Chapter 1
“You know that it’s wrong.”
Brian didn’t answer, just turned his head away and nodded. He had, of course, expected this lecture, but that didn’t mean he wanted to listen to it. The only thing that kept him from telling Kevin to fuck off and leave him alone was that he was hoping, deep down, that maybe Kevin’s words would get to him. He wanted Kevin’s words to get to him and make him stop what he was doing before he went too far.
“He trusts you. Trusts you and looks up to you and you’re taking advantage of that,” Kevin went on.
Trouble was Kevin’s words were no different than anything Brian had already told himself. He wanted Kevin to go completely ballistic and yell and scream at him. He wanted to hear angry threats and the promise of violence. He deserved it.
“Jesus, Brian…think about what you’re doing. Really think about it,” Kevin said, starting to sound exasperated.
“Don’t you think I have?” Brian asked, turning to face his cousin’s stare. “I’ve gone over this in my head so many times Kevin. I know that what I want is wrong. I know he trusts me and I’m abusing that trust in the worst possible way. I know what a horrible, sick, depraved person I’m being. But I can’t help myself!”
Kevin threw up his hands in frustration, stood up and walked out onto the balcony of his room. Brian waited a few minutes before following and standing next to him.
“Kev…I think I’m in love with him,” Brian whispered, leaning forward on his arms and looking out towards the ocean. His demeanor was calm but inside he was an absolute mess. For the past six months he had found himself unable to stop lusting after his best friend. That in itself wouldn’t have been so bad except for the fact that Nick, his sweet, innocent best friend was only fourteen. Fourteen…still blooming, still growing, still such a baby. Being five years his senior, Brian couldn’t help but fear his own feelings towards the boy. What was wrong with him? Why did he feel this way?
Kevin turned sharply and watched his younger cousin silently for a few minutes. “What are you talking about Brian? How can you be in love with him? He’s only fourteen!”
“I know!” Brian yelled, standing up straight again and facing his cousin. He was so tired of going over this. His feelings were torn in two. He wanted Nick; he wanted him desperately. He wanted more than just the kisses and touches they shared now. He wanted everything from Nick. And now, just recently, he had realized exactly what everything meant. At first it had just been lust. He wanted to fuck him, he wanted his virginity, he wanted the boy in his bed for as long as he’d stay. But somewhere along the line his feelings had changed. Not completely…he still wanted to have sex with Nick. But now, besides his body, he wanted his heart too.
“Look Brian, the first time I saw you kissing him I let it slide. The second time worried me, especially once I realized that it was happening on an almost regular basis. But this time? When I walked in on the two of you, Nick was half naked, in your bed, and he looked completely willing to do whatever you wanted. What would have happened if I hadn’t come into your room? Honestly Brian, what would have happened? I’d like to think you would’ve stopped things before they went too far, but…my faith in you has been steadily going down hill. Would you have stopped?” Kevin asked, his gaze on Brian never wavering. “Because I know Nick wouldn’t have…he’d do whatever you want. You’ve seduced him into that; you know that don’t you? You’re the responsible one! You’re supposed to be watching out for him and protecting him. But you’re the one doing him the most harm!”
By now, Brian was in tears. He stumbled backwards and collapsed into one of the patio chairs. He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and buried his face in his hands. “I know Kevin!” He wailed, his heartache quite evident in his voice. “I know what I’m doing to him. I know that it’s up to me to stop all of this, not him. But you don’t understand!” He sobbed.
Kevin knelt at Brian’s feet and gently forced his head up and met his eyes. “What don’t I understand?” He asked softly, trying to be patient. He was angry with Brian, but he was also worried about him.
“You don’t understand what it’s like to be with him Kev!” Brian cried, his voice still shaking from his tears. “He’s so beautiful. When I look at him, I lose myself. When he’s close to me I can’t concentrate on anything else. I love it when he crawls into my arms. I love holding him…feeling his arms wrapped around me, just feeling him close. I love feeling his warm body pressed against mine. Kev…no one’s ever fit so perfectly with me. When he’s in my arms he fits perfectly!” Brian knew Kevin could never truly understand everything he meant. He couldn’t because he didn’t feel what Brian felt. And no amount of words would ever help. But he continued anyway.
“And then, when he’s in my arms it only gets worse,” Brian went on, his voice still shaky, his tears still falling. “He’s so soft…soft hair, soft skin…I can’t get enough of it Kev. His scent just surrounds me and I forget everything else.” He stopped for a moment, trying to determine if he should admit to what Kevin really wanted to know. He could see from the look in his cousin’s eyes that he was already losing him. All Kevin could see was that Brian was nineteen and lusting after his innocent fourteen year old best friend. He couldn’t see what Brian saw…couldn’t see how perfect they were for each other.
Deciding he had already admitted to everything else, he might as well go all the way, Brian continued. “And no Kevin,” he started in a whisper. “If you hadn’t come into my room last night…I wouldn’t have stopped.”
Kevin stood up then and turned away from Brian, resuming his position next to the balcony. Neither of them said a word for a very long time. The only sound was the distant crash of the waves and Brian’s quiet sobbing. Surprisingly though it was Brian who spoke first. Kevin had a million things he wanted to say to the younger man but he also knew that nothing he said would get through to him.
“I love him Kevin,” Brian said softly, wiping the tears off of his face and looking up at his cousin. “I love him like a brother, as my best friend and now as so much more. I know you don’t believe that but it’s true,” he went on. Taking a deep breath and trying to stop his still-flowing tears, Brian stood up and placed his hand on Kevin’s back. “This is killing me Kevin,” he whispered, in obvious pain. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried to stop trembling. “Every time I touch him or kiss him I’m…I’m dying a little inside.”
Kevin turned around to face his cousin and winced at his expression. He looked broken. His eyes were red and weary; his face was wet with tears. Brian didn’t resist when Kevin pulled him into his arms. He collapsed and let his tears fall freely.
“You’re going to have to give him everything,” Kevin said softly, running his hands up and down Brian’s back. “He’s only fourteen…he’s going to expect everything. Forever, always…all of you,” he went on, trying once more to warn Brian away from the course of action he knew he was going to take. “And then once he outgrows his infatuation with you he’ll break your heart.”
Brian pulled back and looked up into Kevin’s eyes. “I know,” he said simply. He waited a few more moments before turning away from Kevin to leave.
“Brian,” Kevin called out again, searching desperately for something else he could say to stop him. “If you really love him you won’t do this. You’re gonna hurt him Bri! You’re gonna hurt yourself! Please don’t do this Brian…” he begged, wishing he knew what he could say that he hadn’t already.
Brian stopped just inside the room and looked back at Kevin. “I’m sorry Kev…so sorry,” he whispered, his eyes bright and shimmering with tears. “I won’t hurt him,” he whispered, knowing full well that wasn’t quite true. He would never intentionally hurt Nick, that was true, but Brian realized that unintentionally he might do just that.
By the time Brian got back to his room Nick was sound asleep. The television was still on, the volume muted, and Nick lay sprawled out in Brian’s bed, the sheet tangled around his waist. Brian took off his t-shirt and jeans, turned off the TV and crawled into bed with Nick. The boy automatically snuggled close when Brian carefully wrapped him in his arms. Brian forced himself not to cry anymore as he ran his fingers through Nick’s hair and over the soft skin of his naked back. If Nick woke up and saw his tears he’d want to know why he was crying, and that was something Brian could not explain to him. He knew that to Nick there was nothing wrong with what they were doing. Nick couldn’t see the wrongness of the situation. Again, that was up to Brian, and he was past resisting.
As Nick shifted to get more comfortable, heat shot through Brian, burning away his lingering conscience. Neither of them was wearing anything more than boxers, and now Nick, in his sleep, had thrown his arm and leg over Brian and had plastered himself to the older man’s body. The teen’s body was so hot and his skin was so soft against Brian’s. It was always this way and Brian didn’t think he could resist not taking everything anymore.
Carefully, so as not to wake him, Brian rolled Nick off of him and onto his back. The boy, so used to sleeping in Brian’s embrace, tried to stay as near to him as possible. Brian smiled softly and kept his hand on Nick’s chest so that they were still touching. He leaned over and turned on the small bedside lamp so that the room took on a dim glow. Brian knew the light wouldn’t wake Nick up. After all, unless Brian was there, he always slept with the TV on anyway.
“God, you’re beautiful,” he whispered, running his fingers through Nick’s hair and then over his face. “I don’t wanna hurt you Nicky,” he went on, his voice almost inaudible. “I just wish I could be sure that what we’re doing isn’t going to harm you.”
Wanting more, Brian leaned down and lightly pressed his lips to Nick’s chest. The boy stirred briefly when Brian’s tongue darted out to taste his skin, but he just sighed and went back to being still. Slowly and softly, Brian kissed his way up Nick’s chest to his face. As always the scent of the teen smothered and surrounded him, completely drugging his senses. Still running his fingers through Nick’s hair, he slid his other hand across the boy’s chest and down to his stomach. Again he leaned down and pressed his lips to Nick’s neck, sucking softly on the sweet skin. He took his time moving across Nick’s chest, savoring every inch of him. As he continued to rain his kisses all over Nick’s chest he pressed his hand down gently on the boy’s stomach, splaying his fingers out over the heated skin.
He knew he should stop…that was a given, but especially because Nick was still asleep. But the boy was just too tempting to resist. As he went further, he shifted carefully so that he was straddling Nick’s legs. The teen stirred slightly as Brian slid his hands down to Nick’s hips, letting his fingers slip beneath the waistband of his boxers.
Don’t wake up yet, Brian pleaded inwardly. As strange as it seemed, it was easier to push his guilt away when Nick was asleep. For some reason, Brian was able to feel less guilty if he couldn’t see the boy’s eyes. Once Nick had settled again, Brian bent over him and went back to kissing his sweet skin. He had never gotten this far before. Even in their most ardent moments, Brian’s kisses had never gone past Nick’s neck; his touches never lower than his waist. But now he wanted more…desperately.
Growing more needy, he squeezed Nick’s hips gently and daringly allowed his hands to slide beneath the boy, pressing against his lower back and then moving just slightly lower. He pressed his lips harder to Nick’s stomach, letting his tongue taste the soft skin. This was too good…already Brian wanted to devour him. He nibbled and sucked softly on the skin around Nick’s navel, pushing his tongue into his belly button. He was aching to go lower and in his lust-filled state he probably would have, but when he felt Nick’s hands in his hair he froze and lifted his head to meet the teen’s surprised eyes.
“Nick…” he whispered, trying to think of something to say. He shouldn’t have done this. The last thing he wanted to do was scare him. Again, the thought ran through his head that he was harming Nick. That’s all he could think about lately. This couldn’t be good for him. And what kind of person was he? What kind of person does what he was doing? Touching him and kissing him…not too far from stripping him of his clothes…all while he was sleeping.
Nick blushed under Brian’s gaze and smiled softly. His body was tingling with pleasure and nerves. He had woken up a few minutes ago feeling strange. When he had discovered that Brian was the cause of the warm sensations running through him, he had relaxed and let the new feelings wash over him. Ever since he and Brian had first kissed he had wanted more. He was curious, yet too shy to take things further on his own.
“That felt really good,” Nick whispered, his eyes sparkling. Brian could tell that the boy was very nervous, but he also knew how willing he’d be to let Brian go further. Tentatively, Nick touched Brian’s cheek and then slid his hand down to his shoulder. He wanted Brian closer; he wanted Brian to hold him. Shyly, he tugged on the older man’s arm, trying to get him to understand without having to actually ask for what he wanted. Brian swallowed hard, the look of need in Nick’s eyes catching him off guard. He knew what Nick wanted, but he was afraid because the closer he got to the boy, the harder he knew it would be to stop things. Nonetheless, he crawled closer to Nick and stretched himself out on top of him, resting his weight on his arms. Nick shivered as he felt Brian’s naked chest against his own. Shyly, he slid his arms around Brian’s back and smiled up at him.
“Are you ok Nicky?” Brian asked softly, his eyes full of worry. Nick frowned, looking confused. “I’m fine…why? Is something the matter?” He asked, wondering if he’d done something wrong. Brian sighed and ran his fingers through Nick’s hair. “It’s nothing, I just…Nick, I want to make sure you’re ok with all of this…with what we’ve been doing…” He stopped for a moment, watching Nick carefully.
Nick ran his fingers down the side of Brian’s face and leaned up to kiss him warmly. He pulled the older man into the kiss, sensing his reluctance and uncertainty over their closeness. He knew that Brian worried that he was hurting him in some way, that they were too close or moving too fast…and he knew it was because of his age. But Nick didn’t see it like that. Nick was sure of everything he felt for Brian and with Brian. By nature, he was shy and quiet and was used to being on his own. That’s why his friendship with Brian was so special and treasured, and he only wanted them to get closer.
Brian couldn’t help but respond, slipping his hand behind Nick’s neck and deepening the kiss. Wanting to be more comfortable, he rolled onto his side and pulled Nick with him, keeping their bodies pressed together. Brian kissed him deeply, tangling one hand in his hair and slipping his other arm behind his back. He wanted Nick as close as possible…he wanted more. However, he was terrified of going too far with Nick, of scaring him, hurting him…he loved the boy too much to ever want to do him harm. But Nick was so alluring, so forbidden and tempting. His darkest thoughts always ran through him at moments like these. He knew he could take everything Nick had to offer and the teen would let him. Nick trusted and admired Brian, and Brian knew that. There wasn’t a doubt in his mind that he could use that trust and admiration to get whatever he wanted. He hated himself for even thinking like that.
When their kiss finally broke, they lay still in each other’s arms, unwilling to move even the slightest bit apart. “Was Kevin mad?” Nick asked in a whisper, his eyes worried. Brian sighed and looked away from the teen’s eyes. How was he supposed to explain what he had discussed with Kevin? Just a few short hours ago, he and Nick had been wrapped up in each other’s arms much like they were now…and then Kevin had found them. Nick, at Brian’s request, had stayed in their room while he had gone to talk with his cousin. Brian couldn’t tell Nick everything he and Kevin had discussed. It would only upset him. He wouldn’t understand if Brian confessed to feeling guilty and ashamed of what their relationship had become. He’d be hurt. Brian knew that Nick loved the way their relationship was developing and changing. Nick didn’t see anything wrong with what they were doing. He wasn’t plagued by the guilt and worry that Brian was.
“A little,” Brian finally responded. “It’s not really about us though Nicky,” he went on, hoping he could explain somewhat. “He’s just worried because…well because you’re so young,” he said softly, smiling and running his fingers through Nick’s hair. Nick lowered his eyes and bit down on his lower lip.
“But it doesn’t matter,” Nick protested softly after a few moments. “I love you,” he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut because he so feared rejection from those words. He knew Brian cared for him, that their relationship was more than just friendship, that it was deeper…but he had never really told him that he loved him.
Brian felt his heart expand in his chest and he had to take a deep breath to keep himself from crying. He couldn’t take his eyes off of his beautiful best friend. Everything was so perfect…how could this be wrong? Nick’s words warmed his heart and made him smile. Love made it better, right? Love meant that it wasn’t dirty or that he wasn’t an awful person…right? If they loved each other…then it was ok.
Wasn’t it?
“I love you too Nicky,” Brian whispered, slipping his hand beneath the boy’s chin and forcing him to meet his eyes. He smiled softly and brushed Nick’s hair out off of his face. He pulled him closer and kissed him tenderly. “I love you too,” he repeated, kissing his lips again and then his chin. Nick smiled brightly, his eyes speaking volumes. He pulled his best friend closer and kissed him again. Beaming, he snuggled as close as he could to Brian.
After a while Brian pulled Nick up so he could see his eyes again. Nervously, he ran his fingers through Nick’s hair and tried to figure out how he should begin. He had to be sure. He couldn’t go through with all of this if Nick were the least bit uncertain. And even then, in the back of his mind he knew that he couldn’t trust how Nick would respond. Nick was ruled by his heart and his feelings…and he saw nothing but love in their relationship. Not to mention the fact that he was only fourteen…he didn’t know what he wanted.
“Nicky,” he began softly, automatically pulling the boy closer. Lately, he had come to depend on Nick’s touch and Nick’s warmth to keep him feeling safe.
“What’s wrong Bri?” Nick whispered, resting his hand on Brian’s neck and letting his fingers play with his curls. He could tell that something was bothering Brian…it had been for several days.
“Nicky, I need to know how you feel about all of this. About us,” Brian said softly, his voice full of worry. “I don’t wanna hurt you or scare you, and I’m afraid that all of this is moving too fast,” he said anxiously. Saying it out loud made it even worse. He might as well go all the way and tell Nick everything…that sometimes it made him sick to think about what he was doing. Sometimes he felt like a criminal when he touched the teen. But he knew that would only hurt Nick.
“I’m not scared,” Nick declared softly, his eyes conveying more than just boastfulness. “I’m nervous and anxious and…and every time you touch me I get butterflies in my stomach. But I’m not scared…not of you and not of what we’re doing. I trust you.”
Brian smiled tenderly and kissed him on the forehead. He knew Nick was telling the truth and he told himself, because he couldn’t resist, that things would be ok. But in his heart he knew he shouldn’t give in. Nick was young and impressionable and easily swayed…especially by him. Brian didn’t doubt Nick’s love. He was just afraid that if he went all the way and took what he wanted that he’d destroy that love. Was Nick really ready for everything? He claimed to be, yes, but Nick also didn’t know what to expect. Brian knew he didn’t. He was a virgin…he had no experience…he was so innocent. The last thing Brian wanted to do was betray his friend by corrupting that precious innocence.
He wished that he could wait, that he could resist Nick’s allure for a few more years. But he’d drive himself insane…the teen was far too tempting. And his darkest thoughts whispered to him that the real reason he couldn’t wait was because he wanted him now, just as he was. He wanted to be his first, to teach him things, show him everything his body was capable of feeling. And no matter how much he hated it, how much it scared him, Brian couldn’t deny his attraction to Nick’s young body.
“Nick…” Brian murmured softly, waiting for the boy to look into his eyes again. When he did, Brian was struck with the depth of emotion he saw there. He saw love and trust swimming in Nick’s gorgeous blue eyes, and it scared him to realize how much he depended on that look always being there.
“Tell me,” Nick breathed his lips inches from Brian’s, his breath hot on his face. Being this close to Nick was always stifling for Brian…only because he had never allowed himself to get any closer. But now he needed to be closer. There was nothing he could do to resist anymore.
“I want you,” he stated softly, gazing into Nick’s unreadable eyes. For all his shyness and naivety, the boy was excellent at hiding his true feelings. This time was no exception. Because he couldn’t tell what Nick was feeling, Brian continued before Nick could say anything, already thinking the worst. He was convinced that the boy had been terrified by his admittance.
“Nick…I can’t help myself,” he said softly, his eyes pleading with his friend. “I want you in every sense of the word. I want you because I love you, because I love the fact that you love me back. I want you and I want to be the one you always love. And I…I want you,” he whispered, his voice trembling by now. “I want to touch every inch of you, and kiss you, and…Nick, I want to make love to you.”
Nick shivered and finally blushed. Shyly, he looked away from Brian’s desperate gaze even as he pulled his older friend closer. “I want you too,” he whispered, so quiet, Brian had to strain to hear him. It was true. Nick did want Brian…he wanted him in all the ways the older man had described. And physically…for the past month or so he had been becoming more and more desperate. He didn’t understand his feelings and he certainly couldn’t name them. All he knew was that when Brian touched him he felt things he never had. Brian’s hands and mouth worked a certain magic on his body that always left him feeling breathless and weightless. Brian always insisted that they stop after so far, but lately, he had begun to feel a certain desperation in the older man’s touches that hadn’t been there before. And he felt it too. He wanted more…he wanted to know just what more felt like. The shivers Brian’s touches always sent through his body were beginning to tease him. They left him hot, anxious and frustrated. He knew there was more and he wanted to have it.
Not knowing what else he could say, Nick met Brian’s eyes again and sighed softly. The older man shivered as Nick lifted his hand and placed the tips of his fingers on Brian’s cheek. He watched the older man intently as he ran his fingers over his face, memorizing details with his touch. Brian couldn’t look away from the boy’s eyes, desperate to read the sea of blue. He pulled Nick closer and slid his hand down his arm until he was covering Nick’s hand on his face.
But Nick didn’t stop. His fingers reached Brian’s lips and he delicately traced them with his fingertips, his eyes still locked on Brian’s. He loved the way Brian’s lips felt under his fingers…so soft and silky. Brian’s hand felt heavy on top of his own and he noticed a certain desperation in his eyes now. Suddenly, all he wanted to do was kiss him.
Brian’s breathing hitched when the look in Nick’s eyes changed from gentle curiosity to something that looked dangerously akin to lust. He watched as the boy glanced down at his mouth and then licked his lips. Brian had to bite his tongue to keep from moaning. Nick was so damn gorgeous, so hot…and he didn’t even realize that what he was doing was at all sexy. He was innocent and untouched…all part of his appeal. Brian tightened his grip on Nick’s hands, sliding his fingers over the teen’s until he had them separated. Watching Nick carefully, he pressed his lips to the tip of Nick’s index finger and kissed it.
Nick began chewing on his bottom lip, his eyes never leaving Brian’s. Despite their minimal amount of touching, Nick’s cheeks were flushed and his chest felt tight as if he couldn’t catch his breath. He jumped when he felt Brian’s tongue on his skin but he didn’t pull away. In fact, pulling away was the furthest thing on his mind. Brian let his fingers caress the back of Nick’s hand as he drew the tip of his finger between his lips. Nick bit down on his lip again and whimpered softly as a warm sensation spread all over his body.
Brian sucked Nick’s finger deeper into his mouth, running his tongue all over it. He loved the way Nick tasted, and even more he loved the reaction he was getting from the boy. His breath was coming in short gasps that occasionally changed to soft little moans. His face was gorgeously flushed and his eyes were blurry. In his mind’s eye, Brian saw himself a step ahead, kissing Nick deeply, back to sucking and nibbling on his chest, his stomach…. He wanted to hear Nick moan with pleasure. Brian shivered and felt himself harden. All thoughts of resisting, all of those reasons why this was a bad idea were gone. Even if he had wanted to go over them again, he couldn’t find them. As he continued to suck on Nick’s finger, he wrapped his other arm around Nick’s back and pulled him tightly against him.
The teen trembled in his arms as he ran his fingers up and down Nick’s spine, dipping a little bit lower each time, wanting to touch more, but knowing he still had to go slowly. Finally, he let Nick’s finger slip from his mouth, but still he held his hand and gently kissed the tips of his fingers before letting go and slipping his hand behind Nick’s neck.
Nick looked so desperate and needy…his eyes were pleading with Brian not to stop. He didn’t want to stop this time. He wanted more, but he didn’t know how to ask. But Brian had no intention of stopping things…not this time. He smiled tenderly at Nick just before pressing his lips to the boy’s. The two of them seemed to melt into each other the instant their lips touched. It was as if they had never kissed before. Brian wrapped both of his arms tightly around the teen and kissed him deeply. Nick moaned softly when Brian’s tongue touched his and eagerly began kissing him back.
As their kisses deepened, their touches grew more desperate. Brian pressed Nick down onto his back again, covering his body with his own. Unconsciously, Nick arched up into him as they kissed shooting intense streaks of heat all over Brian’s body. When their kiss finally broke, they were both gasping for air.
“Brian…” Nick moaned softly. The older man looked down into his eyes and swallowed hard. He knew what Nick wanted…he could see it in his eyes, feel it in the heat coming off his body. “Bri please…” Nick whimpered as Brian slowly slid his fingers down over his chest and gently pushed his leg between Nick’s, eliciting another small moan from the teen. Nick gripped tightly to Brian’s upper arms and looked up into his eyes pleadingly, knowing he couldn’t take it if Brian stopped this time. “Please Bri…please don’t--”
Brian cut him off with a kiss, deeply searching his sweet mouth with his tongue. He let his body sink down into Nick’s, no longer supporting his weight with his arms. When their kiss broke, Brian cupped Nick’s face in his hands and looked into his bright blue eyes. Again Nick whimpered softly and gently squeezed Brian’s arms. He wasn’t even sure why he felt the way he did. He was so warm and every touch from Brian was making him tremble. Brian smiled lovingly at him and pressed his finger to Nick’s lips. “Don’t worry baby,” he murmured, leaning down to kiss the boy’s chin and the corner of his mouth.
“I’m not going to stop this time.”
Even as he spoke the words, they damned him in his own mind. But he couldn’t resist Nick anymore; he wouldn’t resist anymore…no matter what the consequences.
“I've wanted this for so long Nicky,” Brian murmured as he began kissing the teen’s neck. Slowly, he trailed his tongue across Nick’s neck to his chest, pausing for a moment to look up into the boy's flushed face. He was biting on his lower lip and staring at Brian with wide eyes. Quickly, Brian took it all in...everything he saw in Nick’s eyes. He was desperate for more, of that Brian had no doubt. But there was more in the teen’s bright blue gaze. There was a deep love and an innocent, unwavering trust in his older friend. Again, guilt briefly pricked at Brian’s heart but he pushed it aside.
He slid his hands down Nick’s sides, smiling softly to himself as he felt the boy quiver under his touch. He leaned up and pressed his mouth to Nick’s briefly before resuming the exploration of his neck. Slowly, he made his way lower, sucking and nibbling at various places.
Nick couldn’t help moaning every time Brian’s lips traced a new trail over his body. The feelings Brian's touch sent rushing through him left him breathless and weak. He couldn’t quite grasp what he was feeling and although a small part of him was afraid of the intensity of the things he felt, the larger part trusted Brian too much to worry.
Brian slid his arms beneath the teen and pushed his hands against the small of his back, bringing him closer to his searching mouth. When he reached his stomach, he felt Nick’s fingers threading through his hair, tugging gently, seeming to unconsciously urge him further. Brian couldn’t get enough of the boy and the way he tasted. Nick’s whole body was trembling now as heat and pleasure filled him. Every kiss Brian pressed to his soft skin sent chills up and down his spine. He moaned softly, low in his throat, as he felt Brian nibble his stomach, just below his navel. Brian slid his hands to Nick's hips and squeezed them gently, letting his fingers slip below his boxers.
“Bri...” Nick whimpered. When Brian looked up he saw Nick’s tongue dart out to moisten his lips. His cheeks were flushed, his hair a mess and he was squeezing his eyes shut.
“Shh baby relax...” Brian said softly, lightly brushing his lips over Nick’s stomach again. “You taste so good Nicky,” he continued as he began tugging on the boy’s boxers. “I want more baby,” he purred, not sure if Nick was even comprehending his words. He knew the boy was already lost in a haze of newfound pleasure.
“Yes,” Nick whispered, his fingers tugging on Brian’s hair. Without even realizing it, he was pushing his hips upward, wanting Brian to touch all of him. He needed to feel more.
Brian’s eyes never left Nick’s face as he slowly pulled off the teen’s boxers. Nick’s eyes were still shut which, on one level, relieved Brian. He wasn’t sure if he could deal with the questioning and shy look he knew would be in Nick’s gaze. But on the other hand, he wanted to see the heat that he knew would be there. He wanted to see pleasure flooding Nick’s innocent eyes.
Nick couldn’t help the strangulated moan that left his lips as Brian ran his fingers over his hips and thighs. His lips soon followed the path of his fingers, kissing and softly sucking the skin. When he couldn’t resist a second longer, Brian lightly ran his fingers up the length of Nick’s cock, still pressing his lips to the boy’s hip. Nick trembled and moaned his lover’s name, his hands searching wildly for something to touch.
Brian tenderly ran his other hand up Nick’s chest and smiled when the boy grasped lightly to him with both hands. Looking up, Brian intently watched the teen’s face as he closed his fingers around his cock.
“Oh God...Brian,” Nick moaned, his eyes shooting open and meeting Brian’s gaze. Brian hadn’t expected that and it caught him off guard, even as his body reacted to touching Nick. The teen’s eyes begged him to keep going, to give him more. There was a tiny look of uncertainty in the boy’s blue eyes, but they both chose to ignore it.
“I love you,” Brian whispered, shifting so he could kiss Nick again. Nick responded eagerly to the kiss, sucking on Brian’s tongue and urging him further. His hands moved frantically over the older man’s back, wanting to touch as much of him as he could.
“I love you too,” Nick moaned as Brian slipped his hand between their bodies and stroked him. Brian smiled and quickly slid back down Nick’s flushed body.
“You're so hot Nicky,” he murmured, unsure if he was talking to himself or to Nick. “I love you,” he repeated, trying to reassure them both. “I wanna make you feel so good...” he purred, his lips brushing Nick’s stomach as he grasped the boy’s hips with both hands.
“Please Brian...” Nick begged, desperate for…what, he wasn’t exactly sure. He knew what Brian was going to do, he just didn't know exactly what to expect. No self-exploration of his body had ever felt as good as this and he knew that there was so much more.
Brian took Nick’s hips in his hands and looked up at his flushed face. He was trembling he wanted Nick so badly. Nick stared at him, desperation in his big blue eyes, and licked his lips. Brian nearly moaned and knew he couldn’t wait a second longer. He kissed the boy’s skin just below the navel and ran his tongue lower over the heated flesh. Then, he took the tip of Nick’s cock between his lips and sucked him gently, nearly moaning when he realized that Nick was already wet.
“Brian…” Nick moaned, squeezing his eyes shut and his hands into fists. This was too much. Brian went further, drawing him deeper into his mouth, sucking him, licking him, savoring him. Nick whimpered helplessly each time Brian pulled back. The older man couldn’t get enough and he wanted this to last. Every time he could feel Nick getting close, he’d pull back and then quickly take him back into his mouth. Nick’s one hand found its way into Brian’s hair, and he tugged on it, trying to get more out of the older man.
Brian let Nick slip from his mouth once more and gazed up at him. The blonde’s face was flushed and sweaty, his eyes were squeezed shut, a painful expression on his face. “Please Bri,” he begged, his eyes still shut. He sounded near tears. Every inch of his body was tingling with pleasure and anticipation. Brian was driving his crazy…his mouth was so warm and wet, his tongue felt incredible against his skin. But as desperate as he was for release, he couldn’t help but love the way Brian kept teasing him.
“Open your eyes Nick and look at me,” Brian whispered breathlessly. When their eyes met, neither could look away. Electricity crackled between them. “I love you,” Brian whispered. Nick nodded in response and bit his lip, still not looking away from Brian’s gaze. Their eyes still locked, Brian lowered his mouth to Nick’s cock once more and sucked him deeply…deeper than before, until he touched the back of his throat.
“Brian!” Nick screamed, his eyes shutting again, his fingers gripping tightly to the sheets below him. It only took a few seconds for Nick to come. He moaned the older man’s name over and over again, reaching down to touch his head and tug on his curls. The pleasure was so acute that it left him desperate, scared and amazed. The fear he felt from these feelings was equal to the amount of love now coursing through his veins.
Brian kept his eyes on Nick the entire time as he eagerly sucked and swallowed everything Nick gave to him. The pleasure that sent Nick into shivers and moans made Brian’s whole body tremble. He was so hot. Brian was dying. If he closed his eyes he could see Nick’s wet swollen lips on his cock. He could feel the blonde sucking him, touching him…God, how he wanted that! But he wasn’t about to ask for it. He didn’t plan on asking for any reciprocation at all. Partly because he was still feeling guilty for what he was doing. Also partly because seeing Nick come had been enough for one night. Tomorrow they’d have all night. Tomorrow he’d have everything he wanted…if it didn’t destroy him first.
Nick snuggled as close as he could to Brian once he was back in his arms. Brian held him tightly and stroked his hair, smiling softly. Nick was so content he was practically purring, although he still hadn’t said anything. When Brian had crawled back up his body, he had kissed Nick first, the taste of the boy still lingering on his tongue. Nick had kissed him back and smiled lovingly at him before snuggling into his arms. He was feeling too much right now to talk, and Brian could see that. He just hoped that Nick wouldn’t regret this come morning. They fell asleep together, locked in a tight embrace. Brian dreamed of more, Nick dreamed of the future. Neither was sure what was coming.
Chapter 2
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