Sir Loin of Beef

Ah, nobility. You know I love it. Sir Loin of Beef. He may be a Knight, but he's no "defender of the realm, guardian of the flame, purveyor of fine toiletries to his majesty's courts in 1753." He's no "noble wandering virtuous knight," whom "in days of old, when knights were bold, and toilets need cleaning, was there." But he tries...

This young man is possessed of an almost-superhuman memory and litany of Simpsons trivia. I fear the day when he, Aggroman, and Timmy the Dark Spectre challenge each other to a battle of trivia. It could go for days!!!

Sir Loin of Beef later adds this!:
My uncle is named Mac Culver. He's a bald, short fat man. He's also very cynical and kinda peculiar. I like him. He makes me happy. So, this uncle of mine, for arguments sake, we'll call him Lloyd. I've always liked that name. So, Lloyd, my uncle, works for a very large international chemical (among other things) company named DuPont. You've heard of it. And if you haven't, someone that you are affiliated with has been poisoned by their products I'm sure. Someone you're related to was killed in the Revolutionary war by one of their bullets. I believe that's when they were started. They're very big. So, Lloyd, as he is now known works for said conglomeration. I'm not exactly sure what he does now, but he used to go around fixing things. He traveled to Japan just to plug something in once. Silly boys. So anyways, the big cheeses, the boss-men, the head honcho's, you get the idea. The guys that tell him what to do. They shall be known as...Llamas. So, one day, the Llamas say over the scary, big brothery intercom, "Lloyd, would you please report to the Llamas office?" and since he is owned by the Llamas, he can't really make a decision. So, as if a character in One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest, he slowly makes his way up the creepy white halls, with their fluorescent lights and secret cameras watching your every move. He is soon at the wrong end of a very long table occupied by old Llamas whose pay equals the national debt squared. They tell him, "Lloyd, it is your job to make all of the machines in this factory that you are in charge of Y2K compliant." Now, Lloyd is a smart guy, and he knows that none of the machines that his factory uses operate with dates, and he knows that there will therefore be no problem with them no matter if the rest of the world is wearing hats or their feet and getting eaten by hamburgers. He also knows that the Llamas don't even know what his machines do, and therefore couldn't care less what he thinks. They just know that the whole world is shitting it's collective pants over this Y2K bug, and they must defecate in their garments as well if they want to be popular. So, Lloyd leaves the office of the Llamas and heads for his own rather meager office 63 floors down. he sits at his rather un-gigantic desk and thinks, "How can I test machines that can't break? It's a date problem, and all they do is make stuff. It's not a date kind of thing." So, being the kind of guy that he is, he thinks up a test. He rips the calendar off of his wall, goes out to the factory, walks up to a machine that was at that minute making something designed to kill the environment with a light lemon scent, and he does what? He gives is a good hard smack with the calendar. "You have a problem with that? Huh?" he shouts at it. It does not reply. He slaps the compliance sticker on it and goes about more useful business.

Now, why am I telling you about Lloyd, you may ask? You see, he coined the phrase, "Sir Loin of Beef" one Christmas Eve (not Laura) at Grandmas house during dinner. I thought this was just about the greatest things since sliced bread (sliced bread having been invented the previous winter). That's my unnecessarily long story. Fun. Thanks for reading it. It took a while and now my fingies hurt. I'll go soak them in gravy. Mmm, gravy.

BACK