"I repeat: I am Ed's clone!" says faux candidate.

In a rare interview with the Blathering Sensationalist, Senatorial Candidate Ed DeVore makes a stunning admission:

BS-Thank you for letting us speak with you, Mr. DeVore, and how are you today, sir?

ED-Well, I'm not really quite feeling myself, actually! Hahaha!!!

BS-How's that?

ED-I'm not technically Ed DeVore...I'm his clone!

BS-You're his wha-did you say "his clone"?

ED-Yup. Running for political office is time consuming, and hey, let's face it, Ed's only one person, sorta. Me 'n' the other clone operatives do the drudge work in a variety of Ed's endeavors, thus allowing the template-er, I mean Ed, to pursue more pressing matters, including his leisure time.

BS-Why are you telling me all this? Are you NUTS?!?

ED-Some of us are, but most of them are locked up safely...Believe me, that's another whole story. The reason I asked you here is that we ourselves (the clones of Ed and Ed Proper) have only recently discovered the truth of who we are and have coordinated ourselves to act together as a unit. Ed Prime has decided that he/I needed not only to be honest with his/my constituents, but also that it is time to begin the public relations phase of our bid for emancipation from the black-ops group that created us! In other words, you're going to expose the whole thing to the public to expedite our freedom.

BS-Hmm, we'll see...Is your campaign for Senate part of this plan?

ED-A small aspect, but mainly Ed is simply alarmed at how far we've strayed from what our Founding Fathers intended, and wants to try to return our federal government to exercising only the enumerated powers granted to it by our Constitution.

BS-To accomplish that one of you Eds would have to run for and win every public office in the nation.

ED-There's not enough of us yet for that, but wouldn't that be a beautiful thing?!?

BS-So, where is the original Ed?

ED-He's hiding in an underground missile silo-turned-base of operations trying to sort out some issues, he himself being the subject of certain other eugenics experimentation that we'd rather not discuss right now.

BS-I see...I would imagine that there would have to be some drawbacks to the whole business for all of you...I mean him...What's the downside beyond that?

ED-The hardest part for Ed the First, I think, was finding out that his/our brother, whom he loves like, well, a brother, is in fact an android sent to keep an eye on the project while he was growing up. His loyalties lie with Ed, though, and not with the scientists at the lab.

BS-Huh?!?

ED-Oh, um, I wasn't supposed to mention that...Never mind! As for the rest of us Eds, we all have our individual problems, but it's not all bad.

BS-Oh? Well, what's the good part?

ED-Everyone's heard the expression, "Two Eds are better than one," and if true, a bunch of Eds has to be best of all, right? Right?!?

BS-I, uh, I think that's supposed to be "two h..."

ED-Hey! Gotta go. Debriefing in half an hour...Toodles!

Entire contents copyright© 2002 by Ed DeVore

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