Life sucks, man
Yet another magical night with my wonderful girlfriend. Considering i have a sore throat and an incredible headache, thats saying something for her therapeutic capabilities.
Im writing this at 12.05ish after midnight on saturday because i want to.
Nuff sed.
Anyways, other than that, i also played a lot of guitar today. Amazing how much fun you can have with two frets if you just play really fast with your amp turned as high as it will go.
If i had overdrive and reverb i think i would have deafened the neighbours with "My own summer" by now, but sadly my amp has no such features, leaving the Deftones masterpiece sadly deflated.
Well, enough of my crap, i gotta update the site.

Chortle, its a funny word for a reaction to funniness.
So, me and me beautiful gf go to my school fair.
We see the sights, we look at the crap games, and we lean up against radiators trying to get some privacy.
Needless to say, we were kicked out for being too cozy, lol.
SO, THEN we went for a walk through ballymoney, looking for a nice spot to...anyway, looking for a nice spot.
But it had been raining, and there was fog, so nothing was dry.
But i sacrificed myself by leaning my back agains a sort of dry tree.
Then we continued our walk.
We came back to the tree and found that the spot had been taken by half-drunk dealers. So we moved on.
We found a convienent telegraph pole and just as we were getting warm again, my technology teacher bursts out of his car (pervert) and tells aoife she left her bus pass in Dalriada.
It went on like that the whole night.
But it was funny as hell.
*Chortle*

Tis wednesday, feast of saint Wednez
What is culture?
Culture is "the sum of everything we do that we don't have to." to quote a guy who was smart but who's name i can't remember.
Thus, northern ireland has a great head-kicking and pertol-bombing culture.
And now you see why they nominated Belfast as European City of Culture.

I am the man. Nuff said
Today, i was faced with a problem. I had a cup of tea (two sugars, milk). This tea was in my right hand. Because thats where my tea goes.
Now, here comes the tricky bit. In front of me, i had a packet of chocolate chip cookies, and a packet of rich teas. Which do i pick up with my only remaining hand, considering they are of equal yumminess?
Duh.
I, in my infinite wisdom, put DOWN the tea, piled the cookies on TOP of the rich teas, and used my mind powers to bring both items into the room where i am typing this update.
God, i can sure bullshit when im too thick to think of a good update.

Yes, i know, no pics of the girlfriend, my apologies
There have been a huge number (1) of complaints that there are no pictures of my gf on the site. Fuck off, shes mine.
Anyway, today there has been 1 orgy, 55 fanny-kicks, 3 guys kneed in the balls, 1 girl smacking me on the head with a giant green dildo, 4 people piling on a guy who subsequently fell down the side of the bed and got stuck, 1 midget, and for some bizarre reason coleraine was filled with beautiful women.
I love hanging out with my weird friends.

Hmmmmmmm, yellow tights
Im a very happy boy.
Why?
Because i saw Elf tonight.
It really is a must see movie. The plot is fantastic and the legs are great.
"What legs?" I hear you ask.
The legs of the aforementioned beautiful girlfriend.

Late update, sorry y'all
Well, i guess horoscopes do work.
The reason for my late post is that i have a gorgeous, smart (very very smart), funny and sexy girlfriend to keep me occupied.
God, does life suck.
Heheh.
If its alright with her i might put a pic up. If not you guys can go and imagine her and die of envy.
You girls are just gonna have to wait until im single again, sorry.
There are some girls who are waiting, arent there?

If only horoscopes worked
Part Class Clown, part Most Attractive, you're at the top of the polls today. While you may not be winning any real awards, you'll probably have your pick of hotties to choose from. That's the kind of prize a Leo likes!

Im a Leo. Where are my hotties?
Oh,dark haired temptress, where for art thou mine dark haired temptress?
Still, if any "hotties" are visiting the site (at least 6 on the hot-o-meter, please) feel free to send in an address.

What kicks much ass
1. Being pinned to the floor by an dark-haired temptress. You know who you are.
2. Beanies. Nuff said.
3. Black T-shirts, because they are appropriate anywhere. Even at funerals.
4. Me. Because i wear a beanie and black t-shirt while fending off the huge amounts of "retards" who visit the site.
5. The word "retard". Political correctness sucks, so we use a word which offends people with real problems to make light of slightly irritating people.
6...Dunno. May have overstretched myself.

Site visitors should post some comments. Then i would have some idea what the rest of the world thinks kicks ass. All submissions posted for this one. Even if they say "Yer MA".

Wimmin, I hate them, I love them, I can't live without them...
Ever sat waiting at the phone?
Ever sat obsessively at your PC waiting for an e-mail?
Me neither.
And i dont plan to start now.
You see, theres not really any point to it. If your waiting by the phone the first thing you'll think if it rings is that you'll look desparate picking it up straight away, so you end up spending all that time waiting and then trying to pretend you were REALLY sitting around watching TV.

Anyways, other than that, i seem to have no comments yet on the nature of truth. Im dissapointed. Am I going over your heads? Are my audience all retarded yobs with a penchant for Dance Music (may its name be cursed forever)?
Prove me wrong or die. I know who you are. I know where you live. I watch you shower every evening. Or i you dont shower every evening, in *****'s case. No posts and I will reveal the name. Or enough posts. Vote on it!