[Tea doesn't respond. Todd finally turns his head and looks at her again. The tears in her eyes begin to fall as she stares into his eyes, wanting to be in his arms, wanting him to take away the lifetime of pain that she feels trapped inside herself with.]
[Todd turns his body towards Tea. He brings a sole finger to her face and wipes at the tear that is slowly falling down one of her cheeks.]
Todd: It won't feel like that, Tea. I'm not like those other creeps. I'm a creep, yeah, but not with you, not the way that other guys are and not the way that I am with almost everyone else. I don't want to jump on you and bang away at you, treating you like that's all you are, like that's what you were born to be. I've treated girls like that, I know I have. I never want to treat you like that. I never want you to feel like that's all you are...not with me. You're so much more. But, I can't stop you from feeling like that. I know that I've said stuff that I shouldn't have. I know that some of it hurt you, but some of it I didn't even say...you did. You've said that kind of stuff about yourself...a bunch of times. If that's how you feel about yourself, it won't matter what I really feel, or what I really think. You'll convince yourself of whatever you want to. Just like I'll think whatever I want to, no matter how you really feel about anything we'll do together.
Tea: What will you think?
Todd: That I hurt you.
Tea: You won't hurt me.
Todd: Exactly. You may mean that now. You may even mean it after we do...whatever...but, I don't believe you now and I won't believe you then.
Tea: You have to stop judging yourself based on the past.
Todd: What about you?
Tea: It's easier to give you advice than to take it myself.
Todd: I've noticed that. You should really work on that.
Tea: I'll try.
Todd: Do you want breakfast?
Tea: I want to finish what we started first.
Todd: That's probably not a good idea...for either of us.
Tea: That may be true, but I want to do it anyway. We'll deal with whatever the consequences are, for either of us.
[Todd rolls onto his back again and stares at the ceiling.]
Todd: I don't know.
Tea: I do. This may not be easy for either of us, but we need to do this. We need to get through this.
Todd: It can wait.
Tea: What if we're almost out of time?
Todd: I don't know.
Tea: What if we're not almost out of time? What if my period comes, like I know it will? We have to get passed these barriers inside each of us, if we're going to be together...to make love...completely...without fear...without reservation...without holding back...and without needing to run from what we feel.
Todd: Things are okay the way they are. Why screw them up by...
Tea: Screwing?
Todd: Yeah. Screwing screws everything up. It always has.
Tea: Maybe it doesn't have to this time.
[Todd turns his head to the side and looks at her again.]
Todd: Can I really look at you?
Tea (smiling): Absolutely.
Todd: You just want me looking down there so I'm not looking at your eyes.
Tea: It would be easier that way.
Todd: You do realize, that makes no sense, right?
Tea: It doesn't have to make sense. Nothing has to, as long as we both understand.
Todd: I understand that we'll end up regretting this.
Tea: Maybe, but it will be worth it.
Todd: That's what you think.
Tea: Besides, you need to sleep.
Todd: You think seeing that will put me out?
Tea: I hope not, at least not until we're done.
Todd: What does that mean exactly?
Tea: You can stop whenever you want to.
Todd: We're talking about touching now, right?
Tea: Touching or looking.
Todd: As far as touching goes, did you want...
Tea: If you're okay with it.
Todd: For that, it matters more what you're okay with.
Tea: I'd be okay with that.
Todd: We're talking about the same thing here, right?
Tea: If you're talking about...
Todd (quickly interrupting): Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.
Tea: It begins with an 'O'.
Todd: I know how to spell it.
Tea: I just wanted to be clear so there would be no confusion.
Todd: No confusion here...you want an orange for breakfast.
Tea: An orange? Okay. I want a great big orange. The biggest orange I've ever had. Can you arrange that?
Todd: I don't know. Until the...orange...is upon you, it's hard to know the size, or the quality.
Tea: What about quantity?
Todd: You want more than one...orange?
Tea: I do feel rather ravenous.
Todd: We should probably stop talking about this or I'm gonna get hungry.
Tea: Go ahead and begin.
Todd: You're sure?
[Tea turns on her side, facing him. Her hand touches the side of his face for a moment, before moving down to his shoulder and then his bare back.]
Tea: I want this, Todd. No matter what happens, no matter how I'll feel after, I want this. I want to experience this with you.
[Todd places his arm around her body and pulls her close to him. They kiss tenderly for several moments, preparing themselves emotionally for what comes next.
When Todd pulls away from their kiss and pulls his body away from her, she allows him to go. She turns onto her back and stares up at the ceiling, trying desperately to keep her emotions calm. She doesn't want to be the reason they stop again.
Todd climbs out from under the blankets and crawls down to the end of the bed. He pulls the blankets up Tea's legs until her underwear are visible to him. He leaves the blankets on her upper body, hoping that she'll feel safer if she isn't completely exposed.
Todd doesn't allow himself time for his own anxiety to ruin this moment. He quickly pulls on her underwear and removes them from her body.
As he looks down at her, naked in front of him, he can feel his anxiety trying to force its way to the surface as he struggles to keep it submerged. He looks up at her face. Her eyes are open but they're staring at the ceiling. He knows that she's battling with her own anxiety right now.
Tea senses that something's wrong and lowers her head and looks toward Todd. Their eyes meet. Their individual anxieties are evident to both of them.
Tea sits up. Todd quickly brings his mouth to hers. They kiss for several minutes, trying to calm themselves, and each other.
They continue to kiss as Todd places his hand on her thigh. As his hand moves in between her legs, Tea spreads her legs for him. They are still kissing as Todd's hand moves further up her leg until he feels her pubic hair.
Todd strokes his hand over her hair a few times before slowly sliding his index finger where it's never been before on her body.]
[Tea gasps slightly as she feels Todd's finger caress her intimately for the first time.
Todd stops kissing her and pulls back, studying her face. Tea smiles at him, pulls his mouth to hers for another kiss and then lies back on the bed again. Her legs open wider, allowing him more access to her.
Todd removes his finger from her body. Tea looks down her body and watches as he repositions himself between her legs.
He rests his head against her thigh as he stares down at her. He gently uses his fingers to spread her sensitive flesh and open her to his view.
Tea laughs nervously as she realizes what he's doing.]
Todd: Do you want me to stop?
Tea: No. I just didn't think you'd take my offer to look at me, at that part of me, so literally. I can't wait for my turn.
Todd: I was never dumb enough to make an offer like that.
Tea: It would only be fair.
Todd: When have you ever known me to be fair?
[Todd blows against her delicate flesh, causing her body to jump slightly. Tea laughs again.]
Todd: Tea?
Tea: I'm ready. I'm more than ready.
Todd: Is this uncomfortable for you?
[Tea looks down at him again. His eyes are still looking down at her body.]
Tea: I trust you.
[Todd looks up and meets her gaze.]
Todd: But, doesn't it make you feel like...
Tea: Like, what?
Todd: Like, you wish you were drunk?
Tea: It is somewhat embarrassing, yes.
[Todd's fingers leave her flesh.]
Tea: But, I don't want you to stop.
Todd: Why would you want me to do this if it embarrasses you?
Tea: Because...
Todd: You don't have to do anything just because you think I want it.
Tea: I know.
Todd: We'll go back to doing this the other way.
Tea: No. I want you to look. I want you to touch. I want you to know me...all of me. I don't care if it's embarrassing. If I can handle doctors I don't know having access to me, I can certainly handle this.
[Todd returns his hand to her. He slides one finger up and down her flesh several times, to excite, and distract, her.]
Todd: Chick doctors, right?
Tea: What?
Todd: The strange doctors you let look at you...they're all chicks, right?
Tea: A doctor is a doctor.
Todd: No...a guy is a creep whether he's a doctor or not.
Tea: After a while, they probably see so many...
[Todd's finger concentrates on her clitoris for a moment, causing Tea to lose all other thoughts from her mind.]
Todd: Do you like that?
[Tea moans affirmatively. Too soon for Tea, his finger leaves her flesh. A moment later, his fingers again spread her flesh, giving himself an intimate view of the most private part of her body.
Knowing that she'll enjoy it, he again blows lightly against her moist flesh. Tea again laughs slightly at the sensation. She moans with surprise when she feels his mouth against her inner thigh, sucking on her flesh, as his thumb plays with her clitoris.
After several moments, he removes his mouth from her inner thigh and his fingers again leave her flesh.
Tea's hands tightly grip at the sheet beneath her, as she tries to control herself and allow Todd to slowly, and pleasurably, lead her to the orgasm that she's tempted to demand he rush her toward.
Todd looks up at her face as he rubs the palm of his hand against her, enjoying the way her body reacts to him...the way it feels...the way it looks.]
Todd: Are you sure you want...
Tea (having difficulty speaking): An...orange?
Todd: I was going to offer to help you orgasm, but if you'd rather have an orange...
[Tea looks down at him.]
Tea: Todd...Manning...
Todd: You're using both my names, I must be in trouble now.
[Tea leans her head back against her pillow and closes her eyes as his thumb again caresses her intimately. First, he focuses on her clitoris, using slow circles. Then he moves his thumb down and teases the passage way that they both want him to enter.
Todd is painfully aware of his own desire right now. He's tempted to touch himself, to offer himself some pleasure while he tries to pleasure her.
When Todd moves out from between her legs, Tea is ready to scream from being brought so close to the brink only to be halted yet again.
Todd's anatomy is doing plenty of screaming right now itself. It wants release. It wants contact. It wants Tea.
As Tea opens her eyes and watches him, he pulls the blankets down to cover her lower body again. He then quickly repositions himself at the side of her body as he joins her under the blankets.
Before she has an opportunity to realize that he isn't stopping their activities, he has his arm around her, pulling her toward him. His tongue extends seconds before his lips reach hers, needing to be inside her.
As they lay side by side, pressing themselves against each other, they both let out the moans they've been trying to contain for the last few minutes.
Their tongues go wild against each other, physically letting go of themselves more than they ever have with each other before.
They both want to continue what they're doing until their current activity reaches it's natural climax. The only thing they each want more, is for Todd's shorts to no longer be in the way.]
[They continue to kiss while they continue to press their bodies together. Tea's body is completely naked. Todd's is only covered by the shorts he's wearing.
They both know that they currently are in dangerous territory. They both want the barrier of Todd's shorts to disappear from between their bodies and they both can feel their strength to fight against their desire for each other dwindling rapidly as their passions rise.
Todd finally pulls his body away from hers enough to place his hand between them. He intends to bring her to orgasm as quickly as possible, hoping that once that happens they both will calm down before they do something one, or both, of them may end up regretting.
As Todd's finger flies at a rapid pace over her intimate flesh, Tea's hand finds its way into his shorts. The pace of her actions mimic his as they both race toward the orgasmic finish line.
As much as Todd's penis is enjoying Tea's attention, Todd's mind tries to push through the euphoria with its concerns.
Todd tries to pull away from Tea. She holds on. She's not surprised that he's trying to stop their sexual activities, but she has no intention, this time, of letting him stop what they both want, unless he gives her a good reason.]
Tea: Why?
Todd: I'll take care of you if you let go.
Tea: Why?
Todd: Don't you want it to happen?
Tea: I want it to happen for both of us. No one's here. No one will ever know that you let yourself go. You can let yourself feel. You can let yourself have pleasure.
[Tea's hand strokes him. He closes his eyes for a moment, allowing himself to give in to the pleasure. When his eyes open again seconds later, he places his hand inside his shorts and pulls Tea's hand out.
Tea wants to understand but she doesn't and she feels too frustrated to try right now. Assuming that he'll offer no explanation, she decides to at least be the one to leave the room this time.]
Tea: I feel like taking a bath. You should get some sleep.
[Tea turns away from him and tosses the blankets off of her body. Casually, she walks into the bathroom and begins to prepare her bath.
Todd lays back on the bed, his sexual frustration at a higher level than he thought possible without his body exploding, despite his lack of permission.
He knows that he hurt her. He hadn't intended to. He really did want to help her achieve an orgasm. It's hard for him to believe that she would really respond to him with so much sexual passion, but he knows that she was. He also knows that she doesn't understand what he wanted. She heard rejection again, even though that's not what he was trying to say to her. He knows that he has to do something or the situation will only spiral further out of his control.
Todd waits until he hears the water shut off in the bathroom before he gets out of bed. He walks toward the bathroom door that Tea left open.]
Todd: Tea...
[Todd stops in the doorway. There are no artificial lights on in the room and no windows. There is enough light entering from the bedroom, though, for Todd to easily view her as she soaks in the tub. Her face still shows her anger and frustration.]
Tea: Did you need to use the bathroom?
Todd: What?
[Todd shakes his head slightly, trying to focus on her words instead of the throbbing, angry message that his penis is current sending to his brain while he watches her.]
Todd: Uh, no. That's okay. I was wondering what you wanted for breakfast?
Tea: Nothing.
Todd: You have to eat something or you'll have that pain again, right?
Tea: I don't want anything. Well, we both know that's not quite true. I did want something. Obviously, I'm not allow to have it, at least not with you.
Todd: You could have let me explain.
Tea: Explain what? Never mind. I'll have an orange. A real orange, this time. We both know that it's the only thing that begins with an 'O' I'll be having today, unless I...
Todd: Unless you what?
Tea: Never mind.
[Todd knows exactly what Tea was referring to. He smiles as he turns and leaves Tea to her bath while he orders room service.
A few minutes later, their food arrives. Todd gives the room service waiter the generous tip he promised for quick service and quickly slams the door in the young man's face as he tries to thank Todd for his generosity.
More than a minute later, Tea is still reclining in the tub, wondering why Todd is taking so long. She heard Todd slam the door what feels like minutes ago. She knows that he has their breakfast. Why hasn't he brought it to her? Unless...]
Tea: Todd?
Todd: Just a minute.
Tea: Did you order for me, too?
Todd: Of course. Do you think I'd be an insensitive clod and only order for myself?
Tea: Well...
Todd: You're going to regret what you're thinking, Delgado.
Tea: Do you expect me to come out there to get it?
Todd (responding quickly): No, don't come out here.
Tea: Why?
Todd: Tea?
Tea: Yes?
Todd: Shut up.
[Tea smiles. She doesn't know why she's smiling. She should still be angry at him...but she's not.
Less than a minute later, Todd reappears in the doorway and Tea understands why he was delayed in returning to the bathroom.
Before her stands the love of her life, Todd Manning, carrying a tray of food, wearing nothing at all.]
[Tea stares at Todd...or, more specifically, Todd's body...or, even more specifically, Todd's penis. She can't believe that he's standing before her, completely naked, carrying their breakfast tray.]
Tea: Todd...
Todd: It's a good thing you're in that tub.
Tea: Why?
Todd: Because you're drooling again. I guess you must really be hungry.
Tea: Hungry? Yes, I'm very hungry.
Todd: Do you see anything appetizing?
Tea: Oh, yes...very appetizing.
Todd: What do you want?
Tea: I want you to join me.
Todd: Are you sure? You don't mind eating in the bathroom?
Tea: Eating?
Todd: Eating. Food. Breakfast. The tray I'm carrying. Is any of this registering with you?
Tea: Tray? What tray?
Todd: If you looked a little further up my body for a second, you'd see it.
Tea: Maybe if you turned on the light I could see it even better.
Todd: Delgado?
Tea: Yes?
Todd: Do you always stare at guys carrying food this way? What's the big deal? It's just fruit.
[Tea finally looks further up his body until she's looking at his face.]
Tea: It is a big deal, Todd. I know that it is. I'm sorry if I made it harder.
Todd: I don't think that's actually possible.
[Tea looks away for a moment as she smiles, still not believing that Todd is really standing naked in front of her.
Todd moves closer to the large bathtub and steps in. He places the tray on a small ledge that surrounds part of the tub, connecting it to the wall. Tea moves to one side as Todd submerges himself in the water, facing her.
Todd immediately starts stuffing pieces of various types of fruit into his mouth.]
Todd: Come on, eat up. We still have stuff to do.
Tea: I thought we were done doing stuff for a while.
Todd: I never said that. You assumed that. Then you stormed off.
Tea: I did not.
Todd: Haven't you ever heard that thing about how you should never assume? You know, assume, when you separate it out, equals A-S-S, ass...U, you...M-E, me. Ass-u-me. When you assume you make an ass out of you and me. Only this time, you just made an ass out of yourself and missed out on what I was about to do for you.
Tea: And, what was that?
Todd: You know.
Tea: No, I don't know. I thought I knew but then you stopped. You made it clear...
Todd: I made it clear that I was all set to set you off, but you must not have wanted that very much because you wanted to come in here and soak in this tub instead. So, fine, we're soaking. Now, hurry up and eat. I don't want to waste anymore time.
Tea: Then, why did you stop?
Todd: I didn't. You did. Pay attention.
[Todd disapproves of the taste of some type of fruit he doesn't even recognize and spits it out of his mouth with such force, it goes through the open doorway and into the bedroom.]
Tea (sarcastically): That's just lovely.
Todd: Some of this stuff is weird. I guess I should have been more specific when I ordered.
Tea: Why did you order fruit anyway? I thought you hated it.
Todd: Yeah, but you love this stuff, right? Besides, it was the only thing they could deliver in a few minutes.
Tea: Speed was a priority?
Todd: If we wanted to dine together in the john, yeah. You already had gotten into this thing so I knew there was a limited amount of time before you got all wrinkly and you'd want to get out.
Tea: You wanted to join me?
Todd: I'm here, aren't I?
Tea: Yes, but I don't know why.
Todd: Are you saying you want me to leave?
Tea: No, I definitely don't want that.
Todd: What do you want?
Tea: I want to understand.
Todd: The meaning of life?
Tea: Something more complicated -- your brain.
Todd: My brain, huh? You want to understand my brain?
Tea: Yes. Explain it to me.
Todd: We don't have enough time for that. We've only got a couple more days. Couldn't you ask me to explain how the universe came into existence instead?
Tea: Actually, you probably have some interesting theories about that.
Todd: As a matter of fact...
Tea: If I misunderstood what happened in the bedroom, explain it to me.
Todd: I thought I already did. I was going to take care of you.
Tea: What about you?
Todd: What about me?
Tea: Why couldn't I take care of you?
Todd: You could have.
Tea: But, you didn't want me to, right?
Todd: It's not that simple.
Tea: What is, with you?
Todd: I'm simplistic to understand, compared to trying to figure you out.
Tea: Not for me. You confuse me so much sometimes.
Todd: That's a good thing, right? I challenge you.
Tea: Sometimes I think you take pleasure in that.
Todd: I do.
Tea: Just this once, do you think you could make it easy for me and explain what you were thinking so I don't have to guess?
Todd: You didn't guess, you assumed.
Tea: Fine. I made an ass of myself assuming. Now tell me where I went wrong in my assumption.
Todd: You thought I was rejecting you. I wasn't.
Tea: You wanted to stop what we were doing.
Todd: No, I wanted you to stop what you were doing.
Tea: Why? You enjoyed it. At least, your body did.
Todd: My body has enjoyed lots of things it shouldn't have.
Tea: This isn't about the past.
Todd: Sure, it is.
Tea: Why? Were you remembering something from your past? Something painful?
Todd: Everything is painful.
Tea: It doesn't have to be...not with us.
Todd: You think you're immune?
Tea: Immune from what?
Todd: We should stop talking about this.
Tea: I don't want to.
Todd: That's one of your problems. You never stop talking. You never shut up. If you did, you'd get what you want.
Tea: You would let me give you pleasure?
Todd: That's not what you want.
Tea: Yes, it is.
Todd: Everybody wants their own pleasure. That's all anyone cares about.
Tea: Then why did you want to stop your own pleasure and yet still follow through on mine?
[Todd doesn't answer her question. Instead, he slides his body further down the length of the tub and submerges his head in the water so his face is still above the water but his hair becomes wet.
Moments later, as Tea has turned her attention to their breakfast, Todd suddenly sits up and gets out of the water. He immediately leaves the bathroom.]
Tea: Todd, wait, you don't have to leave. I stopped talking.
[Within seconds, Todd returns to the room and quickly gets back into the water, dropping one of their bags by the side of the tub. Tea watches as he digs through the contents of the bag, waiting to see what he felt he needed to bring into the room with him. She's surprised when he pulls a bottle of shampoo from the bag.]
Todd (responding to her questioning look): I didn't have any shampoo with me when I showered last night...this morning...whatever.
Tea: There's complimentary shampoo from the hotel on the counter.
Todd: I didn't see it. Besides, this place probably has that kind of stuff that smells like perfume. It would make me smell like a girl. You can use it. You're a girl. You should smell like a girl.
Tea (smiling): Are you saying that, up to this point, I haven't smelled like a girl?
Todd: No, you smell pretty girlie to me.
[Tea sits up and moves closer to Todd's upper body as they sit side by side, facing each other, in the tub. She takes the shampoo from him and opens the bottle. After pouring some of the shampoo into her hand, she holds the bottle over Todd's body, allowing it to fall over the side of the tub, onto the floor. Todd expects her to use the shampoo on her own hair and is surprised when she brings her hand to his head and deposits the shampoo on his hair.]
Todd: What are you doing?
Tea: I'm washing your hair.
Todd: I'm a big boy, I know how to do that myself.
Tea: I know you're a big boy. You're a very big boy.
[Tea moves the shampoo around on his head.]
Tea: I want to do this for you.
Todd: Why?
Tea: Because, I want to. Isn't that a good enough reason?
Todd: No.
Tea: Too bad. Close your eyes so I don't get any in your eyes.
Todd: I'm a man. I shampoo with my eyes open.
Tea: Fine. We can share eye contact while I do this for you.
[Tea slowly works the shampoo into his hair, thoroughly massaging his scalp in the process. He allows the contact, forcing himself not to pull away from her touch.
Moments later, Tea removes her hands and slides back to her previous position, allowing Todd more room to rinse his hair. He quickly submerges his head again, removing the suds. When he sits up again, he does it so quickly he splashes water in Tea's direction. She laughs in response. Todd scoops some water into his hand and brings his hand out of the water rapidly, hitting Tea with a large amount of water. His hand then reaches over Tea, toward the tray with their breakfast on it.]
Todd: Oops! I guess I was just so desperate to have more fruit, I moved my hand too quick.
Tea: It was an accident, I'm sure.
Todd: You know how much I love fruit.
Tea: Of course.
[Tea places her hand in the water where his legs are stretched out at her side. The back of her hand slowly caresses up the leg closest to her for a moment. Todd waits to see what she'll do. The second he feels her hand leave his leg, both of his hands are in the water, tossing a large volume of water in her direction, as she tries to reciprocate while they both laugh loudly.
Moments later, Tea tries to stop their messy activity.]
Tea: Wait. Hold on. Stop.
[They both halt their actions.]
Tea: We're going to destroy the bathroom, if we continue.
Todd: So?
Tea: So, as much fun as that may be, I don't want anyone knocking on our door, interrupting us, because there's water leaking through the floor.
Todd: Interruptions are bad.
Tea: They can be, especially with what we could be doing.
Todd: And, what's that?
Tea: This...
[Tea slowly, and seductively, slides closer to Todd, her hand again touches his leg. As her hand moves up his body, nearing his penis, her other hand rises quickly, landing a handful of water on the side of his head. Todd laughs as he reaches out and grabs her body, pulling her upper body against his.
Within seconds, their lips are pressed together in a kiss.]
[Tea and Todd are in the bathtub kissing. They start out being playful but quickly settle into a series of long, sensual kisses.
As they both get more caught up in their passion again, Tea begins to moan, her body quickly returning to the highly aroused state it was in earlier when they were enjoying each other on the bed. Todd's body is also highly aroused. It excites him to be next to a naked Tea while his own body is completely naked.
Todd is the one who ends their kissing. Neither moves their body away from the other, though.]
Todd: Do you still want to know why I wanted you to stop what you were doing earlier?
Tea: I thought we were doing now, not talking.
Todd: You can't do what you were doing.
Tea: Why? Do you have bad memories?
Todd: I have lousy memories. But, that won't stop me from doing what I want so you can feel that way, as long as that's what you want, too.
Tea: What are your memories?
Todd: Why do you want to get sidetracked talking about that garbage?
Tea: If you have bad memories of that, or any other sexual activities, it might help you to talk about it.
Todd: Are you really naive enough to believe that?
Tea: It might help me to understand.
Todd: So you won't take it personally, like you did earlier?
Tea: Knowing why would help make it easier for me to accept the limitations.
Todd: Right now, you have a choice between doing...me doing stuff to you...or, I could try to tell you about some of the garbage festering inside me. Which do you choose?
Tea: My body definitely wants to choose what it knows will be pleasurable activities.
Todd: So, which part of you is about to override what your body wants, and what I want, and choose to stop what we're doing?
Tea: My mind, partly. Mostly, it's my heart. If there is any chance that talking about it would help you, I have to choose that.
Todd: No, you don't.
Tea: I do. I want you to be okay.
Todd: More than you want what I'm offering to give you?
Tea: Yes. You're more important than that.
Todd: So, what you're really saying is that you don't really want me to do that to you, right?
Tea: I'm saying that I definitely want that. But, I want you to be okay more than I want that.
Todd: So, you really don't want that. I get it.
Tea: No, you don't, if you think that I don't want you to touch me until...
Todd: You just said that you want that less than you want me to be whatever, so...
Tea: Not whatever. I want you to be okay about anything that we do or I don't want to do it.
Todd: Exactly. You want that less than you want me to be okay, which means that you don't want that very much.
Tea: I want that very much. But, you will always matter more to me than that ever will.
Todd: That's what I just said.
Tea: I don't think so.
Todd: Well, I know that's what I said.
Tea: I think we need to spell this out more clearly.
[Todd lets go of her body and leans back in the bathtub.]
Todd: I hate words.
Tea: Fine. We won't talk.
[Todd watches with intense interest as Tea awkwardly turns her body so that they're both facing the same direction.
She quickly settles herself again, this time snuggling up to his body, her head resting on his shoulder.]
Tea: Is this okay?
Todd: Does it matter?
Tea: It matters more than anything.
Todd: Don't start that again.
Tea: It matters to me, Todd. If I told you that I was uncomfortable with something we were doing, wouldn't you stop doing it?
Todd: What were you uncomfortable with?
Tea: It was a hypothetical question.
Todd: Well, hypothetically, what the hell were you uncomfortable with? Why didn't you tell me you were uncomfortable? Was it that thing I was doing in the bedroom? Because, I asked you...
Tea: That was fine. It was embarrassing, yes.
Todd: Which is the same as uncomfortable, right? Why didn't you tell me to stop, or slam your legs shut, or something?
Tea: I didn't want to shut my legs.
Todd: Because you wanted me to think that you weren't afraid?
Tea: I wasn't afraid.
Todd: But, you didn't want me doing it, isn't that what you're saying now?
Tea: That's not what I'm saying at all. No matter what I say right now, clearly, you will hear something else.
Todd: I'm hearing the truth...finally! I wouldn't have done it if you had just been honest about it.
Tea: Have you ever done that with anyone else before?
Todd: Don't change the subject.
Tea: Why not? You do it all the time to me.
Todd: That's different.
Tea: Now, I'm curious. Have you?
Todd: Have I looked at a girl's...uh...private stuff...before?
Tea: Have you?
Todd: Have guy's looked at you like that before?
Tea: Not like that.
Todd: But, they have looked at you?
Tea: Some have seen that area from more of a distance, yes. You had quite a view of that part of my body yourself when I wanted to turn our business arrangement marriage into something else...something more.
Todd: I remember that. I also remember how your eyes looked.
Tea: How did they look?
Todd: Before I threw you out, they were scared, but determined. You were afraid that I would reject you. But, there was that part of you, that part that you should never show to anyone, but you showed it to me in that moment. You had hope. You were actually hoping that I wouldn't reject you, that I wouldn't laugh at you, that I wouldn't toss you out. You were hoping that I would be the one person who would take what you were feeling and...
[Todd pauses for a moment, hating the way he feels, knowing how much he hurt her that day.]
Todd: I knew that sending you away would hurt you.
Tea: Why did you...
[Tea's emotions are overwhelming for her as she feels her heart breaking all over again from the pain she felt that day and still carries with her.]
Todd: I don't know. The second the door closed, I knew that I had blown it. Screwing you would have been a mistake. Making love to you would have been an even bigger mistake.
Tea: I wanted you to love me. Why couldn't you?
[There is silence for several minutes as Tea quietly cries.]
Todd: The water's getting cold.
[As Todd sits up, so does Tea, expecting him to leave the bathtub. He doesn't. He moves over to the other side of the tub and reaches into the water, pulling the plug that's holding the water in the tub. After allowing some of the water to escape down the drain, he replaces the plug and turns on the water. Tea moves her feet out of the way as he adds hot water to their bath. After shutting off the water, Todd surprises Tea by leaning over the edge of the tub and reaching for the bathroom door. He closes the door, reducing the light in the windowless bathroom to only a slight amount that is entering the room from under the door.
Todd is careful as he leans back in the tub again. Not wanting to accidentally hurt her, he places his arm high on the wall and slowly lowers it. As Tea feels his arm touch her head, she understands his intentions. They both sink a little deeper into the tub, as Tea again snuggles against his body, this time with Todd's arm wrapped around her.
After several silent moments, Todd speaks again.]
Todd: Everything gets so screwed up sometimes. There's all this junk floating around inside me. Actually, it's not really floating anymore, I guess. There's no room left for that. It's more like there's all this debris that's been dumped inside me and it's just been piling up and there's no room left for anything else anymore.
Tea: I had hoped...
[Tea stops speaking again, trying to calm her emotions.]
Todd: What were you hoping?
Tea: That...that...maybe...but, it wasn't enough, was it? I wasn't enough.
Todd: It's not that easy. You wanted me to dig around in there and just start pulling the garbage out and tossing it away so there'd be room inside there for you.
Tea: I would have helped.
Todd: Yeah, you would have. That's part of what I hated. You wanted to get inside there and not because you wanted to figure out how to use that junk against me. You really wanted me to have less junk. I knew that it was partly because you wanted some space inside there for yourself but the part that really threw me was that you wanted it for me, too. You always cared about me, even when you shouldn't have, even when I was pushing you away. You would always reach out to me, trying to get me to see what you saw, because you wanted...
Tea: I wanted you to be okay.
Todd: Yeah...you wanted that. I couldn't understand that. I still can't, really. When you tell me that you care more about if I'm okay than you do about something else, to me that means that you don't care about that other thing because the amount that you care about me has to be low.
Tea: Why do you think that?
Todd: Because, it's me. Most of the people who have ever told me that they cared about me, turned right around and did whatever the hell they needed to do so they could get what they really wanted, which turned out not to have anything to do with caring about me. Back then, during our first marriage, you didn't just want stuff for yourself. You wanted me to feel all of this other stuff. You wanted me to enjoy the love that people were giving me. I don't really know how to enjoy it. Sometimes, love feels like a kick in the gut, you know?
Tea: I know.
Todd: Yeah, you know that. Your mom kicked you in the gut when you were a kid. Some people treat their pets better than your mom treated you, better than my mom treated me. Hell, if Peter had been treating an animal the way he treated me, I bet at least one of those people who looked the other way would have done something about it. Maybe people think that an animal couldn't do anything horrible enough to deserve to be treated like that.
Tea: Neither could a little boy.
Todd: That's not what any of those people thought, including my mother. She knew and she walked away. She wouldn't have done that to a cat. She liked cats.
Tea: I love you, Todd.
Todd: Because you feel sorry for me? Or, is it the little boy, you've claimed to see in the past, that you really feel sorry for, that you think you love?
Tea: That little boy never deserved the way his father hurt him, he didn't deserve to lose his mother.
Todd: She wasn't lost. She left. And, then when I was stupid enough to risk my life, thinking that if I found her she'd never leave me again, she sent me back. She loved me so much that she wanted me to live in hell. Why? Because, she thought I was already a lost cause? Had she already figured out that I was a chip off the old bastard? You know, some nights, I would sit in Starr's room and stare at her while she slept, trying to figure out what could make someone do that to their own kid. Maybe that's it. Maybe she didn't really think of me as her kid. Maybe because she adopted me...
Tea: That wouldn't excuse it, Todd. Starr isn't my daughter but I would give up my life to save hers.
Todd: You proved that when you tried to jump that terrorist, remember?
Tea: I remember. I would have died for her. I wouldn't have regretted it.
Todd: Of course not. You would have been dead. You wouldn't have been doing anything anymore.
Tea: I believe in something more to our existence than just our time here and now.
Todd: Oh, so you only did that to get some extra points with the big guy, in case you died that day?
Tea: I wasn't trying to make points with anyone. That man was a threat to Starr. I knew that I had to stop him.
Todd: So, tell me, how is it that you only knew Starr for a few months and you were ready to die to keep her safe, but my mother, who knew me for years, didn't give a damn if I was safe or not. Actually, she knew first hand that I wasn't safe. Why didn't she care?
Tea: I don't know.
Todd: Why didn't your mom care enough about you to stick around so that you wouldn't spend the rest of your life looking for love that you'll never find?
Tea: My search for love may have been in vain for a long time, but not anymore.
Todd: You gave up your search?
Tea: I found love.
Todd: That kid you're knocked up with?
Tea: You.
Todd: What about me?
Tea: Tell me that you love me and I'll believe it, I'll feel it.
Todd: That would be a mistake. Never believe it, Tea. Never feel it. Love is a razor that cuts away at your insides.
Tea: It's a balm that heals your emotional wounds.
Todd: No.
Tea: I'm counting on it. I'm counting on you.
Todd: Don't you get it? You were counting on it that day that you dropped your robe. You thought you were pretending that you were proposing sex, but it was really love. You wanted to stop feeling the way that you were feeling. You wanted to finally feel like you had a family, like you had people who really gave a damn about you, not just on the surface, the way that people had pretended in the past. You wanted it to be real this time...deep. That's why your eyes looked the way they did when I threw you out. You have to keep those barriers around your heart solid. You have to make sure that there aren't any leaks. You can't let anyone get too close.
Tea: Because, if they do all of the barriers will crumble and the feelings will flood out?
Todd: Exactly. Don't let it happen.
Tea: It's too late.
Todd: It doesn't have to be.
Tea: I don't want those barriers. I want you. I want to feel your love no matter how scary it is. And, I want you to feel my love. Even if it's only for the rest of this trip. I want to know that you feel my love.
