Who's the Baby's Mom?

A woman is pregnant and she is due to give birth in two weeks.  Is she

1)  an expectant mother or mother-to-be

2)  a "birthmother"?

According to most adoption websites an expectant mother is a "birthmother" or "expectant birthmother".  This is a very sinister and coercive use of the word "birthmother" making it seem as if it is a foregone conclusion that a mother will surrender her parental rights. 

"Most birthmothers keep their babies," one person wrote to me.  What an odd thing to say.  I wonder some days whether when a baby is born some people actually say "Congratulations, birthmother!" 

A mother is a "mother" or a "mom" - the parent of her child.  She is not a "birth object" meant to be used as the source of a baby for adoption.  If anything, people should arrive at the hospital with baby gifts, a car seat and offers to help her when she takes her baby home, respecting her as a mother rather than assuming she will sign some papers.   

We have lots of advertisements on the web from people writing to "Dear Birthmother" or "Dear Birthparent"  looking for a baby.  How insulting it all is - a mother goes through nine months of pregnancy, goes through labor and delivery, holds her beloved baby in her arms and people arrive trying to get her to SIGN HIM AWAY?   Then woooosh! her baby is gone.  The adoption agency or adoption attorney gets paid, their real clients get a baby and the mom gets called a "birthmother" (aka "birth object", similar to a placenta). 

The mother may suffer horribly from the loss of her child, but it may be a matter of months or many years before she realizes how badly she's been used. 

A mother is a mother, not a "birthparent" or "birthmother".  It's important to use honest language, respecting the mother as the parent of her child.

PSYCHOLOGY OF THE ADOPTED CHILD, Clothier. F. MD. 1943

"The child who is placed with adoptive [people] at or soon after birth misses the mutual and deeply satisfying mother and child relationship. The roots of which lie deep in the area of personality where the psychological and physiological are merged. Both for the child and the natural mother, that period is part of the biological sequence, and it is to be doubted whether the relationship of the child to it's post partum mother, in its subtler effects, can be replaced by even the best of substitute mothers."

 

Angels in Adoption
Are there "Angels" in Adoption?

Some people say that people who adopt are "angels". And they may be ordinary people or even fairly nice people. But there are some things people should be aware of before they call the people who adopt "angels". There are problems with this "system" of adoption, problems with making babies and small children available for people who are infertile or gay to use "as if" they were their own children.

Check out this website to learn more about the real Angels in Adoption.

Dear Birthmother adoption letters
Now Playing: war drums
"Dear Birthmother" adoption letters.

It's hard to know what to make of all the "Dear Birthmother" adoption letters soliciting to find healthy babies. Sometimes these letters are addressed to "Dear Birthparent" - but what is a "birthparent"? "Birthparent" is a dehumanizing term that makes moms and dads seem as if they are only baby-production equipment, meant to be used as the source of a baby for adoption. Sometimes there are even siblings - and they get called by the ugly "birth sibling" word.

Interestingly, few married women are ever referred to as the "birthmother" of their child. Yet single mothers and fathers are called "birth objects" even before they have been used for adoption.

"Dear Birthmother" adoption letters?
What a sick game adoption is. The adoption game wrecks lives and breaks hearts.


Open adoption? Where sick games are concerned, open adoption tops the list. Mothers promised a few pictures and letters in exchange for their child! These adoption agencies and lawyers - and individual adopters - should be ashamed!

Open Adoption and Parental Alienation Syndrome
"Parental Alienation Syndrome" is just a fancy name for disrespecting a child's mother or father. When one parent is disrespecting the other, denying or limiting contact between parent and child, this is seen as CHILD ABUSE. The offending parent's parental rights may be terminated or custody given to the other parent.

"Open adoption"? Everyone knows "Yo momma!" is a terrible insult - but calling a child's mother "the birthmother" or "our birthmother" is insulting too.

The word " birthmother" itself is very misleading, making people think a mother can actually be nothing more than a "birth object".

"Open adoption"? On one message board a woman wrote that she made a baby ON PURPOSE for her friend to adopt - and she was in serious pain after losing her baby. But in spite of her suffering she may still not comprehend that it is because she IS the mother of her child.

Well, how are people supposed to know the truth? In adoption the mothers and fathers are called "birth objects" or "lifegivers" while the buyers of adoption "counseling" ("counseling" designed to get babies from some naive families) are referred to as "real parents". The brokers insist that fake "families" are just as good as real families, if not better.

"Parental Alienation Syndrome" is just a fancy name for disrespecting a child's mother or father.

The man-made institution of "adoption" is inherently disrespectful of a child's own family. You can't respect a mother and father and pretend they are not related to their child at the same time. When you dishonor the child's origins, you dishonor the child.

In Lowis Lowry's book "The Giver", roles are assigned. Lowry makes it plain that women assigned the role of baby-production equipment (" birthmothers") have the lowest status in society.

" Birthmothers" " DO have the lowest status in society - as low as child molesters for "giving up" their own children. Some naive " birthmothers" say they want to change the public's perception so people know that " birthmothers" are just ordinary moms who were pressured and had no alternatives. Yet without using the honest terms "mother" or "mom" to describe themselves, they get nowhere.

"Parental Alienation Syndrome" is just a fancy name for disrespecting a child's mother or father. To get babies for adopters, moms and dads are called "birth objects" well in advance, even while they retain their parental rights.

Euphamisms like "adoption" are used to make the transfer of babies from their own families to unrelated people palatable - or even make it seem desirable. But behind all the euphamisms, there is a lot of suffering as human beings are "artificially orphaned" to supply the baby market.


Adoptee Quote:

"For adoptive couples, adoption is wonderful. For the natural mothers and families of adoptees, adoptees themselves and their progeny, adoption is profoundly painful. ...

"No matter how much they want and can love a child, most adopters are blind to the child?s pain of separation. This does not make for good parents. Think, for a moment, how you would feel if you were expected to join in the "celebration" as everyone dances on your mother's grave." Julie A. Rist, adoptee - "Is the U.S. Promoting Pain?"

Open Adoption

Open Adoption - what can you say? The adoption promoters are wild about open adoption. They're getting lots more babies they say, by luring in moms with open adoption.

I heard of one mom who committed suicide after being lured into open adoption.

They call moms "birthmothers", "birthmoms",
"birthparents", or "lifemothers", - hoping no one will notice their evil deeds. "What evil deeds?" you ask. The evil deeds are separating real family members in order to get more babies for adoption.

I heard of another mom who committed suicide after being lured into open adoption.

They are always at it, playing the "dear birthmother", game.

The truth is, a mother is not a "birthmother" birth object. And open adoption is no fun for a mother, siblings or other family members left behind. They have been used as the source of a baby for adoption.


Today I just heard of a third mom who committed suicide after being lured into open adoption.

Open Adoption - what can you say? The adoption promoters are wild about open adoption. They're getting lots more babies they say, by luring in moms with open adoption.


I'm sure moms whose babies were taken for adoption have always been comitting suicide.

They say "everybody benefits" from adoption. But just look at the known effects of separating moms and newborns: Adoption.