EPIPHANY EXTRAVAGANZA!

(Party's Bar.  Former O.Z. Girl has achieved her life goal and found that it wasn't all it was cracked up to be.)

Zoro (frantically):  In the bathtub!  ALLLLLL NIIIIIIIIIGGGGHHHHHTTT!  Doesn't that mean anything to you?

F.O.Z.Girl (blankly): Should it?

Nami:  What are you trying to say, Zoro?

Makino:  I don't get it.

(Massive sweatbeading by all male characters ensues.)

Nami:  Oh!  This is a guy thing.

Zoro:  YES!  A guy thing!  Well known guy fact!  Don't any of you watch Seinfeld?

(The women shake their heads.  Suddenly, a loud rumbling is heard.)

Shanks:  What the hell?

(All eyes turn to Nami.)

Usopp:  Was that your stomach?

Ben:  It sounded like an army on the march!

Nami:  I'm hungry.  Chasing Sanji around worked me up an appetite.

Sanji (with hearts in his eyes): I'm off to fulfill the every whim of my Nami-san!

Nami (whips out giant butterfly net): My first whim, Ethiopian boy, is for you to eat something!

(A saturated trapped Sanji wails as he is drug off to the kitchen.  As Nami and Sanji exit, Luffy appears at the top of the stairs, rubbing his eyes and making himself look extremely cute.  Awwwwww….)

Luffy: What the hell?  Stop spamming me you stupid author!

(Luffy, who could be separated from his beloved mentor for another ten years at the author's whim, if she had a mind to - )

Luffy (fakely, but brightly): I love you, author.

(Will not be separated at this time.)

Vivi:  Okay, does anyone care about me?

Makino (peering over the edge of the bar): Should we, psycho girl?

Vivi:  YES!  Because, as you can see, the author has gathered you all together so that she can reveal a vital and brilliant plot point that will sweep us up into an adventure beyond our wildest dreams!

Shanks (yawns): So?

Vivi:  I believe I know a place that can solve all of our problems.  It has a port, a wonderful entertainment district, a few excellent museums, it's known for its culture, and it is a place where I know, for certain, that Sanji will get rid of his eating disorder.

Sanji (from kitchen): I don't have an eating disorder!

Shanks:  Will I get some?

Ben:  Shanks, I can bribe the author to leave us out of a few scenes if you want…

(Ben realizes he has no money to bribe the author because he had to give it all to Makino, not to mention the fact that the author would never agree to such a bribe in the first place.   Just because a few thousand perverted authors insist on using Ben as their personal Mary Sue in yaoi doujinshi does not mean that  - )

Ben: Apparently, the author doesn't find all doujinshi funny.

Vivi (cutting back in): If you can't get laid where we're going, you should check your pulse.  (thinks a moment) Or your wallet.  So if someone will untie me, I'll tell you where we're going.

(Usopp obliges and undoes Vivi from her bondage.  Vivi stands up on a chair.  A random spotlight focuses on her.  She gets a determined look on her face and points in a random direction - dramatically.)

Vivi:  We aim - FOR AMSTERDAM!

(The crew cheers, because they have no idea what else to do.  Zoom in on Makino.  Her eyes flash eerily.  Tiny flames are in her pupils.)

Makino (thinking): Yes, to Amsterdam…that is where it began and that is where it will END!

Trailer Substitution:
As in the tradition of all anime, the new season of the Smut Garden will have a new ending.  Instead of random redundant trailer questions, you are asked to enjoy this!

(A local church basement.  On the door is a sign that reads:  Arsonists Anonymous.  Inside the room , certain members of the anime world are seated in crappy folding chairs that are required for all anonymous meetings.  One is conspicuously empty.  A small candle is burning on a table, in a shrine like way, next to the homemade onion dip and cheap potato chips from the local grocery store.)

Moderator: Shall we begin the meeting?  Miss Hino?

Sailor Mars: I'm Sailor Mars and I am an arsonist.

Hikaru (perkily): I'm Magic Knight Rayearth Hikaru and I'm an arsonist.

Shayla Shayla (El Hazard): Well, I'm a frickin' goddess, perky girl.  How's that!

Moderator:  Shayla…

Shayla Shayla (mumbling): And I'm an arsonist too.

(Dilandau (of Escaflowne) sits, arms folded across his chest.  He refuses to meet anyone's eyes.)

Moderator:  Dilandau…

Dilandau:  I don't have a problem!  I'm here because the court ordered me to be here.

Sailor Mars (with the derision only a princess of Mars could begin to have):  How many kingdoms were burned to the ground again?

Dilandau (grins): Lots.

Hikaru (looking around): Where's Makino?

Moderator:  I am afraid that Makino thinks she is cured.

Dilandau:  That isn't fair!  She was only on step 7!  There's no way she's cured.  She always gets special treatment.  (Dilandau goes on a long tirade about Makino while the others roll their eyes.)

next
smut
home


===============
Terms Explained
Do you remember that episode of Seinfeld with George and the swimming pool?
Most yaoi is funny.  Not all, but most.