Well, joyness!
Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: The Scientist by Coldplay
I feel bad about what I do with Maddie. I like it, but then afterward I feel really weird and whorish. I don't know why it's so wrong. After last night, Maddie called me and told me that he and Sarah had talked about abortions and stuff. Now I am afraid that if I accidentally go too far then he will leave me. I cried myself to sleep last night after making a bracelet around my wrist with a needle and sticking 56 pins in my arm. The slight pain made it feel better, but all the crying did was make my head hurt. I talked to Jess about Maddie and she made me feel better. I'm glad that she didn't notice that I was crying or the red bumps on my arms. Now I'm really scared because I am probably going to see Maddie on Friday. I have to find some way to hide the marks so that he won't see them or feel them. It would kill me inside if he found out. I suppose I better wrap this up and smile pretty because I have to go shopping, which I guess I don't mind. I have to finish getting Maddie's Christmas present. I already gave him a crunch bar and a card. I have a ring that I want to propose with, but I am afraid that he will say no. I guess all I'm truly afraid of is that I will be left all alone and then my life will go down hill. Personally, I don't want to start doing drugs or any of that. I don't want to get to the point of where I'm so far gone that I give up and kill myself. I don't fear death, but there are much better ways to die. In my mind, suicide is not the answer. Well, I must go now.
-end

P.S. Confiding in the internet... who knew it could be so effective?

i feel sorta bad
Mood:  don't ask
i feel like i made maddie upset because i said i was gonna buy him a game and he didnt want me to and then he got all upset and apologized for what he said. i said that it was okay but i think he still feels bad. i hope i can make him feel better. i love him sooo much!!!!
i like to dance!!! lol tehehe!

sjkhfcryingkjshdhovshoiloveyouskdnflkhsosad!!!lkhaslmissyou!kjdlkjdlkjaslkjsd
Mood:  hug me
Topic: no!
maddie, i can't do this!! you are so far away! my heart is literally hurting right now. i am so lost without you. talking to you on the phone helps, but not as much as it would if i saw you. i can't sit here any longer. i love you sooo much! goodbye

cool
Mood:  hug me
its now 3:30 in the morning and i am going to bed. night! love you maddie

WWWWWOOOOOOOWWWWW!!!
Mood:  silly
Topic: holy shit!!
I haven't updated this blog in like ffffffffooooooooooorrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeevvvvvvvveeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!! lol I suppose I should keep up with it like I do my other blogs and sites. I haven't really had the chance or the attention span to want to do something with this blog. Maddie, if you ever read any of this (which you probably will...) I just want you to know that most of these times I was hyper. As if you can't tell... lol Sunkist is a good thing on rainy days, except for when one makes another mad at the sillyness and hyped up energy that one has due to the ingestion of such a richly orange liquidy acid thinger. I shoulda said liquidy acid dewhickeymafloppet!!! That is the best word ever! lol Anyway, I should get going and go to sleep. NOT!! I have wayyyyyy too much energy to sleep, but I suppose if ducky insists.... Too bad ducky is already asleep and can't tell me to go. I tucked him in a couple hours ago and he's sleeping like a baby in my bed. Awwwww!! How cute! The odd thing is he sleeps with BOTH EYES OPEN!! Scary ducky!!!!! I love that ducky too much to be afraid of him. After all, a piece of Maddie's heart is with ducky!! I love you soooo much Maddie!!!!!!!!! Remember, forever and for always I love you -end
p.s. I can't sleep!!! lol later
p.p.s. Check this out!!

LALALALA!!!
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: on the computer
Topic: squiggly spooch!
well here i sit in my english class and the hockey game just got over. i hate hockey. we won though, woo hoo! not. now were sitting here quietly, joy. well i think i'd better go now. -end

lalala
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: music- old man's child... black seed on virgin soil


i like that its fun and very true...no of course im not an anarchist why would you think that! *innocently evil smile* -end

hi jess!
Jessica, by the time you read this your computer will have begun self destruction! :) hahahahahahaha! no i swear it's true! don't laugh at me! it's true i tell you, true! ok maybe it's not but i can say it is!!!!!!!!!!!! -end

um... SQUEAKY FEET!!
Mood:  celebratory
Now Playing: hailie's song by eminem for some odd reason
Topic: Nothing really
my sis said something about squeaky feet so i had to put it in here! lol im a dope. ok i think ill go now... -end

DAMN THAT LITTLE RUBBER DUCKY BASTARD!!!
Mood:  don't ask
don't ask about the title, inside joke from german class. lol -end p.s.u know about it jess!