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Wednesday, 1 October 2003

Mission Statement

Mood:  quizzical
Now Playing: Late night radio phone-in

I like smelly food;
I always want a kebab after a night on the piss;
When someone tells me a problem, I try to think of a solution instead of just sympathising;
I'm pushy, and I think what I think is the right thing to think (actually, that's just as female as male, innit?);
I find irrelevant debates good fun;
I assume housewives need to escape from their lives;
Find it quite awkward to talk about girly emotional stuff;
I shudder at the pity-me culture that allows people to do what the hell they like (one person I know shagged around her fiance, married him anyway, wouldn't take her meds, spent 20 hours a day online, became totally messed in the head, lived a totally self-centred self-obsessed life whilst ignoring husband, then shagged around some more. When he finally wised up and dumped her, it was all testament to how Truly Brave A Poppet She Is. Made me want to puke.)
(Yep, there'll be no more Pity Me posts on this, Your Daily Charlatan's Blog. Thank fuck for that.)
I really don't care what other people think (PMT apart, though);
No matter how voyeuristic anyone reading this feels, I'm never going to blog the stuff that's really important;
I pick the scabs on my scalp;
There's fifty-seven varieties of ageing curry sauce in my fridge. And an onion;
I love driving, and when you're in my car, then everyone behind is a wanker, and everyone in front is a fool;
I judge people on how they look. Always;
Doing the washing seems unnecessary until the basket is more than full:
Actually, when I lived in Balham, I used to chuck my dirty washing in the spare room and buy more clothes rather than go to the launderette down the street. Eventually, even when I threw the clothes out, the room smelt too much to let out to any lodger with a human physiognomy, and I moved out, leaving the rest of the dirty laundry where it was;
I make the first move (well, unless I really really fancy someone, then I'll be all girly and terrified);
I don't want kids or a marriage or a house with a garden - a brilliant record collection is far superior;
Speaking of which, my record collection is sorted by musical style and era. I look forward to the day when I'm so bored I sort by musical influence;
I own three hi-fis, four walkmans, three TV sets, two videos, one dvd player and three computers. This does not seem an unduly large amount;
I can't be fucked opening letters if they don't look interesting;
I luuuurve a good action movie;
Phone conversations should be short, and communicate information;
I worry what beer is acceptable to drink in the pub;
If I try keeping plants, they die;
Skirts are for girls;
Going out for a few jars means I won't be back till 5am tomorrow;
I can be very very very scary if I want to be. I tend not to want to be, but knowing that makes you more confident than most girls;
I eat my steak blue.

This was originally going to be called 'Things About Me That Seem Blokeish'**, till lemonpillows messaged me on MSN and said it sounded more like a mission statement.

**That probably just reveals how little lesbians actually know about blokes....

This page graced by sarsparilla at 10:51 PM BST
Updated: Thursday, 2 October 2003 3:16 PM BST
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Wednesday, 1 October 2003 - 11:33 PM BST

Name: lemonpillows
Home Page:

what a mission statement. So now we're all gonna know when u have PMT and when to avoid you like the plague (or just post chocolate through the letterbox) :-)

tee hee

Wednesday, 1 October 2003 - 11:50 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

I should be surprised right out of my knickers if my PMT schedule weren't already immediately obvious on this blog...

Thursday, 2 October 2003 - 1:17 AM BST

Name: Martin Sewell
Home Page:

The best thing about a bloke is his girlfriend, IMHO. ;-)

Thursday, 2 October 2003 - 1:29 AM BST

Name: Vanessa

Listen, I'd just reached a point where for ten whole seconds I could avoid whingeing about not having one.... let me be!

Thursday, 2 October 2003 - 3:30 AM BST

Name: Hotline

Phone conversations short? Three hours to Paris?! Love to see you on a long one!

Thursday, 2 October 2003 - 1:00 PM BST

Name: Martin Sewell
Home Page:

"Phone conversations should be short, and communicate information"
(except when drunk?)

Oh, in answer to your question, I use two fingers.

For typing.

Thursday, 2 October 2003 - 1:22 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

Bah, that call was on a mobile and it cost me #90, so I've learnt my lesson. Why are you never at work, anymore, buster?

Thursday, 2 October 2003 - 1:24 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

Aye, appen ah mean except when drunk, sithee, anall.

Re: typing with two fingers ((she types, with 8, cruelly ignoring the littlest ones): I think you should devise a Martin Sewell font, to demonstrate.

Thursday, 2 October 2003 - 8:01 PM BST

Name: dave
Home Page: http://fontsrus

I think they've cornered the market in that already:

Thursday, 2 October 2003 - 9:40 PM BST

Name: Vanessa

Lol @ the southpaw...

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