MOVIE LOGIC


(Previously entitled 'Things You Learn from the Movies', author unknown. Modified by Tigerbee)

  1. Police chiefs always yell & smoke cigars.
  2. A cough is usually the sign of a terminal illness.
  3. When in love, it is customary to burst into song.
  4. When defuseing a bomb, always cut the blue wire.
  5. Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
  6. Evil scientists are always killed by their inventions.
  7. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
  8. You can always find a chainsaw or axe when you need one.
  9. Stripping to the waist can make a man invulnerable to bullets.
  10. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
  11. Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds.
  12. German officers don't have to speak the language, an accent will do.
  13. When driving it's normal to constantly look at the person next to you.
  14. Having a job of any kind will make fathers forget their son's birthday.
  15. All computer disks will work in all computers, regardless of software.
  16. Teenagers engaging in sex in horror films will always result in their death.
  17. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
  18. You can tell if somebody is British because they will be wearing a bow tie.
  19. Kind good natured scientists always die halfway through science fiction films.
  20. A detective can only solve a big case once he has been suspended from duty.
  21. If you decide to start dancing in the street everyone else will know the steps.
  22. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance than 20 men firing at 1 man.
  23. During police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip joint at least once.
  24. The more a man and a woman hate each other, the more likely they will fall in love.
  25. Creepy music coming from a cemetery should always be investigated more closely.
  26. If being shot at by bad guys, hide in a river. Bullets are unable to kill you underwater.
  27. Large loft-style apartments in New York City are within the price range of most people.
  28. It is mandatory to disregard as many laws of physics as possible during science fiction films.
  29. Honest hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before retirement.
  30. Women staying in haunted houses should always investigate strange noises in their underwear.
  31. An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will only work for the first half of the film.
  32. It's easy for anyone to land a plane if there is someone in the control tower to talk them down.
  33. Radiation causes interesting mutations. Not to your future children but to you, right then and there.
  34. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that as a light source.
  35. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to over-ride the computers systems of any invading aliens.
  36. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper clippings of their family members dying in strange accidents.
  37. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
  38. All bombs have timers with large red readouts so you know how much time you'll have before it's going to explode.
  39. Action heroes never face charges for damages or manslaughter, despite laying entire cities to waste by their heroics.
  40. If you're in a misunderstanding that could be cleared with a simple explanation, you must keep your mouth shut.
  41. When confronted by a bad guy, sarcasm & wisecracks are will guarantee you'll not be immediatly shot in the head.
  42. If you're heavily outnumbered in a fight, your enemies will patiently wait to attack as you eliminate them one by one.
  43. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets which reach up to armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on men.
  44. No one will think of looking for you in the ventilation system of a building where you can travel through undetected.
  45. Movies about the Holocost, blacks, Jews, gay's & that use a lot of extra's, are usually nominated for academy awards.
  46. When driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to often turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right.
  47. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers and man eating sharks which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
  48. Freelance helicopter pilots are eager to accept bookings from international terrorist organizations, even though the job will require them to shoot strangers & result in their own probable death as the helicopter explodes in a ball of flames.




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