More precious than gold or gems, friendship endures and gives our lives true meaning.
I had been on AOL for about two years when I, too, happened to wander into the "Fabulous Fifties" chat room. I can't recall now if it was suggested by a friend or I just saw it in the directory. In any event, I traipsed in one day and was greeted by a very unpleasant and vicious group of folks, who would later be widely known as "the cliquers." But, in the middle of all of this, a few people stepped forward and assured me and then reassured me that everyone in the room wasn't like the vocal and hostile group I saw.
In fact, a number of totally real and authentic people were there, but weren't as vocal as the other group. Reluctantly, I decided to stay with it for a time to see how things developed. As a result, I was richly rewarded with the friendship of some truly great folks, many of whom remain my friends to this day.
There is a lesson here and that lesson is that things are not always as they first appear. I offer a sincere "thank you" to those who so forcefully persuaded me to stay with it. They were right and I am happy they were.
When i first went online i was just playing around, as we had got the computer for the children. Mom was a "geek" and of course a newbie to boot!! I had no conception of what to do, yet i was brave and pioneered into cyber space, in spite of the hoots and howls! I chanced upon the fab 50s room, and had so much fun in it. It showed me that i could communicate and make new friends. I did get caught up in it, and got played here, but that was just a clink in the wonderful world of the web! :) There are friends i have made here, that will always be special to me, and lo and behold i met my future husband online! Wonders of wonders! You might remember me as Wyld, aol bartender in the 50's room, and although i don't venture in chat anymore, i made some wonderful friends. I love them all, and will always be "here" for them....yeeee haaaaaa! good job Laura! you're the best. Wyld one...oh, thats not my real name...snicker. its Bonnie/AKA Bons!!! :)
My husband bought me a computer (all the complaining on my part made no difference) for our checking account, etc. I didn't even know how to turn one on let alone anything else. I can't even count the times the 'ol puter' almost went out the window but, BY GAWD, I taught myself to use this blankity blank thing.
My experience with the Internet was not a good one. It changed me ... forever. For over a year I tried and tried to return to my former self ... without success. Then an insightful friend, Lastmanout, explained to me that what I went through would naturally change me ... and in order to move on, that I have to accept that change and who I am now. There's no going back. But I still mourn for the old Cay ... I miss her ... miss being her. You see, I had the misfortune of immediately running into a "player". I was caught so off guard, never dreamed that anyone could fall in love through just words on a puter screen. Then again, I was ripe for the pickings due to an unhappy marriage. I believed him, trusted him, and put all my hopes and dreams into him. Six months later, I found out I was just being "played". In short I was completely devastated. Talking with other online women I found that many ... far too many ... had also been victims of conscienceless men's ego trips. And it was felt that nothing could be done. I thought differently ... that the Internet could be the largest grapevine in the world. So, in hopes of preventing him from playing other women, I wrote about my experience and sent it to all the women on my mailing list. Laura forwarded it to all the women on her list, asking that they likewise forward it. One of the women on her list wrote back saying "This is the best idea I've seen on here. I've been wanting to fight these guys for years. Let's expand on this by sending this story to all the women we know and sharing our own experiences with players." And thus, the newsletter "Fighting Back" was born. We worked together; Liz had her mailing list and I had mine. I would forward to Liz stories I received and she would likewise send me the ones she received. Following the newsletter guideline to keep your private life separate from your editor's life, I gave myself the S/N of Miz SaraM. Three months later Liz suddenly disappeared from AOL. I continued with the newsletter, adding the feature of feedbacks from readers and excellent articles regarding players from web sites, ferreting out all the online tricks players use and forwarding that information, etc. It became an informative newsletter as well as a place for "played" women to vent their pain. And it's a far-reaching newsletter for I have many subscribers from other networks. And now (as of last July 26), Fighting Back has a web site, reaching even more women.
My pain was not for naught.
Footnote from Laura;
Bravo Cay, you are loved!
After being convinced by a friend that I needed to go on line, as he was tired of doing my e-mail for me on his computer, I jumped the hurdle and did the deed. Oh my, what a wonderful experience. I could talk to my sponsor sons from the US Naval Academy, who were stationed all over the world, sometimes on an IM, on a daily or weekly basis. What joy this brought me.
Well Hell Laura, I've been sitting here forever writing and deleting things. I don't know how to express that I have had a wonderful and horrible time while online. All-in-all it has been a wonderful experience and have met wonderful friends that I would love to meet in person, in fact all you guys feel like family and I would defend you like I do my kids. You especially (and Ralph) are two of the best people I have met.
The Internet means to me, mail to read while I have my coffee, friends who have never seen me who accept me unconditionally and offer support and love, laugh after laugh after laugh!!!! plus my husband plans all our vacations online and it's real fun,,,,,,,,and I get to talk to relatives who live out of town and in town , it's just a fun place to play,,,,,,,,,,How's that,,,,,did I do all right? Love ya Cher
What AOL has meant to me
I have been on line for over 4 years now and in that time I have met and enjoyed chatting with so many wonderful people. I have even had the pleasure of meeting quite a few people in real life and we are now good friends both on and off line. So, for me, AOL has meant increasing my social horizons and my good friends circle and for a people person like me, it has been terrific to know that each day I could make a new friend. Thanks AOL !!!!
"I was "forced" to go online by my girls. One soon to go off to college and the other waiting out her last year in High School to go be with her sister at UofA. I had no 'puter knowledge and was petrified to try, but I knew if this single Mother wanted to communicate daily with her girls then I would have to learn. Amy named me, I was horrified! RNofLOVE, it sounded so tawdry, if not downright sinfully wicked, LOL, but Amy defended her choice by saying my job was the influencing factor (Pediatric RN), besides do teenagers REALLY think of their parents as sexual beings??? LOL... Heck at that point in my life I didn't think of myself as a sexual being!
Being online has opened a whole new world to me, nothing makes my day like hearing "you got mail" or getting an IM from a friend!
I was encouraged to come online by my step daughter who lives in England... she felt it would be an affordable way for us to communicate and keep in touch, and she wanted to "keep an eye on me," as I had lost my husband (her father) three months previously. It (AOL) was my only contact with the outside world for a time. Before this, I had been completely computer illiterate, and although my late husband designed the circuit boards that run these things, I didn't even know how to turn one on! Well, I learned fast, let me tell you! I soon became proficient in the ins and outs of AOL, and I was amazed at how close you can get to people across this little screen. I met a lot of idiots, but I also made deep and lasting friendships with people of integrity and character, whom I would otherwise not have met, due to the distance separating us. Like most women, I suffered the ill effects of a bad AOL relationship.... the first man I had allowed to get close to me since the death of my husband, who had been gone a year and a half by that time. I can't say the man was a player, for he was not. He was sincere, and we did go on to meet in person and "legitimatize" our relationship, but he was emotionally handicapped, and there were other problems as well. It soon became apparent in a very cruel way that he was unwilling and unable to stay the course of true love. He did not "cheat" on me... there was no other woman. Instead, he withdrew from me when problems with his
teenage son who has been diagnosed with a serious mental illness
took center stage. Rather than allowing me to stand at his side and support him through those dark and difficult times, he chose instead to shut me out, and I was left bereft and floundering. To make matters worse, this happened just as the dreaded holidays were descending upon us, which, as anyone who has experienced the loss of a spouse knows, are emotionally devastating. I suffered enormously as a result, for it was like another death to me, but even that horrific experience had a silver lining, for I met a wonderful woman who befriended me during this dark and difficult time, to whom I shall always be grateful for saving my life. She would not like me to reveal her identity, for she is modest in the extreme and insists what she did was nothing more than what a decent human being would do, but her strength and goodness, as well as her ready willingness to go out on a limb for a virtual (at the time) stranger restored my faith in humanity. Like I said, she would not want her identity revealed, but I'll give you a hint.... her name starts with the letter "L"........!!! The story has a happy ending, though, for during the course of healing from that broken relationship, I met another man on here who extended the hand of friendship, and with whom I had much in common. We became very close over a period of time, and when he came out to meet me, we fell in love. To make a long story short, he relocated from his home in northern Idaho, and we are now happily cohabiting here in California. Our relationship is growing and deepening by the day, and once again, I have the internet to thank for it, as we would most certainly never have met without it. In conclusion, I think the net is a vast and wondrous tool, which can be used for good or ill, depending on the individual and his/her intent. Character plays an important role in that, there's not doubt about it. If someone wants to deceive, this medium lends itself to and encourages that. For many men, the very thought of millions of anonymous women out there is just too tempting to resist. I know of more than one marriage that has been destroyed as a result. But I also know of couples who have come together on here... happy couples who are blissfully living their dream, such as Laura and Ralph. I guess, as with most things, it's a mixed bag, and in the end, it's what you make of it. I, for one, remain cautious about who I talk to and what I reveal on here, for I learned the hard way not to be overly trusting and/or open, but I would not trade the friendships with good people I met on here for anything, and it goes without saying that I am most deeply grateful for the advent of my love....
During a crisis time in my life in 1996 I made a silk purse out of a sows ear when I started my own business. I went back to my roots, so to speak, and learned to live by the quote on my profile, "If IT IS TO BE IT IS UP TO ME". In 1997 I bought a computer and found AOL. Ever since then its been a battle to get the heck off of here long enough to make a living and spend time with my family. The fun part of this has been the wonderful people I have met on here. I am proud to say that my circle of friends has grown tremendously since I showed up in here. I am also proud to say that I have met many of the people that became my friends. So many terriffic people. Its been fun, silly, delightful, happy and yes, sad too. Now that I have a second business, my time in here is even more precious since there is not much of it any more. I hope to continue to be here when I can and to stay in touch with all of my friends in here.
I remember back to my first online experience and think fondly of my very first friendship online
When I first came online in January '98, I was still quite naive. But, I learned that the same rules apply online or off. You can take your chances and trust everyone (which is what I prefer) and you find out very quickly who deserves the trust and who doesn't. Yes, I made a few mistakes, but it was worth it.
This approach works for me, I've made wonderful friends online (Josh, Spanki, Laura, PK, Cay, EB, Wyld, OliveOyl43, JEEJ TESS, Hilili, OCIE O, ..... just to name a few) and of course, my new husband Mickey and I met on AOL ...... :-)
Ralph and Laura, you have enriched my life so very much! There are only a few of us left, from the "battle grounds" aka Fabulous Fifties, but it brought us together, and made us family.
I had heard so much about the Internet chat rooms I decided I absolutely had to sign up for AOL. I had the option to go through KC, Lawrence or Wichita, KS. I picked Wichita because it was the closest. Wellllllllll.....the first phone bill was over $400 and needless to say I about had a coronary. Oh man, was I furious and immediately called the phone company ready to kick ass and take names (something I always wanted to do. We went over and over the phone bill and finally she said there was one number that was on there many, many, many times for long periods of time. I let her know right now...that's no number I'm calling
Guess what???? I've not set up our checking account yet.
Anyway, that's how it started. The first night I went into a chat room it was overwhelming. It all went soooooo fast there was no way I could read it all. And to answer anyone??? FORGET IT! It scared the H out of me. Then not long after that it got easier and easier and I met a very sweet, warm, funny lady and we seemed to have a chemistry so we chatted in chat rooms and began to IM each other and in time began chatting on the phone once in a while. That...... was Laura, who seems like the sister I never had. We went through a lot of hell together as we were both in a very unhappy marriage. And then...........she met Ralph, sweet, sweet Ralph and as we all know, they lived happily after :-D. Thank you Laura for being my rock when I had no one to turn to. I love you dearly.
Then I began to meet more and more wonderful, warm, caring funny people. Cay, CHER, PK, Wyld and on and on. Hopefully, we will all meet someday. And one by one we became closer and now have our own little group that means more to me than any words could ever express. I love you all. I'll never forget the first time I saw Josh in chat. I said hi, he said hi and made some remark about my name so I began to watch in fascination for the longest time as he 'toyed' with people like a cat with a mouse. I laughed so hard at the different ways people reacted to him. Talking about getting people PO'd. I have to admit I thought he was a jerk but still funny. Everyone told me to give him a chance that he is a wonderful person and to know him is to love him. Welllllll, maybe not everyone, lol. We love ya Joshy. I miss those fun chats so, so much. Sometimes............ I even
My on-line friends mean EVERYTHING to me and I hope to meet you all someday.....I love you all dearly.
Pat is my sister...what can I say...she's a dear friend but more than that, we share a bond and I love her dearly.
From the remnants of broken dreams, Cay has created a safe place for all those who also feel the pain she experienced. Hats off to this wonderful, brave Sister of the Internet.
Timidly I went into a chat room, wondering what was being discussed. Then...I discovered that I started making friends from all over the country. Needless to say, I have made some friendships that will be with me forever. Myself, along with 8 other ladies have met personally. In fact, I had an "Estrogen Weekend Bash" at my home last year. This has now grown to every few months we all meet at another one's house to have lots of laughter and glee.
I feel fortunate to be a part of the cyber net and shall look forward to many years of friendship making, as well as a wonderful search engine for all information that I need.
Anyone who has ever been in a chatroom with AG knows about her outrageous sense of humor. She's so witty, so funny and a great gal. She's certainly brightened my time on AOL!
Deloris was one of the first people I met online, she and I used to haunt the late night and early morning chats long after "normal" people had gone to bed. She's a good, dear friend and I love and value her friendship.
Cher is a sincere, funny lady who brightens everyone's email. Although we're seldom in chat together nowadays, I'll always remember fondly the "old days."
Well..it seems to have opened a whole new world for me but I think the best part, is all the friends I've made during my three years on here :) Friends to treasure and keep in your heart for always.
JB is so much fun in chat! The late night chats were always so funny when she was in the room. Many nights I REALLY laughed out loud at her antics!
I first met Rosie through Ralph in chat. I was immediately impressed by her sincerity and the good vibes she always sent out to the entire room. She's a lovely lady.
I can get lost in recipe sites, news reports and of course my favorie room the FABULOUS FIFTIES!!! There are games (I am addicted to mahjonng), sewing and quilting sites, cards and music to send friends, someone is always online to talk to during lonely, dark nights, or when you just need to "be" with friends! I have made many friends on here, been hurt a little, laughed a lot, fell in and out of love and cried....went thru a serious illness with "roomies" support and meet some wonderful friends in person as well....it helped "nudge" me out into the world , made me want to find love again, and it has been a wonderful happening in my life...and one few can understand this if they haven't experienced the online possibilities!
But, NOTHING would please me more than to send the message.."I found HIM, wish us well, goodbye Dear Friends!" ahhh a dream to be sure....but somewhere out here he exisits and in my heart I know he will find me!
With Love & Kindness,
Susan
Susan is one of the most honest, sincere people both online and off. She says she hopes to find "him" In my opinion it's going to take one heck of a wonderful man to be worthy of this delightful lady!
HART and I have really been through a lot together. Although we haven't know each other as long as some of my friends online, I feel the vibrations she sends out through her typing. I'm so glad to see her finally happy, she deserves it!
Fred, a very, very nice man. He's the one all the ladies love to flirt with, perhaps they sense his natural sweetness and know he'll always be a gentleman.
Rub, you're a good person through and through.
I jumped right in and said hello to everyone in the room and was immediately met with a chorus of HI's and how-are-ya's. What a friendly room! One person in particular stood out as he/she was very interesting to talk to, sounding like an "expert" to me. Then, all of a sudden, I was "whisked" out of the chat room and completely offline! I couldn't believe it! So I signed back on, found the chat room again and asked anyone listening, "What happened?". Much good-natured kidding took place and an almost instantaneous friendship was formed, one that I value very highly to this day.
My new friend (LP) was a female, friendly and extremely helpful with tips on how to "compute" on the Internet. Through her, I met a core of friends that I still have and hope to have forever. We exchange ideas, thoughts, hopes, dreams, jokes, inspiration, cheer and even sorrow. I can't imagine what it would be like without these people in my life now. I have many friends in the "real world", some closer than others, but, the friends I have made online are the icing on the cake!
There are countless times they have helped me through illness, hard times, and even deaths in the family. What a considerate, thoughtful, caring group they are! They cheered me up and lightened my load when I needed it, and even when I didn't. :-)
My online experience has been wonderful, warm and friendly. I have not (yet) made a single enemy, nor met a single person that was a fraud or mean-spirited. I am sincerely grateful to the people I have met that have protected me from falling into the traps and perils that can be found online.
These friends (LP, Hilili, IDApp, Cay, JOSH, FROGgy, Agyps, Spanki, YANK, TOMA, FILOMNA, EBel, Deloris, CHER, Wyld, to name a few) have become more like family across the years. They have enriched my life and I feel honored to be able to call them my friends.
Congratulations AOL and Mr. Gates on creating this wonderful cyberworld and THANK YOU FRIENDS for a very rewarding experience.
Love to you all,
Paty
Paty came innocently online as a "newbie" green as grass and bright as sunshine. Her manner in chat spoke volumes about the great gal she really is. What a delighful friend we've found!
The fab 50's chat rooms were an accidental find for me, LOL .... it took me a few days to find them again. When I first saw Josh in the chat room, I liked him right away. So obviously intelligent, with a somewhat sarcastic sense of humor .... he brightened my days considerably.
I met Laura through Josh, we were in a fab 50's chat room and as usual at that time (early 1998), SgrCookie and her minions were sharpening their claws on Josh. It was Josh who told Laura that I was on their side, and another good friend was found online.
As Laura and Ralph say, friends are treasures that nothing can take away. Even if a friendship only lasts a short time, our lives are always left richer.
Ilse and her beloved Mickey were just married on 12/27/00, we wish them all the joy life has to offer!
When the going got tuff.. the tuff sure got going!!! I'll never forget the time Ralph actually defended me .. LOL.. remember that? In FF3? Quiet little me.. I was so surprised, I almost fell out of my chair. What a gentleman he is, and you, Laura, right beside him, as always, IDApple was there also, as she usually was when the "stuff" got heavy.. that was a time! 3 years, or 4 we've known each other? Seems like forever, as family should be, through the years, we've shared lots of laughter, and many tears, one of us is always here, to listen, help, wish with, hope for,
and love.. PKBrave, Hilili, Wyld, Cay.. everyone..
I love you all, my online family
Spanki
Whew...Donna! We sure go back to those early days of battling chatroom dragons don't we? LOL Though the going hasn't always been smooth, we've weathered it all and have come out reasonably unscathed. Love ya Sis.
