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| IN SICKNESS BY TIMA |
CHAPTERS 66 - 70 |
PREVIOUSLY
Todd: Just close your eyes and relax. I'll make you feel better than you've ever felt before.
[Tea hesitantly complies. Todd removes his robe from where he had wrapped it around their bodies. Todd runs his hand along the newly growing hair on her head as he kisses her cheek. Tea tries to turn her head so their lips will meet but he pulls away. He slowly draws one finger down the side of her face as he lightly kisses her ear. His lips move down her neck as his thumb caresses her lips. He can feel Tea squirming with desire which excites him even more. He moves his body down the couch some and climbs on top of her with his head above her chest. Tea opens her eyes and watches him poised above her.]
Tea (with pleading eyes): Now?
Todd: Not yet.
Tea (wanting him more than she ever has before): Todd...
Todd: Trust me.
****
chapter 66
Tea: Todd...
[Todd reaches his hand up and caresses the side of her face.]
Todd: Close your eyes. I want you to enjoy this.
[Tea turns her face into his hand and kisses his palm.]
Tea: I know there's one thing I'd really enjoy right now.
Todd: Be patient.
Tea: Patience is overrated.
Todd: Not this time. Close your eyes so I can continue.
Tea: Will you at least kiss me?
Todd: Soon.
[Todd stares at her face until she finally closes her eyes. He reaches his head up and kisses her on the neck as he lowers his body onto hers. Tea's body shudders slightly at the feeling of his weight against her body. Todd senses how close she is and wants to prolong her enjoyment. He stays still for a moment wanting her body to come down from the edge before he continues. Tea doesn't want this. She wants to go flying over the edge. She starts moving her lower body against his trying to stimulate herself. Knowing what she's doing he lifts his body off of hers.]
Tea: Why are you doing this to me?
Todd: I told you. I want you to enjoy this.
Tea: I was enjoying what I was do pretty well.
Todd: I could tell.
Tea: Todd, no more games. (trying to push down on his back to force his body onto hers) Make love to me.
Todd: I'm trying to. You keep messing up my plans.
Tea: Your plans? Torturing me...
[Tea can't finish her thought as she looks between their bodies...or more specifically, as she stares opening at a certain part of Todd's anatomy.]
Todd: Look at me.
Tea: I am.
Todd: Look at my eyes.
[Their eyes meet in a deep connection that Tea feels could just about send her over the edge by itself.]
Todd: Trust me.
Tea: Just one kiss?
Todd: I will kiss you but not your lips. Not yet. Close your eyes.
[Tea closes her eyes and waits desperately for the feeling of his body on hers again. Todd doesn't disappoint her. As his body settles on top of hers again she has to work hard within herself to suppress the desire to move her body against his. Todd doesn't move as he watches her face for a moment.]
Todd: Are you ready?
Tea (barely able to speak): Yes.
[Todd's mouth instantly envelops her right breast as his left hand caresses her shoulder and neck.]
Tea (after several moments): Touch my other one.
[Todd moves his hand down and fondles her other breast as his mouth continues to enjoy, and give enjoyment, to the nipple between his lips. Eventually, Todd moves his mouth over to her left breast as his hand moves down to her stomach. Tea places her hand on his hand and encourages it downward.
As his fingers enter her they both moan from the sensations. Several times Todd senses how close she is and backs away only to bring her to the brink again a few minutes later.
Todd removes his fingers at the same time he removes his mouth from her breast. As Todd kisses down her stomach Tea barely breathes as she waits to see what Todd will do. With his face poised directly above her he looks up at her face and into her eyes and then down at her body beneath him. He stays there looking at her long enough for Tea to know what he wants to do and also to realize that he probably won't be able to do it. She wants to tell him that he doesn't have to do it, that she understands, but she wants it to be his decision. After more time passes, Todd moves his body up slightly and lightly rests the side of his face on her stomach. Tea's hand immediately begins to caress his hair.]
Todd: I want to. A part of me wants to. I know it would make you feel good.
Tea: You already make me feel good. You don't have to do that. You never have to do that if it isn't what you really want to do.
Todd: That's just it. I want to but I can't. I hate this. I can't do what I want to. I can't be with you the way I want to. I have to hold back. You want me to let go with you and I can't.
Tea: Yes you can and you have. So, there are things we can't do together. It doesn't matter. Do what you can do with me. Be with me the way that you can...the way that only you can be with me. The rest we'll do without.
Todd: You know there are things you can't do to me, right?
Tea: I know. I'll only do what you want me to do. If I try something new and you don't like it I'll stop and I'll never do it again.
[Todd moves up her body and buries his face against the side of her head as one of his arms goes under her body and pulls her close to him. Tea puts her arms around Todd and holds him.]
Todd: I'm sorry.
Tea: Don't be.
Todd: I didn't finish...
Tea: It doesn't matter.
Todd: I just wanted to make you feel good.
Tea: You did. What you were doing made me feel great...better than anyone's ever made me feel.
Todd: But...
Tea: You're here with me, Todd. Nothing else matters.
Todd: You're just saying that.
Tea: I'm saying it because it's true.
Todd: If it were anyone else...
Tea: If it were anyone else I wouldn't want to be with them. I only want to be with you.
Todd: Why?
Tea: Because I love you. It's so simple, Todd. I love you.
Todd: It doesn't feel simple.
Tea: Or painless?
Todd: There's pain.
Tea: Is there something else? Something good?
[Todd leans against the back of the couch as his body slides in next to Tea's body.]
Todd: It feels...I don't know what this feeling is.
Tea (gently caressing his face): Try to describe it.
Todd (pausing for a moment to think): It's okay...it's an okay feeling, I guess. I feel bad about what just happened. I didn't want to feel that way and I didn't want to think about that while I was with you.
Tea: Think about what?
Todd: A long time ago.
Tea: Your father's bedroom?
Todd (averting his eyes and speaking softly): Yeah.
Tea (turning his head so his eyes return to hers): It's okay.
Todd: I didn't want to think about that. And, that bastard...I hate him.
Tea: I hate him too.
Todd: Because he's messing up your life while he's messing up mine?
Tea: Because he hurt you and made things that should be positive...things that should feel good...he made them feel painful and dirty. He took away your childhood and he took away a part of your adulthood too.
Todd: I'm glad you never met him.
Tea: Oh, I would have had something to say to him.
Todd (smiling slightly): I'm sure you would have. You would have gotten in his face and told him off. (his smile fading) He would have thought nothing of hurting you though. And, Starr... It makes me feel sick just thinking about what he would have done to her.
Tea: You wouldn't have let him. You would have protected her.
Todd: I would have. I'm trying now. I'm trying so hard to protect both of you.
Tea: You don't need to protect me so much.
Todd: I never want to hurt you that way. I never want to make you feel that way.
[Todd lays his head down on her shoulder and puts his arm across her body, pulling her closer to him.]
Tea (trying to comfort him): It's okay. Everything's okay.
Todd: It's never going to end, is it? This will just keep happening.
Tea: If it does we'll deal with it. We've dealt with it before. We'll keep dealing with it. And, we'll keep talking about it.
Todd: I hate talking about it.
Tea: I know. I really believe that you need to, though. Think about it, if you hadn't told me before about that night I wouldn't know now what was wrong. I would be left out of it. It helps that I know.
Todd: Does it?
Tea: Yes. I can do more to help you if I know what the problem is, if I know what's haunting you.
Todd: Everything haunts me.
Tea: I know. You do have good memories also, don't you?
Todd: Of my childhood?
Tea: No, of sex.
Todd: I don't want to talk about...I don't want to talk about that.
Tea: There's nothing wrong with talking about sex. There's nothing wrong with having sex either, despite the lessons your father may have taught you. You can talk to me about them, about other times with other women if you want.
Todd: You want to hear about that?
Tea: Not really but I'll listen. It isn't just the bad stuff that you can share with me. You can also share the good memories you have. I hope you've had some good experiences, Todd.
Todd: Yeah, there were some.
Tea: Do you want to talk about them? You don't have to give me a lot of details, of course.
Todd: I don't feel like talking anymore. I suddenly feel really tired.
Tea: Okay. Close your eyes and go to sleep.
Todd: Can't do that.
Tea: Yes, you can. I'm right here and I'll be here when you wake up. At least try.
Todd: Okay but it won't happen. There's no way I'm sleeping tonight.
[Tea strokes Todd's hair until he soon falls asleep.]
****
chapter 67
[Todd awakens feeling horrible. He closes his eyes trying to will himself to feel better but it doesn't work.]
Todd (gently shaking Tea): Tea? Wake up. Tea?
Tea (sleepily): Todd?
Todd: You've got to get up.
[Tea tries to hug Todd and bring his body closer her hers.]
Tea: Not yet.
Todd: I mean it, Tea. Get up. (Tea doesn't move) Tea, I need you to get off the couch and get away from me.
Tea (finally opening her eyes): Did you have a bad nightmare?
Todd: No.
Tea: You can tell me about it.
Todd: Please, Tea, just get away from me.
Tea (concerned about how horrible he looks): Tell me what's wrong.
Todd: Get away from me first.
Tea (being stubborn): No. I won't let you push me away from you.
Todd: I'm not.
Tea: It sounds like it to me.
Todd: Could you annoy me with this conversation from the other side of the room?
Tea: Todd...
Todd: Just do it, Tea, before I throw up.
[Tea gets off the couch and puts her robe on as she walks several feet away from Todd.]
Todd: Further.
Tea: I'm far enough away for you to tell what is going on.
Todd (lying on his back and looking up): The ceiling is moving.
Tea (looking at the ceiling): It is?
Todd: It's not supposed to do that.
Tea: You're sick?
Todd: I've always been sick. Ask anyone.
Tea: Don't joke right now. Tell me how you feel.
Todd: My head feels strange and my stomach is doing weird stuff.
Tea (moving toward Todd): Let me feel your forehead.
Todd: Get away from me.
Tea: I just want to feel your forehead.
Todd: No.
Tea: Why not?
Todd: You might catch what I've got.
Tea: I won't.
Todd: I'm going to be vomiting in about two minutes so let's make this conversation quick. I don't want you anywhere near me. Your immune system is messed up and I don't want you to take any chances.
Tea: I'll be fine. Besides, even if I got what you have I've gotten used to vomiting. It won't be any different than many of my days the last few months.
Todd: This is different. It would be fault.
Tea: I wouldn't blame you.
Todd: I would. Besides, there's one other big difference, well, actually it's a pretty tiny thing right now.
Tea: What?
Todd: You don't remember? We did a little something last night that may have, you know, created a person inside you.
Tea: Oh, that.
Todd: You forgot?
Tea: I didn't forget. I remember last night very well.
Todd: So, stay away from me, okay?
Tea: It isn't necessary.
Todd: I think it is.
Tea: Okay, I'll agree if you'll agree to something.
Todd: No doctors.
Tea: Viki.
Todd: What about her?
Tea: You'll let her come and take care of you.
Todd: No way. I can take care of myself.
Tea: Fine, then I'll take care of you.
Todd: No.
Tea: Then it's either Viki or Carlotta.
Todd (begrudgingly giving in): Viki. (quickly getting up from the sofa) Oh no! I'm going to be sick.
[Todd rushes into the bathroom and closes and locks the door behind him so Tea won't try to enter. Tea listens to him vomit for a moment and then has to move away from the door. She goes into the kitchen and calls Viki.]
Viki (sleepily muttering into her phone): Hello?
Tea (looking at a clock): Oh, I'm so sorry, Viki. I didn't realize how early it was.
Viki (trying to wake up more fully): Tea? Is something wrong?
Tea: Todd and I were both up and I didn't even think about what time it was. I'm so sorry I woke you.
Viki: Well, now that I'm awake why don't you tell me why you woke me up.
Tea: Todd's sick.
Viki: Is it serious?
Tea: Well, he's throwing up right now. He said that the ceiling was moving when he looked at it. I noticed his eyes were watering. I don't know what other symptoms he may have. He spent most of his time telling me to get away from him. He's worried about my immune system being compromised.
Viki: I don't suppose he would see a doctor?
Tea: That's not likely to happen. I was wondering if you could possibly come over and take care of him since he won't let me get near enough to him to do much for him.
Viki: Well, I do have an important meeting this morning.
Tea: I'm sorry. You're right this is too much of an imposition.
Viki: No, it isn't. I'll call Kevin and have him take care of the meeting for me.
Tea: If this is too much of a bother...
Viki: This is no bother, this is my brother.
Tea: You do realize he won't be too receptive to your attempts to help him?
Viki: That's okay. I can be just as stubborn as he is.
Tea: Thank you.
Viki: Of course. I'll be there as soon as I can.
[Tea and Viki say their good-byes and hang up. Tea goes back to check on Todd. She notices that the bathroom door is slightly open.]
Tea (as she approaches the bathroom): Todd?
Todd: Finally! Could you get me my robe?
Tea: Sure.
[Tea retrieves the robe and gives it to Todd. He puts it on and exits the bathroom. He lies back down on the couch.]
Tea: You could have come out here and gotten the robe yourself. I have seen you before, you know.
Todd: I didn't want to excite you when I can't do anything about it.
Tea: You were thinking of me?
Todd: Of course.
Tea: I called Viki. She's on her way over.
Todd: This is going to be horrible. She'll want to touch me and she'll smile a lot. I'm going to hate this.
Tea: Do you want to put some clothes on before she gets here?
Todd: Yeah, I should.
[Todd starts to get up but has to quickly sit back down again.]
Tea: I'll go upstairs and get something, okay? You can change your clothes down here.
[Tea returns a few minutes later with some clothes and blankets.]
Tea (placing the clothes on the coffee table): Do you want me to leave you alone while you change? Or, do you need me to help you?
Todd: I can dress myself. I've been doing it for years.
[Todd very slowly tries to stand again and feels dizzy. Tea starts toward him when she notices him swaying a bit. Todd gestures to her to not come any closer.]
Tea: Let me help you.
Todd: Stay away from me.
Tea: At the rate you're going Viki will be here before you're dressed. Do you want her to see you dressed like that, or not dressed, actually.
Todd: Of course not.
Tea: Then let me help you so you can lie down again and get some rest. I promise I'll even wash my hands after, okay?
Todd: No. I can do this.
Tea: Fine.
[Tea watches as Todd very slowly dresses. When he finally finishes he lies back down on the sofa.]
Tea: Maybe you should go upstairs.
Todd: This is fine.
Tea: You'd be more comfortable.
Todd: It would take too much energy, unless you want to carry me.
Tea: Don't tempt me. What about Moose's bedroom?
Todd: No.
Tea: Why not?
Todd: When Viki gets here I want you to leave.
Tea: I'll keep my distance, okay, but I don't have to leave the house.
Todd: I want you to. You can go shopping.
Tea: For what?
Todd: A new couch.
Tea: Are you serious?
Todd: I told you if we did what we did last night we had to get a new one.
Tea: We don't have to.
Todd: I don't want other people sitting where we...where we did something like that.
Tea: There's nothing wrong with what we did or where we did it. Plenty of couples have used sofas for...um...intimate interaction.
Todd: Great! Now I'll never be able to sit on anyone else's couch ever again.
Tea: Todd...
Todd: Just do it, Tea.
Tea: Okay. We don't have to get rid of this one, do we? It has sentimental value now.
Todd: Where can we put it that no one else will ever sit on it?
Tea: Our bedroom.
Todd: There's no room.
Tea: We'll put it in the sitting area near the balcony.
Todd: There's already stuff there.
Tea: Those chairs aren't very comfortable. We'll put this couch there instead.
Todd: Okay, but then that area is off limits to everyone else.
Tea: It will be our private area. (thinking for a moment) Todd?
Todd: Yeah?
Tea: What about our bed?
Todd: You want a new bed?
Tea: No. I was just thinking that if no one else can ever sit on this couch because of what we did then wouldn't that mean that our bed would be off limits to everyone else also?
Todd: It should be anyway.
Tea: What if Starr wanted to get into bed with us during a storm or what if our kids came rushing into our room early on a Saturday morning and jumped into bed with us?
Todd: Our kids? I like the sound of that.
Tea: So do I.
Todd: I don't know about that. I'm kind of out of it right now. This probably isn't the time to be talking about this kind of stuff.
Tea: Okay.
Todd (looking at Tea): You think I'm weird, don't you?
Tea: Yes. I happen to find weird very appealing. Try to rest, okay?
Todd: Okay.
Tea: I wish you would let me touch you.
Todd: How would you touch me?
Tea: I could show you.
Todd: Tell me.
Tea (in a soothing voice): I would stroke your hair...place my hand on your cheek...rub your forehead...and your arms...and your back. I would kiss your chin and your hand. I would massage your feet.
Todd: My feet are the only part of my body that don't feel like hell.
Tea: I would do it to relax you...make you forget how horrible you feel.
Todd: I should have massaged your feet when you were sick.
Tea: You can massage them when I'm not sick. If I'm pregnant I'll be expecting plenty of massages on different parts of my body.
Todd (sleepily): I'll do it. I'll do anything for you.
[Tea continues talking to Todd for several more minutes until she knows he's asleep.]
****
chapter 68
[Tea watches Todd sleep until she hears Viki's car in the driveway. Tea goes outside to greet her.]
Tea (as Viki opens her car door): Good morning, Viki. I'm so sorry for waking you so early.
Viki: Stop apologizing. How's the patient?
Tea: Sleeping.
Viki: Well, that's good. (carrying a small bag as they walk toward the house together) I brought a change of clothes just in case you need me to stay the night.
Tea: Great. I don't know when Todd will let me get near him again.
[An hour later...
Todd awakens and finds himself alone in the living room still feeling horrible.]
Todd (bellowing as loudly as he comfortably can): Tea!
Tea (quickly entering the room from the kitchen but standing at a distance from Todd): Yes?
Todd: Is Viki here yet?
Tea: She got here a little while ago.
Todd: Good. Go away.
Tea: Todd...
Todd: We had a deal.
Tea: I could just go upstairs.
Todd: Go shopping or go hang out with Carlotta. Maybe you should stay at her house until I'm better.
Tea: That isn't necessary.
Todd: I don't want you to get sick.
Tea: I haven't so far.
Todd: We've just been lucky.
Tea: I'm not spending the night anywhere but here.
Todd: At least get out of here for a while, okay? Go get us a new couch.
Viki (entering the room with something for Todd to drink): Why do you need a new couch?
Todd: We're rich we don't need a reason to buy stuff.
Viki (trying to hand Todd the cup): Here. Drink this.
Todd: Get that stuff away from me.
Viki: Just try a little.
Todd: No. I don't want it.
Tea: You'll get dehydrated if you don't drink.
Todd: I don't care.
Tea: I'll go shopping if you drink it...all of it.
Todd: I don't know. There's a lot there.
Tea: You'll have plenty of time. I'm going to take a shower and get dressed. Viki, keep an eye on him. Make sure he doesn't pour it into a plant or something.
Viki: I'll see to it that he drinks all of it and later I'll get him to eat something.
Todd: Oh no you won't.
[Viki puts her hand on Todd's forehead which he tries to shrug off but she's too persistent.]
Viki: You're a little warm.
Todd: That's my anger at both of you.
Tea: I'll get the thermometer.
Todd (to Viki after Tea left the room): You're both going to torture me, aren't you?
Viki: We both care about you.
Todd: Whatever. (about what he's drinking) This tastes disgusting.
Viki: It's good for you.
Todd: No wonder it tastes so bad. I'd rather have a beer.
Viki: I noticed Tea's hair is growing out. That's wonderful.
Todd: Yeah, try not to laugh at her, okay? She thinks it looks weird. Well, it does look weird but try not to laugh. I don't want her to start wearing hats around the house because you made fun of her.
Viki: I would never do that. I think it's a good sign actually. The healing process is continuing for Tea and for you as well.
Todd: I'm sick, remember?
Viki: I was referring to your mental health. I can see improvements.
Todd: Really?
Viki: Yes, I can.
Todd: If you say so. You're the expert in mental sickness.
Viki (ignoring him): I am curious about something.
Todd: Am I supposed to pretend to be interested in what?
Viki: Why are you being so difficult with Tea? She wants to take care of you.
Todd: I don't want her to get sick. She can't get sick right now.
Viki: Do you remember how good it made you feel helping her when she was sick?
Todd: Oh yeah, I got a thrill out of watching her vomit all the time.
Viki: I know you didn't enjoy watching her pain but it made you feel useful and needed helping her through it, didn't it?
Todd: Maybe.
Viki: That's all that Tea wants right now.
Todd: She can't get sick right now.
Viki: What do you mean right now?
[Tea returns with the thermometer and gives it to Viki before going back upstairs to shower and change her clothes. Todd refuses to answer any of Viki's questions and gets irritated at all of her attempts to fuss over him. Tea comes downstairs as Viki is in the kitchen.]
Todd (seeing Tea): Finally!
Tea: Don't worry. I'm leaving.
Todd: Good. Take Viki with you. She's making me feel worse.
Tea: Todd, just let her take care of you.
Todd: I think she's trying to kill me with that stuff she gave me to drink.
Tea (ignoring him): Is there anything else you'd like me to get while I'm gone, besides a couch?
Todd: Yeah.
Tea: What?
Todd: One of those (whispering) things.
Tea: What (whispering) things?
Todd: You know...a (whispering) thing...to check if a certain (whispering while touching his stomach and gesturing to Tea) thing...happened last night.
Tea: Oh, that thing.
Todd: Keep your voice down.
Tea: Is it a secret?
Todd: Well, no one needs to know until there's something to know.
Tea: Well, I think it's too soon to check but I could get a (whispering) thing...for later, if you'd like.
Todd: I'd like.
Tea: Okay, what about something for you?
Todd: Like a toy?
Tea: Is there one you'd like?
Todd: What I really want is a whistle so I can summon Viki whenever I want something.
Tea: Oh, I don't think so.
Todd: Well, that's what I want.
Tea: I'll bring you a special surprise, okay?
Todd: Whatever.
Tea: I love you.
Todd: Whatever.
[Tea smiles at Todd before going into the kitchen.]
Tea: Viki, I'm taking my cell phone with me. Here's my number. (Tea puts a piece of paper on the table) Call me if anything happens or if he becomes too impossible to deal with.
Viki: He's already being impossible but I knew to expect this.
Tea: Do you have everything you need?
Viki: I'll be fine and so will Todd.
[Tea reluctantly leaves.]
Todd (bellowing): Viki!
Viki (entering the living room): Yes?
Todd (gesturing to the newspaper just beyond his reach on the coffee table): I can't reach the paper.
Viki: You should be resting.
Todd: I'm not tired. Besides, I want to see if there are any new crimes I'll soon be a suspect in.
Viki: Are you sure reading is a good thing?
Todd: I'm not dizzy anymore.
[Viki hands Todd the paper and returns to the kitchen. A minute later...]
Todd (bellowing): Viki!
Viki (returning to the living room): What?
Todd: Could you hand me the phone?
Viki: Who are you calling?
Todd: That's none of your business.
Viki: Just rest.
Todd: Fine. I want to call Tea.
Viki: She just left.
Todd: I forgot to tell her what kind of couch I want.
Viki: I'm sure she'll pick out something lovely.
Todd: I don't care about lovely. I want something I'll like.
[Viki hands Todd the phone and leaves the room again.
Tea is at the end of the long driveway when her cell phone rings. She stops the car and quickly gets the phone out of her purse.]
Tea (into the phone): Hello?
Todd: I want one of those couches with the recliners on both sides.
Tea: Todd?
Todd: Don't you know what my voice sounds like yet?
Tea: I'm just surprised it's you. I just left.
Todd: Which car are you in, by the way? I tried your car phone first but you didn't answer.
Tea: Well, um, I grabbed the wrong keys.
Todd: Right! You better not mess up my car.
Tea: Or what?
Todd: I'll move Moose back into the house.
Tea: That's cruel.
Todd: You're just lucky I'm not reporting my car stolen. So, are you getting the kind of couch I want?
Tea: We already have recliners in front of the television why do you want them in the couch?
Todd: I don't know. I just do.
Tea: It might make it harder to cuddle up together.
Todd: Good.
Tea: We will be cuddling, mister, especially if I'm pregnant.
Todd: Okay, if you are then we will, at least once in a while.
Tea: Every day.
Todd: That's cruel.
Tea: And you promised me massages too.
Todd: When did I promise that?
Tea: This morning after you got sick, remember?
Todd: I was delusional. You can't hold me to anything I said.
Tea: I'm holding you to it.
Todd: Could you bring me some chocolate chip ice cream? My throat's getting sore from having to yell for Viki so much.
Tea: Be nice to Viki.
Todd: I am.
Tea: Are you sure ice cream is a good idea right now?
Todd: It's what I want.
[Tea and Todd end their conversation. Tea buys a new couch. Todd rests. Tea stops at the diner on her way home.]
Carlotta (seeing Tea enter): Tea! I didn't expect to see you. How are you feeling?
[Carlotta approaches Tea and they hug.]
Tea: You don't have to ask me that every time you see me anymore.
Carlotta: It's a habit and I am concerned. You look tired. Haven't you been sleeping?
Tea: Todd woke up sick early this morning.
Carlotta: Why aren't you with him? He isn't in the hospital, is he?
Tea: No, it's nothing that serious. He's worried about my being around him though because he doesn't want me to catch what he has. He's worried about my immune system. He even suggested I spend the night at your house.
Carlotta: Of course you can stay with me. You know that.
Tea: I appreciate that but I'd rather be at home even if Todd won't let me get near him.
Carlotta: Who's taking care of him now?
Tea: Viki.
Carlotta: That's good.
Tea: Do you have any chocolate chip ice cream? Todd requested some.
Carlotta: Sure. I'll go get it.
Tea (reaching out to stop her): Wait!
Carlotta: What is it? Is something else bothering you?
Tea: No. Nothing's bothering me...not really.
Carlotta: You know you can talk to me about anything.
Tea: I know. I've just been thinking lately about the future. I've never been good with that subject. Every time I've gotten hopeful in the past I ended up being disappointed.
Carlotta: But now you have Todd, don't you? The two of you aren't having problems?
Tea: No, we're fine. I guess I'm just afraid to believe that things will work out for me. I'm afraid to hope for too much.
Carlotta: You deserve all of the happiness you can get.
Tea: Even if it means Todd's a permanent part of my life?
Carlotta: I've seen how much he loves you. I just hope he doesn't sabotage it like he has in the past. I want you to finally enjoy some happiness for awhile.
Tea: So do I and I want that for Todd too.
Carlotta: I'll get the ice cream and you can go home to your husband.
Tea (hugging Carlotta): Thank you.
****
chapter 69
Later that evening...
[Viki wakes up thirsty and heads to the kitchen for some water. When she gets to the top of the stairs she's surprised to find Tea sitting on the lower steps watching Todd sleep through the railing.]
Viki (quietly): Tea?
Tea (startled out of her thoughts): What? (looking up at Viki) Oh, Viki. I didn't hear you.
Viki: Clearly.
[Viki walks down the stairs and sits a couple of steps above where Tea is sitting. Viki stays to one side of the stairs while Tea leans her back against the wall on the opposite side of the stairs.]
Viki: Are you okay?
Tea: Yeah, just embarrassed.
Viki: About what?
Tea: You caught me at my most pathetic.
Viki: What do you mean?
Tea (gesturing toward Todd): I couldn't sleep without him.
Viki: That's normal. After a while you get used to having another person next to you.
Tea: It's more than that. You know we had separate rooms during our first marriage, right?
Viki: Yes.
Tea: That wasn't my choice. Well, in the beginning it was what we both wanted but later, after it became real, I would have loved to have shared a room with Todd. It never worked out that way though. At one point I discovered that Todd had been sneaking into my room at night and watching me sleep.
Viki: Really?
Tea: There were many nights that I would wake up and I thought I felt his presence in my room. I just assumed it was because I dreamed about him but maybe somehow I could sense his being there even when I was asleep. When he asked me to move in here, after he found out I was sick, part of the deal was that he would share a room with me. I didn't want to go back to just being platonic housemates with him. I wanted a real marriage, for however long I had. I know he was uncomfortable with it. He had so many issues he needed to deal with. He still has a lot that he needs to deal with, actually. He tried though, even when he was clearly uncomfortable, he would try. After a while I got sicker and he got more comfortable being close. When I would lie down to rest during the day he would just automatically climb into bed with me. Even when he couldn't sleep he would just lay there with me because he knew I slept better when he was next to me. There have been times when he's revealed things to me or when he's had incidents, you know, because of his past, and I know in those moments he would have preferred to be alone and sometimes he did chose to be alone but other times he would still get into bed with me and sometimes he'd even hold me or let me hold him. I don't think there are too many people I could really explain what that's like to. Other people would probably wonder what the big deal is about a husband lying in bed next to his wife but with Todd it is a big deal. Sometimes just being touched is a big deal. Sometimes it's painful. Sometimes it actually hurts him but he keeps trying. I don't know. I guess when I think about him hurting I just want to put my arms around him and make all his pain go away. I can't, of course...
Viki: Maybe not. Maybe you can't take his pain away...not all of it anyway but you do ease his pain. You help to make it more bearable.
Tea: Do I?
Viki: Yes. I can see the difference. I could see it during your first marriage too. It's even clearer now.
Tea: Really?
Viki: You don't see it?
Tea: I don't know. I guess I'm in the middle of it. It's kind of hard to see everything from here. I know in some ways he's more comfortable...with me, with himself, with us. He can talk about his past a little easier. It's still excruciatingly painful for him though. Sometimes I wonder, and I know he does too, if it's worth it. It causes him so much pain to talk about what his father did to him.
Viki: I know it hurts him to talk about it, and it hurts you to listen to it, but it is worth it. He is progressing. It may not always seem visible or overt but just the fact that he can share a bed with you, especially after sharing memories with you of the sexual abuse is a big sign of his trust in you.
Tea: I know. It used to bother me...make me jealous, that he had shared with other people what he couldn't share with me...you know, the physical part of himself. Now, I don't know, I see it differently. Now I know he wasn't withholding it from me. It's more like he was withholding it from himself. He couldn't allow himself that physicality...because of the pain...because of the guilt...the shame...his fear of hurting me...his fear of revealing too much. He would get close to me physically or emotionally and then he'd pull away. I would feel hurt and rejected which either made me push harder to get close to him or sometimes it would make me pull away too. I think I'm learning though how to balance it. I don't always get it right, I've certainly made some misjudgments, but I am getting better at knowing when to push harder and when to back off. It doesn't mean that I've figured out how to sleep at night without him. It doesn't mean that I don't miss him when I can't be with him.
Viki: Is there a reason, other than his being sick, that makes him want to sleep on the sofa? You don't have to answer that if it's too personal.
Tea: I won't give you the details but something did happen. I don't think that's the reason though. I think he really is worried that I'll get sick. I think he's terrified that I'll get sick again. It wasn't easy for him. It isn't easy for me watching him be sick and his illness isn't that serious. He doesn't say it but I know that he's scared that I'll get sick again, really sick, and that I'll die and leave him.
Viki: I think it's a natural fear when someone you love has come close to death.
Tea: I know. I don't know what I can do to reassure him. I certainly can't promise that I'll never have cancer again.
Viki: I think you just need to be with him, to make it clear that you're here with him now. Make him see that that's what matters. You have the luxury of planning a future again but you also were given another gift because of your cancer.
Tea: Todd?
Viki: Well, yes, I suppose the cancer did bring Todd back to you. I was referring to an appreciation of the present. It's easy to get lost in the past or to put too much focus on the future. Sometimes people ignore the moment they have right now because they are too caught up in yesterday or tomorrow.
Tea: I know to live every second of today without wasting it. You know, one of the things I did learn is the value of doing nothing. Before I often felt like I had to be accomplishing something. I always had a list of things to do. When I was sick I didn't have that. My goals were quite different from before. Survival, of course, was my biggest goal. But having time with Todd that was the best benefit. So much of the time it was just the two of us all alone. I loved it when Starr would come for a visit in between my treatments and Carlotta was incredibly generous with her time. And your visits meant a lot to me and to Todd. Jessica, Joey, Cristian and Hank all took the time to come by. I appreciated all of the effort people made to let me know they cared. Most of the time, though, Todd and I were alone. We needed that. We needed time to just be together without deadlines at the newspaper, vendettas, all of the distractions that we had before. The things that seemed important before I got sick weren't important anymore. The most important thing was being with Todd. Being in his arms, feeling his strength and his love was all that I wanted. I didn't go looking for Todd after he left. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction. I didn't want him to know that he still had the power to get to me. I wanted him to be the one who gave in first and came to me. When I learned I was sick I didn't care about that anymore. I needed him and I wanted to make sure that he knew that I had, and that I still, loved him. That's what mattered. When I was diagnosed I could have traveled to the places I've always wanted to go, seen the things I've always wanted to see but seeing Todd again was my biggest dream. This, being here in our home, was my fantasy and it would have been my greatest regret if I had died without it, without clearing things up with Todd. Everything that he's been through these last few months with his memories I'm glad that I was here to help him through. I would hope that if we hadn't made our way back together that he would have found someone else that he could trust with his secrets. I would have hated for him to continue closing himself off for the rest of his life because of what his father did to him or what he did to others. He has so much good inside of him. He likes to deny it but it's there. He also has a tremendous amount of strength but he only seems to see his weaknesses. Now that I know more about what he was put through when he was young I'm even more amazed at his survival. The fact that he made it out alive and reasonably able to function is pretty incredible. He hasn't always done the right thing, I know that, but he does have the capacity for compassion, he just doesn't always use it.
Viki: I don't think he received much compassion when he was young.
Tea: No. Not from his parents certainly. And he knows that there were people who knew at least some of what was going on and they didn't care enough to do anything to stop it. That in some ways may be more painful than the abuse itself. People knew and didn't care. His father was a horrible monster but what about all of the people in Todd's life who knew, or at least suspected, some of what was happening? How could they just let that man brutalize him for so many years? I wonder if any of them ever think about Todd, if they've ever felt any guilt for doing nothing.
Viki: I don't know. It's horrible that he didn't have the support and help he should have received when he was young but he does have it now. You can't go back and fix his past.
Tea: I would if I could.
Viki: I know you would but it isn't possible. All that you, all that either of us, can do is be there for him now and in the future.
Tea: I'll never leave him. (looking at Viki) I'm sorry, it's late. You don't need to stay here talking to me. I'm fine.
Viki: I don't mind. You need support too.
Tea: Thank you.
Viki: I will go back to bed though. Taking care of Todd today was quiet exhausting. Are you going to bed?
Tea: Not yet. I want to stay here a little bit longer.
[Viki goes to the kitchen and gets her water before going back upstairs. Tea stays on the stairs and continues to watch Todd sleep.]
****
chapter 70
[Todd awakens. He's not sure what time it is but it's still dark out. He feels better but his mind still feels rather fuzzy. He decides to take a shower, hoping it will make his head feel more normal. After his shower, he puts on a robe and decides to go upstairs to get some clean clothes. As he approaches the stairs he notices a shape laid out across the lower stairs. As he gets closer he realizes it's Tea. She's asleep with her head resting on her arm which is on a higher step from the one her body is on. Todd kneels down next to his wife and stares at her for a moment. He reaches over and gently caresses her head and neck.]
Todd (quietly): Tea?
[Tea moans with pleasure at his touch but doesn't awaken.]
Todd: Tea, wake up. Tea? You have to wake up. I'm not strong enough to carry you. I don't want to drop you.
Tea: Todd?
Todd: Are you awake?
Tea: Yeah, I guess.
Todd: Good. Go upstairs and go to sleep.
[Todd tries to removes his hand from Tea's body but she grabs it quickly and keeps it pressed against her flesh.]
Todd: Tea...
Tea: Come upstairs with me.
Todd: No.
Tea: Why not?
Todd: I don't want you to get sick.
Tea: If I were going to get what you have it would have happened already. (placing her hand on his forehead) You don't feel warm. Why are you wet?
Todd: I took a shower.
Tea: Did you have a nightmare?
Todd: No. I didn't take a shower because of that. I thought it would help clear my head.
Tea: Do you still feel sick?
Todd: My head still feels a little weird but otherwise I feel better.
Tea: Good, then we can sleep together.
Todd: Tea...
Tea: I just mean sleep, Todd.
Todd: Down here?
Tea: Why?
Todd: I don't trust you to control yourself.
Tea: You'd feel safer if we slept down here out in the open?
Todd: Yeah. Obviously I have to let you sleep with me or you'll spend the night on the stairs or on the floor by the couch.
Tea: And you wouldn't if I were the one insisting on sleeping on the couch?
Todd: Maybe I would.
[Todd stands up and helps Tea up from the stairs. He walks to the couch and lies down on his side with his back against the back of the couch. Tea lies down on her back next to him. Todd places his arm around her stomach and leans his chest against the side of her body.]
Todd: Are you comfortable?
Tea: Very.
Todd (as his hand begins lightly caressing her stomach): Tea, when are you going to do the test thing?
Tea: In three weeks.
Todd: Why three weeks?
Tea: Well, I was doing some research...
Todd: About pregnancy?
Tea: Yes. Well, you kept telling me to go upstairs and get away from you so I thought I'd use my time to learn more.
Todd: What did you learn?
Tea: You can use a home pregnancy test the day your...um...period...is supposed to start.
Todd (uncomfortable): And that's in three weeks?
Tea: I don't know.
Todd: How could you not know?
Tea: The chemotherapy threw off my system. I skipped my...period...a couple of times while I was sick. I figured if I haven't...you know...gotten my period before then I'll take the test in three weeks. I kind of like the idea of waiting anyway.
Todd: Why?
Tea: If I'm not pregnant I don't want to know yet. I want some time to have this feeling that maybe I am pregnant.
Todd: You are.
Tea: Why are you so positive?
Todd: I have a feeling.
Tea: I hope you're right. (pause) Do you have a feeling about the gender?
Todd: Boy.
Tea: You want a son?
Todd: I already have a son. Before Starr, Blair and I were having a kid. He didn't make it. He didn't get to grow up or anything but he's still my son. (quietly) I think about him sometimes.
Tea: What do you think about?
Todd: How old he'd be, what he would look like, what he would be good at, the kinds of stuff we would do together...things like that.
Tea: I'm sorry.
Todd: I kind of hope this kid is a girl. It would be easier for a girl.
Tea: What do you mean?
Todd: Everyone in this town would treat my son the way they treat me. They'd all hate him and treat him like dirt.
Tea: Maybe not.
Todd: Think about it, Tea. When he gets older do you think there would be any parents in this town that would let my son date their kid? They would all expect him to follow the family tradition of becoming a rapist. He'll be a rapist in their minds starting at birth.
Tea: We'll move somewhere else if we have to. Somewhere that people won't judge us or our children.
Todd: What about Starr?
Tea: We'll wait until she goes away to college.
Todd: And then follow her?
Tea: I don't know about that.
[Todd raises the shirt Tea is wearing slightly so he can caress her bare stomach.]
Todd (nestling his head against Tea's cheek): It's going to be so different for this kid. I won't do the stuff to him that my father did to me. I won't hit him, burn him, call him names, have sex with him, have sex in front of him. I won't make him feel stupid or make him feel like he never should have been born. I'm going to love him and I'll tell him that I love him and I'll show him. And, I'm going to hug him...a lot. Maybe not in front of his friends if he doesn't want me to but I'm going to hug this kid all the time.
Tea: You'll be a great father to our son, Todd. Just like you are to Starr.
Todd (looking up at her): You think it's a boy too?
Tea: I don't know but you're so convinced you're convincing me.
Todd: If it's a girl she has to look just like you.
Tea: And if it's a boy?
Todd: He can look like you too, except more, you know, manly.
Tea: What about names?
Todd: Something Hispanic.
Tea: Are you sure?
Todd: Well, yeah. He's gonna have the last name Manning, right? (pause) Right? You're not going to pull some stupid garbage on me and insist that it's sexist for kids to be given their father's last name, are you?
Tea: Manning is fine.
Todd: Not that there's much to be proud of in that name.
Tea: Starr's proud of you.
Todd: She doesn't know everything yet. (snuggling closer to Tea) So, do you have any ideas for the first name?
Tea: For a boy?
Todd: Yeah.
Tea: I'll have to think about it.
Todd: Okay.
Tea: Do I get to pick?
Todd: Sure.
Tea: Really?
Todd: No. I have veto power if it's something that will get the kid beat up everyday at school.
[They continue talking for a little while until they both start to fall asleep.
The next morning...
Viki comes downstairs and is surprised to find Tea sleeping with Todd on the sofa, his hand is still placed on her bare stomach. Viki watches them for a moment noting how at peace they both seem. Not wanting to intrude, though, she makes her way to the kitchen.
When Todd awakens minutes later he hears noise in the kitchen.]
Todd (whispering): Tea? Tea? Wake up.
Tea (still half asleep): Not yet, Todd. I like this dream.
Todd (curious): Who's in it with you?
Tea: You are. Do you want to know how you're dressed and what we're doing?
Todd: You're awake?
Tea: Unfortunately.
Todd: Someone's in the kitchen.
Tea: It's just Viki.
Todd: What if it isn't? What if someone broke in?
Tea: And while robbing us got hungry and decided to cook themselves breakfast?
Todd: It could happen. (realizing where his hand is) Tea, my hand's on your stomach.
Tea: I'm aware of that. I like it there.
Todd: Do you think Viki saw it?
Tea: Would it embarrass you? It shouldn't.
Todd: Right. (as he and Tea both get off the couch) You can use the bathroom down here. I'll go upstairs. I was heading up there last night to get some clothes when you distracted me. I'm not wearing anything under my robe.
Tea (as she tries to peak into his robe): You're not? Why didn't you tell me last night?
Todd (pulling his robe tightly shut): That's why.
[Minutes later in the Manning kitchen...]
Tea (entering): Viki, that smells wonderful.
Viki: Thank you. Will Todd be joining us?
Tea: Yeah. He's just changing his clothes.
Viki: How does he feel?
Tea: He's better. You don't have to stay here today.
Viki: I noticed that Todd let you back into his personal space.
Tea: Yes. I really do appreciate you coming out here and taking care of Todd. I know he wasn't easy on you. I'm glad he has such a devoted sister.
Viki: I'm sure he would do the same for me.
Todd (entering): Would not.
Viki: Oh, really?
Todd: Nope. I'd send my wife.
Viki (bringing food to the table): Why don't you both sit down. I have an idea I want to ask you about.
Todd: You're not moving in with us.
Viki (sarcastically): I'm heartbroken.
Tea: What's the idea, Viki?
Viki: I want to throw you a party.
Todd: No.
Tea: Why not?
Todd: I don't do parties.
Tea: Since when?
Todd: Since they all turn into disasters. Besides, why would we need a party?
Viki: You have a lot to celebrate.
Todd: Like what?
Viki: Well...we never did celebrate your returning to Llanview.
Todd: I don't think there are too many people in this town that want to celebrate that.
Viki: You and Tea are back together, Tea isn't sick anymore, you're dealing with your childhood. I think you have many reasons to celebrate.
Tea: I think a celebration would be great, Viki. Thank you. When were you thinking of?
Viki: Perhaps...
Todd (interrupting): Three weeks.
Tea: What?
Todd: Three weeks.
Viki: Why three weeks?
Todd: If I'm going to be forced to celebrate I'll need time to prepare. So, three weeks (looking at Tea) from today? Or yesterday?
Tea: Today would be fine.
Todd (to Viki): Three weeks from today or forget it.
Viki (confused): Fine.
Todd: And it's gotta be at your house. I don't want people touching my stuff.
Viki: That would be fine.
Todd: You can even invite people I hate. (looking at Tea) I have a feeling I'm going to be in a good mood that day.
to be continued...
