Yui Miyamoto 
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Random Thoughts
Chapter 10 - After the fact...
I wanted so much to hide away from the world.
And that's
what I had done for days...even weeks...
As I had laid in bed, I thought and
thought until my listlessness became an embodiement of my defeat.
With hot
tears unable to rush down anymore, I was all cried out.
The torn short
fell to the floor.
And my shorts were thrown violently to the
ground.
I was not going to stand for this...
Not with that godforsaken
grin upon his face to spite me...
Yet through it all, I had looked at the
mark of death on my hands...
It just got me depressed again.
As I looked
at them, it reminded me of everything.
The world was something awful and
I wanted so much to run away. If I could escape its claws then that would make
me happy. But would that really make me happy?
Happiness is such a
subjective word right now. It just likes to pluck you like a guitarist with his
instrument.
And Seishirou...
Seishirou had played me, oh so
well...
And I could not cry for him.
No, not anymore.
If I
could just stop to exist, I would devoid my sister of the rightful justice that
she deserved. The death she claimed at the hands of someone who had taken my
heart so gradually without letting me know he had, I had to avenge it.
No
matter the costs.
My innocence was shattered.
The world had broken me
into little pieces for its own disposal. I wouldn't be surprised if it mockingly
laughed at me for my naivete.
I know he had...
Bitterly, I recall he
had...
Love was in the middle of it.
And obligation was standing in my
way.
A samurai that had to choose between family and giri (absolute
obedience). I was a modern-day warrior whose armor was nothing more than his
brains. And that alone could be tainted.
I knew too well the joys of
being manipulated...
My heart took the first blow...
but that wasn't
enough...
I'm only human, but even this mistake was too perfect in its
execution...
But it wouldn't be my last...
I knew that for
certain.
And my mind became so clear that I recalled everything so
clearly...
How he could do this to me, I didn't know. Was his thirst for
blood stronger than bonds of love and friendship? Apparently so.
A killer
with no heart could only be so cruel to strike at that place where one's life
stemmed from.
Seishirou killed too many.
His hands are stained by cold
blood.
Maybe that's why he always aims at the heart...
That's where he
strikes best, ne?
And from this evil pulsating blood, many had suffered.
Many were buried carelessly under a sakura tree.
A tree that signified peace
and harmony.
It had now become death's lair engulfing all that entered
its realm.
But like a sakura, Seishirou had captured me with his beauty.
That exterior that seemed to care about the world and about us, I had thought
that I could trust that smile.
Apparently, I was wrong.
Disturbingly
wrong.
If I had known, I would have been on my guard. But it is of no use
now.
We are destined for this fate.
Always to be kept apart by the
hands of time and life itself.
Clenching my fists and a tear stubbornly
staying on my eyes, I looked at the mirror and cut my hair as a symbol of my
transformation.
The world had done this to me.
You tore me
apart.
Seishirou, you tore me inside out. You tore all that I could hold in
my heart giving me the final blow.
I wish I could be blind to everything, and
wander through life with a cane that extended cautiously before me to warn me of
harm.
But I can't.
I cannot close my eyes.
Not
anymore...
I had to eventually pick the pieces left behind and move on.
Like a ragged doll, I have to stitch myself over and over, no matter the pain
that ensues within my heart becoming more and more hard with
time.
And I want to cry, but I can't. I'm too shocked to cry
now.
I can't describe myself right now, but I know I'm bleeding
invisibly...
Looking at this mirror, I've finished cutting my hair. I
threw out my previous wardrobe and burned it.
You will go with my
sister.
Until I wring him with my own hands which will learn the taste
and scent of blood, I will not rest.
No, not until I put him to eternal
sleep...
Walking out of the building, I turned around and never looked
back.
I'm not going to turn back, Seishirou.
You started the
game,
and now,
I shall finish it.
I'm so sorry Hokuto.
But
the Subaru-kun the world knew has gone.
He no longer exists here.
I
then kissed the cursed hands marked with death...
"Seishirou..." I
whispered.
As of this moment, the Subaru Sumeragi you love so
dearly...
...Is dead.
And it's all your
fault...
--
Author's note: My first finished Tokyo Babylon fic. I like
it just fine...
Subaru at both extremes...omoshiroi.
Originally, this
had started as picking parts of the manga that I thought were important. Then,
but by the end of the second chapter, I thought it would be so much better to
expand on parts 'not in the comic'.
Plus, I was evil and wanted to put all
the 'fan service' that had driven me crazy about Sei-chan and Subaru-kun's
relationship. I couldn't handle them not doing anything...yes, bad, but this
just really drove me nuts...
And if you're wondering, this had started as one
chapter. The last one. This one was the first TB fanfic I made. But then I
thought of doing the whole comic in five chapters. Then, I had too much fun with
it and personified it in 10 chapters as one for every point in Subaru's
hands...
chapter 8 was for hokuto's death but 8 is a multiple of 4, which
means death in some Asian languages.
Yes, enough of this rambling and
yes, I'm a freak about integrating too many things into one
thing...
thanks for reading and hope you liked it as much as I did making
it!
Love, Yui
Yui Miyamoto
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