Buffy season one! woooo!!!
Welcome to the hell mouth/the Harvest
Xander: Can I have you? Duh... Can I help you?
Xander: Yeah. You know, I kinda had a problem with the math.
Willow: Uh, which part?
Xander: The math. Can you help me out tonight, pleeeease, be my study buddy?
"Everyone has them in L.A. Pepper spray is just so passe'."
-Buffy speaking about her stake
Buffy: 'Cause, it's the weirdest thing. He's got two little, little holes in his neck, and all his blood's been drained. Isn't that bizarre? Aren't you just going, ooo?
Buffy: Seize the moment, cuz tomorrow, you might be dead!
Angel: Truth is, I thought you'd be taller, or bigger muscles and all that. You're pretty spry, though.
Buffy: What do you want?
Angel: The same thing you do.
Buffy: Okay. What do I want?
Angel: To kill them. To kill them all.
Buffy: Sorry, that's incorrect. But you do get this lovely watch and a year's supply of Turtle Wax. What I want is to be left alone!
Willow: Well, when I'm with a boy I like, it's hard for me to say anything cool, or, or witty, or at all. I-I can usually make a few vowel sounds, and then I have to go away.
Buffy: Who are you?
Angel: Let's just say...I'm a friend.
Buffy: Yeah, well, maybe I don't want a friend.
Angel: I didn't say I was yours.
Cordelia: Willow, nice dress. Good to know you've seen the softer side of Sears.
Xander: I laugh in the face of danger. Then I hide until it goes away.
Witch
"This is madness! What can you have been thinking? You are the Slayer! Lives depend upon you! (begins pacing) I make allowances for your youth, but I expect a certain amount of responsibility, and instead of which you enslave yourself to this, this... Cult?"
-Giles lecturing Buffy about cheerleading
Buffy: Mom, I've accepted that you've had sex. I am not ready to know that you had Farrah hair.
Joyce: This is Gidget hair. Don't they teach you anything in history?
Giles: Why should someone want to harm Cordelia?
Willow: Maybe because they met her? Did I say that?
Teacher’s pet
Buffy: Hmm, I know you don't, that's 'cause you're my friend. You're my Xander-shaped friend!
Buffy: Well, look who's here.
Angel: Hi.
Buffy: I'd say it's nice to see you but we both know that's a big fib.
Angel: I won't stay long.
Buffy: No, you'll just give me a cryptic warning about some exciting new catastrophe and then disappear into the night, right?
Angel: You're cold.
Buffy: You can take it.
Angel: I mean you look cold.
Giles: Uh, well, basically the, uh, the She-Mantis assumes the form of a beautiful woman and then lures innocent virgins back to her nest.
Buffy: Virgins? Well, Xander's not a, uh...I mean, he's probably...
Willow: ...gonna die!
Never Kill a Boy on the First Date
Giles: Alright, I-I'll just jump in my time machine, go back to the twelfth century and ask the vampires to postpone their ancient prophecy for a few days while you take in dinner and a show.
Buffy: Okay, at this point you're abusing sarcasm.
Giles: If your identity as the Slayer is revealed it could put you and all those around you in grave danger.
Buffy: Well, in that case I won't wear my button that says, 'I'm the Slayer, ask me how!'
Giles: Buffy, when I said you could slay vampires and have a social life, I didn't mean at the same time.
The Pack
Xander: We just saw the zebras mating! Thank you, very exciting...
Willow: It was like the Heimlich, with stripes!
Willow: Come on, Angel pushes your buttons. You know he does.
Buffy: I suppose some girls might find him good looking...if they have eyes, alright, he's a honey.
"Well, that last roundhouse was kinda sloppy. Are you sure you don't wanna do it again?"
"No! No, no, that's fine. You just... run along to class. (to himself) While I wait for the feeling to return to my arms."
-Buffy and Giles after training
Giles: I've been reading up on my, uh, animal possession, and I cannot find anything anywhere about memory loss afterwards.
Xander: Did you tell them that?
Giles: Your secret dies with me.
Xander: Shoot me, stuff me, mount me.
Angel:
Willow: What about Angel?
Buffy: Angel? I can just see him in a relationship. 'Hi, honey, you're in grave danger. I'll see you next month.'
Willow: He's not around much, it's true.
Buffy: When he is around...it's like the lights dim everywhere else. You know how it's like that with some guys?
Willow: Oh, yeah!
Buffy: Cool! Crossbow! uh. Check out these babies. Hmm. Goodbye stakes, hello flying fatality. What can I shoot?"
Xander: Buffy, c'mon, wake up and smell the seduction. It's the oldest trick in the book.
Buffy: What? Saving my life? Getting slashed in the ribs?
Xander: Duh!
Giles: There's mention some two hundred years ago in Ireland of, of Angelus, the one with the angelic face.
Buffy: They got that right.
Buffy: You read my diary? That is not OK. A diary is like a person's most private possession. You don't even know what I was writing about. Hunk can mean a lot of things, bad things. And, and when I said his eyes were penetrating, I meant bulging.
Angel: Buffy...
Buffy: A doesn't even stand for Angel for that matter. It stand for Achmed, a charming foreign exchange student. And that whole fantasy part has nothing to even do with you, at all...
Angel: Your mother moved your diary when she came in to straighten up. I watched her from the closet. I didn't read it, I swear.
Buffy: Oh. Ohhh.
Willow: Wow! And it is kinda novel how he'll stay young and handsome forever, although you'll still get wrinkly and die, and... Oh, and what about the children? I'll be quiet now.
I, Robot - You, Jane
Giles: I'm, I'm just gonna stay and clean up a little. I'll, uh, I'll be back in the middle ages.
Ms. Calendar: Did you ever leave?
Buffy: Besides, I can just tell something's wrong. My spider sense is tingling.
Giles: Your... spider sense?
Buffy: Pop culture reference. Sorry.
The Puppet show
Xander: I, I can't! I have my pride! Okay, I don't have a lot of my pride, but I have enough so that I can't do this!
Buffy: Giles, unto every generation is born one who must run the annual talentless show. You cannot escape your destiny.
Giles: If you had any shred of decency, you would have participated, or at least, um, helped.
Buffy: Nah! I think I'll take on your traditional role... and watch!
Xander: And mock!
Willow: And laugh!
Xander: Did I mention that I *hate* this school?
[a student is murdered]
Cordelia: All I can think is, it coulda been me!
Xander: We can dream.
Xander: Okay, next time we split up someone else is on Cordy detail. Five more minutes with her and we woulda had another organ donor.
Giles: Oh! I'm sorry. Um, your hair, uh...
Cordelia: There's something wrong with my hair? Ohmigod! (Cordy quickly leaves)
Giles: Xander was right. It worked like a charm.
Nightmares
Willow: When Buffy was a vampire, you weren't still, like, attracted to her, were you?
Xander: Willow, how can you... I mean, that's really bent! She was... grotesque!
Willow: Still dug her, huh?
Xander: I'm sick, I need help.
Willow: Don't I know it.
Out of Mind, Out of Sight
Cordelia: Being this popular is not just my right, but my responsibility, and I want you to know I take it very seriously.
Cordelia: Somebody is after me! They just tried to kill Ms. Miller? Uh, she was helping me with my homework. And Mitch! And Harmony?! This is all about me! Me, me, me!
Xander: Wow! For once she's right!
Cordelia: Because you're always around when all this weird stuff is happening. And I know you're very strong, and you've got all those weapons... I was kind of hoping you were in a gang.
Giles: The loneliness, the constant exile, she's...she has gone mad!
Xander: Ya think?
Prophecy Girl
Ms. Calendar: The part that gets me, though, is where Buffy is the Vampire Slayer. She's so little.
Buffy: They say how he's gonna kill me? Do you think it'll hurt? Don't touch me! Were you even gonna tell me?
Giles: I was hoping that I wouldn't have to. That there was... some way around it. I...
Buffy: I've got a way around it. I quit!
Angel: It's not that simple.
Buffy: I'm making it that simple! I quit! I resign, I-I'm fired, you can find someone else to stop the Master from taking over!
Giles: I'm not sure that anyone else can. All the... the signs indicate...
Buffy: The signs? READ ME THE SIGNS! TELL ME MY FORTUNE! YOU'RE SO USEFUL SITTING HERE WITH ALL YOUR BOOKS! YOU'RE REALLY A LOTTA HELP!
Giles: No, I don't suppose I am.
Angel: I know this is hard.
Buffy: What do you know about this? You're never gonna die!
Angel: You think I want anything to happen to you? Do you think I could stand it? We just gotta figure out a way...
Buffy: I already did. I quit, remember? Pay attention!
Giles: Buffy, if the Master rises...
Buffy: I don't care! I don't care. Giles, I'm sixteen years old. I don't wanna die.
Xander: How could you let her go?
Giles: As the soon-to-be-purple area of my jaw will attest, I did not let her go!
Master: You're dead!
Buffy: I may be dead, but I'm still pretty. Which is more than I can say for you.
Master: You were destined to die! It was written!
Buffy: What can I say? I flunked the written.
Buffy: Sure! We saved the world. I say we party!
Xander: (rehearsing how to ask Buffy out) Y'know, Buffy, Spring Fling just isn't any dance. It's a time for students to choose, um... a mate and then we can... observe their... mating rituals and tag them before they migrate. Just kill me!