Yui Miyamoto 
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Pairing
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Disclaimer: Clamp owns Tokyo Babylon. I just love the characters too much to
just leave it alone.
I had trusted that smile,
only to be
deceived.
For many many other things,
I wish I didn't find out like
this...
I didn't think it would have ever come to this...Random
Thoughts
Chapter 8 - Itami. (Pain.)
I had
completely lost my mind.
My sister took me home, but I was no
different than when I had been smashed through the hospital window. I stared out
of myself as if I was someone else trapped in this body.
I'm someone
else...I'm just seeing someone else in their moment of pain...
This isn't
mine at all...
No, Seishirou would never do that to me...
No he
wouldn't...
He loved me...
My sister tried so hard to talk to me,
but I wouldn't talk to her. She was taking a ragged doll home. I was just
stitched up, but we knew the truth too well.
I was broken.
Very
broken.
For something couldn't be so abused and left to die, it couldn't
heal completely anymore...if at all...
And so, I was just going through
the motions of living. If that was what it was called, this daze I found myself
in.
People stared at me. Both those that knew me and knew me not. They
had seen the change in my exterior, but I looked beyond them. I looked passed
them as if no one were there at all in front of me.
My sister closed the
door to our apartment and I went straight to my room. There I sat in the chair
in the middle of the dark room.
A few seconds later, she stood in the
doorway looking at me as if she were going to cry. So heartbroken, she couldn't
hold it anymore and ran off to the kitchen.
I only glared straight in
front of me. There was nothing else left to do but sit.
I didn't want to
do anything...
For what good would that do me? I would only hurt and be
hurt.
If I stay here...
If I stay here...
maybe I could run
away...
I don't know how many days passed again and my sister just came
in and out of my room until one day, she called, "Subaru".
She couldn't
take it anymore....
Even though there was nothing left for her or I to do,
she just stood in front of me.
Apologizing and hugging me, I couldn't hear
her any longer.
I had completely shut myself from the world.
Even
when she took the ritual clothing...
Even then I didn't notice...
My
grandmother even laid me on the bed but I continued to keep my eyes open. I
never went to sleep...
Dolls with no feelings at all...
they don't
sleep...
they have their eyes open always observing the world...
but when
they need to do something, they can't.
I was so useless...
I was
so blind...
How could I have been so
stupid...?
"Su...ba...ru...Su...ba...ru..." I heard a sweet voice
calling to me in the recesses of the debris left of my scattered
mind.
"Su......ba......ru." my sister said as she fell backwards with her
hands reaching up as if she could still hold onto me, her precious and most
important person in the world...
There I stood seeing it all.
Through
the blood rising and falling in a wave, that disgusting grin of satisfaction
protruded. And I held my hand out to keep the sakura from flying into my face
once more.
Seishirou then knelt down next to my sister.
Get away
from her...you don't deserve to touch her...
Still holding her, he turned
his head and the only thing I could see was...
...that cursed
smile...
...that mocking grin that made him truly a demon in
disguise...
Stop smiling at me like that...
It was through
your kind smile that I had fallen in love with...
And yet it betrayed me like
no other...
As I ran towards them while focusing on the face of my
sister...
...whose face looked unusually peacefully...
I'm so
confused...
Why? Why do you look like that with such a horrible
death?
They both were disintegrating into sakura petals.
I
knew...I just knew one day those petals would be my undoing.
For something as
fascinating and as beautiful couldn't come without a price...
...like
love...
To perfect the mood, Seishirou held her out to me with both
of his arms still holding that smirk and attentive eye out to me.
I
screamed, "HOKUTO-CHAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He's holding her out as my
sacrifice!!!!
Bastard!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Rising from bed,
my covers fell in disarray as I screamed over and over, "HOKUTO-CHAN!!
HOKUTO-CHAN!!!"
Paying no attention to my grandmother as she grabbed onto
my waist, I desparately got off the bed and ran off with my hand still out to
Hokuto.
I can still reach for you...
You can't be dead...
You're
still in front of me...
With tears in my eyes, I shouted again,
"HOKUTO-CHAN!!!!"
Only then did I notice that I was in my room...
And
I slipped to the floor with my grandmother still clinging onto me. I looked up
to the ceiling, "There really is no god."
For if there was, he/she
would have pitied me by now. But no. There was no mercy in this. None at
all...
The telephone rang and only then did my grandmother understand
the desparation of my call to my twin...
"It was that person..." I had
explained.
I then got up and placed my hands on the glass of the sliding
door.
Pounding my ungloved hands to the glass, I slipped down a bit and cried
silently.
That person...only that person was supposed to kill
me...
Oh, Hokuto...
It was then that I found myself pounding on
the glass harder and harder. Then, it shattered into a million
pieces.
Laughing to myself, it was just like me.
He had laughed in my
face and here I was breaking more and more.
I then took the pieces into
my hand and crushed them until I felt every single glass shard piercing through
my hands. Bleeding, I laid my hands on the glass out before me.
My
grandmother tried to tell me to stop, but I looked at her and she stopped as she
went to get gauze.
I learned that from you, Seishirou...
You have to
be heartless...
See what a good sensei you are?
Looking down at my
hands, I saw the glass become immersed in my blood. Then, I began to sob as my
tears fell like rain to wash the blood away from the damned stars marked upon my
hands.
Is this what you wanted? To wash my pain with even
more?
Nothing is making sense anymore...
Shaking and
putting my bleeding into two painful fists, I pounded one last time on the
ground saying with bitter tears running down my face, "This...this is what you
meant...Seishirou..."
---
Author's note: Ooh! We're almost to the end!
But aww...damn...I feel so bad for Subaru it isn't funny...
That's
life.
Fate's a bitch-goddess, that's all I have to say...
Yui Miyamoto
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