The Smut Garden Flourishes!

Vivi:  Please.

Luffy:  No.

Vivi:  Come on.

Luffy:  No.

Vivi:  Don't make me beg.

Luffy:  Well...

Vivi:   Yeah!

Luffy (looks at her strangely as he passes the roach clip): Maybe you should lay off the hash.

Vivi:  Hey, we're in Amsterdam and I'm going to sample all the wares for as long as we're here!

(The crew are in the Amsterdam part of the Smut Garden.  Currently, the author has requisitioned the café bar that supplied her and Piccolo with the hash that kept her high for two days.  It is the base of operations for this adventure into depravity.  Luffy and Vivi lounge, while the others have fun.)

Luffy:  I wonder when the others are going to get back from their sightseeing. (addresses author) Why didn't you let me go?

[Because you're too cute.  We don't want you warped.]

Luffy:  More than I already am?

[Yeah.]

Luffy: Then why don't you leave me out of this spam-fic.

(Anyway.  Zoro and Nami return.)

Vivi:  Well, how was it?

Zoro:  If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go cry in the bathroom. (runs off.)

Vivi:  'Cry in the bathroom?'  Is that kind of like a George Michael thing?

Nami:  Not exactly.  You know the Sex Museum?

Vivi:  My adventures in Amsterdam were a long time ago, but I remember vaguely.  (takes in a long drag)

Nami:  Do you remember the examples of manhood in the photographs on the wall in the Sex Museum?

Vivi (exhales slowly): Ah.  I see.

(Usopp struts into the café; a HUGE smile on his face.)

Usopp:  Ain't got nuthin' on me.  Hey, can I have one?

Vivi:  HELL NO!

Usopp:  Whoa.  I thought mary jane was supposed to make you mellow.

Vivi:  Up to a point!  You touch the hash; you die. 

Usopp:  Hey, where's Zoro?

Nami:  Crying in the bathroom.

Usopp:  Zoro? Crying? Yet more proof that the author thinks I'm cooler than Zoro!

(Even though his logic is a tad off, he races off to the bathroom to lord it over the swordsman.)

Luffy:  Sanji, we're starving!

Sanji:  Coming!

Vivi:  You better be talking about the food.

(Sanji appears, with plates of food.  He sits down and they commence eating ravenously.)

Nami (glomps on Sanji): Thank the gods!  You're eating!  I was so afraid you would waste away into nothing!

Sanji (annoyed): Get off of me.  I'm trying to digest here.

Nami:  But Vivi, I don't understand.  How did you do it?

Vivi (proudly):  No one, not even a French-Ethiopian anorexic of German extraction, can overcome the munchie-craving power inherent in one…big…Fatty.

Luffy:  Amen!

(Nami re-attaches her glomp to Sanji.  His 'cigarette' falls into his food.)

Sanji (flying into a rage normally only directed at those who have the XY chromosome combination.):  Goddamit, Nami-san!  You're ruining everything.

Nami:  But…Sanji…I -

Sanji: Leave me in peace, woman!

Nami (indignant): Well, fine!  But when you're done, get back in that kitchen and fix me some onigiri.

Sanji (blinks): But we're in Amsterdam.

Nami: You're a chef.  You have connections.  Find some people with the ingredients.

Sanji: That's not it.  I order the onigiri - I don't make it.

Nami (jaw drops): You don't make the onigiri? 

Sanji:  No, Nami-san.  I order them from the Poplar konbini.

Nami:  What the heck!  You lied to me!

Sanji:  But Nami-san -

Nami:  Don't 'Nami-san' me, buster.  I busted my butt to keep you from wasting away when all along I could have been fulfilling my onigiri urges at the local konbini!

(She begins to stomp off into the city of Amsterdam.  She opens the door to find the ample body that is Ben blocking her way.  He enters and Shanks follows him.)

Nami: So where have you two been?

===============

Trailer Substitution:
(A local church basement.  The members of Arsonists Anonymous are having a 'discussion' about the absence of certain members of the Anime community.)

Dilandau: You know, if we examine the cast of One Piece, we find that they could have their own meetings.

Moderator: What do you mean?

Hikaru:  I don't get it.

Shayla Shayla (catching on): Pearl, Kabaji, and Ace to name a few.  Not to mention - (she glances pointedly at the candle.)

Hikaru (looking sadly at the candle): I'd like to request a moment of silence for Mr. 3.

(The A.A. members bow their heads.)

Sailor Mars: You know, we can probably blow out the flame since we know he isn't dead.

Shayla Shayla: I like the lilac scent myself.

Moderator (getting back on track): Pearl doesn't set things on fire, he sets himself on fire. Self-immolation is not a group therapy problem; it has to be tackled on a one on one basis.  Ace (glowers) well, Ace should definitely be here.

Hikaru: And Mr. 2?

Moderator (confused): What about Mr. 2?

Hikaru: Mr. 3 told me about him.

Sailor Mars (pats her on the head): Hikaru, kiddo, flamers and arsonists aren't the same thing.

Hikaru: Oh.

Shayla Shayla: So what's Kabaji's cop-out?

Moderator:  That's his work.  He uses it as entertainment.

Sailor Mars: Using fire to save the world isn't work?

Hikaru: Yeah!

Moderator:  If you hadn't set Mini-Moon on fire, you wouldn't be here.

Mars (trying to be serious, but failing horribly): It was an accident, I swear. I didn't mean to set her Chibi-ness on fire…

Moderator:  And you - Mokona got third degree burns!

Hikaru (sadly): I said I was sorry.

Moderator: And of course there's -

Shayla Shayla: I'm a goddess!  I'm supposed to set people on fire!  It's my job!  It keeps the masses god-fearing and whatnot!

Dilandau: At least I admit that I LIKE setting things on fire, as opposed to you losers, hiding behind your 'reasons.'

Moderator (dryly): I see I have my work cut out for me.

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Terms Explained
There wasn't one café.  There were about four.
The Room of No Innocence is a real place, though that isn't its proper name.  It is not recommended for the faint of heart.
Poplar convenience store onigiri isn't the best - but it's good enough when the urge hits.  Konbini….