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Saturday, 22 November 2003


One of the things I have to do as part of my |genericjob| at the moment is to ruthlessly, unemotionally whittle great works of literature down into four easily digestible scenes.
Frankenstein - creation, Felix's cottage, meeting in caves of ice, storm at the Pole.
Great Expectations - the marshes, Gargery kitchen, Havisham, Wemmick.
Romeo and Juliet - initial fight, party scene, second fight, Juliet weeps.
Bish bash bosh. There's yer 'eritage, roight, missus?

It's a mockery of an affrontery of a shambles of a sham, to be sure, but once you've done it a few times, it's tempting to apply the same callous process to the books you're reading -- which breeds an impatience.
Do I really have to wade through the narrator's first few years in Haiti while reading The Comedians? Surely it's better to skip from the Ton Ton Macoute killing in the pool straight to the Comtesse's death scene?

In a more innocent, historic age, I used to daydream about how awful it might be to write film scripts for Merchant Ivory and spend your days butchering whole passages of slow, meandering, precious explanation; but now I merely wonder if the trick would work on a real life - can you precis your memories in as brutal a fashion?
Think not? Bet your grandmother can. "A sickly child. Pigeon-toed. Moved to That London. Never as bright as Our Derek."
Looking forward to that family crissmuss lunch muchly, now, eh?

This page graced by sarsparilla at 4:26 PM GMT
Updated: Saturday, 22 November 2003 4:32 PM GMT
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Saturday, 22 November 2003 - 4:30 PM GMT

Name: Joe

Glad that you enjoyed #1 on my list of movies. As always your words are magnificent. Have a wonderful day. :)

Saturday, 22 November 2003 - 6:07 PM GMT

Name: billy
Home Page:

...could be a bit sad if your life can only come up with 3 comments...born, married, had kids...I suppose I could try to squeeze "read comics" in there but how sad does that make me...must hurry up and die :^)...

Saturday, 22 November 2003 - 6:17 PM GMT

Name: tess
Home Page:

I can
A miserable child. Married a psycho. Had two kids. No sense.

Saturday, 22 November 2003 - 9:57 PM GMT

Name: cacoa

mine's easy: Fell out of window, evolved for better, superhuman flying powers, grants wishes

Saturday, 22 November 2003 - 10:53 PM GMT

Name: tess
Home Page:

oooo, can I have 3 wishes?

1) I want to have a fairytale ending and live happily ever after

2) Hmmmmmmmmm, if I'm living happily ever after that means everyone I love is living happily ever after too, so I only have one wish. (Some money would help me to live happily ever after)

Saturday, 22 November 2003 - 11:24 PM GMT

Name: jatb
Home Page:

Dachau; Swindon; Lincoln; London.

Sunday, 23 November 2003 - 12:03 AM GMT

Name: norman

Write a bloody book woman, not a blog :-)

Jo...........Right on mate! I'll second that. Norman

Sunday, 23 November 2003 - 1:03 AM GMT

Name: Vic of lit.
Home Page:

Frankenstein: Ugly zombie gets made then gets pissed on, like the hulk.
Great Expectations: Pip has a gash life for a long long time, then you get bored and read someting good.
Romeo and Juliet: Like Tommy Wright and Jade should have, they shag then kill themselves.

There, you just need a sentence each ;)

Sunday, 23 November 2003 - 5:35 AM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Hah - I'm not called upon to summarise them, just to say which four chapters to read a few pages of ... bloody clever clogs, you.

Sunday, 23 November 2003 - 5:36 AM GMT

Name: Vanessa

Oooh, cross-fertilisation between and the blog, eh? How stalkeresque (in my dreams).

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