their shitty music on us and it won't be the last time. if ever there was an epitome of the term butt rock, these guys would be it. Every one of their songs seems like it was pulled out of the nether regions of someone's bowels. That and they get overplayed EVERYWHERE.
4. Britney Spears
Ok, so she sounds like someone beating a cat while simultaneously running their fingernails across a chalkboard, but I will be damned if she is not that unpleasant to look at. But she doesn't write ANY of her songs, I mean who needs to when 5 swedish dudes churn out such musical masterpieces as "crazy" and "oops I did it again". But she doesn't look bad in a skin tight vinyl suit. So I guess I'm saying look, don't listen.
5. Jessica Simpson
Ok,I'm beginning to see a pattern here. Boobs+Crappy music=SUCESS! Well, I'm sorry but if her lame ass tv show is what is taking the place of music videos then she deserves to be on this list. And according to caleb, she has no soul. Which makes sense since she must have sold it to play up the dumb blonde role when according to her mother she obviously is not (a 160 IQ, which is genius level). I don't buy it. I don't buy her cd's. And shame on her for playing into a sterotype.
6. Justin Timberlake
I am going to just lump NSync and the Backstreet boys with him since he is still carrying the flaming torch of the boy bands. And because, thank god, those two boy bands will never be heard from again. Is it just me or is this guy trying WAY to hard to pattern his career after Michael Jackson's? Boy Band->Solo Career. Then there is the girlyman voice, the ripped off dance moves, and the penchant for little boys. Well maybe not yet. I wouldn't be surprised if Justim Timberlake eventually turns into a creepy looking white woman just like Michael Jackson.
7. Hoobastank
If you take away the facts that they have the worst band name ever, and that they are blatantly ripping off incubus, they would still be a terrible band. I hate that damn song reason or whatever. It sounds WAY to much like an emo power ballad. Emo is bad enough on its own, as is a power ballad, but together, they create a hideous and disgusting creature. Change your name to succubus and become what you really are, and incubus cover band.
8. Simple Plan
This my friends is the definition of emo "punk". Five emo kids from quebec (which says it all right there) whining about girls and pretending to be something they are not. And at warped tour, they said "HELLO SEATTLE" like ten times, even though they were at the gorge.
9. Celine Dion- You know, I won't even post a picture of this hellspawn. She is also from Quebec. Something about being both french and canadian that makes them genetically superior at producing crappy music. Plus she married her manager who is like 40 years older than her. That is just creepy. My heart will go on. and on. and on. and then you want to destroy the radio with a baseball bat, then run over it with your car, then bury the remains and move a thousand miles away from the site. I hate that song.
10. Yanni AND Kenny G. Alright no pictures of these guys. These guys may be very talented at what they do, but why would I want to listen to the music that I hear in an elevator or the lobby at my doctors office. You know that cheezy crap they play...um, muzak. This is the kind of stuff we use to get prisoners to confess down in guantanamo bay.
11. Toby Keith
I'm sorry, but since when does this redneck asshole represent the "heart of the country"? Comparing our foreign policy to putting a boot up your ass is a good analogy, but it is not the american way. This guy needs to be given some concrete shoes and find his way to the bottom of some lake or river where his music will never ever be heard again.
12. Any of those Damn Now thats what I call Music Cd's
If anyone is dumb enough to buy these instead of burning the songs themselves and making their own mix cd is obviously lacking a few chromosomes as well as some brain cells and should not be allowed to breed. I don't want a shitty collection of songs by britney spears and story of the year. Give me a copy of Punk-O-Rama instead. Or anyone of a number of samplers from indie record labels. Why have 5 cd's with the same song on it?
13. The Chipmunks Christmas Album
I can say that these chipmunks sound better than britney spears. Which is not saying much. But I mean the "chipmunks" are probably a trio of carnies or midgets that ended up selling over 500,000 copies of this album. 500,000 people bought this. Unbelievable. People really are dumber than I think they are. What is the thought process behind that purchasing decision? Gee lets buy the album of three cartoon chipmunks that sound like prepubescent boys full of helium. I'm sure it will be a masterpiece and a true auditory experience. 500,000 people bought this. I still can't believe that.
14. Alanis Morisette
I think Kevin Smith got it right buy conveying the message that whenever Alanis opens her mouth, people's heads explode and their chests cave in. Her voice is like a combination of a yodeler and some farm animal. Maybe a duck...I'm not sure yet. Yeah she is a strong women, blah blah blah I don't care. Crappy music know no bounds.
15. Dashboard Confessional
Here is the dictionary definition of emo. Chris Carrabas brings shame to everyone named Chris. How dare he ruin that great and glorious name. Anyone that writes songs about this being the best day of their lives or how they are all alone is a wuss. And it wouldn't be so bad if he didn't write all his songs about the same damn thing. Plus he butchered R.E.M.'s Automatic for the People. And he inspired that lameass who performed before caleb and talked about how his parents never came to see his shows and never bought him a puppy when he was a kid. Wait...I think I hear it...YES it is the world's smallest violin, and it is being played inside the waaaahmbulance. Cry me a river, build a bridge, and get the fuck over it you whiny bitch and stop making shitty music.

Thus concludes my list. Feel free to discuss amongst yourselves.