Season two of Buffy!!
When she was bad:
Xander: Yo! G-man! What's up?
Giles: Nice to see you. And don't ever call me that.
Xander: Well, what else do you wanna do? We already played rock, paper, scissors. My hands cramped up.
Willow: Well, yes, if you're always scissors of course your tendons are gonna strain...
Xander: I'm just so restless! I'm actually looking forward to school startin' up again.
Willow: Yeah, and that wouldn't have anything to do with a certain girl we both know who is a Vampire Slayer?
Xander: Please, I'm so over her. Did she, uh, mention when she might be gettin' back? About which I do not care.
Willow: Tsh! Tell me about it. The other night I dreamt that Xander... Uh, I-it wasn't Xander. I-in fact it wasn't me. It was a friend's dream, and she doesn't remember it.
Buffy: Cordelia, your mouth is open, sound is coming from it, this is never good.
Cordelia: Buffy. You're really campaigning for bitch-of-the-year, aren't you?
Buffy: As defending champion, you nervous?
Cordelia: Whatever is causing the Joan Collins 'tude, deal with it. Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet, whatever, but get over it. 'Cause pretty soon you're not even gonna have the loser friends you've got now.
Xander: Are we overlooking the idea that she may be very attracted to me? She's possessed.
Willow: That's what it was! I mean, why else would she be acting like such a b-i-t-c-h?
Giles: Willow, I think we're all a little too old to be spelling things out.
Xander: A bitca?
Buffy: You're a vampire. Oh, I'm sorry, was that an offensive term? Should I say 'undead American'?
Giles: What are you gonna do? Crawl inside a cave for the rest of your life?
Buffy: Would it have cable?
Some Assembly Required
Giles: Grave robbing? That's new. Interesting.
Buffy: I know you meant to say gross and disturbing.
Giles: Yes, yes, yes of course. Uh, terrible thing. Must, must put a stop to it. Damn it.
Buffy: Are you crazy? You don't just sneak up on people in a graveyard. You make noise when you walk. You stomp or... yodel.
Buffy: Nope. Why? Are you jealous?
Angel: Of Xander? Please. He's just a kid.
Buffy: Is it 'cause I danced with him?
Angel: 'Danced with' is a pretty loose term. 'Mated with' might be a little closer.
Buffy: Don't you think you're being a little unfair? It was one little dance, which I only did to make you crazy, by the way. Behold my success.
Angel: I am not jealous.
Buffy: You're not jealous? What, vampires don't get jealous?
Buffy: Sorry, but I'm an old-fashioned gal. I was raised to believe that men dig up the corpses and women have the babies.
Xander: Well, I guess that makes it official. Everybody's paired off. Vampires get dates. Hell, even the school librarian sees more action than me. You ever think that the world is a giant game of musical chairs, and the music's stopped and we're the only ones who don't have a chair?
Willow: Love makes you do the wacky.
Buffy: That's the truth.
Buffy: Love makes you do the wacky.
Angel: What?
Buffy: Crazy stuff.
Angel: Oh. Crazy, like a two-hundred-and-forty-one-year-old being jealous of a high school junior?
Buffy: Are you fessing up?
Angel: I've thought about it. Maybe it bothers me a little.
Buffy: I don't love Xander.
Angel: Yeah, but he's in your life. He gets to be there when I can't. Take your classes, eat your meals, hear your jokes and complaints. He gets to see you in the sunlight…
Buffy: I don't look that good in direct light.
Cordelia: It was horrible. Angel saved me from an arm. God, there were so many parts,
they were everywhere. Why are these terrible things always happening to me?
Xander: Karma!
School Hard:
Spike: I was actually at Woodstock. That was a weird gig. I fed off a flowerperson, and I spent the next six hours watchin' my hand move.
Buffy: We were at the Bronze before. Thought you said you might show.
Angel: You said you weren't sure if you were going.
Buffy: I was being cool. C'mon, you've been dating for, what, like, two hundred years? You don't know what a girl means when she says maybe she'll show?
Xander: Okay, that's it. I'm puttin' a collar with a little bell on that guy.
Angel: I taught you to always guard your perimeter. Tsk, tsk, tsk. You should have someone out there.
Spike: I did. I'm surrounded by idiots. What's new with you?
Angel: Everything.
Spike: Yeah. Come up against this Slayer yet?
Angel: She's cute. Not too bright, though. Gave the puppy dog 'I'm all tortured' act. Keeps her off my back when I feed.
Spike: People still fall for that Anne Rice routine. What a world!
Xander: I knew you were lying. Undead liar guy.
Spike: You think you can fool me?! You were my sire, man! You were my... Yoda!
Spike: A Slayer with family and friends. That sure as hell wasn't in the brochure.
Giles: Our new friend Spike. He's known as 'William the Bloody'. Earned his nickname by torturing his victims with railroad spikes. Very pleasant. Well, here's some good news: he's barely two hundred. He's not even as old as Angel is.
Inca Mummy Girl
Xander: Hold on a sec. So, this person who's living with you for two weeks is a man. With man parts. This is a terrible idea.
Willow: What about the beautiful melding of two cultures?
Xander: There's no melding, okay? He better keep his parts to himself.
Buffy: I wasn't gonna use violence. I don't always use violence. Do I?
Xander: The important thing is *you* believe that.
Buffy: Just this once I'd like to be the Overlooked One.
Buffy: Oh! I know this one! Slaying entails certain sacrifices, blah, blah, bity blah, I'm so stuffy, gimme a scone.
Willow: On the other hand, maybe Rodney just stepped out for a smoke.
Xander: For twenty-one hours?
Willow: It's addictive, you know.
Devon: Let me guess: not your type? What does a girl have to do to impress you?
Oz: Well, it involves a feathered boa and a theme to 'A Summer Place'. I can't discuss it here.
Devon: You're too picky, man. Do you know how many girls you could have? You're lead guitar, Oz. It's currency!
Oz: I'm not picky. You're just impressed by any pretty girl that can walk and talk.
Devon: She doesn't have to talk.
Ampata: You are strange.
Xander: Girls always tell me that. Right before they run away.
Xander: That's great! You're not a praying mantis, are you? Sorry, someone else.
Buffy: Come on! Can't you put your foot down?
Giles: It is down.
Buffy: One of these days you're gonna have to get a grownup car.
Xander: I just, present company excluded, I have the worst taste in women of anyone in the world, ever.
Reptile Boy
(discussing the Hindu TV Movie they are watching)
Willow: She's sad because her lover gave her twelve gold coins, but then the wizard cut open the bag of salt, and now the dancing minions have nowhere to put their big maypole... fish thing.
Buffy: Her lover? I thought that was her chiropractor.
Willow: Because of that thing he did with her feet? No, that was personal.
Angel: What are you sayin', you wanna have a date?
Buffy: No.
Angel: You don't wanna have a date?
Buffy: Who said 'date'? I-I-I never said 'date'.
Angel: Right. You just wanna have coffee or somethin'.
Buffy: Coffee?
Angel: I knew this was gonna happen.
Buffy: What? What do you think is happening?
Angel: You're sixteen years old. I'm two hundred and forty-one.
Buffy: I've done the math.
Angel: You don't know what you're doing, you don't know what you want...
Buffy: Oh. No, I, I think I do. I want out of this conversation.
Angel: Listen, if we date you and I both know one thing's gonna lead to another.
Buffy: One thing already has led to another. You think it's a little late to be reading me a warning label?
Angel: I'm just tryin' to protect you. This could get outta control.
Buffy: Isn't that the way it's supposed to be?
Angel: This isn't some fairy tale. When I kiss you, you don't wake up from a deep sleep and live happily ever after.
Buffy: No. When you kiss me I wanna die.
Xander: (looks at fraternity boys) I hate these guys. Whatever they want just falls into their laps. Don't you hate these guys?
Willow: Yeah, with their charmed lives and their movie star good looks and more money than you can count? I'm hating.
Willow: (lecturing Angel and GilesWell…) Well, why do you think she went to that party? Because you gave her the brush-off! And you never let her do anything except work and patrol! And I know she's the Chosen One, but you're killing her with the pressure! I mean, she's sixteen going on forty! And you! I mean, you're gonna live forever! You don't have time for a cup of coffee?!
Willow: You dreamed about Angel again?
Buffy: Third night in a row.
Willow: What did he do in the dream?
Buffy: Stuff.
Willow: Oh! Stuff! Was it one of those vivid dreams where you could feel his lips and smell his hair?
Buffy: It had surround sound. I'm just thinking about him so much lately.
Willow: You two are so right for each other. Except for the uh,
Buffy: Vampire thing.
Halloween:
Willow: True. It's too bad we can't sneak a look at the Watcher diaries and read up on Angel. I'm sure it's full of fun facts to know and tell.
Buffy: Yeah. It's too bad. That stuff is private.
Willow: Also Giles keeps them in his office. In his personal files.
Buffy: Most importantly, it would be wrong.
Cordelia: Buffy. Love the hair. It just screams street urchin.
Xander: Those wacky vampires! That's why I love 'em! They just keep you guessing!
Xander: (giving out trick or treat advise) Okay, on sleazing extra candy: tears are key. Tears will normally get you the double-bagger. You can also try the old 'you missed me' routine, but it's risky. Only go there for chocolate. Understood?
Cordelia: Oh, he's a vampire. Of course! But the cuddly kind. Like a Carebear with fangs? . . . You know what I think? I just think you're trying to scare me off 'cause you're afraid of the competition. Look, Buffy, you may be hot stuff when it comes to demonology or whatever, but when it comes to dating, I'm the Slayer."
Spike: Well! This is just... neat!
Lie to me:
Buffy: It was terrible. I moped over you for months. Sitting in my room listening to that Divinyls song 'I Touch Myself'. Of course, I had no idea what it was about.
Willow: Oh! Angel! What are you doing here?
Angel: I wanted to talk to you.
Willow: Oh, well... Well?
Angel: I can't. Unless you invite me, I can't come in.
Willow: Oh! Well, okay, I invite you. To come in.
Angel: I-if this is a bad time, I...
Willow: No! I just... I'm not supposed to have boys in my room.
Angel: I promise to behave myself.
Willow: Okay. Good.
Angel: I guess I need help.
Willow: Help? You mean like on homework? No, 'cause you're old and you already know stuff.
Angel: I want you to track someone down. On the 'Net.
Willow: Oh! Great! I'm so the 'Net girl.
Willow: Uh, Angel? If I say something you really don't wanna hear, do you promise not to bite me?
Angel: Are you gonna tell me that I'm jealous?
Willow: Well, you do sometimes get that way.
Angel: You know, I never used to. Things used to be pretty simple. A hundred years, just hanging out, feelin' guilty... I really honed my brooding skills. Then she comes along. Yeah, I get jealous. But I know people. And my gut tells me this is a wrong guy.
Xander: Yeah, I'm gonna have to go with Dead Boy on this one.
Angel: Could you not call me that?
Angel: I did a lot of unconscionable things when I became a vampire. Drusilla was the worst. She was... an obsession of mine. She was pure and sweet and chaste...
Buffy: And you made her a vampire.
Angel: First I made her insane. Killed everybody she loved. Visited every mental torture on her I could devise. She eventually fled to a convent, and on the day she took her holy orders, I turned her into a demon.
Buffy: Well. I asked for the truth.
Giles: You mean life?
Buffy: Yeah. Does it get easy?
Giles: What do you want me to say?
Buffy: Lie to me.
Giles: Yes, it's terribly simple. The good guys are always stalwart and true, the bad guys are easily distinguished by their pointy horns or black hats, and, uh, we always defeat them and save the day. No one ever dies, and everybody lives happily ever after.
Buffy: Liar.
The Dark Age
Giles: Must we have this noise during your calisthenics?
Buffy: It's not noise! It's music!
Giles: I know music. Music has notes. This is noise.
Buffy: I'm aerobicising! I must have a beat!
Giles: Wonderful. You work on your muscle tone while my brain dribbles out of my ears.
Xander: Giles lived for school. He's actually still bitter that there are only twelve grades.
Buffy:He probably sat in math class thinking, 'There should be more math. This could be mathier.'
Giles: Um, a medical transport is delivering the monthly supply of blood to the hospital.
Buffy: Mm. Vampire Meals-On-Wheels
Buffy: How did you know about this?
Angel: It's delivery day. Everybody knows about this.
Angel: Maybe he's late.
Buffy: Giles? Who counts tardiness as, like, the eighth deadly sin?
Willow: HEY! We don't have time for this! Our friends are in trouble! Now, we have to put our heads together and, and get them out of it! And if you two aren't with me a hundred and ten percent, then get the hell out of my library!
Cordelia: We're sorry.
Xander: We'll be good.
Buffy: You knew that if the demon was in trouble it was gonna jump into the nearest dead person.
Angel: I put it in danger.
Willow: And it jumped.
Angel: I've had a demon inside me for a couple hundred years... just waitin' for a good fight.
Buffy: Winner and still champion.
I'm on a beach, but not one of those American beaches, one of those island beaches where the water's way too blue, and I'm laying on my towel, and it's just before sunset, and Gavin Rossdale's massaging my feet!"
"Oh, that's good! Uh, I'm in Florence, Italy, I've rented a scooter that's parked outside, and I'm in a little restaurant eating ziti, and there are no more tables left, so they have to seat this guy with me, and it's John Cusack!"
"Ooo! Very impressive. You have such an eye for detail."
"'Cause with the ziti!"
-Buffy and Willow, playing "Anywhere But Here"
What's My Line (Part 1)
Buffy: Uh, we're having this thing at school.
Angel: Career week?
Buffy: How did you know?
Angel: I lurk.
Buffy: The Cliff Notes version? I want a normal life. Like I had before.
Angel: Before me.
Buffy: No, Angel, it's not you. You're the one freaky thing in my freaky world that still makes sense to me. I just get messed sometimes. I wish we could be regular kids.
Angel: Yeah. I'll never be a kid.
Buffy: Okay, then a regular kid and her cradle robbing, creature-of-the-night boyfriend.
Xander: What, and suck all the spontaneity out of being young and stupid? I'd rather live in the dark.
Willow: You're not gonna be young forever.
Xander: Yes, but I'll always be stupid. Okay, let's not all rush to disagree.
Xander: Y'know, with that kind of attitude you could've had a bright future as an employee at the DMV.
Cordelia: Oh, here I am. 'Personal shopper or motivational speaker.' Neato!
Xander: Motivational speaker? On what? Ten ways to a more annoying you?
Xander: No, it's a statistical impossibility for a sixteen-year-old girl to unplug her phone.
Willow: You and Angel are going skating? Alone?
Buffy: Unless some unforeseen evil pops up. But I'm in full 'see no evil' mode.
Willow: Angel ice-skating.
Buffy: I know. Two worlds collide.
Buffy: Yeah! They had tools, flashlights, whole nine yards. What does that mean anyway? 'Whole nine yards'? Nine yards of what? Now it's gonna bug me all day.
What's My Line (Part 2)
Buffy: Wait. Handbook? What handbook? How come I don't have a handbook?
Willow: Is there a T-shirt, too? 'Cause that would be cool...
Giles: Not to my knowledge. Um, th-the new Slayer is only called after the previous Slayer has died. Uh... Oh, good Lord! You were dead, Buffy.
Buffy: I was only gone for a minute.
Buffy: I don't take orders. I do things my way.
Kendra: No wonder you died.
Buffy: You and bug people, Xander. What's up with that?
Xander: No, but this dude was completely different than praying mantis lady. He was a man *of* bugs, not a man who *was* a bug.
Buffy: You know. No kick-o, no fight-o?
Xander: A Slayer, huh? I knew this 'I'm the only one, I'm the only one' thing was just an attention-getter.
Kendra: Did anyone explain to you what 'secret identity' means?
Buffy: Nope. Must be in the handbook.
Buffy: It's your lucky day, Spike.
Kendra: Two Slayers!
Buffy: No waiting!
Buffy: Good. 'Cause I've had it. Spike is going down. You can attack me, you can send assassins after me, that's fine. But nobody messes with my boyfriend!
Xander: Look, I'm not gonna tell, they're not gonna know. Not your friends, not my friends. You wanna go to the utility closet and make out?
Cordelia: God! Is that all you ever think about? Okay.
Bad Eggs
Willow: Hey, maybe you can have Angel help you find the Gorches.
Giles: Yes! Yes, yes, that's not a bad idea. Strength in numbers.
Xander: Oh, right. I see a lotta hunting getting done in that scenario.
Buffy: Please. Like Angel and I are just helpless slaves to passion. Grow up!
Joyce: A little responsibility is all I ask. Honestly, don't you ever think about anything besides boys and clothes?
Buffy: Saving the world from vampires?
Joyce: I swear, sometimes I don't know what goes on in your head.
Surprise
Buffy: You think he's too old 'cause he's a senior? Please. My boyfriend had a bicentennial.
Xander: Well, clearly the Hellmouth's answer to 'what do you get the Slayer who has everything?'
Angel: My people -- before I was changed -- they exchanged this as a sign of devotion. It's a Claddagh ring. The hands represent friendship, the crown represents loyalty... and the heart... Well, you know... Wear it with the heart pointing towards you. It means you belong to somebody. Like this.
Giles: Is everything in order for the party?
Xander: Absolutely. You ready to get down, you funky party weasel?
Giles: Here comes Buffy. Now remember: discretion is the better part of valor.
Xander: You coulda just said, 'shh!' God, are all you Brits such drama queens?
Giles:If Drusilla is alive, i-i-it could be a fairly... cataclysmic state of affairs.
Xander: Again, so many words! Couldn't you just say, 'we'd be in trouble'?
Giles: Go to class, Xander.
Xander: Gone. Notice the economy of phrasing: 'gone.' Simple. Direct.
Innocence
Buffy: Ohhh. Oh, my God! I was freaking out! You just disappeared.
Angelus: What? I took off.
Buffy: But you didn't say anything. You just left.
Angelus: Yeah. Like I really wanted to stick around after that.
Buffy: What?
Angelus: You got a lot to learn about men, kiddo. Although I guess you proved that last night.
Buffy: What are you saying?
Angelus: Let's not make an issue out of it, okay? In fact, let's not talk about it at all. It happened.
Buffy: I, I don't understand. Was it m-me? Was I not good?
Angelus: You were great. Really. I thought you were a pro.
Buffy: How can you say this to me?
Angelus: Lighten up. It was a good time. It doesn't mean like we have to make a big deal.
Buffy: It is a big deal!
Angelus: It's what? Bells ringing, fireworks, a dulcet choir of pretty little birdies? Come on, Buffy. It's not like I've never been there before.
Buffy: Don't touch me.
Angelus: I should've known you wouldn't be able to handle it.
Buffy: Angel! I love you.
Angelus: Love you, too. I'll call you.
Drusilla: I'm naming all the stars.
Spike: You can't see the stars, love. That's the ceiling. Also, it's day.
Envos: The curse. Angel is meant to suffer, not to live as human. One moment of true happiness, of contentment, one moment where the soul that we restored no longer plagues his thoughts, and that soul is taken from him.
Buffy: Angel, there must be some part of you inside that still remembers who you are.
Angelus: Dream on, schoolgirl.
Cordelia: This is great. There's an unkillable demon in town, Angel's joined his team, the Slayer is a basket case... I'd say we've hit bottom.
Xander: I have a plan.
Cordelia: Oh, no, here's a lower place.
"Spike, my boy, you really don't get it! Do you? You tried to kill her, but you couldn't. Look at you. You're a wreck! She's stronger than any Slayer you've ever faced. Force won't get it done. You gotta work from the inside. To kill this girl... you have to love her."
-Angelus
Cordelia: So, does looking at guns really make girls wanna have sex? That's scary.
Xander: Yeah, I guess.
Cordelia: Well, does looking at guns make you wanna have sex?
Xander: I'm seventeen. Looking at linoleum makes me wanna have sex.
Oz: Sometimes when I'm sitting in class... You know, I'm not thinking about class, 'cause that would never happen. I think about kissing you. And it's like everything stops. It's like, it's like freeze frame. Willow kissage.
Spike: No more of this 'I've got a soul' crap?
Angelus: What can I say, hmm? I was going through a phase.
Buffy: You must be so disappointed in me.
Giles: No. No, no, I'm not.
Buffy: But this is all my fault.
Giles: No. I don't believe it is. Do you want me to wag my finger at you and tell you that you acted rashly? You did. A-and I can. I know that you loved him. And... he... has proven more than once that he loved you. You couldn't have known what would happen. The coming months a-are going, are going be hard... I, I suspect on all of us, but... if it's guilt you're looking for, Buffy, I'm, I'm not your man. All you will get from me is, is my support. And my respect.
Phases
Willow: Great. I'll give Xander a call. What's his number? Oh, yeah, 1-800-I'm-Dating-A-Skanky-Ho.
Buffy: Meow!
Willow: Really? Thanks. I've never gotten a 'meow' before.
Willow: Well, I like you. You're nice and you're funny. And you don't smoke. Yeah, okay, werewolf, but that's not all the time. I mean, three days out of the month I'm not much fun to be around either.
Oz: You are quite the human.
Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered
Xander: I have a plan: we use me as bait.
Buffy: You mean make Angel come after you?
Xander: No, I mean chop me into little pieces and stick me on hooks for fish to nibble at 'cause it would be more fun than my life.
Buffy: Yeah. I heard about you and Cordy. That's her loss.
Xander: Yeah. Not really the popular theory.
Xander: Well, would lap dancing enter into that scenario at all? 'Cause I find that very comforting.
Buffy: Play your cards right...
Xander: Okay, uh... You do know that I'm Xander, right?
Buffy: I don't know, I just... heard that you and Cordy broke up, and I guess I was just surprised how glad I was. It's funny... how you can see someone every day but not really see them. You know?
Xander: Yeah, it's funny. And it's just gettin' funnier.
"It's time for me to act like a man. And hide."
-Xander
Buffy: Sorry to say, Xand, slaying is a tad more perilous than dating.
Xander: Well, you're obviously not dating Cordelia.
Xander: I made a mess, Giles. See, I found out that Amy's into witchcraft, and I was hurt, I guess, so I... made her put the love whammy on Cordy, but it backfired, and now every woman in Sunnydale wants to make me her cuddle monkey, which may sound swell on paper, but...
Angelus: Dear Buffy. I'm still trying to decide the best way to send my regards.
Spike: Why don't you rip her lungs out? It might make an impression.
Angelus: Lacks... poetry.
Spike: It doesn't have to. What rhymes with lungs?
Buffy: I seem to be having a slight case of nudity here.
Oz: But you're not a rat. So call it an upside.
Buffy: You think maybe you could get me some clothing?
Oz: Yes, I can. Just, uh... don't go anywhere.
Buffy: Really not an issue.
Cordelia: You're a sheep. All you ever do is what everyone else does just so you can say you did it first. And here I am, scrambling for your approval, when I'm way cooler than you are 'cause I'm not a sheep. I do what I wanna do, and I wear what I wanna wear. And you know what? I'll date whoever the hell I wanna date. No matter how lame he is.
Passion
"Passion. It lies in all of us. Sleeping... waiting... And though unwanted... unbidden... it will stir... open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us... guides us... Passion rules us all. And we obey. What other choice do we have?"
-Angelus
Xander: Y'know, I think there may be a valuable lesson for you gals here about inviting strange men into your bedrooms.
Cordelia: Oh, God! I invited him in my car once. That means he can come into my car whenever he wants.
Xander: Yep, you're doomed to havin' to give him and his vamp pals a lift whenever they feel like it. And those guys never chip in for gas.
(some students walk into the library)
Xander: Does this look like a Barnes & Noble?
Giles: This is a school library, Xander.
Xander: Since when?
Willow: I have to go. I have a class to teach in about five minutes, and I have to arrive early to glare disapprovingly at the stragglers. Oh, darn. She's here. Five hours of lesson planning yesterday down the drain...
Xander: Watcher's pet.
Angelus: Well, maybe next time I'll bring you with me, Spike. Might be handy to have you around if I ever need a really good parking space.
Jenny: A present for a friend of mine.
Shopkeeper: Really? What are you gonna give him?
Jenny: His soul.
Giles: I-I found a ritual to revoke the invitation to vampires.
Cordelia: Oh, thank goodness. I actually had to talk my grandmother into switching cars with me last night.
Spike: Are you insane?! We're supposed to kill the bitch, not leave gag gifts in the friends' beds.
Drusilla: But, Spike, the bad teacher was going to restore Angel's soul.
Spike: What if she did? If you ask me, I find myself preferring the old Buffy-whipped Angelus. This new, improved one is not playing with a full sack. I love a good slaughter as much as the next bloke, but his little pranks will only leave us with one incredibly brassed-off Slayer!
Angelus: Don't worry, roller boy. I've got everything under control.
Passion is the source of our finest moments. The joy of love... the clarity of hatred... and the ecstasy of grief.
-Angelus
It hurts sometimes more than we can bear. If we could live without passion, maybe we'd know some kind of peace. But we would be hollow. Empty rooms, shuttered and dank... Without passion, we'd be truly dead.
-Angelus
Killed By Death
Willow: Not to be outdone...
Buffy: Homework!
Willow: It's my way of saying, 'get well soon'.
Buffy: You know, chocolate says that even better.
Willow: I did all your assignments. All you have to do is sign your name.
Buffy: Chocolate means nothing to me.
Angelus: Buffy's White Knight. You still love her. It must just eat you up that I got there first.
Xander: You're gonna die. And I'm gonna be there.
Cordelia: Oh, right. Your obsession with protecting Buffy. Have I told you how attractive that's not?
Xander: Cordelia, someone's gotta watch her back.
Cordelia: Yeah, well, I've seen you watch her back.
Xander: What is that supposed to mean?
Cordelia: Well, I was using the phrase 'watch her back' as a euphemism for 'looking at her butt.' You know, sort of a pun.
Willow: I'm good at medical stuff, since Xander and I used to play doctor all the time.
Xander: No, she's being literal. She used to have all these medical volumes, and diagnosed me with stuff. I didn't have the heart to tell her she was playing it wrong.
Willow: Wrong? Why? How did you play doctor?
Buffy: I... never have.
Go Fish:
Cordelia: It's about time our school excelled at something.
Willow: Hmm. You're forgetting our high mortality rate.
Xander: That's wrong. A big fat spanking wrong. It's a slap in the face to every one of us who studied hard and worked long hours to *earn* our D's.
Cameron: Relax, I'm not going to hurt you.
Buffy: Oh, it's not me I'm worried about.
Buffy: So I'm treated like the baddie, just because he has a sprained wrist and a bloody nose... and I don't have a scratch on me... which, granted, hurts my case a little, on the surface...
Xander: Team? Swim team. Hardly what I'd call a team. The Yankees. Abbott and Costello. The 'A'. Now, those were teams.
Cordelia: Jealous?
Xander: No. Y-yes, but 'no' more than 'yes'.
Buffy: Any demons with high cholesterol?...You're gonna think about that later, mister, and you're gonna laugh.
Cordelia: God, this is so sad. We're never gonna win the state championship. I think I've lost all will to cheerlead.
Xander: Raise your hand if you feel her pain.
Cordelia: Well, you could go out to the parking lot and practice running like a man.
Buffy: I'm a swim groupie. Oh, yeah, you know, there's just something about the smell of chlorine on a guy. Oh, baby.
Buffy: Obviously, my sex appeal is on the fritz today...
Angelus: Why, Miss Summers! You're beautiful!
Coach Marin: You got some imagination, Missy.
Buffy: Oh, well, right now I'm imagining you in jail. You're wearing a big orange suit, and, oh look, the guards are beating you up.
Coach Marin: Boy, when they were handin' out school spirit, you didn't even stand in line, did you?
Buffy: No. I was in the line for shred of sanity.
Cordelia: And we can still date. Or not... I mean, I understand if you want to see other fish. I'll do everything I can to make your quality of life better, whether that means little bath toys or whatever.
Becoming (Part 1)
"There's moments in your life that make you, that set the course of who you're gonna be. Sometimes they're little, subtle moments. Sometimes... they're not."
-Angelus
Angelus: You can see all that in your head?
Spike: No, you ninny. She read it in the morning paper.
Whistler: She's gonna have it tough, that Slayer. She's just a kid. The world's full of big, bad things.
Angel: I wanna help her. I want...I wanna become someone.
Whistler: God, jeez, look at you. She must be prettier than the last Slayer. This isn't gonna be easy. The more you live in this world, the more you see how apart from it you really are. And this is dangerous work. Right now, you couldn't go three rounds with a fruit fly!
Angel: I wanna learn from you.
Whistler: Alright.
Angel: But I don't wanna dress like you.
Whistler: Again, you're annoying me. You're lucky we need you on our side.
Kendra: In case de curse does not succeed, dis is my lucky stake. I have killed many vampires wit it. I call it Mr. Pointy.
Buffy: You named your stake?
Kendra: Yes.
Buffy: Remind me to get you a stuffed animal.
Becoming (part 2)
Buffy: whole earth may be sucked into Hell, and you want my help 'cause your girlfriend's a big ho? Well, let me take this opportunity to not care.
Spike: I can't fight them both alone, and neither can you!
Buffy: I hate you.
Spike: And I'm all you've got.
Whistler: Angel's the key. His blood will open the door to Hell. Acathla opens his big mouth, creates a vortex. Then only Angel's blood will close it. One blow will send 'em both back to Hell. But I strongly suggest that you get there before that happens, 'cause the faster you kill Angel, the easier it's gonna be on you.
Buffy: Don't worry about me.
Whistler: It's all on the line here, kid.
Buffy: I can deal. I got nothing left to lose.
Whistler: Wrong, kid. You got one more thing.
Officer #2: All units, we have a fugitive on foot at the high school. Homicide suspect. Female, blond, approximately sixteen years old. Suspect is very dangerous.
Spike: Dru bagged a Slayer? She didn't tell me! Hey, good for her! Though not from your perspective, I suppose.
Xander: Giles!
Giles: Xander?
Xander: Can you walk?
Giles: You're not real.
Xander: Sure, I'm real.
Giles: It's a trick. They get inside my head, make me see things I want.
Xander: Then why would they make you see me?
Giles: You're right. Let's go.
Angelus: My boy Acathla here is about to wake up. You're going to Hell.
Buffy: Save me a seat.
Angelus: Now that's everything, huh? No weapons... No friends...No hope. Take all that away... and what's left?
Buffy: Me.
Angel: Buffy? What's going on? Where are we? I-I don't remember.
Buffy: Angel?
Angel: You're hurt. Oh, Buffy... God. I... I feel like I haven't seen you in months. Oh, my God, everything's so muddled. I... Oh... Oh, Buffy... What's happening?
Buffy: Shh. Don't worry about it. I love you.
Angel: I love you.
Buffy: Close your eyes.
Angel: Buffy...
Oz: But we know the world didn't end, 'cause...check it out.
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