???!@#$%^&*????

1) A portion of my Life is missing. My Life is divided into 4. Portion Number Three is missing, and I cannot find it. It just disappeared all of the sudden and I need Portion Number Three for reference. Portion Number Three was very VERY important. Else, I cannot go on living a well organized Life. What the bloody do I do??? I can't breathe.

2) I have to go to the bloody "Yale Academy... something something something...(insert fancy words here) during the summer. I really really do not want to go there. I guess it's okay and all, them training me not to be lazy, but me, locked in the bloody cold rooms? And also... there's unfinished business there that I have to take care of. It would be lovely to finish it but I don't know what the outcome would be... Also... another reason but there are some keen people lurking about (no matter how clueless, dumb, mean, confused they are) so I cannot state my reason for me detesting that place...

3) I thought the whole thing with Virginia was over... Sure, it's good for my health, but if I go there, I will be dying mentally. Seriously. If I live there and graduate, no sooner will I end up at a mental hospital. I will be diagnosed with Depression if I live there. Or perhaps... perhaps I'll let Death handle it... I don't know, but I am bloody dead serious, I cannot live there. It's mental torture for me. Yeah, VA is nice, really. Their nice air, nice people, lovely radio station, trees, everything, but... I will die of boredom there and I will never be able to fit in... Terrible memories... I had to live there for a year and it destroyed me. The reason why I'm so fucking stupid is because I had to live there for a while. The reason the way I am today is all because of Virginia. I just... it won't do good for my physical health for me there if I would be suffering mentally.

4) I just found out he's a twin... Dear God...

5) How am I supposed to do something when they comment against it at the same time? How the hell am I supposed to feel happy about doing something when I know that the bad's going to get worse? Why can't people just tell the truth so they can save me the trouble of worrying about it more later in Life? Ugh! DO YOU ALL WANT ME TO DIE???

6) Why the hell can't we all just get along so we can all die happy and let our rotting corpses have a trace of a smile?

7) I can't breathe.

8) My friend who will remain anonymous needs someone's help. I don't know how to help. I don't really wanna state her problem since most of the people I know think that it is a serious problem, but I don't really think it's THAT serious, but the people around her think that it's serious and I'm the only one whom she could turn to since I'm the only one who doesn't really give shit about it since it's not too serious but I'm not really helping her that well... And I tried but I can't find anything that would cover up her mistakes... Since she IS remaining anonymous and since she IS someone whom you'd least expect, I'll ask. Does anybody cut? Used to cut? If you do, hm... I dunno, please help my friend. Oh, and btw, this friend is not a "friend" incase you're thinking that it's me. I don't cut. I mean, you might see marks on my arms but I don't cut. The marks you see on my arms are just scratches from the closet. I have these sharp things sticking out there and my arm always brushes against them and I always hurt myself that way. Silly me. And my dog, sheesh! She once slit my wrist and wowie, that was fun. Okay, you get it, right? This is not a "friend" this is a real person, a real friend. NOT ME. NOT ME NOT ME NOT ME. So yeah, I'm really stressed about that because she's my friend and she's really setressing about it since it's summer and all... yeah... short sleeves...

9) They took what I treasured most away and they're gonna do it again.

10) Maybe he's NOT dead... I'm suffering and I'm afraid that for the rest of my Life, summers, thunderstorms, and heatwaves will get me delusional. Where the hell are my happy pills?

11) And the death toll in my heart rises.

12) I'm having trouble these days if they were dreams or if they were real and they are kinda getting in my way of daily conversations.

13) Disappointed. Really. Nothing big but it will get big, I can feel it. So I'm just gonna be stubborn and not believe everything that people say. I'm gonna be negative towards everything cause being positive sucks. I guess I'll still be all jumpy and frisky but that's a different thing. Man, it's like someone saying "Look honey! Santa Clause!" And there's this big miscommunication for about 2 hours and then the kid finds out that the person just meant "Look honey, someone who LOOKS like Santa Clause!" And then the kid finds out that Santa Clause is either dead or stuck on a roof for the rest of his life or Santa Clause is in a coma so there will be no present. Something like that. Disappointed. Oh, and no, this isn't really about Santa Clause.

14) It's like watching the Simpsons. You say something serious and expect something serious, but they say something that's not quite on the subject.

15) It seems like an endless cycle.

16) They don't give shit about the main problems. They're just looking ahead 50 years from now.

17) I hate her, I hate her so much, I hate her, her life, I hate her. Why haven't I killer her yet? Cause I'm a bloody coward and I'm too frightened to murder. Why haven't anybody killer her yet? I don't know. She makes me sick. I tell her one thing, she does the other, she won't listen to me.

18) Trapped, just trapped. The damn box is gone. I thought it was for good but now everything's just a slap in the face.

19) Why are they so cruel and snotty? Is something wrong with them or me?

20) Great. It's a habit now. Oh well.

21) I've been told too many times I am a terrible person. Yes, I know I am, but stop reminding me.

22) I am a bloody coward and an idiot. But then you already knew that, right? Well, excuse me, but I am totally oblivious so I just found out, okay? Did you know that a person starts hearing things when she is trapped? I wanted to live in my world all by myself like those happy schizophrenics who never answer when you call... No one cares that I'm stuck in this airconditioned room, hallucinating, running out of food... The stupid bed, the bloody bed that I sleep on is my enemy now. I have no energy... Mrs. Bratspir would love this story. She would talk about energy and how you lose it and stuff... I forgot the scientific terms... But anyway... I'm going crazy here... I feel sorry for the poor patients in the bubbleroom wearing straight jackets. When I become a psychiatrist/psychologist/psycho-something, I'm gonna free everyone. Yes, that is my dream now. I'll be the next Harriet Tubman... Who wants to help me? Okay, I'm wandering away from the subject... Well... I'll have to get out sometime before Saturday... my parents would get me out on Saturday morning... They paid a thousand for that bloody academy... They'll get me out, right? Hello? Answer me! ANSWER MEEEEEEE! Man, I was like a mother lifting the truck to save her child! I can't move the truck anymore! The bed, I mean! The bed, the bed, the bloody bed! HELP MEEEE!!!!! My summer REALLY sucks.

23) Dear sweet Narie is gone. It's a cycle. Another amazing fact: Did you know that I am the way I am simply because the manager is a bitch? I started writing shit. What shall I do now? I'm already painting... maybe I'll be an amateur arsonist.

24) A little baby is in danger..."How could you get satisfaction From the body of a child You're vile, sick" ~ Cranberries. I wish I'm there but I can't. Pikc up the knife, dearie.

25) Another suicidal cult??? I have no idea...

26) Disgusting... Like mountains running across the plains... like stitches... I regret every lines.

27) Scarred for Life. Still confused... So... I don't get the previlege of breathing... but if I don't breathe... I'll be forced to inhale toxic fumes... something like that...

28) It's okay now... but it won't be the same anymore... "When you look at me, do you feel regret, I know I'm your mistake" ~ Alone.






*~!~* Wishlist *~!~*
None will be crossed out cause I might never get them from other ppl. Yeah, I know, I know, I'll have to drag me bloody self to places just to get what I want. Where the hell is Santa Clause?

~ Large beautiful carpet from Turkey

~ A monkey

~ A big beautiful rose garden

~ A beautiful spacious green coffin

~ A statue

~ Chakram and sword

~ Ticket to sail to Turkey

~ An island

~ Thousands of small little vials with the blood of people I know with little lables framed in silver

~ A North Korean dog who understands everything I say so when I don't feel like communicating with people I'll just talk to the dog

~ A week of mourning with the Turks of the thousands who died in the earthquake (Yeah, I know, you all wish I'd just shut up about it, don't you?) Not just a stupid memorial day when all the students are just happy not to have school and the adults are happy with the Sears Memorial Day sale, but I dunno, just a week at a nice special place and the graves would be adorned with candles and roses and everything...

~ Cure to all this melancholy

~ A flying carpet (Preferably made in Turkey) And if not a beautiful carpet, at least a towel or something and if not a towel, a flying Blankie or Dasero (Not the imaginary dude, but the staff I carried in 7th grade) or Bjanselgasse

~ Complete ownership to my house here in Philly, the one I once lived in with my dear husband Edgar Allan Poe. You all know him, right? (Speaking of Eddy Poe... the poster in my room... is that really Edgar Allan Poe or is that Robin Williams staring back at me with sad yellow eyes???) So, so long, you tourist guides who dwell in my house most of the time... cause I want that house to be mine mine mine!

~ A Batmobile, dude. It's that or nothing. I don't want a bloody limo, or a BMW, or a nice cute little red sports car, I just want a nice Batmobile.

~ Never grow older and stay this age forever... I want it to be Summer of 2001 forever... or 2000... yeah, 2000 was nice, hehehe... whatever, I just want it to be summer forever in this age

~ King Voden's jacket. Not a repica, the exact jacket.

~ A time machine... 3 events... when I was oblivious and happy, before I left Korea, before I regretted.

~ 2 or 4 hanboks that Queens wore... no ladies, no rich dudettes', I want what the QUEENS wore on special ceremonies

~ White hanboks that the dead wore

~ 10 or 50 wedding gowns made from Korea... or damn it, just the ones that they see upstairs in Han-Ah-Reum next to that Yale Private Academy (_insert fancy words here_) somewhere near KoBaWoo... I WANT THE WEDDING DRESSES NOW... no, I don't wanna get married, I wanna wear them everyday.

~ I want someone to give me a potion or pill to make me fly... that is, if I don't get the flying carpet

~ A nice lovely treehouse (Requires island) and I'll live there during the summer

~ The damn island

~ Okay, is someone gonna get me that bloody island already? Where the hell is DiAno?

Voden: It's Tao, is it not? I'm told you're a man of wisdom and healing.
Tao: Just not wise enough to stay away from here.
Voden: I like a man of wit. My present company don't often excel in the art of conversation.
~RAGE~

Voden: I am just a simple boy who happens to be king
~RAGE~

Voden to Ruh: I can't wait to learn your master's secrets. He doesn't realize how powerful they could be in the right hands. There's so many things I could do with your courage. They energy you only use to hunt and roam could be focused to enslave the world.
~GONE~

Voden: Don't you see? I have the weapons, the army. You could command the great beasts, the hawks, the snakes with their venom. Nothing could stop us. We could control the world.
Dar: Why would I want to? Why would anyone?
Voden: Because there are only two types of people: Victors and Victims. And if the victims can't defend themselves, they deserve to be extinct.
Dar: You know, you and I are very different. I see all life as a family, where everyone depends on everyone else and everything is connected.
~GONE~

Voden: Please. Be my friend.
Dar: I don't think so. I respect my friends.
~GONE~

~*~ Crazes ~*~

Five~ Going to America, ninja turtles, cutting cucumbers when my parents were not supervising the kitchen, knives, Butterfly dude, vampires, jumping down from dressers and desks, tomato juice, kid cop, changing my names (Oh my goodness, you're probably saying "You did that back when you were five too??? But dearie, I am not changin my name, I just have a lot of people with me, allright?)

~1~ Aliens

~2~ Treasure Map, "Into the fire!", City Hero, kid cop, Robocop, and Dark Wing Duck's enemy Quaker Jack

~3~ Money, tree, Philly, manners, Power Rangers, Batman, Xena, Hercules, and vampires

~4~ Acting, Rita, Kidz School (run by kids), War!!! (Actually, I didn't enjoy it but I started it a lot so...) bouncey balls from quarter machine, soda can hockey, soda can kick ball, soda can baseball, soda can, KoBaWoo, wearing strange things in KoBaWoo (such as tablecloths), ghosts, and... just a lot of things from KoBaWoo

~5~ Giving out fake phone numbers, Circle Game, Apple Tree Game, Billy, Lunch bag, hide-and-seek in the apt, and playing in the elevator, lobby, and first floor with tennis balls and scraps of papers

~6~ Calls to Meridian, threatening Meridian, vampires, ghosts, poverty, little drama movie company thing, acting, writing scripts, trying to make movies, trying to make plays, Superman v.s. Batman, trying to make a castle out of boxes, pillow fights, ghosts, Satan's businessman, rituals, bloody marys, Pinky Suavo, Madranian's Great Fall, and a lot of stuff which I won't mention or I will be killed

~7~ Sleeping in the walk-in-closet, wearing necklace on my head everyday which soon became the Salliclese, collecting blood, more blood, lots and lots of blood, knives, pins, voo doo dolls, wind, ceremonies, writing poems, threatening the landlord, "I turned to the Light", writing hate mails... and more blood...(***My dudeness...***)

~8~ I needn't say cause everyone knows... Yritso and Yritsa, my purse, index cards, lost-and-found during 3rd periods, lost-and-found when Ecard's time, and... must I say more?

~9~ Dragging the black leather rolley backpack up and down the stairs which annoyed the shit out of everyone (was I the only kid in highshool with that??? A lot of middle kids had it...), Executioner, Blankie, metallic objects which became my children, and Bjanselgasse!

~10~ Stankenville, my future, not sleeping, ~Oh... Sally... I... Cannot Believe...(Repeat ?x), Doc, Graphing Calculators, "What is en-NER-gee?", trying to break the world record for not sleeping the longest, ABC project, the damn Sally Toe play, lemonade, "blood crusted penis", hrm! "Apparition" and his words of wisdom, creating a disfunctional family with you know... lawyers and therapists..., Questions, the Norvan e-mail News, Middle East Crisis, Earthquake in Turkey, spirits, vampires again hehe, schizophrenia, exorcism, Mr. N---, John Walker, feeling GREAT! meeting THE enlish topic of my essay in PERSON and grrr! I wish I have a clone so I could talk to me about it because no one else understands the exhiliration!, being paranoid, crying in the 3rd floor bathroom/1st floor bathroom/and clssrooms, crying with Hoang, crying when reading a wonderful letter Sarah wrote, crying while writing, feeling sad and not really being THERE in my head at the WRONG PLACE WRONG TIME AROUND THE WRONG PPL, discovering many many people who look like Taki, Elf-bondage!, TRUSTcompany and RRRR!, being a middle schooler again, and... I can't think of anymore. It was very hazy and noninteresting.

~11~ Trying to get into NCS to leave Masterman, The Tribe, MWS the "beautiful jerk", Holes, "Thank God for the BEEF!", New Jersey, breakdancing, late Christmas gifts, KKK, street fighting, Subway Man, "Eating freedom friens freedom waffles and freedom toast while doing homework for Freedom class all at the same time while freedom kissing some a Freedom guy. Merde! Please excuse my freedom," therapy hair cuts, digging holes, raking worms... Sally likes Red People...

~12~ Oberlin, whoring myself to Oberlin, hanbok