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CARROT IN WONDERLAND

Carrot found himself in the midst of a dark woods. “If I went this way, I should go back this way,” he murmured. “Jeez, when I get home, I’m gonna write a book about this place... If I ever do get home.”
He passed some very strange frogs - cymbals and a tympany drum - only to find himself facing a group of umbrella vultures bathing in a waterfall.
Before he could get more than a word out, the birds scowled at him, shut up their umbrellas and stalked away.
Carrot just wandered further and further into the steadily darkening woods. “Dammit, it's so dark, and I don’t recognize any of this!”
A creepy old accordian-owl flew by. “It would be so nice if something would make sense for a change,” he muttered. Just then, he saw a group of hammer-nosed birds nailing down several signs, and some pencil-headed birds wrote, ‘Don’t - Step - On - The - Momeraths.’
“The momeraths?” wondered Carrot. But he looked down to find some shag-carpet-like creatures forming a arrow pointing towards a red dirt path.
Running along the trail, he said happily, “Hey, if I hurry, I can get home in time for tea. Oh, won’t Hentai Cat be happy to see me!”
But a broom-nosed dog came along and swept away the path that had been in front of him.
“Dammit,” he said, “stupid dog!” And he kicked the dog off into the woods. It flew away into the trees with a pained yelp.
“Be patient,” he sang, suddenly realizing that the que cards wouldn’t wait much longer, “is very good advice, but the waiting makes me curiouser. And I’d love the change f something dirty should chance to begin...”
Zaha Cat then appeared again, singing his odd song and smiling malevolently.
“Oh! Zaha Cat!” exclaimed Carrot, surprised at seeing anyone he recognized.
“Who were you expecting? Chocolate, perhaps?”
“No, I’m done chasing Chocolate... I just want to go home so *she* can chase *me*... I just can’t find my way.”
“That’s because you have no way,” retorted the freakish, evil cat. “All Ways are the Queen’s Ways!”
“But I’ve never met any Queen!” said Carrot.
“You haven’t?!? You have-unt! Oh, you should! She’d be mad about you, just mad!”
“So, how do I find this Queen? I she good-lookin’?”
“I thought so once,” said the cat dourly. He pointed. “She’s that way.”
“OK, good, maybe she can help me get out of here.”
“Of course, you could just take the short cut,” added Zaha, grinning widely, and the middle of the tree opened up to reveal the palace grounds. Then the cat disappeared.

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