Kenshin Cracked First

(At the Honou Toys R Us.  Saionji and Zoro are less than thrilled to meet their fellow Intense Bushido Anonymous member Wufei.)

Wufei (getting intense): ARE you trying to SAY something?

Saionji: Settle down. You're getting intense, Wufei. 

Wufei: So?  Are you criticizing me?  You, who hasn't been to a meeting in over a month?

Zoro (looking at Saionji, getting intense): WHAT?

Saionji (defensively): I have school activities to attend!  Wednesday is one of my busiest nights!

Wufei: And you, Zoro?

Zoro (proudly): I don't need to go.  I'm cured.

Wufei: Well, it hardly matters anyway.  If you two had shown up for the last meeting, you would know that there aren't any more meetings.  Intense Bushido Anonymous has officially disbanded.

Saionji and Zoro: Really?

Wufei: Okay, well, not disbanded.  The moderator quit.

Zoro: Frank?  Why?  I thought he liked moderating.

Saionji: He liked torturing us by making us get in touch and ... sing. (shudders)

Zoro: Yes. Moderating.

Wufei: He kind of decided that he didn't have a choice about it…

Saionji: What do you mean?

Zoro: One of you finally threatened to slice him from neck to navel?

Wufei: Kenshin REALLY didn't want to sing the affirmation, but Frank kept pushing him…

Saionji: Cool!

Zoro: I knew Kenshin would crack first!

Both: Wahoo! No more Intense Bushido Anonymous meetings!

(Zoro and Saionji join arms and dance around in a circle. They laugh in a carefree and joyous way.)

Wufei: What are you two doing?

Zoro (in middle of dance): We're being spammed!

(They stop.)

Zoro (pulling swords out): THAT IS IT!  I'M GOING TO KILL THE AUTHOR!

Saionji: Yeah!  Let's do this! Wufei, you coming?

Wufei: Naw.  She hasn't spammed me yet.

Saionji: But the yaoi thing…

(A slow smile spreads over Wufei's face.)

Saionji: Oh. (pulls out his kendo sword) LET'S GO, ZORO!

(The mentally sick duo race to hunt the author.)

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(Ohtori Commons.  The birds are singing and a gentle breeze blows from the west.  The girls of Ohtori are enjoying this Dios given day by having their PE class outside.  They are wearing the Ohtori physical education uniform; white clingy t-shirts and red underwear that are supposed to be shorts.  Somehow this uniform was deemed appropriate for running, jumping, and plenty of physical exertion by the Board of Directors.  It might be pertinent to know that the Board of Directors is headed by Akio Ohtori. In any case, right now, the girl's PE class are doing jumping jacks.

A battered Anthy stumbles out of the Science Building, which happens to be at the bottom of the Commons.  Her uniform is ripped and the left lens of her glasses is shattered, obscuring any view of that eye.  She watches the tranquil, yet bouncy, scene for some time before falling to her knees.  She pounds the ground with her fists.)

Anthy: Why now, God?  WHY? WHY?!!!

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(Near the Incinerator of Doom.  Nami and Juri have overcome many trials and tribulations to get to this point.)

Nami (checking off list): We defeated the evil French teacher/sorceress -

Juri: …hee…

Nami: - and dealt with the roving bands of twisted bishonen student goblins -

Juri: …gyah…

Nami: - and finished off the nine Dark Fencers. (looks up from list) Hey, Juri, you should tell your team to lay off the creatine.  It really screws up a person.  I mean, look at Zoro.

Juri: …nyuh…

Nami (makes a final triumphant tick mark): So we're almost done now!  Just a few more paces to the Incinerator of Doom and you will be free of the horrible burden that you have had to carry.

Voice: Precioussssss….

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(Somewhere else. Wakaba is having a lie-down after her traumatic experience, while Utena is studying a medical dictionary.)

Utena: What an interesting idea.  I thought the guys at this school were merely lacking morals; little did I realize that they were missing a vital hormone.  (muses) I wonder if you can add testosterone as a food supplement.

Wakaba (eyes closed): Trying to turn this school into Weekly Shonen Jump?

Utena: (shuts book) Nope.  It's for me.

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(The Student Council balcony.  Touga and Shanks are killing time play cards.)

Touga: Do you have an eight?

Shanks: Go fish!

(The elevator begins its ascent from the ground floor.  A tinny Muzak version of the Student Council 'I wish I was the Phantom of the Opera but I'm not' organ music theme song is heard.  The elevator arrives and the door opens.  Miki and Vivi step out.)

Vivi: The chick speech. It's full of hidden meaning and symbolism.  You wrote that didn't you? I'm very impressed.

Miki (smoothly): Why thank you, Vivi.  I worked very hard on it. (pauses and reflects) What am I saying? I hardly worked on it at all.  It was so simple it was criminal.

Vivi: Oh, Miki, you're such a genius.

(They laugh, basking in their genius-ness.)

Touga (grumpily): Whatever.

Shanks: What are they laughing at?

Touga (waves dismissively with his free hand): Oh, Miki thinks he's so cool because he gets better grades than me.  He says it has something to do with his hair.  I don't know.  Whenever he talks, I only hear clicks and beeps anyway.

Shanks (turns to the blue duo): Do you think you're mentally superior?

(Vivi and Miki laugh in their superior genius blue haired way.)

Shanks: That would be a yes.  (to Touga) Do you have a jack?

Touga (unconcerned): Brains don't get you chicks.

Shanks (peering at his cards): Or the fellas.

Touga: That's right.  Now Go Fish!

(Miki and Vivi glare at the card-playing duo.)

Vivi: As if looks can get you through life…

Miki (unconvinced): Yeah…

Vivi: Look at them playing their silly card game.  Go Fish? Go Fish is for children!  We could play bridge and show them how superior our card playing abilities are.

Miki (rallying): That's right!  But unfortunately we can't because you have to have four players and we would never be able -

Vivi (realizes where he is going with it): Never be able to find two other people who are as intellectually superior as we are!

(They laugh in their superior genius blue haired way.)

Touga: Lordy, I hope they go away soon.

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Trailer Substitution:

(The Arsonist Anonymous Group, led by the Great Detective Conan, are following the trail of suspected relapsed serial arsonist, Makino.  The clues have led them to the now smoldering site of a testosterone holding facility in Craig, Wyoming.)

The Moderator is busy comforting a lab worker.  Hikaru lays at his feet, still bound and gagged, so that the boy detective can work unencumbered by cuteness.)

Moderator: You say she came in and doused the place with gasoline?

Lab Worker (sobbing): She screamed something about a shonen world with plenty of bars and then dropped a lighter into the puddle.

Moderator:  I'm sure the fire was horrific.

Lab Worker: All that gasoline!  And when gas prices are so high!  The waste…the waste…and I have an SUV…(sobs into her hands).

Moderator: Er.  Yes. (pats her vaguely on the back) You poor thing.

Conan (from the cooling destruction): Ah ha!  I have it!

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Terms Explained
No need to explain nothing.