I remember making out a diet/exercise plan that was totally nuts. I distinctly recall writing down, "Do 5 sets of hundred crunches." That's 500 crunches!!! Extremely unrealistic. My point though is that I was 12 years old at the time. For almost 8 years, I have struggled with my self-esteem, self worth, self-image, self acceptance and more importantly, self love. Damn near a decade...way too long. The crazy thing is, back then, I wasn't fat, I was just a little thick...maybe 20 pounds overweight...what I wouldn't give to have just 20 pounds to lose right now!!! The craze to lose weight came when I entered middle school. That was the time I really discovered magazines and videos which featured women with near perfect bodies. That really made me look in the mirror and my whole self image became distorted. I was convinced that not only was I fat but ugly. Plus, I started sprouting a couple of pimples, got my period and went from a 34 B to a 36 D in one summer. I was tall and big...let's just say I felt awkward as all hell. Then, in 2001, something inside of me just clicked, I said fuck it (excuse my language). I was just tired of my weight (which was around the 220’s). June 2001 at age 17, I got determined and the determination paid off. I went through a weight loss/personal change journey. I matured, made up for lost time I guess...LoL. I had my first date, my first boyfriend, my first kiss (yes, I was such a late bloomer but I believe it‘s a blessing, I wasn‘t a fast hoochie), a beauty regimen, tongue ring (I went buck wild then), went out on dates, another boyfriend which is now my hubby of over a year (yay!) and a 45 pound weight loss. I was ecstatic and healthy. I wasn't skinny (not that I want to be skinny) and I still wanted to lose another 20 pounds or so but as you can see, I was nice and curvy at 180-190 pounds.-->>
I did it all on my own and my limited knowledge of the fitness world. I read fitness magazines and skimmed through books. I had a diet of fruits, veggies, chickens, lean meats and plenty of exercise (it becomes a obsession after a while). Unfortunately, I never got to lose those 20 pounds, instead I gained 72 pounds which took me almost 2 years to pack on. Word to the wise: if your husband/boyfriend is thin, eats like a horse and stays thin, this doesn't mean you will too!! Trust me, I'm learning the hard way. For some odd reason, I had the notion that I would never pack on the pounds...phftt...another lesson learned the hard way...Never say never. But times were a little tough for about a year so some days all we had was enough money to eat from the dollar menu at McDonalds or Wendy’s but times are better, looking brighter and I have a brand new 3 year membership to FitWorks (a cool ass gym). Anyway, I'm trying to motivate myself because at this rate, I'll be 300 pounds by 2005! (AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!) My right knee sometimes hurts which I know is from carrying all this weight, I feel totally uncomfortable in my own body and I have 10 new pairs of jeans that I have never worn because I went shopping thinking I was a size 14/16...HAAAAAAAAAA!! More like a size 18 or 20...so now I KNOW it's time to get busy. Not only am I going to reach deep down inside to get the strength to love myself and to heal old but still open wounds, I will successfully lose 102-107 pounds (which will bring me to a healthy toned 150-145). Here's a pledge that I wrote. I will print two copies, sign them and have one to go on my fridge and one on my bedroom wall and I will recite it daily.THE PLEDGE
I, Brianna, understand that my body is my temple. I understand by not taking care of myself, I am slowly killing myself and sliming my chances of growing old healthy with my wonderful husband, future children and their children. I know I only have one body and can’t trade it in if it "breaks" down. I have complete control and I know I will lose weight. I have faith, I believe in me. I will also gain confidence, yet first, I am going to love me, no matter what size I may be because I am beautiful, I am intelligent and I am a wonderful human being. I, Brianna, from this day forth will cherish and celebrate my body. I will slowly learn to appreciate my body and be gracious of the tasks my body allows me to perform daily. I will learn to take care of my body and nourish it so I can finally enjoy my life, enjoy my growth, enjoy being me.
