Wicked Good Blasphemy

(Party's Bar - the second floor.  Makino and Ben have finally found Shanks - leaving Makino's bedroom!)

Ben:  WHAT HAVE -

Shanks (frantic): Shh!  I just got him to fall asleep.

Makino (whispering):  What have you two been doing?

(Shanks motions for them to follow him downstairs.)

Shanks (sighs as if the weight of the world were on his shoulders):  Right.  So after I got him to finally stop crying, which was a chore, let me tell you, I put in your copy of Winnie the Pooh Adventures.  He was mesmerized, but it took both that video and the Lion King to actually put him to sleep.  And now, I would like a drink.  A very strong drink and a double of it.

Ben (quirks an eyebrow at Makino): You have Disney movies?

Makino (shrugs):  I have to watch my sister's kids when she's working on the weekends.  Disney movies, Barney and Teletubbies are the godsend of babysitters the world over.  They're the Devil of Education too.

(The three walk downstairs and find Vivi staring glumly at an empty shotglass and assorted bottles.  She doesn't look guilty, just extremely petulant.)

Vivi:  I don't understand it.  Why don't they taste as good?  It's the same ingredients and I followed the book measurements exactly.  Why doesn't my Mindmeld taste as good as yours?

Makino:  You are unbelievable.  You were waiting for me to leave, weren't you?

Vivi (a wild look is in her eyes): Tell me your secret!

Makino:  I didn't go to Anime Bar Wench Night School so I could just hand over our secrets to you.

(Vivi pulls out her little strings and grins maniacally.)

Makino:  Right.  If that's how you're going to play - Red, you wanted a double of what?

Shanks (looks weary and exhausted): Anything. 

Makino:  It's on the house if you get rid of the blue haired Fury there.

Shanks:  (blinks blearily, wearily, but oh so cutely) Ben?

Ben (unmoved): I am not your maid, Shanks.

Shanks (sighs): But I've been good.  In fact, I haven't done anything since we've landed in this port except chase a 17-year-old kid -

Ben:  Exactly.

Shanks:  Out of author-induced guilt!  I've been very good.  Please, just do this one favor for me.

Ben:  Well, you've been on the straight and narrow for quite some time.  I think it's been about what, two ports now…

Shanks:  And I have yet to get any action since getting off the ship.

Makino: (under breath) Slut.

[Blaspheme!  Blasphemer!]

Shanks:  No, it's true.  I'm a man whore.  I admit it.

[(wails): No you're not!]

Ben: Trust me, man whore is a really polite way of putting it.  In fact, on the ship, we don't call him
Shanks, we can him Skanks.

Shanks (dryly): I can insult myself without your help, thank you very much. (reverts to world weary pirate mode)  Not that it matters anymore.  I've repressed my true nature in an effort to please you, but it is all for naught.  I guess I'll have to find comfort elsewhere since I am not appreciated here.

Ben (wavering): When you put it that way…

(Shanks gives his patented devilish grin, irresistible to neither man nor woman.)

Makino:  Except for me.

(Except for Makino.  Ben gives up, reaches over, picks Vivi up by her shirt, and commences to hog-tie the struggling blue Fury with her own strings.)

Shanks:  I'd like a double Captain Morgan's, straight up.

Makino (approvingly): Now that sounds like a pirate drink.

Shanks: Make that with a twist of lime.

Makino: Or not.

Trailer: What will Vivi do now that she is at the mercy of Ben?  Will Zoro ever get out of the bathtub?  How long will Luffy sleep?  Have Usopp and Chopper sorted out their differences?  Will this spamfic get a point?  Will the trailers stop having redundant questions in them?

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Terms Explained
Disney movies, Teletubbies, and Barney may be the godsend of babysitters, but are the bane of educators everywhere.
Have you ever seen 'Lock, Stock, and Two Smoking Barrels'?  The 'fire' in this story was exacerbated by that movie.