Yui Miyamoto 
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Disclaimer: Tokyo Babylon was created by the awesome Clamp and I present this as
a form of deep appreciation for a work that has touched my heart as well as many
others around the world.Random Thoughts
Chapter 7 - Kowashita. (Broken.)
My face was still in
shock and I did not even attempt to stop it from doing so.
I had a feeling
something was going to happen. As to what, I did not know...
Nor did I want
to feel it like this at this moment...
Still being disillusioned, my
sister didn't miss it. She comforted me and embraced me with all that she
could.
"I love you, Subaru," she had said to me. And this I kept inside
of my mind as I walked on.
If she had known...
If she had known who I
was with just last night...
She would have...
Sigh.
Again, my feet
stood still...
Seishirou...
It was happening all over
again...
The slash...
The incessant crying...
The stare at the
door...
The push from my sister as I was desparate to keep him...
The
longing look up to the ceiling as if god could hear me...
Slipping to the
ground in the heaviness of this burden...
As I walked on, there were a
group of high schoolers going to beat up a blind old man. And the inner anger I
had never shown, came out.
Shaking, I took care of the
situation...
After talking to the blind old man, I went back to the
hospital and was about to knock on the door. As I did so, I
stopped.
Clenching my hand in mid-air, I thought about myself and my denial
all this time. All the while, I had tried to push the thought away though I knew
perfectly well how much I was falling into Seishirou.
Flashes came back
to me...
POUND POUND POUND!
The bleeding hands...
Falling to
the ground...
Crying for someone I finally realized I had cared about more
than myself...
Then, I finally whispered to myself, "It's because I love
you, Seishirou."
Full of the courage I couldn't fill myself when I was in
his arms, I came in...
...and it wasn't his room at all.
"The
time of when the bet must be fulfilled has come...Sumeragi
Subaru."
Whispering his name, I stared at the being in front of me with his
arms crossed while leaning on a sakura tree.
That sakura tree...
It
had to be THAT one...
Clenching my fists again, I tried so hard to
control my shaking...
The time had gone. It could no longer come back to
us.
Oh NO...
The scene repeated again.
This is what he
meant...
I was watching it all over again.
This was what he
meant...
That horrid sakura tree was now becoming a nuisance and drained
me so well...
But this time, I was reliving it. Feeling
everything...
Even the hand that reached out and caught my shoulder.
He held his other hand out to stop the scene. And the boy, the boy with
no name turned his head to smile evilly at me...
A tear quickly emerged
and fell as if it were never there as I whispered inside my head, but too weak
to to him, "Seishirou..."
Then, he showed me...
a little girl dead on
the ground...
bleeding relentlessy and her blood being soaked up by the dirt
around her...
As I tried to runaway, he grabbed my arm and came closer to
my face to whisper, "It was me."
Grabbing my head, I knew I heard glass
shatter.
"You should watch out, Subaru-kun...
because the
happiness you want may lead you to darkness and sadness....
Mine.
Maybe I
should say this to myself also, shouldn't I, Subaru-kun?"
And it
was then that I remembered every single thing...
At the time I was going
around doing spells, he was on a branch. He had killed a girl and I had
witnessed him doing so.
He was supposed to kill me too, but he decided to
have more fun with me. He had instead blocked the dead girl from my
consciousness and just 'woke me' from my induced sleep to comment on the
sakura.
That's why he was laughing...
He thought it was so fun to
deceive me...
It was then in the wind did he kiss my hands and mark them
for death with his own teeth...
Again, he took my hands and kissed them
as the gloves that had protected them for so long tore violently off. And I
thought of my grandmother and her face as she saw my hands that day...
I
was such a fool...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BAKA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The memory played
out again, but this time, Seishirou began to break every bone in my body and he
wouldn't stop until he had done such a thorough job of it...
His words
redundantly whispered to my ear, "For tonight. Just for tonight, let's just
forget the world. For tonight, let's abandon our fate."
Half here and
half not, I listened to him speak to me while drifting off to unconsciousness,
but not quite.
I can't even talk...
All I can do is cry...
This is
what you meant...
This is why you cried on me that night...
Cruelly,
he didn't let me die. He threw me back through the window of the hospital.
A
nurse screamed to help me, but there I laid silent and unable to do
anything.
Everything is broken.
Everything.
My heart so
completely shattered...
My blood running on this hospital floor...
My mind
shot that I didn't know what reality was anymore...
My tears running a river
into my mouth to taste the salt and those that were wasted on the tile
floor...
A million things ran through my head....and I can't contain or
constrain them no matter how hurtful they are...
How could you,
Seishirou?
How could you break me so completely?
How could you lie to
me?
Was this part of your plan?
You were supposed to kill me...
If
you were kind, you should have killed me.
But no, you are not. You had to
torture me inside out so thoroughly...
This is so much worse than
death, Seishirou...
But I think your inhuman coal for a heart understands
this already...
Laying my broken fingers out as if to still reach for
him, but knowing full well that I couldn't change anything...
Unable to move
my lips, all I could think to say was
thus,
"Se...i...shi...ro...u...sa...n.
Boku wa anata ga suki dattan
desu."
Yes, because I loved you, Seishirou...
You were the
boy with no name...
But I...
I wish it were left
unknown...
--
Author's note: ;_; This is my favorite part in
the manga.
I hope I was able to capture the moment and the emotions that I
wanted or at least the depth portrayed.
But being the way I am, I think I am
still not satisfied even if I am crying right now because of this
piece...
Yui Miyamoto
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Pairing
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