True Story #57

Untitled

You know, this story is just untitled because I don't know what in God's name to call it. It was so horrific, so annoying, so weird, I mean, maybe you could think of a better title. But this has no title because I cannot sum it all up in words small enough to be considered a title.

Upon further problems with my bowels, I had been forced to go to the doctors one last time. It was the same little Asian lady that had been checking up on me as usual. She told me I should see my normal doctor since this problem was prolonged. I told her with work and school I didn't have time to.

So, as our exam went along, she gave me a cover up and told me to take off everything from my waist down. I left on my socks.

This cover up was like one of those cheap table cloths you can pick up at Party City or what not. I had it tied around my waist the best I could. It didn’t close completely so, I placed the opening on my butt and sat back down on the chair waiting for the doctor to get back. When she finally came in, she popped on a glove and lubed up her finger, telling me to turn over to my side.

That I did and then, hey! Watch it buddy! She sticks her finger in my butt and starts asking me all these questions about my bowel habits and daily routine. Finally I tell her, "I can't give you a straight answer with your finger in my asshole!" Upon which she finishes her prob-a-thon and I tell her what's up with my life.

She then leaves, advising me to get dressed. While I'm in the process of putting on my clothes, she comes back in! So I'm standing there wearing a long sweater and no pants or underwear and talking to this woman for like 15 minutes. I was like, when the hell will she leave so I can just get dressed and go home?!?! I'm gonna miss The Simpsons! Finally, she gives me a perscription… to a fiber suppliment. Any fiber suppliment. My choice. Oh boy.

So I go to Ralph's and I'm lookin at the fiber suppliments and I see one I had just seen stuff about on tv, Benefiber. Look at me! I'm getting all excited cos you can put it in foods and drinks and it doesn't clump! God my life is sad. Anyway, it also happened to be the cheapest one available. Metimucil was running around $15, Fiber con $11, and the winner, Benefiber was on sale for a whopping $8! So we picked a winner!

When I got home, I was telling Barry [Kooda] about the fiber stuff. He showed me a link on ebay for 20 $2 off coupons for Benefiber. I was not amused. Ok, I was, but I was trying not to be. I was telling him about the nifty label and how it said in an exciting looking way "From the Makers of Ex-Lax!" Oh man, it don't get more fun than that!

THE END