Yui Miyamoto 
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Disclaimer: Clamp is the one who made Tokyo Babylon. I'm just in love with
Subaru so I couldn't leave him alone...Random Thoughts
Chapter 9 - Chikara. (Force.)
I woke up in a white room.
But
it was my own room...only in white...
From the ceiling to the curtains to
my bed sheets, everything was completely white. Even the pajama I wore were in
pure silky white.
But there he was...
right in front of
me...
Seishirou had come back to me...
Though he was dressed in
black, he had looked the same in that suit as he always did. Always with that
same smile that I had adored ever since he came right up to me and helped me on
the train station platform...
He sat on my bedside as I blinked my eyes
and got up. Without a word, I hugged him.
You're here...
Everything
was just a bad dream, wasn't it, Seishirou?
Please tell me
so...
It was then that my hands began to ache again as if to tell me
there was something wrong with this whole situation. And that's when I twitched
in pain.
Drip, drip.
My hands had once again begun to bleed in
beads of deep red over their stars. Seishirou hungrily looked at me, with that
one gold eye like a vampire's and closed it to kiss my hands seductively.
Shaking my head, I wanted to protest.
No, no...
This isn't
right...
Don't drink any of my blood...
It was then that my blood
began to drip onto the sheets and onto my pajamas.
Splatter,
splatter.
But it was of no use...
Fwump!
Seishirou pinned me
down on the bed and held my wrists so firmly on the bed. Smiling, he shook his
head as he took out his glasses and threw them to the
floor.
Crash!
It echoed in the room as I began to shake my head in
protest.
"STOP!"
...
Nothing was coming out.
"NO DON'T,
SEISHIROU!"
But my voice couldn't be heard. Either I couldn't hear it or
he couldn't hear my cry of pain as he began to tear open the buttons of my
pajama top.
While holding my wrists with one hand over my head, he used his
other one to pull off his tie and his shirt. While kissing my neck, the sides of
my eyes were filled with tears.
"STOP IT! STOP IT! STOP IT!"
I kept on
crying but my sobs were as if they had been put on mute. Nothing could be
heard.
Nothing.
Ah...
Seishirou...stop...
I then clasped
my hands on his shoulders in pain...
Ah...Itai...
Yamete...
I
want to be with you always,
but not like this...
Unable to protest, I
held up my hands to his face and tiredly looked up at him. "...you're
hurting...me."
"Seishirou...you're hurting me..." I repeated again in a
weak voice.
It was then that my voice came back.
And we had both heard
it as clear as a bell.
And he stopped. Hovering over me, through the
blood stains of the white sheets, he began to hold me. "I'm..."
But he
couldn't say it.
Still, he continued to hold me. Kissing my forehead, he then
breathed into my ear. "Okay...I won't do that again..."
"Never..." I
breathlessly replied as I saw him rebutton my pajama and dress me back
up.
Still next to me, he held my head close to his face. "No matter what...I
will always...be here..."
Pushing on my heart, he poked it until it hurt
me...
Was that supposed to mean anything? With you...always,
ne?
My eyes opened and I found myself in my room.
"Yume..."
But I knew better...
As I hesitantly looked down at
myself, I saw the traces of him left...
The unbuttoned shirt...
My
torn shorts laying to one side of the bed...
My bloodied hands...
And the
pair of glass frames left next to my pillow...
Hugging myself, I began to
cry looking as if I really did lose my mind. Silently, I said in a quivering
whisper to myself, "Couldn't you have just left me alone?!"
You have
already broken me...
In a sadistic rage, I saw at the foot of my bed, a
book wide open. Coming closer to it, I found a blood drop next to the word,
"rape".
Aloud, I read, "When you dream of being raped, you want that person
to love you or they are forcing you to love them when you don't want
to."
Dropping the book into my lap, I stared out a bit.
You
just love to hurt me, now don't you, Seishirou...
Doki...
You want
that person to love you...
Doki...
I don't know...maybe...maybe
not...
Doki...
or they are forcing you to love them when you don't want
to...
Doki...
Shaking my head, I wanted to scream...
But in quiet
frustration, I then took the book into my shaking hands and threw it against the
wall in my anger.
Boom!
"Wakaranai!" Shouting to no one in front
of me, my voice echoed, "I don't know! I really don't,
Seishirou!!!"
Twisted...this forbidden love is so twisted...
So
intertwined...
Is it still called love at all?
But this was
exactly the way I have been feeling after everything...
..this was the
feeling I had after you broke me...
...after you killed my
sister...
You had left me barren inside...
Raping me of everything I
had thought, said, represented or done in life...
It was then that I
hugged myself tighter. At the swishing sound of my sheets, the curtain flew as a
gentle wind blew in.
--
Author's note: The analysis for this
chapter-
white of course means purity and black means darkness. The golden
eyes are really a sign of a vampire as I've seen in other anime and I had
focused on it as I looked at the picture of Seishirou on the image soundtrack's
book.
And for rape? That is a true interpretation.
I have been
researching on dreams for years, so I can say this is at least 80-90 percent
accurate...
Still with this chapter, though with great care, I'm still
unsatisfied with it...
Yui Miyamoto
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