True Story #53

The Lemonade Diet

After my ordeal with the doctor months ago, I was determined to get my bowels cleansed. I was thinking along the lines of a colonic, but that could be kinda pricey and I was afraid it'd be weird going in to the doctors, having them shove a thing up your ass and flushing it out with warm water. I mean, with my ass, things only go out, they don’t go in. You know what I'm sayin?

So Katrina comes over one day with this pamphlet from her boyfriend. It's this thing called the lemonade diet aka The Master Cleanser. It read like something a cult would do. Like I could see those Hale Bop guys drinking it. Basically, the diet requires you to eat nothing and drink this lemonade stuff whenever you get hungry. It grabs the shit from your intestines and colon and flushes it out. But you need help from like herbal laxative teas and all this shit.

Day 1: I made the drink, drank a glass, wanted to vomit. It has like lemon juice, water, cayanne pepper and syrup instead of sugar! What the hell is that for a drink? I was grossed out but I had to do it.

Later I had another glass.

8 hours passed. I was hungry. My stomach hurt and the drink wasn't helping suppress my appetite any. I gave up. I got some soup and a DrPepper and enjoyed quitting the cult diet. I felt a lot better. I don't recommend this diet for anyone, no matter how much you might hate someone, I don’t recommend it for them either. That is how bad it is.

THE END