The night air was cold on the back porch of the Strauss estate. Strauss himself had sat in the exact chair Todd now found himself using as his refuge, his life too overwhelming to deal with at the moment. Her words had cut him like no knife he had ever known. Were here words the silver bullet that had finally pierced the hollow hole that once held his heart and killed the living dead? The reflection he saw at the moment in Marissa’s eyes was not one he was particularly proud of. He had taken her hand and taken her to Starr. Starr had easily volunteered to entertain her. “We need to give MY Daddy some space. When he gets like this, you don’t really want to be around him.” And she had gone willingly with her. How smart Starr was to know to stay away from Todd when times were not so good. She had learned early that go away means the other room, not too far away in case her Daddy ever changed his mind and wanted immediate satisfaction. How had she gotten in only eight short years what adults hadn’t figured out in a lifetime of knowing Todd? He was amazed at her ability to know him so well.
He reached beside him, stumbling and fumbling to retrieve the half empty bottle of bourbon. He sloppily poured himself a full, tall glass, guzzling down the hard gut rock as quickly as his system would allow. He had to be numb. He had to make the feelings go away. Any feelings. All feelings.
Todd: (pushing back a large gulp) Hahhhh! A few more of these and all I’ll have are faded memories of what used to be. No more dealing in reality. I can hide in the Southern Comfort of this here, ummm, bottle. It might not snuggle with me or wrap it’s legs around me like Tea did, but I can certainly find warmth somewhere down here near the bottom (he said into the bottle looking into the nearing abyss of emptiness that would soon follow from his uninterrupted knocking back of inebriated bliss). You’re just as intoxicating Tea. You’re just as toxic. You’ve just got to come back to us, Delgado. I can’t make it much longer without you. I don’t know how I ever made it this long. Yes, you do, Todd Manning (another voice rang out). You found a woman you didn’t love and didn’t respect and didn’t give your heart to her. You convinced yourself that Shorty’s dreams were your own. You wanted a family. Now look what you’ve got. Shorty and Short Cake, without their moms, and you in charge of both. Happy now?
Todd stood and looked around the grounds of the estate. He traced and retraced the probable footsteps of its inhabitants almost a century earlier. He wondered if Strauss had brought his wife out to this spot that he stared at and held her tight in his arms. He wondered if they had felt as loved and as obsessed with each other as he knew he and Tea had once felt for each other. He recalled the memories of the Titanic and knew his answer lay buried at the bottom of the bitter cold, unforgiving, unreleasing Atlantic. But the answer was there. They had been offered one of the original spots on a lifeboat by the first mate. Their money and power had bought them the privilege of continuing their lives. They had turned down the offer, feeling confident that Titanic was unsinkable. Once the inevitable took over their reality, Strauss had gone to the first mate and requested the spots of privilege. They were no longer available for him, but there was a spot for her. History states that he begged and pleaded for her to depart the boat, and leave him behind to deal with his own fate. His own choice for waiting. But she should not have to die because of his poor decision. He had been a captain of industry, a pillar of the community and here he stood at the crossroads of eternity, willing to face it alone. Todd had realized how much like Tea Strauss’ wife had been. She wouldn’t leave his side, even if it meant joining him in death. Their shrine, the encasement of the sea. Their destiny? To be there together for all time.
Todd: Stupid, STUPID woman! She should have left the bastard in a heartbeat and gone on with her life. She could have had his money, his power and the man of her choice. And there would be choices. Why would any woman give up those possibilities? I just don’t understand her. I just don’t understand Tea. If you thought I was dead, why didn’t you fight? Why didn’t you try to go on without me? Because she’s not you, you bastard! (He throws his almost empty drink toward the ocean, breaking glass ringing out above the crashing waves on the shore.)
He walked back to the porch, retaking his position in the rocking chair on the deck. He reached for the bottle, the glass too confining of his intake. He swigged back one gulp on the heals of another. When the bottle was empty, he sat staring at the darkness that was now his life. He thought about her question. Did he hurt her mommy too? How many times? Too many to count, he resolved. The past had a way of always catching up with him, no matter where he was. Llanview. His mother’s cabin. Now here on this lonely deck. He finally succumbed to the inevitable stupor and numbness that he so wanted. He played in his mind’s eye all the ways he had hurt Tea in the past. The process was overwhelming and painful, pain, he convinced himself he rightly deserved. He continued his game of rewriting all the wrongs he had caused in his life with Tea and found himself on a journey of sweetness and light.
He pictured himself in a suit of white. White cream shirt with a beige vest and a cream colored jacket and pants. His brown hair fell back softly on his shoulders and his face was olive tanned. His scar was a faded memory and was barely evident. He looked in front of him, picturing the daytime green of the Strauss estate, three beautiful gals walking hand in hand toward him, their faces smiling, their eyes beaming with giddiness. Tea was in the middle, wearing a white-laced sundress, her skin tanned and bronze. Her hair flowed down her shoulders and she was looking at him, smiling. She looked away, only for a second to make eye contact with the darlings by her side. To her left, was Starr, clad in the matching white-laced sundress, her blonde hair long and lightly filled with soft curls that bounced as she walked. Her cheeks were red and rosy. She had a little parasol made of matching material that she laughingly twirled as she walked. To Tea’s right, strode the tiny little Marissa, wearing the same matching white-laced sundress, her hair combed neatly and falling down her shoulders and down her front just like her mother. She too had a parasol, but hers did not twirl. She carried it confidently over her head, striding in step with her mother, her softness evident, her abuse present only in the glint of her eyes that so looked like his. No one else would probably have noticed that glint, only the kindredness of recognition allowed that hint to force its way through. His girls were happy and embracing when they reached Todd. Todd took over his role as father and husband, embracing each in a group hug, the girls at his waist and leg, Tea in his arms holding tight. He then reached down, scooping up Marissa and in the same instance, offering his arm to Tea. Starr remained connected to Tea as they strolled along the grounds of the mansion. The sun was bright, the seagulls were squawking in the nearby distance and the ocean quietly played in the background filled with the richness and shine of millions of diamonds dancing on top. They picnicked on a blanket, servants attending their every want, their every need. Tea laid in his lap as he read aloud to all his girls. He fed her strawberries, teasing her lips with the delectable red berry, her giggles infectious to the other participants of the day. As the girls played with kites nearby, running in the wind, Todd pampered and spoiled Tea, petting her hair as she lay comforted, rubbing her arms and exposed skin with his own softness. They talked and laughed and basked in the glory of it all.
As dusk settled in upon the estate, Todd found himself exactly in the position he had covertly arranged with the girls and the staff. The girls put together a tent in the playroom, spending the night on the east wing of the estate, leaving Tea and Todd to spend the night alone…together. Todd had arranged for their dinner to be served in their bedroom, him playing waiter to whatever she wanted. They talked and laughed and smiled about the day they had just shared with each other and the girls. They touched hands often and sometimes just sat and stared, their eyes devouring each other as they ate their food. Todd in his formal black tux was the first to offer his hand and rose, bringing her to her feet, bringing their bodies together on the side of the table, romantically shuffling in their closeness to music he hummed, softly and seductively in her ear, especially for the occasion. The fire grew hotter in its intensity as the room filled with a heat of its own. She glistened in the soft light the candles and fireplace gave off. Her silky black gown was covered in diamonds, tight fitting to her form, flowing down her body and stopping tea length on her well defined calves. Slits on the side allowed for hands to wander, skin to touch skin and bodies to do what they do naturally. She didn’t flinch in his touch, didn’t quiver as he nibbled lightly about her neck. She invited him to continue, her own moans escaping, encouraging him on. They swayed tightly, almost as one, out onto the balcony that overlooked the moonlit night on the cape. He removed his jacket and covered her exposed shoulders to the cool night air. They found themselves unable to hold back their lust, their ever present need for each other and soon found their way to nakedness, stripping their bodies of their layers of clothes, their layers of protection from their hearts and their feelings and their own appetites being sated on the bearskin fur that lay before the fireplace. Todd touched and kissed and lustfully tasted all the things he had so unwillingly denied himself all those years before with Tea. Tea, an active participant nibbled and handled and stoked parts of Todd’s body that he had kept hidden so well behind layers of lies, fear and anger. As they connected their bodies, Tea caught hold of the legs of the table, stretching her body out open and wide, inviting him to partake without guilt or apprehension that which she so willingly wanted him to indulge. He placed himself on top, entering inside, connecting their bodies as one, her wrapping her legs to coil and seal and participate in full. As he slid back and forth, engaging and stimulating them both, he continued to taste and explore, climaxing a goal they both would reach. Her arms held on tight to the table, but in the moment of explosion, she found herself knocking the table, sending the half drank bottle of wine crashing to the ground. Todd’s eyes flashed open, his own liquor bottle having fallen out of his own hands on the porch on the deck, him wincing in pain in the realization of the dream that had just left his heart.
He closed his eyes tightly, ever hopeful on a return to the dream he had so wanted to make a reality for him and Tea and the girls. Flashes of anger and rage were all he could see. He tightened his eyes and wished the dream back. The only thing his heart could now show him was emptiness, darkness and solitude. Tea in a dark, cold outfit, blood and bruises evident on her face and body, no hint of laughter in her heart or soul. Starr stood all alone, walking away, disgust and anger evident in her face. Marissa stood beside her mother, walking away from him as well, his never to have had in the first place. Her eyes no longer reflected hints of abuse. She was shooting daggers at the man whom had so badly hurt her mother, yet again. He was helpless and hurt and alone. He awoke and stood, staring out into the night, screaming the name that so touched his heart that she had finally reached his soul!
