Yui Miyamoto 
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Disclaimer: you know what should be here. I don’t own this.Music Without
Words
Chapter 9 – Dekinai yo! (You
can’t!)
When I opened my eyes, I found Yuki staring at me. “Good
morning?” I greeted.
He nodded his head. “Good morning.”
I looked
from side to side nervously. “Um, did I do something wrong?”
“No,” he
replied, but he kept on looking at me with sleepy eyes. Then, he
smiled.
I closed my eyes again to enjoy being held by him so
warmly.
“You know what this reminds me of?”
“Nope.”
“There
was one time when you were sick and I came to visit you.”
“You did?” I
answered. “I don’t remember.”
“Of course you don’t. You were sleeping.”
He laughed. “I told the nurse to let me take over for an hour and she let
me.
“Then, you called out my name saying, ‘I want to eat strawberries
with you, Yuki.’ I had to admit that that was kind of weird because you were
talking in your sleep and somehow you knew I was there.
“I answered,
‘Yes, we should.’ But you frowned and I asked, ‘Why are frowning?’ ‘You’re cold,
Yuki.’ I didn’t understand what was happening. ‘I’m cold?’
“’Your hand is
cold. I’m holding your hand but you’re so cold.’”
I blushed thinking
about what other things I could have said all these years and never knew. I
buried myself under the pillow.
“What’s wrong, Haru?” He pushed the
pillow away.
“You were there and you heard me…” was all I could
say.
“I hugged you that day. You woke up for a bit and you saw me, but I
knew for sure you were so tired that you wouldn’t remember.” Laughing he said,
“Before I went away, you asked me, ‘Be here when I wake up.’ And I was, but if I
stayed longer, I would have gotten in trouble.”
“I’m only to ask you this
once, Yuki…”
Doki, doki…
I took a deep breath as I looked at him.
“If the circumstances were different, do you
think…”
Dokidokidoki…
I then shook my head.
I shouldn’t
have asked this question. It wasn’t a fair one.
He looked at me so
intently, but I just laughed and said, “I had it, but I forgot!”
Yuki’s
affection for me is different than how I feel for him. This is how it should be.
For if I complicate his life by trying to ask a question that was shouldn’t be
asked in the first place, then I wasn’t going to ask it.
I wasn’t
deciding for him that I wouldn’t tell him the circumstances of what was going to
happen by the end of next week, but that I wanted him to choose by
himself.
I want you to choose me, even if I had said nothing to
you.
Even if you never knew that I loved you all this time.
“Yuki!
Haru!” Momiji shouted and burst into the room. “It’s time for breakfast!
Hatori’s gonna drive us to the beach in an hour!”
Comically, I
immediately went to the window and stretched while Yuki pretended to have just
woken up. Complete with the half-awake eyes.
Chaotic as it was,
Hatori brought us all to the private beach house that belonged to our family.
And it was Shigure who put his hand over his eyes to block the sun and say, “We
should come here more often!”
After putting our stuff down, we changed
and went to the beach. Momiji ran to the ocean while Tohru followed after him.
Kyo and Yuki walked behind her while I just set up my towel and got a
tan.
Hatori and Shigure were sitting in the backyard patio table and
watched us. But they were mostly to talking to one another.
I watched
Yuki, but I still couldn’t believe how he still thought that he was
unattractive. And here I was a bit hot and bothered with all that water all over
his body.
“Sexy…” I found myself saying to myself.
After a while,
Tohru came next to me. She sat down and patted my back. “Come on and swim with
us!”
“Naw, I don’t feel like swimming right now.”
Good one,
Haru.
“Why? The water’s perfect.”
With a deadpan expression, I
answered, “Too much work.”
She pushed my side with both of her hands as
she laughed. “You can’t be that lazy.”
All this time, I tried to figure
out…
While she blinked at me, I had finally understood her
charm.
Why Yuki had fallen in love with her…
She went past the
social barriers without thinking that they were there. Tohru couldn’t see them,
and yet even if she did, she didn’t care too much.
Except, Yuki, doesn’t
that bother you a bit also?
“Oh yes I can,” I replied.
But as we
watched the others swimming and/or playing in the water, Tohru asked, “I hurt
Yuki.”
Why?
Why are you telling me this now? And so
suddenly?
“How did you do that?” I patted her shoulder.
“I
rejected him after he bared his heart to me.” She turned to me with a sad look
in her eyes. “And I don’t know how to feel…”
God, this hurts to
hear…
“Why?” I pulled her to sit her head on my shoulder so that she
wouldn’t start to cry.
“He was saying that maybe we should get together
while we’re in college because he cared for me so much. He said he couldn’t live
without me.” Then she shook her head. “And he was so sure about that.
“I
got scared. I need time and space to think about this. I like him too, but not
as much as he likes me. It wouldn’t be fair to him if I didn’t feel like he
does.”
Then, we both sighed, but for different reasons.
“Tohru,
I’ve always wanted to know, and you don’t have to answer me, but do you like
Yuki or Kyo better?”
She looked into my eyes. “At this moment….I…I don’t
know.
“I knew this time would come someday, but I didn’t want it now. I
need more time to think about it.”
I patted her shoulder and rubbed her
arm. “I know I’m biased, but I want to ask you something. I’ve never asked you
anything, but I want to ask you a favor.”
“Yes?”
“Promise me that
you’ll take care of Yuki. Whomever you choose, please tell me that you’ll always
be by his side. Whether as a friend or as his girlfriend.”
She didn’t
question me as she patted my hand even though she was confused. With reassurance
that made me sigh inwardly with relief, she answered, “I will,
Haru.”
“Thank you,” I said.
It was then that she got up and we
smiled at one another.
“Thank you to you too, Haru,” she said. Stretching
her arms out, she said, “I really wanted to take that off my chest.”
“No
problem.”
And with that, she went back to Kyo and Yuki.
I looked
at the ocean, but there was no Momiji. I became worried, until someone in back
of me said, “I’m sorry I overheard your conversation.”
My stomach churned
as I closed my eyes before turning around with my usual calm face.
It was
then that Momiji sighed as he whispered, “You coward, Haru.”
“Huh?” I got
up as he began to shake violently. “What’s wrong, Momiji?”
Without
warning, he looked up and punched me in the face.
“Wh-what the hell?!” I
shouted at the top of my lungs while some blood dripped from one side of my face
while getting up.
At that, he began to put his hands in fists while some
tears were forming in his eyes. “Why didn’t you tell _me_?! Aren’t I your best
friend?! Why did I have to hear this story from ‘Tori?!?!”
I was taken
aback as I just took a deep breath while his hurt eyes burned themselves into my
brain. Tohru and Momiji…
What a bitch Fate is!
“This is crazy…” he
mumbled quietly as he shook his head at me. “Why can’t we say anything against
this? Why?!”
I stepped closer to him as he was trying to step away from
me. “Momiji…I’m sorry…”
Then, he shouted at me with tears falling from
his eyes. “You can’t die, Haru!” Shaking his head, he protested, “I won’t let
you! You can’t, Haru!!!”
I started to say, “I…”
Except, nothing
would come out. I could offer no explanation to him.
The others were
starting to come over towards us.
At that, I just hugged him and smiled
softly at him as he shook his head while pounding my chest.
“IYADA!!!!!!!!!”
I began to cry.
He then pushed himself away from
me. “Haru! I hate you, Haru!”
“Momiji…”
““You’re the sweetest
person I know! You can’t die, Haru! You just can’t!”
With all the things
spinning in my head, before I knew what was happening, I watched him run away
from me.
And I let him because I knew I couldn’t stop him.
I
didn’t know how I could.
Tsuzuku…
--
Author’s note: I know
it may have seemed natural that I put Tohru as the one Haru should talk to about
this situation since she is the main character of Fruits Basket, but I didn’t
want it like that. I love Fruits Baskets, but that was one thing I didn’t like.
The lessons on life were good, but were told to the audience. So, this time, I
wanted Tohru to ask, and to be less perfect than she’s represented in the
series. (Please don’t be offended by me. ^^;;;)
On the other hand, I was
trying to be really emotional with Momiji because well, yeah, I love him a lot
(the child I want to have if I ever bear one). But pushing that aside, Momiji
was the one who was rejected from his mother _and_ he’s the one who still is
courageous enough to hug Tohru because he wanted to be hugged. I felt that he is
the closest to Haru, yet he should know a lot and is the best to represent the
protest that Haru won’t even admit to himself.
Yui Miyamoto
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