THE TESTIMONY OF HOLLY OLIVIA SMITH
I am a lying,thieveing,coveting, blasphemous, adulterer at heart..I believe that God sent His son Jesus to die on the cross so that I may not perish but have eternal life.I gave my life to Jesus Christ a year ago when I was convicted and broken and I began to realize that my life is not about Me.. It is about spreading the Gospel of Jesus Christ and making sure I do my part to share my faith with everyone I meet. So that they may become saved and spend eternity with Jesus when they die. !+. . *~My parents took me to church when I was younger but I was pretty much just going through the motions.. I didnít truly understand what it meant when people said that God had sent His son Jesus Christ to die on the cross and save me from my sins.
I was diagnosed with postpartum depression about 2 yrs ago. I lost interest in the things I used to enjoy doing.. I didnít want to talk to anyone or really even associate with the world or anyone in it.. It was if a dark cloud had surrounded me and I felt there wasnt a light at the end of the tunnel. When I became pregnant with my 4th child Sarah I was already struggling with postpartum depression from the birth of my 3rd pregnancy.
I was prescribed some anti -depressants but then began suffering from pospartum psychosis and began worrying my husband and everyone else around me.. I was put in mental hospital for a week and was evaluated by doctors . I was now six months pregnant. Ö It was one of the scariest things I have ever been through..
I desperately wanted to be home with my husband and kids but I had to get well first.. I came home after that week but I really wasnít ready to emotionally or mentally.. Nothing had been changed as far as the hopelessness I felt.. I was still in the same mindset.I stayed on the anti-depressants until Sarah was born. I really didnít have any kind of emotional attachment to her when I saw her. It didnít phase me at allÖ Then I decided to stop taking my meds cold turkey and thats when things started to go downhill.. I went back to the mental hospital when sarah was just 6 weeks old. I was so worried I would never be coming back home. That is how it felt in my mind at the time. That was the last time I would ever see my family again. I was so hopeless I didnít know where to to turn or how I would be able to to go on living my life that way.
It took many tears and finally losing my pride.. I knew I couldnít do it on my own anymore. It was out of my control and I was ready to humble myself as a filthy sinner who needed Godís forgiveness..I got down on my knees while in the hospital and I prayed that God would heal me of my depression and give me the strength to be the mom and the wife my kids and husband needed me to be. When I came home from the hospital my life would be changed forever. I was a new creation n Christ and had died to the old me.. .I know that it is only with Godís awesome power that I am in the recovery process..
I am now able to reach out and help others who are struggling with depression and let them know there is a light at the end of the tunnel..That bright and burning light is Jeus Christ!!!! I now know that God allowed me to go through the pain and turmoil so that I would come out on the other side and be a a witness to others about just how amazing His love is!! Knowing I have a Father in heaven who knew me before I was born and is always watching over me gives me all the peace in the world.
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