owi's planet/funny

ABOUT MARRIAGE

Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper. (Scottish Proverb)

I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years. (Sam Kinison)

It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.

Men have a better time than women; for one thing, they marry later; for another thing, they die earlier.

A man without a woman is like fish without a bicycle. (U2)

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street bald and still think they are beautiful.

Marriage is a tree ring circus: 1)---engagement ring 2)---wedding ring 3)---suffering

When a newly married couple smiles, everyone knows why. When a ten-years married couple smiles,
everyone wonders why.

Love is blind but marriage is an eye-opener.

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthdayis to forget it once.

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing : Either the car is new or the wife.

When a man is single, he's incomplete. When he's married, he's finished.

BACK TO TOP

ISLAND AND PEOPLES

There are a beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere where the following people are stranded.

* 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman
* 2 French men and 1 French woman
* 2 German men and 1 German woman
* 2 Turkish men and 1 Turkish woman
* 2 English men and 1 English woman
* 2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman
* 2 Swedish men and 1 Swedish woman
* 2 Irish men and 1 Irish women

One month later on this beautiful deserted island in the middle of nowhere.

* The 1 Italian man killed the other for the Italian woman.
* The 2 French men and French women are living happily together in a "manage a trois".
* The 2 German men have a strict weekly schedule of when they alternate with the German women.
* The 2 Turkish men are sleeping with each other and the Turkish woman is cleaning and cooking for them.
* The 2 English men are wating for someone to introduce them to the English woman.
* The Bulgarian men took one look at the endless ocean, one look at the woman and started swimming.
* The 2 Swedish men are contemplating the virtues while the women keeps on bitching about her body
her own and the true nature of feminism. But at least it's not snowing and the taxes are low.
* The Irish began the island Northside-Southside and setting up a distillery. They don't remember if sex is
in the picture, cause it gets sort of foggy after the first few litres of coconut-whiskey, but at least
they know the English aren't getting any.

BACK TO TOP

Six Shots

A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. "What can I get you?" the bartender inquires.
"I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the young man. " 6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?"
"Yeah, my first blowjob." - " Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house."
"No offence, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of taste, nothing will."

BACK TO TOP

Appointments

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently taps his wife on the shoulder and starts
ruubbing her arm. The wife oturns over and says: "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment
tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." The husband, rejected, turns over and tries to sleep.
A few minutes later. he rolls back over and taps his wife again. This time he whispers in her ear:
" Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

BACK TO TOP

Elevator

A small white guy goes into an elevator, when he gets in he notices a huge black dude standing next to him.
The big black dude looks down upon the small guy and says: "7 foot tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch dick,
3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, Turner Brown."
The white small guy faints !! The big black dude pics up the small white guy and brings him to, slapping
his face and shaking him and ask the small white guy. "What's wrong?". The small white guy says;
"Excuse me but what did you say?". The big black dude looks down and says; 7 foot tall, 350 pounds,
20 inch dick, 3 pound left ball, 3 pound right ball, my name is Turner Brown." The small white guy says,
"Thank God, I thought you said <Turn around.> "

BACK TO TOP

Alligator

A guy walks into bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside.
Then the gator will close
his mouth for a minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for
withnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."
The crowd murmured thier approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers,
and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth . The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.
After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head.
The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood up again and
made another offer.
"I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try". A hush fell over the crowd. After a while,
a hand went up in the back of the bar. A women timidly spoke up.
"I'll try, but you have to promise not to hit me on the head with the beer bottle".

BACK TO TOP