Chapter 2
When Brian woke up he gazed down at the sleeping boy in his arms and sighed, shutting his eyes again and wishing he knew what to do. Guilt and love washed over him in equal amounts at the sight of Nick looking so innocent next to him. When he thought back to last night he shivered involuntarily, he body already heating because of the memories. All he had to do was close his eyes and he could see Nick’s flushed face again, his expression scrunched up in pleasure. He could hear his moans, his gasps and his whimpers…all delicious to Brian’s ears. He shivered and Nick stirred in his arms, snuggling closer, plastering his warm body to Brian’s.
The older man jumped when he felt Nick kiss his neck. He looked down at the boy and swallowed hard, very unnerved by the expression in his best friend’s bright, blue eyes. They were so open to him, showing so much trust and so much love. Brian wasn’t quite sure he deserved either. Before he could say a word, Nick shifted, slipping one arm around Brian’s neck, supporting himself with his other elbow and smiled. He kissed the older man warmly, softly licking at his lips and then finding his way into his mouth. There were no words Nick could think of to tell Brian what he was feeling. Last night had changed everything. He never knew it was possible to feel that way.
“I love you,” he murmured against Brian’s lips, opening his eyes to see an unsure expression in the older man’s eyes. He ran his fingers through Brian’s curls and looked at him curiously, his smile fading slightly. “What’s the matter baby?” He whispered, leaning down to brush his lips against his lover’s again.
Brian sighed and tried to look away but Nick wouldn’t let him. He stared at the teen for a few moments, seeing worry in his eyes. But more importantly was that love and trust…the love and trust he adored and feared. Absently, his fingers found their way into Nick’s soft blonde hair, pushing strands behind his ear. “Are you ok with all this Nicky?” He asked softly as he slipped his other hand around Nick’s waist, caressing the boy’s silky skin. “We’re moving so fast and I…I don’t want to hurt you,” Brian whispered, tears forming in his eyes. His heart was pounding in his chest now, guilt once again washing over him, suffocating him. “Nicky,” he whimpered, looking up at the boy with tearful eyes. “Please…tell me if you’re not ok with this,” he begged. “Don’t just do this for me…I won’t rush you, I won’t…”
Nick leaned down and kissed away Brian’s tears and smiled softly at the older man. “Brian…” he said softly, a patient smile on his face. “I love you,” he murmured. “And I want this…I want you.” He stopped for a second and bit down on his lower lip, uncertain about how to proceed. “Last night you…you made me feel things that…”
“I didn’t mean to scare you Nicky,” Brian whispered, jumping in the moment Nick trailed off uncertainly. He mistook Nick’s shyness and nervousness for fear. His eyes were wide with pain as he looked up at the teen.
But Nick met his gaze with confusion. “You didn’t scare me,” he said softly. “What I felt last night…it wasn’t fear Brian,” he explained, his voice quiet, his eyes avoiding his lover’s. What he told Brian wasn’t completely true. There were a few moments were he had been scared…overwhelmed by the intensity of his feelings. But he couldn’t tell that to Brian. “I never knew it was possible to be that close to another person,” Nick finally whispered, his eyes looking into Brian’s again. “It felt so good and…so right,” he went on, choosing his words carefully.
“But Nick, you know if we go further that…it’ll be everything. And I know you’ve never…had sex. I just don’t want to rush you,” Brian said uncertainly, pulling the boy closer to him and turning them both onto their sides. “I don’t want it to be too much, too fast. I couldn’t bear it if it tore us apart. I love you too much.”
Nick leaned in and kissed him again, slipping his arms around him tightly and pressing their bodies together. “I want it all,” he murmured against Brian’s lips, opening his eyes again to gaze into the older man’s face. He could never get over the fact that Brian picked him. Brian loved him. Beautiful, caring, smart Brian. He sighed softly and pressed another quick kiss to his lips. “I want you to make love to me…tonight. Love won’t tear us apart…it will bring us closer. That’s what I want.”
Brian smiled and felt his heart expand in his chest. He fell in love every time Nick told him he loved him. He nodded his head and kissed the boy again, holding him tightly. “Tonight,” he whispered, making a promise. His conscience again tried to warn him that this would be too much. He couldn’t get away with all this and still come out with his heart in one piece. Nick was too vulnerable, too trusting and too innocent. Their lovemaking was bound to be intense, and Brian wasn’t sure if Nick could handle it. But his heart and body won out over his mind and he kissed the teen again, knowing that nothing would stop him now.
“What do you mean you’re not leaving now?” Kevin asked angrily. He stopped packing his suitcase and walked over to where Brian was standing in his room.
“Nick and I are staying another night,” Brian replied calmly. “I called the front desk and reserved our room for tonight. Our tour is over and unless there’s something I don’t know about, we’re free to do whatever we want now, right?” He asked, a slight edge to his voice. He knew why Kevin was upset with him, but he didn’t feel like putting up with it right now. There was nothing Kevin could say to him that he hadn’t already told himself.
Kevin waved his hand, dismissing what Brian had said. “You’re free,” Kevin snapped. “Nick, on the other hand is only fourteen, and I don’t recall you being his legal guardian,” he added smartly.
Brian swallowed hard, ignoring the guilt he felt. It was bad enough he sometimes felt ashamed around Nick, but his parents…. Brian knew he could never face them again after what he’d been doing…what he was going to do. He had pretty much promised Nick’s mother he’d look after him…and now he was sleeping with him. Taking his virginity, stealing his innocence…he’d drown in the guilt if he let himself. “His parents were never given an exact date that we’d be done because we were never quite sure,” he replied quickly.
“I could call them,” Kevin threatened, raising his eyebrows and glancing in the direction of the phone.
Brian froze, suddenly finding it very hard to breathe. He wanted to get caught. He wanted Kevin to stop him. Do it. Pick up that phone and call them. Tell them Nick’s coming home today. Stop me. But he managed to ignore that voice. He took a step forward and looked up into his cousin’s eyes, the expression in his own changing from defiance to panic. “Don’t,” he said softly, reaching out and putting his hand on Kevin’s arm. “Please don’t…” he repeated, pleading with his cousin.
“Brian--”
“I’m not going to hurt him,” Brian quickly interrupted. “I love him,” he added softly. Kevin sighed and looked away, but Brian kept going. “And he loves me!” He urged. “And this is something he wants too Kevin.”
The older man shook his head, sighed and turned away. “He doesn’t know what he wants; he’s only fourteen,” he said softly.
“Don’t say that,” Brian pleaded, hating the tears he could feel pricking his eyes. This was too hard and deep down he knew it shouldn’t have to be this way. Kevin said nothing for a few more minutes and then turned around again.
“Fine. I won’t say anything. I won’t try to stop you, and I won’t call his parents. It doesn’t really matter anyway, does it? I couldn’t stop you last night, so what’s to say I could stop you now. I won’t waste my breath.” He stopped and turned away again to finish packing his bags. Brian stood frozen to his spot on the floor, staring wide-eyed at his cousin. Kevin looked up after a few moments, wondering why Brian was so quiet.
“So that’s it?” Brian asked, his voice sounding small. He didn’t like the idea of Kevin giving up on him. It made him feel worse somehow.
Kevin nodded. “You have to make your own decision Brian. I know that somewhere inside, you know what’s right and what isn’t. But I also know that it’s hard to ignore your heart,” he said softly, his eyes suddenly more compassionate than they had been before. Before Brian could protest, he continued. “I do believe that you love him, I really do. But I also think that love is blinding you. I can see that Nick loves you, and I think it’s more than just puppy love, but you’re going too fast, too soon. He thinks he wants you as much as you want him, but did you ever stop to think that maybe he’s just trying to be more grown up? He admires you so much. Did you ever think he may just being doing what he knows you want him to do?” Brian looked away and bit his lower lip. Those thoughts had crossed his mind more times than Kevin would ever know.
“And come on Brian…you know Nick. He’s insecure and innocent. Your love has made him feel safe and more confident. He’s going to want to hold onto that, right? So if he has to sleep with you to keep that love, he’ll do it.”
Brian looked up sharply, his eyes flashing. “That’s not the way it is Kevin,” Brian said coldly. He sat down on Kevin’s bed, waiting. He knew his cousin wasn’t finished. He’d listen, but he wasn’t quite so open now. His eyes were angrier than they had been a few minutes before. He wasn’t doing what Kevin was saying. That was not his and Nick’s situation.
“Isn’t it?” Kevin replied, arching an eyebrow and daring his cousin to challenge him. “Would you love him so much if you didn’t want to sleep with him so badly?” He asked, his tone superior and overbearing. He knew he was pushing his luck, but he asked his next question anyway. “And will you still love him so much tomorrow…after you’ve fucked him?”
Brian’s eyes darkened as he stood up. He looked at Kevin for only a second, but the look in his eyes was unmistakably more hurt than anger. “I’ll see you in a few days,” Brian said flatly, walking away and opening the door.
“Brian, wait…” Kevin called after him, realizing he had gone too far. But Brian slammed the door shut behind him before his cousin could get another word out. He ran his fingers through his hair and sighed, wondering if he should go after him. It only took him a few moments to make the decision not to. He knew Brian felt guilty for what he was doing; he also knew it wouldn’t stop him. He just hoped that the inevitable didn’t happen. He’d hate to see either Nick or Brian get hurt…but he had a feeling that was exactly what was going to happen.
Kevin, AJ and Howie had left the hotel in the early afternoon to head home. The tour that the five of them had been on had consisted of about twelve small clubs throughout Florida and had only lasted about a month or so. One year ago, Brian and Kevin had met AJ and Howie when they were all working summer jobs at Disney World. After some talking, the four of them decided to form a band, but after about a month or so they all agreed that something was missing. They had found Nick singing at a local talent contest and while, at first, they all had thought he was too young, they eventually befriended him and, after getting his parent’s permission, made him part of their group. After that, they had become a mildly successful local band, part pop, part rock, and pretty much happy to stay right where they were. This tour, if you could really call it that, had been their biggest success to date, and they were all thrilled.
It was now early evening and Nick was sitting out by the pool on a deck chair by himself, nervously anticipating what was to come. About twenty minutes ago, Brian had turned off the movie they had been watching and asked him to go make himself busy for a little while. Nick had looked at him curiously and had become even more suspicious when the older man had only smiled, wrapped him in his arms and kissed him.
“I’ll come and find you in about a half hour baby. Why don’t you go hang out by the pool, ok?” Brian had smiled lovingly at him and pushed his hair behind his ear. “Love you,” he said softly, kissing him again and then letting him go. Nick had only smiled back at him at him, shivering as Brian’s fingers absently slid over his back as he walked him to the door.
“Half hour?” Nick had asked softly.
Brian had nodded and smiled. “Half hour.”
Nick fidgeted nervously in his chair and looked around for Brian. He wasn’t sure what his older friend was doing now, but he knew what was going to happen tonight. He was nervous. He was, in all honestly, scared. But he loved Brian…loved him so much that it frightened him sometimes. Part of his fear stemmed from the fact that there was still a tiny part of him that was afraid to trust Brian’s love. That part tried to warn him that all Brian felt was lust and that their relationship would never last. He was only fourteen after all. Wouldn’t Brian just get bored with him eventually? But the memory of the night before was forefront on his mind. It hadn’t just been lust last night; he was sure of it. Brian really did love him.
He sighed nervously and drew his knees up to his chest. “Please hurry Brian,” he whispered, a small smile on his lips. He knew he’d be less nervous about tonight if the older man were there with him.
Brian stood still for a moment, out of Nick’s view, and watched him fidgeting on his seat. He looked beautiful. Brian sighed and leaned against the wall, unable to take his eyes off the blonde. He took a few more moments to watch him unnoticed, undressing the boy in his mind. He slowly peeled off his clothes until he had him looking like he had last night. He imagined himself running his hands over him already; every inch of that soft skin needed to be touched. Brian could barely wait to touch him, to kiss him…to make love to him. Nearly moaning out loud, he shut his eyes and stopped the fantasy.
His breath was ragged, his skin flushed, his groin tightening. But he couldn’t rush this, no matter how badly he wanted everything right away. He had to remember that this was Nick’s first time and he’d be so nervous. But Brian was nervous too. When he had asked Nick to leave their room it was because he wanted to make sure everything was ready, and to give the plain hotel room a small touch of romance. But it had only taken about ten minutes to set things up and light the candles. He had spent the rest of the time battling with his conscience.
Kevin was wrong. He wouldn’t stop loving Nick after he slept with him. That he knew. But he had to wonder about everything else. Was he rushing Nick too much? Did the boy really want this now, or was he just doing it because he knew that it was what Brian wanted? He couldn’t come up with a definite answer. He prayed that their sleeping together wouldn’t harm Nick in anyway. He hoped desperately that it wouldn’t end up tearing them apart. He hoped they could really handle this.
By now he had managed to push his conscience aside and he intended to keep it hidden the rest of the night. He was going to concentrate all of his attention on Nick now and make everything perfect for him. He took one last long look at the boy and took a deep breath. No turning back now.
Nick was now sitting on the edge of the deck chair with his elbows on his knees, his chin on his hands. He was getting more and more nervous by the second, and he needed Brian to make the nerves go away. He jumped when he felt someone sit down behind him and wrap their arms around his waist. But he knew in an instant that it as Brian; he recognized the touch and the scent of him.
“You ready to come upstairs baby?” Brian asked softly, his tone slightly seductive. He pressed his lips to Nick’s bare neck and kissed him tenderly. Nick shivered and instinctively pressed back into him.
“Yes,” he whispered, laying his hands over Brian’s. He giggled when Brian kissed his ear and nibbled softly on his earlobe. “Someone’s gonna see us,” he whispered, smiling and squirming nervously.
“So?” Brian replied, again kissing Nick’s soft neck. “They’ll all be jealous that you’re mine,” he added, a smirk on his face. Nick blushed and struggled to get closer to his friend. “Come on babe, let’s go upstairs.” Nick nodded in agreement and the two of them stood up.
Nick was the first to open the door to their room and go inside. He stopped abruptly, a smile spreading over his face. Brian slipped his arms around his waist and pulled him back against his body. “All for you baby,” Brian whispered, smiling as Nick sighed.
The boy was tingling with excitement. He had wanted things to be sweet and memorable, but he had been afraid to ask for romance. He turned around and smiled shyly. “Thank you,” he whispered, blushing and lowering his eyes. Brian kissed him in response, pulling him close with one arm and slipping his other into his hair.
Kissing softly, they moved together towards the bed. Nick shivered as his legs hit the side of the bed and Brian’s fingers slipped beneath his t-shirt. The older man broke their kiss and pulled the shirt over Nick’s head. He smiled lovingly at the blonde and quickly removed his own shirt as well. Before going any further, Brian cupped Nick’s face in his hands and looked into his eyes.
“You’re sure?” He asked in a whisper, his eyes full of last-minute worry. He’d battled his conscience all day, but it resurfaced now to give him one last fight. “If you want to stop tell me Nick,” he whispered. “I won’t think any less of you for it. I won’t love you any less….” He was fighting his mind and his body. His mind wanted Nick to stop things; his body was screaming at him to shut up and kiss the blonde. His heart was stuck somewhere in the middle.
Nick smiled back shyly and sat down on the edge of the bed. He took Brian’s hands in his own, looked up into his blue eyes and shook his head. “I want you now,” he whispered, his eyes full of love and need.
Shivers ran through Brian’s body at the sound of Nick’s low voice and the determination behind his words. Nick took a deep breath and bit down on his lower lip as he continued to look up at his lover. With slightly trembling fingers, he reached out to Brian’s waist and unbuttoned his jeans. Brian swallowed hard and nearly moaned, never breaking eye contact with the teen. The slightest touch of Nick’s fingers as he removed his jeans was making him hard. Once he had stepped out of his jeans, he pulled Nick up off the bed so he was standing again and kissed him. He shuddered with pleasure as the boy wrapped his arms around him and pulled him into the kiss. For a brief moment, their roles were reversed and Brian was the shy and unsure one. He knew then, that it wasn’t just the allure of Nick’s body or even of being his first. He was in love with Nick. In love with him for who he was and more importantly, for who he was going to be. The love he felt would last…it wouldn’t fade with time or distance.
Lips pressed tightly together, tongues sensually tangling in their kiss; Brian slid his hands over Nick’s chest to his waist. He quickly took the same actions as the teen had and unbuttoned Nick’s jeans. Then he pulled the boy tighter against his body, letting him feel just how much he wanted him. Nick moaned softly at the feel of Brian’s hot skin…at the feel of him hard and pressing against him. Brian sighed in response and deepened their kiss; Nick’s moan feeding his arousal.
Gently, he forced Nick to sit on the bed again, and then, rather than stay standing in front of him; Brian crawled onto the bed and knelt next to the boy. Nick turned to face him, shivers of anticipation coursing through him, the instant his feet left the floor. No turning back now. He didn’t want to though. The things he felt for Brian were beyond his ability to explain. But those feelings were what heated his blood. They fed his heart, and they swam around him at dizzying speeds, leaving him breathless and desperate.
“I love you,” Brian whispered, slipping his arms around Nick’s back and laying him down. He settled himself halfway on top of the teen and kissed him again. Nick whimpered softly and eagerly returned the kiss, holding tightly to Brian and arching up into him. Brian pulled back after a few moments, breathing heavily and staring into Nick’s eyes. He cupped the boy’s cheek in his palm and let his fingers slip into his hair. Nick smiled softly at him and slid his fingertips down Brian’s sides to his waist. He tugged gently on the older man’s boxers as he watched Brian intently. Nick’s slight boldness combined with his obvious nerves only served to endear him further to Brian.
Reluctantly, Brian broke their embrace and sat back on the bed. “C’mere Nicky,” he whispered softly, reaching out for the teen’s hand and pulling him up so he was sitting. “Closer,” he murmured, as he moistened his lips with his tongue and took a deep breath. His heart was beating wildly in his chest; his skin was on fire. Nick was so beautiful. So beautiful, innocent and untouched…and he was all his. Brian wanted everything from the boy, but at the same time he wanted to give him all that he could.
“Touch me Nicky,” he whispered. He knew Nick was nervous and he wanted to make him see that he was feeling the same way, if not worse. And he wanted Nick to know the affect he had on him. He couldn’t let this be one sided.
Nick swallowed hard and looked at Brian with wide eyes. He was very nervous suddenly…even more so than before. It was easier when Brian touched him and kissed him, and made him feel so good. But he didn’t know how to reciprocate. He wanted to, but he was so afraid of doing something wrong.
Gently, Brian reached out, took Nick’s hand in his own and squeezed it. The boy was trembling and he made a point of it to avoid Brian’s eyes. But the older man was determined. He slipped his fingers beneath Nick’s chin and tipped his head up. “Don’t be afraid Nick,” he said softly. “Just touch me…” he whispered as he brought Nick’s hand to his chest.
Nick jumped and bit down nervously on his lower lip, but he spread his fingers out over Brian’s skin, surprised at how warm it felt. The two of them stayed completely still for a few moments, staring into each other’s eyes, Brian holding Nick’s hand over his heart. Neither of them could seem to breathe or even move. They felt so connected, so…together.
Nick finally released the breath he hadn’t known he was holding and moved his fingers ever so slightly. Brian shivered and when Nick moved his hand again, he let go. The boy shut his eyes for a moment and forced his fingers, and his body, to stop shaking. Taking a deep breath, he opened his eyes to meet Brian’s intense gaze. The older man nodded slightly, encouraging him to keep going. Slowly, Nick ran his fingertips over Brian’s chest, still marveling at the heat coming off his body. He dropped his eyes from Brian’s and followed the movement of his hand.
The older man’s skin quivered under his touch which both surprised and excited Nick. Brian sucked in a sharp breath, as the boy’s soft, exploring touch grew bolder, running over his each of his nipples. Just the look of concentration on Nick’s face was making him hotter. And the teen’s tentative touch was slowly killing him.
Nick’s fingers went lower, slowing when they reached Brian’s stomach. He stopped for a moment and bit his lip nervously. “Nicky?” Brian whispered, still trying his best to get his heavy breathing under control. Still fighting the urge to throw Nick back on the bed and devour him.
Nick looked up into the older man’s eyes and blushed. “Could you…um, lay down Bri?” He asked shyly. Brian smiled softly, his heart swelling with love. Without a word he did as Nick asked and propped his head up with several pillows. Nick wanted him to lie down so he could touch him easier…and touch more. But seeing Brian like this before him was rather nerve racking. His head swam with insecurity and slight fear.
Seeing the expression on Nick’s face, Brian grabbed the boy’s hand and put it on his chest again. “Touch me Nicky…please,” he whispered. “You can’t do anything wrong baby,” he went on, knowing instinctively what Nick was thinking. Overwhelmed with emotion, both nervousness and excitement, Nick stayed completely frozen, staring at Brian. The older man smiled tenderly and reached up with his other hand to cup Nick’s cheek in his palm. “I want you to touch me,” he said softly, his voice low and seductive. Nick shivered. Brian nodded and smiled. Again, Nick worked up his courage and slowly began moving his fingers over Brian’s chest. He loved it when Brian’s skin quivered, when his breath quickened…he loved knowing that he could affect Brian this way.
He shifted slightly on the bed and slowly moved his fingers lower to Brian’s stomach. Both of their breathing hitched when Nick slipped his fingertips below the waistband of Brian’s boxers. Nick froze for a moment and quickly looked up at Brian with wide eyes. Brian swallowed hard, fighting the urge to pull Nick down on top of him tightly. “Brian…” the teen whispered, sounding very unsure of himself.
“Please don’t stop Nick,” Brian murmured, looking up at the boy with love and need in his eyes. He knew that if he could make Nick realize just how desperate his soft touch was making him that the boy would become too determined to remember his nerves. Nick sucked in a deep breath and moved both of his hands to Brian’s waist. Brian licked his lips and tried to catch his breath. The expressions on their faces mirrored each other’s…nervous and desperate.
Unable to wait any longer, Nick slipped his fingers beneath Brian’s boxers and pulled them down. Eagerly, Brian lifted his waist to help the boy. Nick quickly froze again when he looked back at his lover. He was in awe of seeing Brian this way…naked and needy. Naked, flushed…hard. And it was because of him. He was the reason Brian was feeling this way. That knowledge thrilled him and made him bolder than he normally would have been.
Watching Brian intently, Nick touched him gently, putting his hand over his heart and splaying his fingers out over the heated flesh. He bit down on his lower lip in concentration and slowly moved his hand lower. Brian trembled under his touch, wanting so much more quickly, yet at the same time, loving Nick’s soft, tentative touch. His breathing hitched when the boy reached his stomach. Nick pressed down gently just below Brian’s navel causing the older man to whimper slightly. He wanted to beg Nick for more, but he knew the teen needed this. He needed to touch and discover Brian slowly. And as much as Brian wanted to devour the boy’s body, he knew he had to go at Nick’s pace.
Nick honestly didn’t realize the effect his simple touch was having on Brian. But when he slid the tips of his fingers over Brian’s hips, the older man moaned softly and breathed his name. Nick looked up and was surprised to see Brian so flushed and frantic looking. He was breathing heavily and licking his lips. His eyes were dark with need, pleading with Nick to give him more. “Brian…” he whispered, shivering as he felt his own body react to the way his lover looked.
“Nicky please…” Brian begged softly, not wanting to rush Nick but desperate for his touch where he needed to feel it most. Swallowing his inhibitions and nerves, Nick broke his gaze with Brian and touched him. His fingers trembled at first as he slid them over the length of Brian’s cock. But when he closed his fingers around him and heard Brian moan, he forgot his nerves.
Brian balled his hands into fists and pushed his head down into the pillows. This was too much. It was so little but it was too much. He couldn’t look away from the blonde; he was entranced by him. Nick stroked him slowly, amazed by the softness of Brian’s skin, at how warm he was. Touching Brian this way was making his own body tingle in anticipation. He couldn’t seem to catch his breath and he felt so hot. He looked up and met his friend’s gaze as he ran his fingers over the wet tip of Brian’s cock. The older man moaned the boy’s name and instinctively arched his hips upward. “Brian…” Nick murmured, suddenly desperate to touch more of him.
Brian reached out his arms to the teen and beckoned him closer. “C’mere Nicky…please,” he whispered, his eyes bright with love and pleasure. Eagerly Nick crawled into his arms, stretching out on top of him. Brian moaned and Nick shuddered as their naked bodies touched. Brian slid an arm around Nick’s waist and pushed the other into his hair. Nick gripped tightly to Brian’s upper arms and unconsciously pushed down against him. Brian kissed him hungrily, pushing his tongue into his sweet mouth and tasting him. Nick kissed him back just as eagerly, their tongues tangling with each other. As their kisses grew deeper Brian slid his hands down the boy’s back to his hips and onto his ass. He pulled Nick tightly against him and rocked him against his hips, their erections pushing against each other.
Nick broke the kiss and moaned Brian’s name. “Brian…Brian, please…I want you,” he breathed softly, looking down into the older man’s warm blue eyes. Absently, Brian ran his fingers through Nick’s damp hair and kissed him again. He rolled them over so he was partially on top of the boy now.
“I want you too…so much baby,” Brian whispered against the boy’s lips. Nick moaned softly as he felt Brian’s leg press against his erection, sending shivers of pleasure down his spine. As Brian kissed him deeply again, he reached over towards the small bedside table for the lube he had put there earlier. When their kiss broke, he shifted and knelt between Nick’s legs. Gently, he slipped his hands beneath the boy’s knees, bent them back and pushed them slightly apart. Nick blushed crimson and shut his eyes. The pleasure that still coursed through his veins kept him from stopping Brian, but he was terribly nervous now. He liked it best when he was in the older man’s arms. That’s when he was safe…safe and not so vulnerable.
“Shh Nicky, relax,” Brian whispered, sensing the teen’s nervousness. He ran his fingers over his hips and thighs, petting and soothing him. “I’m right here…just tell me if it’s too much for you, ok?” He asked softly. Nick met his friend’s eyes and nodded slowly. He trusted Brian with his whole being. Without a doubt, he knew that if things became too much, if he became too overwhelmed by everything, that he could ask Brian and he would stop. But he didn’t want to stop. However, that didn’t mean he wasn’t nervous. He was nervous as hell. Scared even, and more embarrassed than he thought he’d ever been.
Brian bit his lip and took a deep breath as he coated two of his fingers with the lube. “You’re so beautiful,” he breathed softly, not even aware that he was talking out loud. Nick whimpered as Brian stroked his cock and the inside of his thighs. Brian nearly moaned as he let his fingers circle Nick’s small opening. Both of them gasped softly when Brian pushed his finger inside. Nick’s eyes flew open and his fists gripped tightly to the sheets as a strange sensation washed over him. Brian swallowed hard and pushed his finger deeper into Nick’s hot tightness. He couldn’t seem to find any air to breathe, and his heart was slamming against his chest. God, how he wanted more!
“Bri…” Nick whimpered softly, suddenly wanting nothing but to feel Brian’s arms around him. The older man looked up and saw the scared look of desperation on Nick’s face and cringed. He was scaring him.
“Shh…Nicky…it’s ok baby,” he whispered, running his other hand up and down Nick’s thigh. “Relax for me, ok?” He asked tenderly. Nick took a deep breath and nodded, trusting Brian too much not to comply. He squeezed Nick’s hip and pushed his finger deeper. The boy jumped and shuddered, a low moan escaping his lips. Brian smiled softly to himself, pleased with Nick’s reaction.
“Oh God Bri…please…” Nick begged, not knowing how to phrase what he wanted. Brian had touched something in him that had sent shivers of pleasure all over his vulnerable body. It was so intense, all he could think of was more. And then he couldn’t think of anything as Brian’s finger brushed that spot again. It felt so good, and he didn’t want it to stop.
Brian bit his lip, trying to keep from moaning, but he didn’t succeed. Nick looked more tempting than he ever had. His body flushed and trembling with pleasure, his eyes wild, his mouth open…Brian knew he couldn’t last much longer. Wanting to make things as easy as possible for the boy, he gently pushed a second finger inside of him. Nick squeezed his eyes shut in response, feeling a small amount of the larger pain he knew was to come. But it passed after a few moments, leaving him with that delightfully new sense of pleasure.
Nick whimpered when Brian’s fingers left him. He opened his eyes when he felt the older man squeezing his hips. Looking down, he saw Brian gorgeously flushed, his eyes brimming with need. Nick sat up for just a moment and kissed the older man tenderly. He seemed to realize now that Brian was just as nervous as he was. Brian melted into Nick’s soft touch, feeling his heart ache and tears prick his eyes. He knew he was trapped and that there was no way out. He loved Nick so much. What he realized now, too late, was that he loved him enough to set him free and to let him grow up a little bit slower. But hindsight is always perfect, and he was too far gone to stop things now.
As the two of them kissed each other deeply, Brian spread a liberal amount of lube over his hard cock, moaning softly into Nick’s mouth as he touched himself. It was Nick who broke the kiss and looked longingly into the older man’s eyes. He smiled softly and stroked Brian’s cheek with his fingertips. “I love you,” he said softly, letting his hand slide down over Brian’s neck to his heart. Brian swallowed hard, unable to look away from Nick’s gaze. Emotion threatened to overwhelm him, but Nick’s touch was too much for his body to resist. They kissed again, hungrily this time, and Brian pushed the boy down onto his back.
“Nicky…” Brian whispered as he settled himself between his legs. Nick reached out and brushed his fingers over Brian’s arm.
“Just go slowly,” Nick whispered, his eyes surprisingly calm. In fact he felt surprisingly calm, not really very nervous anymore, just anxious to have Brian be a part of him. But Brian was a wreck inside. He knew this was going to be too much. It was going to be more than either of them expected. It was going to burn them.
Knowing that no matter what he did, he couldn’t prevent the pain, he took Nick’s hips in his hands and slowly pushed inside of him. Brian shut his eyes and gasped as streaks of pleasure ran through his body. Nick squeezed his eyes shut in pain and bit down on his lower lip as Brian pushed further. “I’m sorry baby.” Nick heard Brian’s whisper and felt his fingers on his cheeks, wiping away the tears he hadn’t known he was crying. Brian’s heart ached for Nick even as he pushed deeper inside of him. He went slowly but didn’t stop until he was completely buried inside of the teen. Then he let himself concentrate on Nick.
He could hear the boy’s painful whimpers, he felt his tears…and they both tore at his heart. He began running his hands over him slowly, petting his soft, sweaty skin and trying to soothe him. Reaching between them, he closed his fingers around Nick’s cock and stroked him slowly, hoping to get him to concentrate on the pleasure rather than the pain. As carefully as he could, he leaned down and kissed him, tasting blood on his lips from where he had bitten them in pain.
But slowly, the boy’s tears stopped and his whimpers of pain changed into small little moans of pleasure. “Baby…please open your eyes,” Brian begged softly, desperate to see him and to know if he was all right. Nick did as Brian asked and slid his fingers into the older man’s curls as he looked up into his eyes. He was sure he had never seen Brian look so beautiful. His eyes were a mix of pleasure, love and worry, his face was flushed and sweaty, his mouth slightly open. “Nick…Nicky baby, I’m sorry,” he said softly, fighting the intense urge to move. The pleasure was becoming too much and he knew he wouldn’t be able to last much longer.
Nick shook his head and pressed his fingers to Brian’s lips. He wrapped his arms around the older man’s back and kissed him. Brian moaned into the boy’s mouth and, unable to stop himself, moved. He pulled out slightly and pushed back into Nick’s hot tightness. The movement made the boy feel more pain, but when Brian pushed back into him unexpected pleasure shot through him like lightning.
Brian smiled as Nick’s body froze and then shuddered in pleasure. The boy gripped tightly to him and pushed his hips upwards, wanting to get closer, wanting Brian deeper. Nick really hadn’t expected this. He hadn’t expected the pleasure that was consuming his whole body, the intense feelings, the connection he felt with Brian. Even the lingering pain gave him a feeling of completeness and he was drowning in it.
The two of them clutched desperately at one another, trying to touch as much of the other as they could. As Brian thrust into him again, he leaned down and captured Nick’s mouth in a kiss. Nick whimpered and tried again to get closer to the older man. He wrapped his arms and legs tightly around him and frantically returned his deep kiss. He had to keep touching Brian as much as he could because he knew if he didn’t fear would take over.
This was too much for him to handle. He was losing himself and he didn’t know how to stop it, or if he even wanted to. Brian slipped his arms around Nick’s back, pulling him closer, and pushed inside of him again, deeper this time, making them both moan. “Brian…Bri please, I can’t…” Nick didn’t know what he was trying to say, what he needed to ask for. His body was on fire and desperate for release, but he was terrified to actually fall over that edge.
Brian knew neither of them could last much longer, though he wished this would never end. He knew it was too much for Nick; he could see it in his big blue eyes and feel it in the frantic way he touched him. The feelings between them were so intense. It was scary enough for Brian, feeling so connected to the younger man, being one with him…he knew it was worse for the teen. He could see that it was already overwhelming him. Tenderly, Brian stroked the boy’s hips and held him close. He alternated between kissing him deeply and nibbling and softly sucking on his neck. “Nicky…baby, I love you,” he whispered, staring down into his eyes, his body trembling with need.
“Brian please,” Nick begged, his voice shaking with emotion. Once more was all it took. Brian pushed deeply into the teen’s body and they came together. The pleasure burnt them both and yet they clung to one another, kissing and calling each other’s names. Amongst his searing pleasure, Brian felt his heart break. Nick was, no doubt, in great pleasure too, but he was too afraid to completely give into it. He was afraid of everything he felt. Terrified in fact. And Brian knew things couldn’t ever be the same.
After Brian pulled out of him, he lay next to Nick for a few minutes, softly petting him and waiting for him to recover. When he made a move to leave the bed, wanting to get something to clean them off, Nick grabbed his arm and faced him with wide, frightened eyes and shook his head. “Don’t leave,” he whispered.
Brian smiled tenderly and laid his hand on Nick’s shoulder. “I’ll be right back baby. I’m just gonna get--”
“No, don’t leave,” Nick repeated, squeezing Brian’s arm tightly. “Please don’t leave…please Bri, just…please…” Brian quickly moved closer and pulled the boy into his arms. Nick buried his face in Brian’s neck and wrapped his arms around him tightly. Brian squeezed his eyes shut and bit down on his lip. Nick was crying. He could feel his hot tears on his neck. He could feel his body trembling. Nick had tried so hard. He wanted to stay strong, but this was too much. He had felt so much in Brian’s arms…too much. It scared him. He loved Brian, he really did, but these feelings had been too powerful and too intense for his fourteen-year-old heart to handle. So now he had collapsed, needing Brian’s tight embrace, even though the older man’s touch still frightened him. He hated being so needy, but he couldn’t help it.
“Nicky, please don’t cry,” Brian begged softly, tears welling up in his own eyes. His heart was breaking and guilt was quickly threatening to crush him. The boy started to sob, his tears only growing stronger rather than letting up. But he clung to Brian tightly, needing the comfort and the warmth his embrace provided. “Please stop shaking baby,” Brian pleaded, his voice trembling. He held the boy as tightly as he could, wishing he could take it all back. He was so in love with him and now he was lost and didn’t know what to do.
Another thought struck him suddenly, making the guilt weigh on him even more heavily. Slightly panicked, he forced Nick to pull back a little bit and look into his eyes. “Bri…” he whimpered softly, his eyes red and blotchy, his face stained with tears. Brian wanted to kill himself. He had never seen Nick look so upset, so lost…so scared. “Nicky…” he whispered, painfully, cupping the boy’s cheek in his hand. “I didn’t…hurt you, did I?” He asked in a trembling voice, unable to prevent a few tears from escaping his sad eyes. Nick shook his head and quickly buried his face against Brian’s chest again.
“No,” he replied, his voice small and soft. The physical pain had hurt, yes, but Nick had expected it and it had faded after a while. He knew he’d probably feel more pain come tomorrow, but it didn’t really matter. That was not the reason for his tears. “It scared me Bri,” he whispered, sniffling softly and shutting his eyes. His embrace wasn’t quite as desperate now, but Brian still kept a tight hold on him.
“I know,” was all Brian said, squeezing his eyes shut tightly, trying to prevent more tears from escaping. He ran his hands up and down the boy’s back for hours, crying silently and wishing he could go back and do things differently. Nick fell asleep very soon after his admittance that that their lovemaking had frightened him. He was exhausted, physically and emotionally, and shutting down and going to sleep was his only escape right now.
Just before falling asleep Brian vowed to make things better. He’d stay away. He’d leave him alone and let him be an innocent young teenager again. He couldn’t undo what he’d done, but he could make it better…even if he had to break his own heart in the process.
Chapter 3
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