This has been a very interesting year indeed, with its ups and downs. Let's countdown to the top 10 highlights of my life in 2004...


10. THE EX'S

Ya know how you broke up with someone and never seem to be able to get things done and be over with? Well, I decided to get it all done and be OVER with last year and this year, I managed to be done with all. I had my closure with all the ex's...

For those who's not able or didn't wish to remain in my life as just a friend, I had to bid them goodbye forever. Those who were gracious enough to be adult about it, we established on a new found friendship.

And yes, with that said, I closed the chapter of old relationships and open up a new chapter... It was really good to be able to move on with a peace of mind and heart *smile*


9. SINGAPORE IDOL

Taufik Batisah is Singapore's very first IDOL! I'm just so proud of him... of his achievements and the vast improvements that he had shown during the show.


8. CAREER

Work just gets busier and busier. I have such hectic schedules that it's affecting my sleep, which is almost non-existent. Working late till the wee hours... and yet, its amazing how I managed to maintain such zestful energy at the office.

When I decided on a career change about 5 years ago, I chose this job because I wanted something stress free and easy. Well, it was. I did try to keep a low profile so as to avoid being noticed by the management but somehow, it didn't work out that way lol...


7. COLLEAGUES

Somehow, I'm getting along better and better with everyone at the office. I don't know, I could be wrong, but wherever I go, I'm always saying "hi" or handshaking with this person, that person. I'm like a superstar on a small scale!! lol lol Everyone seemed to know my name! lol lol...

It's pretty cool tho... I enjoyed it *smile*


6. ROMANCE/LOVE

As in previous years, this year has its ups and downs and the same thing applies to my love life.

The few who had made an interesting impact this year would be JF (my NFI - new found interest lol), JD (my sexy lil thug), TDM (Mr Green Pants-Red Shirt) and Kace (the charming one).

Frankly, I think I'm really blessed to have known/met these great guys with such incredible personalities. However, there's only ONE me and I can only be with ONE man *wink*


5. JD

My original badboy aka my sexy lil thug *wink*

I can never forget the moment when he sent that huge bouquet of roses to my office on Valentine's Day *smile* That day was the main highlight of the year!! lol

We have this pretty interesting bond with each other. No matter what's the situation, we will always somehow managed to rise up above all that and be cool with each other. I don't know if it's ending or if there's a beginning... I guess if it's meant to be, what will be - WILL BE.


4. RELATIONSHIPS AND FRIENDSHIPS

I "lost" two friends that I love so much, all because of a misunderstanding and the fact that nobody else tried to mend the situation except ME. Well, out of the two, I've somewhat made peace with one. But the other one? Let's just leave it as it is...

Maybe I'm hardhearted, stubborn and very set in my ideas/opinions. Despite all that, I've always wished for something good for others.

Just because I'm taking my time with pursuing relationships now, searching for someone compatible, doesn't mean that I'm emotionless.

The only difference is, I look at situations with the realness of it and I handled it upfront.


3. TRAVEL/VACATION

I had been searching for a vacation buddy for so long. Whenever I thought I found a suitable one, things went wrong lol

So, when things started to happen for me and Mr Green Pants-Red Shirt, I took that with pride and just went along with it with as much positive energy as I could.

We had 3 vacation period, in this year alone - June, August and December.

June was the start of it all, where things were relatively new, me and him, getting to know each other all over again. We spent a big portion of it, discussing about life, love and relationships.

August was the most relaxing coz we were holidaying at a resort island. Time seemed to move pretty slow on that island. We would wake up early just to catch the morning sun. We'd take bus rides all around the island, with the wind blowing. We took long walks on the beautiful garden around the island and just conversed. Everything was just so romantic - a perfect place and time, for anyone to fall in love *wink*... lol

And December, was the time when we just get together and spent it in a city where everybody seemed to be running instead of walking! lol But it was cool. We had a good time, as always *smile*


2. MR GREEN-PANTS-RED SHIRT

It's interesting to note how our relationship has progressed since 2002, slowly but surely. He's definitely one of the coolest and understanding man I've had the honor of knowing *smile*

He knew how important communication is, to ME - in fact, in any type of relationship, it's essential to communicate regularly.

We've had about 3 vacation time together (in this year alone). Each vacation was different from the other. We didnt have to do anything spectacular and yet, we still had a great time together. I guess that had something to do with the chemistry between us.

I wonder what 2005 has in store for us. But whatever it has planned for us, I hope it's nothing but goodness... for both of us *smile*


1. SEX & THE CITY/FRIENDS

My two utmost favorite show of all times had chosen this year as a finale. Without "Sex & The City", the idea of single independent women who loves sex (as much as man would) not have been able to be presented in such fashionable style.

And what about "Friends"? The one and only true show that showcased the meaning and depth of true friendships. Friends forgive each other. Friends confide in each other. Friends trust each other. Friends accept true criticism constructively.

I feel kinda sad that these 2 amazing shows have ended.

I won't be able to watch Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte indulge in honest, straight-up discussion about men, sex, love and relationships. The things that happened, I definitely could relate to them, one way or another.

In terms of relationships, I'm Carrie.
When it comes to sexual thirst, Samantha is my idol lol!
As far as the no nonsense attitude, I'm definitely Miranda.
And when it comes to loving someone for the way they are, I'm Charlotte.
See what I mean??? *wink*

And there wouldn't be anymore giggles just from the pure pleasure of watching Ross, Rachel, Monica, Joey, Phoebe and Chandler cracking jokes, giving each other a big hug for and their overly exaggerated expressions which were originally funny!


... So that's the top ten highlights of my life! With that said, I wish all you readers a HAPPY NEW YEAR'S!! Let's all strive for a positive 2005!! *smile*

When I returned to the office on Tuesday, after being away for the entire week, I was pleasantly surprised when I was presented with 2 boxes full of Xmas gifts!! lol

Yup, "WOW" is the word! lol... I couldn't believe that it was all for me, from my colleagues in the same department and also from the other departments in the same office building. There were also some gifts from our other branches in other parts of Singapore - to think that these people would travel all the way to the headoffice to personally give me the Xmas gifts!! *smile*

Since I weren't around when the gifts were sent/personally delivered to my office, I spent the entire day today, calling each and every one to thank them for the gifts... It definitely made my day! *wink*

There's 2 bottles of Clinique Happy Heart (that's my signature parfum at the office *wink*), scented candles, toiletries from Marks & Spencer (I just LOVE Marks & Spencer lol), cosmetics and gift vouchers. And on top of it all, I have a package waiting for me at the post office! *smile*

Talk about Xmas gifts, Mr Green-Pants-Red-Shirt asked me what I want for Xmas... Hmmm, I don't know... What should I want? *wink*

Just spoke to KACE on the phone. It's always such a pleasant surprise to hear that voice - forever cheerful, chatty and just plain awesome! lol

We quickly updated each other on the latest news. I told him about my trip to Japan and he told me that he's going to be overseas in 2005 - somewhere closer to me *wink* lol

We had a good laugh and a good chat. It certainly helped to take my mind off the things that was bugging me much earlier. And it certainly kept my focus away from these frostnip (I guess my skin wasn't prepared to face such cold weather in Tokyo lol)

As I've mentioned before, life is forever an ongoing process. It keeps changing. Whenever you think you're about to settle things down, it'll snatch that power away from you and put you in an unsettling situation. It sucks... but thats the truth.

Even worse when you're stuck in a circumstance where you don't even want to be in. You find yourself putting your life on hold for the benefit of others. Not because you're a pushover, but because you know someone has to do it, to keep it all together and you being the responsible adult, reluctantly, had to fix it.

And in that process, you wonder... does anyone care about you? The truth of the matter is, they do but at the same time, they have this notion thinking that you'd find a way to make it all ok. But why does it have to be just ok? Why can't it be great? If not great, at least it should be good, right?

But alas... *sighs*... such is life.

The one thing that I'm constantly struggling with is, people just don't seem to grasp the idea that I'm just like them. I'm not made of steel. I have feelings, I have desires and I have dreams. But why am I always being penalised for being a stronger person?

Just coz I'm strong doesn't mean that it's ok to take away my dreams from me... doesn't mean that it's ok to make me compromise to a situation which I don't want to be. It's not fair to make me start my life from scratch, over and over again. It's exhausting...

I'm just human ya know. I'm just like you. I have my weak moments... and at times, I succumbed to that weakness.

If this is the price one has to pay for being strong, then I don't want it. I'd rather be that damsel in distress, waiting for a man to come and rescue me... But unfortunately for me, when I think a man is the one, he thinks otherwise.

Such is my life, as a single woman who struggles everyday to keep it together...

For those who's wondering about my temporary absence from the World Wide Web lol... Well, the answer is pretty simple - I was away on vacation, for 5 days, in Japan *smile*

It was pretty cool. I had a good time with Mr Green Pants-Red Shirt *smile*... Yes, I went there to visit him. Since he came here the past 2 times, it's only right that it's my turn to go his way.

Due to our hectic schedule (him and his DJ gigs, while me and my work) we decided on 5 days, from 20th Dec to 24th Dec. Why not after X'mas? Coz he'd be busy with DJ gigs around the holidays and I can't take leave for too long.

I didn't take as much pictures as I did during our vacation in August, coz it was too cold for me to think about taking pics! lol... Oh yea, it was so cold that I could literally feel ice forming on my toes! lol

Ok, before I begin talking about my lil trip to Japan, let me play this CD. It's a compilation of songs, mixed by Mr Green Pants-Red Shirt. He didn't give it to me in person. He actually... quietly... slipped it into my bag *wink* I thought that was a pretty cute move lol

[pause to insert CD into the player]

I left Singapore on Monday morning, 6am. Took a Northwest flight (have always been a loyal customer of NWA). I didnt sleep the entire nite (was up all nite packing my luggage) so when I was on the plane, all I wanted to do was rest and shut my eye. I had no appetite to eat... so I just ate some fruits and drank lots of water. I tried entertaining myself with the selection of movies onboard but I kept dozing off by the first 10 mins! lol

Anyway, the flight was earlier than scheduled. I was just so happy that we've reached Narita airport. I was "dying" to stand up and walk coz I was getting frustrated sitting down for the past 6-7hrs lol. Stepped out of the plane and buuurrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!! IT WAS FRIGGING COLD!!!!! lol

Cmon now, you gotta understand something - I come from a country that's located so close to the equator and it's hot all year thru out. I've never travelled to anywhere thats cold so it's definitely a new experience for me. Thank goodness I wore a long sleeve shirt and wrapped my pashmina around my neck. Went thru' the immigration & customs.

Security was tight. Everyone's luggage had to be inspected and so was mine. See, I put all my bras right on top of my clothes so when the luggage was opened, the first thing the Customs officer saw - was my bras! lol. It was pretty awkward and both me and the officer were giggling. He didnt take long tho, he just flipped a lil here and there and declared things were cool, so I went straight to the arrival gate.

As I stepped out of the arrival gate, my eyes were frantically searching for Mr Green Pants-Red Shirt and guess what? He wasn't there!!! Waited for 15 mins... still no sight of him. So called him up on his cell, and "yelled" at him for a minute (no no, not that kinda yelling lol) Apparently, he was parking his car lol. He showed up and we went straight to the hotel, check-in, order some room service, rested, relaxed and went to bed.

The next few days, we spent either our lunch or dinner at Roppongi, dining at T.G.I.Fridays. I love the beef nachos & the grilled mushroom. And their Starbucks? It's closed at 4am!! Absolutely fantastic! Imagine, being able to drink Starbucks coffee at 3 in the morning!... Here in singapore, Starbucks are closed at midnite. The evenings - the place would be full of people, walking around, and all these men and women, standing around, passing out flyers to entice you to patronise their clubs.

The second last day, after having lunch at T.G.I.Fridays, we went to Shibuya, one of the hotspots in Japan. It's like a Japan version of New York City - the place was crawling with people!! I mean, I've seen crowds in Singapore, but dammm, it's nothing like being in Shibuya! lol

Mr Green Pants-Red Shirt brought me to a few record stores. I guess it was his way of introducing his "world" to me. I wasn't as enthusiastic as I should be. Not because I wasn't enthusiastic, but because I was too cold to be all cheerful and jolly. Plus, I was wearing the wrong kinda shoes - I wore heels, not boots - my toes were freezing and so was I. I was getting tired walking around, trying to keep up the pace coz everyone was walking really fast.

But going to those record stores kinda open up my eyes and mind about the things that Mr Green Pants-Red Shirt loves to do. And I'm glad he tried to share that "world" with me *smile*

After a whole lot of walking, we decided to head back to the hotel. Realising that I was leaving the next day and had not bought a single souvenir, we went straight to the hotel's souvenir shop. Mr Green Pants-Red Shirt being the forever-understanding-cool-guy that I know, he sat on the sofa in front of the store, and waited patiently for me to be done with my souvenir shopping... and I took 30-45mins!! How sweet is that???! *smile*

What did I buy? Well, I bought some Yukatas for the men back home - my dad, my brother and my brother's bestfriend (who has been a big part of my family for a while now). I bought a photo frame, some lovely Japanese chopsticks, some mascots and a t-shirt with an imprint of the map of Japan lol Not much but it's enough to put such huge smiles on my dad's, my brother's and my brother's bestfriend's face. I'm so glad that they're happy with the gifts *smile*

The next day, after an hour of drive to the Narita airport, checked-in my luggage and with my boarding pass in my hands, we decided to roam about the Airport Mall. I was getting hungry. In fact, I'm always hungry when I'm around Mr Green Pants-Red Shirt - my appetite is better and I sleep better lol. He's more than happy to "feed" me - he's always nagging, saying I don't eat and sleep enough! lol

Anyway, back to the main story, I didnt want any western food coz I realised that I had not eaten any Japanese food so we went to a Japanese restaurant and ate to our hearts' content. And 2 hours later, it was time for me to leave... gave a big hug, a big kiss and a big smile...

Board the plane and guess where I was seated? I was practically sitting in a middle of a group of Japanese teenagers! lol. After eating dinner on the plane, we all decided to play games together and it was hilarious! But it was good tho, coz time wouldn't have passed that quickly if we hadnt done anything.

The plane touched down on Singapore at exactly 0030 hours 25th December. I'm back home now... all warm and cosy in my bed... typing this to you. I sure do miss Japan (and Mr Green Pants-Red Shirt), even tho I was complaining most of the time! lol

Basically, I had a good time, even tho it was just for a couple of days. I guess when you're spending time with someone whom you genuinely adore, it doesn't matter where you go, or what you do. Just being around them is good enough... *smile*

And with that said,
I'm out!!! *wink*

MISS BOHARI

Meri Mehbooba - Listen to it!

--Male--
Kisi roz tumse mulaqaat hogi x 2
Meri jaan us din mere saath hogi
Magar kab na jaane yeh barsaat hogi
Mera dil hai pyaasa, mera dil akela

Some day I will meet you x 2
My love, from that day forth, you will be with me
But who knows when you'll shower down your love
My heart is thirsty, my lonely heart

Zara tasveer se tu nikalke samne aa, meri mehbooba
Meri taqdeer hai tu, machalke samne aa, meri mehbooba
Meri mehbooba x 5
Zara tasveer se tu nikalke samne aa, meri mehbooba

Just step out from the picture (in my mind) and come before me, my love
You're my fate; fight out (of the picture) and come before me, my love
My love x 5
Just step out from the picture (in my mind) and come before me, my love


--Male--
Nahin yaad kab se, magar main hoon jab se
Mere dil mein teri mohabbat hai tab se
Main shaayar hoon tera, tu meri ghazal hai
Badi beqaraari mujhe aaj kal hai
Badi beqaraari mujhe aaj kal hai, mujhe aaj kal hai

I don't even remember since when, perhaps as long as I've existed,
... I have loved you
I'm your poet, and you are my poem
Lately, I'm restless with longing for you
Lately, I'm restless with longing for you, with longing for you

Zara tasveer se tu nikalke samne aa, meri mehbooba
Meri mehbooba x 5
Zara tasveer se tu nikalke samne aa, meri mehbooba

Just step out from the picture (in my mind) and come before me, my love
My love x 5
Just step out from the picture (in my mind) and come before me, my love


--Female--
Bhala kaun hai voh, hamein bhi bataao
Yeh tasveer uski hamein bhi dikhaao
Yeh kisse sabhi ko sunaate nahin hai
Magar doston se chhupaate nahin hai, chhupaate nahin hai

No matter who she is, just tell me
At least show me this picture of her
This story shouldn't be told to just everyone
But you can't hide it from friends

Tere dard-e-dil ki davaa hum karenge
Na kuch kar sake to duaan hum karenge
Na kuch kar sake to duaan hum karenge, duaan hum karenge

I'll cure the pain in your heart
If I can't do anything, then I'll pray for you
If I can't do anything, then I'll pray for you, I'll pray for you

Tadap kar aayegi voh, tujhe mil jaayegi voh, teri mehbooba
Teri mehbooba x 5

She'll struggle out (of the picture) and come; you'll meet her, your love
Your love x 5


--Male--
Kisi roz tumse mulaqaat hogi
Meri jaan us din mere saath hogi
Magar kab na jaane yeh barsaat hogi
Mera dil hai pyaasa, mera dil akela

Some day I will meet you
My love, from that day forth, you will be with me
But who knows when you'll shower down your love
My heart is thirsty, my lonely heart

Zara tasveer se tu nikalke samne aa, meri mehbooba
Meri mehbooba x 5

Just step out from the picture (in my mind) and come before me, my love
My love x 5

All that work and no play certainly made me one ill person! LOL

Yea, I was sick... down with fever, throat all sore, coughing all nite long. I'm feeling better today but still not 100% well.

But hey, at least this morning (about 15 mins ago), I woke up with the sound of KACE's voice on the phone *smile* The call lasted for about 10 mins but it's enough to put a smile on my face...

Anyway, I gotta get ready to go to the office... Don't wanna be late LOL... CIAO!!

So what's the verdict? Well, they loved it!! LOL

Since it was my very first attempt at cooking for a group of people, naturally I was a lil nervous (I have NEVER cooked for anyone else but myself). Plus, I never really thought much about my cooking skills - it's almost non existent anyway LOL (I didn't cook anything lavish, just a simple noodles dish, with some seafood)

But yea, the guests loved it!! *smile*

It's already Saturday??? lol... Wow! This is definitely one of my busiest week. Been working non-stop with crazy hours. Paperwork seemed to be getting more and more. Plus, I have 2 new staff to train, and I've not finished writing their work flowchart!

On top of all that, my brother is inviting all his co-workers and friends to my house this Saturday (since we havent really done a proper housewarming when we moved in to this new place last November). And he made me promise him that I'd do some cooking! lol... Can you believe that? ME - COOKING?? lol lol...

I just spent the entire evening preparing the ingredients to cook. I also had prepared some dessert - nothing fancy - sliced banana with brown sugar, wrapped into a spring roll, deep fried. If you have a sweet tooth, this is perfect for you... lol

Gosh, I'm dead beat tired... so, I'm gonna try to get me some shut eye. Nite nite!! *big hugs*

People always say, don't waste your tears on someone who's not worth it... coz the one who's worth your tears wouldn't make you cry.

How I wish it's that simple but it's not... coz most of the time, the one who actually makes you cry is the one you love - be it a friend, family or your significant other. This group of people, have the key to your heart. They could easily hurt you or, please you.

Often, I'm perceived as stone-hearted coz I cry the least when compared to the regular female. Not that I'm trying to be superwoman, but when you've been brought up in an environment where you don't even get a hug or a pat on the shoulder from either of your parents, emotions are strictly to be kept well-hidden. You can't cry coz you're told that tears are for the weak, and there's no room for weakness, not even for a moment.

But the truth is, I do get weak. I do feel the anguish, the hurt, the pain - just like everyone else... and I do cry. The only thing is, I try to handle it with much grace as I possibly could before succumbed to the temptation of tears.

For once, it would be nice to have someone to turn to... for a hug of comfort, and hear words of assurance, that everything would be okay, coz he'd be there for me...

But alas *sighs*... thats not how things are meant to be. And so here I am, all alone, with my thoughts, my fears, my hopes, my disappointments and my tears...

I just finished an hour teleconversation with KACE. It was great! It was really nice to hear his voice again, and do our normal silly chit chatting, fighting and fussin' over nothing! LOL

Did I ever mention that he's got a nice surname? Yea, I love the way his surname sounds to my ears... But I can't tell ya what it is though, and let's keep it that way - a lil mystery always helps *wink*

You know what I just can't stand? When Asians trying so hard to sound, look, and dress like black folks! Whats with the braids? And whats with the slang??? What, all of a sudden they can't speak normal English??? Since when did the word "ME" becomes "MAH"???

And then, some of 'em would post all these pictures they took with a bunch of brothas, with all that gangsta poses, just to prove that they're down with black folks... What da f***???

You don't have to do all that just to get a brotha's attention. Just be yourself. If you like one, fine - go for it. But there isn't a need to be a sellout - selling out your identity as an Asian woman.

It's really sad... I see all these Asian girls online, dressing like some street worker, with azz/titties showing, trying too hard to be sexy. Bleaching their hair blond, or going for suntan programmes just to get that dark complexion... with braids in their hair... *sighs*

And they wonder why some many people are hating??? Frankly, the word "HATA" is wayyyyyyyyy overrated. People are so quick to accuse someone of hating just because they don't agree with the criticisms, even thought the criticisms are constructive.

Anyway... If you don't even love your own heritage, who would? If you can't even stick up for the culture and traditions that you've been raised up with, then what exactly is the purpose of your living?

So, relax... and enjoy the freedom of loving... to whoever and whichever race you like. Most important of all, don't lose yourself.

Legends surrounding a female character has always fascinated me. One very famous name is obviously CLEOPATRA, whose beauty, charisma and ability to charm powerful men, always drew much interest in me.

But there's this other legend in Asia, particularly well-known in Singapore, Malaysia and Indonesia. It's about PUTERI GUNUNG LEDANG, literal translation, PRINCESS OF MOUNT LEDANG.

Word has it that this Princess and Hang Tuah (a legendary warrior from Malacca, a state in Malaysia) fell in love. But Hang Tuah's loyalty to the King of Malacca was unquestionable. When the King sent Hang Tuah to ask persuade the Princess to agree to a Royalty Marriage, the ever faithful Hang Tuah agreed. And thats where, the test of love began...

The Princess, well aware of Hang Tuah's loyalty, agreed to the marriage but set conditions in such that it would make it impossible for the King to fulfil. Hang Tuah, in return, knowing that it meant that he had failed to change the Princess' mind, was so ashamed of his failure that he vowed never to show his face to the King and legend has it, that since then, he vanished forever, while torn between his love for the Princess and his loyalty to the King.

Well, thats just a summary of the movie that I had just watched, aptly titled "PUTERI GUNUNG LEDANG".

Such great love... and all the sacrifices that were made... so powerful... Makes me wonder, would I ever experience that? Well, at least HALF of that?... But then again, we live in such modern society where infidelity is as common as the rain and sunshine. It's rare to hear of someone loving you, caring for you, for as long as they shall live... even the sanctity of marriage is decreasing as we speak *sighs*

I got a letter from KACE and... it's handwritten!! *smile*

Wow, it's been a long time since I received a letter from anyone. I almost forgot how good it felt to receive one... and now that I do, well... it feels GREAT! lol

It's really nice to receive a handwritten letter, no matter how short the letter is. It gives this personal touch to any type of relationship. I used to get mad at my ex-boyfriend for sending me e-greetings for everything (including MY birthday). He didn't understand the warm effect if he could just spend a lil time at the store, buy me a nice card and send it to me... coz I have NEVER used an e-greeting for something personal (eg birthday wishes, valentine's day, x'mas)

But anyway, back to the main story lol... KACE has been doing and saying all the right things. Just this morning, he called me from Kansas (he's on his way back to Florida). He just called to say hi hello and all that good stuff. It was just slightly a 6 mins phonecall but guess what? It makes my day *smile*

I wish more men would just understand the importance of keeping things consistent... but do they listen? Noooooooooooooooooooo... lol

It's always interesting to see how aggressive a man can be... But is this just a temporary effort? Would it continue for a longer period of time or is this just for the initial part? Would things change if the relationship has gotten to a "safe" zone? Safe meaning, the relationship is stabilised and made official. But that's another story, for another day...

For now, I'm reading my letter and loving it *smile*

I always say this and I'll say it again - I'm an easy woman to please. The one sure thing that'll please me, is to keep the communication going regularly, because I strongly believe, that communication is an important tool to keep a relationship going and progressing.

I think KACE understood this part very clearly and with that in mind, he's making all these effort to ensure that there won't be any lapse of communication, that I should be able to contact him wherever he's at... and whenever. That decision alone speaks for itself. It's obvious he's not letting any opportunity slip by him without trying.

And... such commendable efforts must be acknowledged! *smile*