Beary's diary page thirteen
Dad with his dog,Polo,Thanksgiving 1998
Lucky diary page thirteen!
september 05,1999 before and after pill time.
Now it is 5:58am(EDT).
Pillz in two minutes.
One minute.
Save this(hopefully)and take pillz.
Pillz taken.
Another day begins.
My mother turns 70 on Tuesday.
Can't think of anything intelligent to say.
I'm tired.Been up all nite,as usual.
Gotta nasty headache.
Put Zand Orange C Herbal Lozenge in mouth.
Need to put out wetsies in two minutes.
Thrill a minute,aren't i?
If i had anything to say,i totally lost it.
Put out wetsies.
Karen's alarm will go off at 6:30am
Anyhoo,getting back in the diary game.
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monday,september 06,1999 3:43am(EDT)
Just when you think things can't get worse,they do.
(deleted)
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wednesday,november 17,1999 4:13pm(EST) el barrio
trying like bloody hell to fight this agoraphobia.
brought to the state of near panic by two ordinary things:
busy cell phone network
urgent need to pee.
let's back this up a little.
the last couple of days,
things had been going really well emotionally.
surviving life's challenges.
going with the flow.
cashing in on the good karma account.
anyhoo,got a voice mail from my mom,
late sunday nite.
she sounded really good.
monday,my wife,karen, and i,got it together
to do a much delayed trip out to do errands.
ran into two angels.
my old friend,ray,was at the fair haven post office
looking great and in a good mood.
we shot the breeze for a few minutes.
angel number two was barbara,
from the brewery street post office,
who we ran into at k mart.
introduced her to karen.
got most of the groceries we needed.
tuesday morning,around 9am,
while karen was working on the 'puter offline,
i called my mom.
we had a most excellent conversation.
this was a major victory for me.
i have had the most horrendous phone phobia for months,
basically since coming home from my dad's funeral
and the horrors of my trip to maine.
including losing it,being handcuffed,
much too scary to write about even now.
where was i?
beautiful sunny day,
i decide to go for a walk,a long walk,
to dunkin donuts,
and all the way to
the beautiful park by the Quinnipiac River.
cell phone in tow.
everything goes great!
come home and,my friend,Ed,the UPS driver
delivers a package.
we shoot the breeze.
life is good.
my first walk since mid-summer,a success!
that was yesterday.
today,another sunny day,
i decide to take another walk.
things were going well,
until i decide to go home from the park.
i try repeatingly to call karen on the cell phone
busy!
and i *really* need to pee!
call karen from a pay phone.
try to use the bathroom at mickey-dees.
locked!
ask to use the bathroom at a take-out pizza place
that i have been going to for over a decade
"we don't have a bathroom,dear."
sure,you pee on the floor.
"coke,a dollar twenty-five?"
"yeah."
we both know,she lied to me,
looking me straight in the face.
i hurriedly put on my crocheted hippy hat
a little crooked
and my midnight blue women's thinsulate gloves
and head out the door.
turn the corner,
past the laundromat.
the side of the laundromat is a long,windowless wall,
where the winos hang out.
one of them looks me dead in the eyes
as if to say,
you are no different then me,buddy.
i make it home.
hurry upstairs.
and relieve my bladder.
take a nap on the living room floor.
migraine going full tilt boogy.
wake up.
take my 2:30pm,tegretols and tylenol at 4:00pm.
write this sh*t in notepad.
take care,
Beary Bipolar
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thursday,november 18,1999 2:12pm(EST) el barrio
third of three beautiful sunny days.
took walk number three to the park.
even better prepared this time.
blessed with good fortune.
in my rugrats movie backback:
*four fun-size bars of chocolate
*hat and gloves
*small bottle of water
*two pieces of pumpernickle bread
*tote bag
in the pockets of my olive green jeans:
*cell phone(powered up)
*change purse
*wallet
*keys
*pocket pack of kleenex
in the pocket of my flannel shirt jacket:
*sunglasses in soft glasses case
completing my outfit today:
*heather grey muscle tee shirt
*socks
*red Converse high-top basketball shoes
*string undies
my hair is in a buzz cut.
my beard is full and down to my adam's apple.
anyhoo,the park is in a river valley
between two bridges.
there are newish condos on both sides of the river.
from my bench in the park
i can see the hill rising on the other side.
a white steeple is prominent.
the grand avenue bridge is a short distance to my left.
the seagulls smelled my bagels from dunkin donuts yesterday
and were begging to beat the band.
today they shared pumpernickle bread with the pigeons.
a quite controlled madness.
this was my first time feeding birds in the park.
i was enthralled and only a tiny bit frightened.
had the park virtually to myself.
that is in terms of humans,of course.
the cell phone worked for both my calls from the park.
managed to control my bladder.
my meds make me thirsty,so naturally i have to pee a lot.
probably twenty,thirty times a day.
my walks round-trip are about forty-five minutes to an hour.
ran into chris,our postal carrier,on the way home.
hadn't talked to her in a long while,so i caught up on her uncle.
he is blind and speaks only spanish.
he lives at the same nursing home as my mother-in-law.
i reccomended it to her.
he is doing badly and may be dying.
late on my 2:30pm pillz.
take care,
Beary Bipolar
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friday,november 19,1999
10:37pm(EST) el barrio
didn't get my walk in today.
usual roller-coaster of a day.
i'm bipolar(mixed states)-rapid cycling
nice to make your acquaintence.
wifey-pooh talking on the phone to an old friend of ours.
i'm in your basic bored out of my gourd mood at the moment.
"watch for those cords,kitty."
good old Notepad,my new friend,let's me work offline.
pillz kicking in.
took old reliable tegretol,stelazine,tenormin,generic tylenol,
seventeen minutes ago.
the kittens *are* being awefully good lately.
we let them out of the room they share with their mommy
three,four times a day,
for anywhere from half an hour to two hours or more.
wally,our scaredy cat,needs to be kept separate from the Binkleys,
as we call the four kittens and their momma.
wendy is gray and white,like her mommy,binky.
nodd'l is a grey tiger.
lily is a grey tabby.
the name of the black and white tuxedo escapes me at the moment.
i want to say,sammy or spike,those are both wrong.
slinky,that's her name!
the binkley five are all girls.
anyhoo . . .
back on onelist,finally!
got fed up with excite.com,
so i changed my address to jaydemail.
blasted confirmation letter never came thru.
wrote onelist customer support.
set up new addy with yahoo!.
new onelist acct.
by that time onelist had fixed the problem.
so now i have two active onelist accounts.
so i can get lists in both individual emails and digest.
onelist has merged with egroups.
looking forward to future downtimes,delays,
"growing pains".
anyhoo,tired of my bitch and whine mode?
i am.
take care,
Beary Bipolar
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Laughing Aliens!
Ultimate Counter installed October 12,1999.
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