Action Jackson

(Party's Bar.  Nami and Usopp are asleep, but Shanks and Ben are up to no good, attempting to thwart the purpose of all spamfics by providing unneeded action in an otherwise happily actionless story.)

Makino:  What do you think you two are doing?

Ben:  Didn't you read the script?  It just said.  We're adding action to this pointless spam fic.

(Vivi looks up at them with puppy dog eyes, begging them, in her own way, to set her free.)

Makino:  So you want to spend a few more episodes with Vivi chasing you around the bar with her strings?  That must have been more fun than it looked, Shanks.

(Vivi glares at Makino with daggers in her eyes and struggles fiercely.  The muffled noises that she makes indicates that Makino will be very sorry when she gets untied.)

Makino (narrows her eyes): Bring it on, princess.

Ben:  You can understand her?

Makino:  I've worked in a bar half my life.  Muffled ramblings, drunken ramblings, it's all the same.

(Vivi mumbles some more.)

Makino:  Oh yeah?  Does string beat FIRE? (Makino laughs evilly.)

Shanks (whispering): It's getting worse.

Ben:  Just so long as she doesn't set ME on fire.

Makino (sharply): What was that?

Ben (laughs nervously): Nothing, nothing.

(The door opens and a random girl wanders in.)

Obsessed Zoro Girl: Yo. (looks around, then yells outside) Hey, that girl with the butterfly net is in here, but she's asleep.

(Sanji peers inside, his cigarette hanging from his lip.  He sees Nami on the floor, next to Usopp.)

Sanji:  What's she doing?

O.Z. Girl: Sleeping.

Sanji (darkly): I meant with Usopp.

Ben:  The author sent her to sleep so that she didn't have to deal with writing another character.

Sanji:  That's pretty efficient of the author.

Shanks:  But she won't let ME go to sleep and if I don't I'll wither away into a mummy.

O.Z. Girl (ignores Shanks): It's time for you to keep your end of the bargain.

Sanji (drops to one knee and takes O.Z. Girl's hand): But why go after the bushido when I would gladly fulfill every want or desire that you could ever possibly have?

Makino: He makes a good point there.

O.Z. Girl (yanks her hand away): Because I said I need a life's goal. Life goals need to be challenging.

Sanji: And I already told that with my help, there is no challenge.

O.Z. Girl (imperiously): Enough chatter!  Bring him to me, Frenchie!

Sanji: (muttering as he goes upstairs): I'm not French.

Trailer: Will -
Shanks:  Drat!  The author foiled us again!  She managed to have an entire episode without any action!
Ben:  Stupid author!
Makino:  You suck!
Will the characters ever get any action (of any kind) if they continue insulting the author?  Does Shanks imagine that he will get sleep?  Does Makino think she will ever own Party's?  Does Ben -
Ben: I'm ready.  There's nothing I want that you can give me.
Does Ben think that the author will consider using him as a surrogate Mary Sue like most of the yaoi doujinshi in existence if he calls her names?
Ben:  You got me there.
Will this spamfic get a) action, b) a point, c) going anytime soon?

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