Monday, 8 March 2004 - 10:55 PM GMT
I don't particularly like the 'gay scene'. Yes, sometimes, when I've had a hard day of being snubbed, ignored, or downright insulted for not fancying men, I want to go somewhere where I don't have to pretend. Where I can be comfortable just saying the word 'lesbian' without getting horrible stares from white middle-class insulated bigots. But then, the 'scene' itself is full of cliques and divisions. You're either femme or butch, baby-dyke, alex-parks-lookalike or some such category. If you're bi, you don't belong. If you're not drinking, you're a freak. If I go out wearing jeans and a shirt, it immediately puts me into certain categories in the minds of others. If I went out in a skirt, I would be labelled as 'femme', etc etc.
I would *really* like somewhere I could just go have tea and coffee, or alcohol when I wanted it, sit with friends (gay or straight) and just be *me*. Somewhere mixed. I don't really need anywhere to be exclusively gay for me to enjoy myself. I'd prefer somewhere mixed and relaxed.
And yes, I had all of those teenage angsts too, but many weren't because of my sexuality, as I didn't come out until much later. Those same things *still* exclude me from much of the scene, and from having close friendships with many people.. Mainly because they either don't *believe* my story, or they think I need constant sympathy.
The scene stinks, basically, but in the absence of any other place to meet other lesbians, it's all there is. I'm willing to stick with it for a while, because out of the thousands of bitchy back-stabbers, there might be one person I can get along with....