Thoughts of You

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I wake from my sleep.

I look over next to me at the sleeping figure.

Sanzo.

I smile, and leave the room to take a shower.

I turn on the water and sigh as the warm fluid runs down my body.

Just like Sanzo’s gentle touch.

Sanzo is so good to me. But there’s one thing that pisses me off.

I’m always being saved by Sanzo.

He took me from that stone prison and took care of me.

He’s saved me so many times and I can’t do anything for him.

I turn the water off and the memories of last night come flooding back.

~ “I love you.” I whispered.

Sanzo’s violet eyes became strangely emotional. I looked deep into them.

‘Is he going to yell at me? Is he going to scream? Is he going to kill me? Or worst of all, will he reject me?’ I think to myself.

“I...” Sanzo’s expression softened. “I love you too.” ~

I would never expect Sanzo to say that to anyone, let alone me.

Me, the baka saru.

I look into the mirror, seeing a reflection of myself.

What does he see in me?

I can see tangled, matted straw. He sees soft, silky locks of hair.

I see dull, dirty gold orbs that hardly seem like eyes. He sees beautiful pools of gold.

Heh.

It’s so... ironic.

Out of all of us, it was me.

He could’ve had Gojyo. I guess not, cuz he’s a womaniser.

He could’ve had Hakkai. Hm, he’s still pondering over his dead lover.

I guess I’m the only one left.

Maybe he doesn’t really love me at all, maybe it’s just for sex.

I wonder if I took his sexual innocence from him last night? He doesn’t seem the type to be innocent in that way, but then again...he doesn’t seem the type to be with someone.

I must be the first then.

~ “Never do that again. Onegai. I almost lost you once, I don’t want to lose you again.” ~

Maybe he really does love me.

I sigh, and dry myself, then step out of the bathroom.

Sanzo is sitting on the edge of the bed, and he turns around as I approach him.

“Goku.”

“Sanzo... I can’t help wondering, but... why do you love me?”

“Nani?”

“Are you just doing it for sex?”

“Goku...” Sanzo sighs. “It’s not like that. You saw how worried I was last night. I don’t know what I would do without you.”

“Ok.”

“Why?”

“I just don’t know what you see in me.”

I sit down on the bed next to him and he grabs my chin and jerks my head upward.

“You’re so beautiful, Goku-chan. I love your eyes.”

Of course you do. I remember what you said to me.

~ “When I first saw you, the first thing I noticed was your eyes. They were the eyes of a person who would never lie to their loved ones.” ~

“I... I think your eyes are the most beautiful things in the world. Apart from you yourself, that is.”

I smile at Sanzo and he pulls me in closer for a kiss.

I sit naked in his lap, his hands lovingly caressing me, slowly and rhythmically.

Sanzo’s lips touch my wound. I feel exhaustion against me again.

I feel his breath on my ear.

“Sleep,” he whispers.

My eyes slowly close.

All I do is stay in my lover’s gentle embrace.

~ “I’ll never leave you.” ~

In my sleep, I smile.

‘Neither will I.’

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