Bed, Bath, and Beyond

(Party's Bar.  Ben and Makino stand at the door of the Mysterious Bathroom.)

Makino (whispering): I don't hear anything.

Ben:  It disturbs me so.

Makino:  You first.

Ben:  If I see anything I dislike, I might have to kill them all.

Makino:  It doesn't matter.  If I see that my bathroom is dirty… (Small flames flash eerily in her eyes and her voice alters.) I might have to get angry.  I might have to do bad things.  I might have to -

Ben (pauses): You stopped going to your Arsonists Anonymous Meetings, didn't you?

Makino (breaks out of her evil trance.)  Author's spamming me again.

Ben:  Arson and spam are two different things.

Makino (dourly): I don't need to go to those stupid meetings.  I'm cured.  Promise.

Ben:  Well, then, if you say so. (draws himself up proudly) I'll go first.  I am, after all, a man and that's what men do.

Makino: Whatever.

(Ben steps back and kicks the door in.)

Makino (shrieks): My bathroom door!

Ben (ignores her and addresses the occupants of the bathroom): Hold it right…there?

(Makino peers around Ben.  Zoro is sitting in the bathtub, up to his neck in lavender scented bubbles.  He's wearing a black bath cap and has a mud mask on.  His nose is still taped up and his theme music plays in the background.  In each hand, he has a loofah and in his clenched jaw is a backscratcher.)

Makino:  That better not be my Shiseido Deep Cleansing Mask you have on.

Zoro (through clenched teeth): It was sitting at the end of the tub.

Makino:  Just begging to be used, I'm sure.

Ben (clears throat): Where are Shanks and Luffy?

Zoro:  How should I know?  Can you get out?  I'm having some 'Me' time right now.

Ben (sweatdrop): So you haven't seen them?

Zoro:  A thousand times no!  Go away!

(Ben, politely, shuts the door.  It hangs on one of the hinges and creaks as it swings back and forth.)

Makino:  You are paying for that, buddy.

Ben:  Yeah, later.  I want to know where the Captain and Luffy are.

Makino:  Well, the only other room up is here is my bedroom…

(Ben's normally stoic face twitches.  Makino begins to bang her head against the wall.)

Makino:  Not my BEDroom. (bang) Please (bang) not the most sanctum sanctorum (bang) of my existence!

(Shanks appears at the end of the hall.  He tiptoes out of Makino's bedroom and shuts the door quietly.  Then he sees them at the end of the hall.)

Shanks (turning as red as his hair): Er, hi.

Trailer: Shanks didn't…he and Luffy wouldn't…oh god, is the Smut Garden all yaoi and bestiality?  Is there nothing but depravity here?
Zoro:  Hey, this is YOUR garden after all.
Will Zoro stop being a smart ass before he's sent back to being a complete and utter putz that is below the coolness of Usopp?
Zoro: On the other hand, don't mind me.
Will this spamfic get a point?  Does it matter?

next
smut
home

================
Terms Explained:
The Title - if it weren't for that store, it would be much harder to buy wedding presents.