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Yui Miyamoto Author Pairing Rating Subject

Disclaimer: Gravitation is not mine, but I'm a fellow fangirl of Ryuichi x Tatsuha.

Infatuation

Chapter 11 - Whatever you choose.


"I..." I was at a loss for words even though there were many things running through my brain.

And so, I fell silent.

Everything was swimming inside of me, but I couldn't hold onto everything. And in the end, I couldn't even hold onto anything.

I never thought I meant anything significant to you.
So many people had a key to your apartment and I thought...
I was just someone in passing that happened to be so in love you that you wouldn't care if I left you someday.

But...
to see this...

To see someone like you break down for me, Yuki...

Doki, doki.

I held his head as he continued to cry silently. To think that I made him cry this way. We always make each other cry...

Then softly, I sang, "Do you love me? Like I love you-"

Knock, knock.

"Is everything all right in there?" A voice said. Probably one of the crew.
"Yes!" I called back.

But the door opened anyway and there was Tatsuha walking calmly through it. He closed the door behind him as Yuki instantly got up and wiped his tears, but not in the sight of his brother.
"Let's go home, Shuichi," Tatsuha said with no jealously or malice. Not even disapppointment.

My heartbeat faster and faster.

"I'll draw the line here." Yuki looked up at Tatsuha. "I'll bring him home."

Silence.

All I could do was stand in the middle and watch.

Then, everything crumbled with...

"Yeah, I think I was the one to ask you to bring Shuichi home." Yuki tried to hold his anger, but his words were just as venomous. "And you brought him back all right."

"Yuki Ni-chan." Tatsuha then lowered his voice. "If I returned him to you, he would have cried again."

"And what makes you so perfect?!" Yuki ran towards him and started to pound on him.

"Stop, Yuki!" I shouted, but it was all in vain.

"Just because you say yes to whatever father says, this makes you right?! Because you're still bitter that the girls that you liked always came to me?! Tell me what drive you to the point of taking my most important person away from me?! OSHIENASAI, TATSUHA!!!"

Tatsuha punched Yuki back and held him to the ground. "Is that how you really think of me, Ni-chan?! If he was your most important person, the you should have done it yourself!!!"

Punch, punch, punch...

Both of them fell to the ground huffing and puffing for air. Yuki wiped the blood away from his lips as Tatsuha looked at the cuts on his fingers.

I went over to Yuki and kneeled to him as I softly whispered, "Thank you, Yuki."
Pushing him away from me carefully, I tilted my head and smiled wistfully. "I'm sorry I made you cry. But I think I need more time to think. It isn't about you anymore. I have to find what makes me happy...and who."

Blinking my eyes, I added, "I have to find out if I really love you, Yuki. Or have we been living a lie?"

At that moment, he got up. And I tippy-toed to pull his shoulders so that I could kiss his forehead.
Then, we looked at each other with nothing to say.

I pulled Tatsuha up and we both walked out the door.

I wanted to say sorry to both of them. But...I knew it shouldn't be me. Not anymore.
Two days later...

"Bye, Shu!" I said to Tatsuha as he ran past me while waving goodbye. He then closed the door behind him.

I cleaned the bedroom and then sat on the couch. As I huddled to one corner, I bit the end of the pencil and looked at the lines of college-ruled paper in front of me. I had again to make new lyrics.
Since we had released the new album, but I had gone to the emergency room, I was instructed to stay at home as much as possible. Seguchi-san's orders.
But to keep in schedule, I was to make a new song. Hiro gave me the melody yesterday and as I listened to it on the mini-disc player, I bobbed my head.

Knock, knock.

"I wonder who it is." I asked myself as I got up to answer the door.

On the other side of the door stood Yuki's and Tatsuha's father. He bowed his head and said, "Good morning."
"G-good morning, Sir." I greeted with a bow as I instructed him to sit on the couch. He put up his hand and so his bodyguard stood outside as I closed the door.
"Would you like something to drink?" I asked politely.
"No thank you."
I then sat opposite of him as my heart beat faster and faster in my chest. I almost thought that it was going to just jump out.
"I'm sorry, but Tatsuha-kun isn't here right now."
He shook his head and smiled. "No, actually, I came here to talk to you."
"Oh?"
He sighed. "I know you're a good kid, Shindou-san. But I must come here as a concerned father looking out for his children..."

Their father then explained that since Yuki had rejected being a monk, the only one left was Tatsuha. And as much as Tatsuha may want to reject it, it was his family duty to carry on their temple in Kyoto.
They needed an heir.
If it weren't for that...then maybe he wouldn't be so bothered about this situation.

Then, he brought out the newspaper articles. "I don't believe any of this because I know you and my two sons, but..."
He brought out an envelope from his small sack. "I asked someone to take care of Tatsuha and Yuki. He brought me back these pictures yesterday."
At that moment, he held my shoulders, "Tatsuha may not tell you this, but he's always been a good boy, despite his...*ahem* obsession with Sakuma Ryuichi, but anyway. He probably doesn't tell you that he's been harrassed by people or the media. It isn't anyone's fault, but this isn't the kind of life he is used to.
Despite his liking for synthesized music and Nittle Grasper, he's used to a quiet environment.
As for Yuki... Yuki will always do his own thing. Whether or not I tell him to do something, he will always make his own choice in the end. It was hard to accept at first. But sometimes, I think it is for the best."

I looked at the pictures and looked up at Uesugi-san. "I..."

I never thought about that.
That I would change Tatsuha's life when I entered this threshold. And Yuki...well, we knew what everything entailed by now...so I hadn't... * sigh *

I bowed my head. "I'm sorry."

That's all I could say.

He patted my head and shook his head. "No. It isn't anyone's fault."
Then, he got up and walked towards the door. But before he turned the knob, he placed his hands on my shoulders. "If you only knew how much Yuki loves you..."

My eyes tried not to betray my utter surprise.

Then, he smiled and said, "But whatever and whomever you choose. It will be for the best.
You'll find your answer, Shindou-san. Whatever you are looking for in this life."
Clearing his throat, he concluded, "Oh, and please don't tell any of them that I came, okay?"

I nodded with nothing else to say but, "Thank you very much."

Leaving me with my jaw hanging, he closed the door behind him. And I stood there looking at the door as his voice repeated in my head,

"If you only knew how much Yuki loves you, Shuichi-kun..."

--
Author's note: Almost there...almost. Just need to bind everything and make it strong as it was in the beginning...
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Yui Miyamoto Author Pairing Rating Subject