Interlude Part 5: Jukebox of Doom

(Recap: The pirates sit at the bar and say nothing - their silent protest is a testament to non-violent demonstration and the legacy of Ghandi, MLK, and Thoreau.

We all know how the Author responds to non-violence. 

She caves.

The Author makes a solemn promise that she won't mention Sanji or any round objects together in the next chapter.)

(The pirates look at each other and then silently janken to see who will test this 'promise' out.)

Luffy (trying random words): Meat.  Bananas.  Sausages.

(Shanks discreetly wipes his nose with the back of his hand.)

Makino: I think we're safe now.

Zoro: Sanji - get into the kitchen and stay there until�Entil�Elt;br>
Sanji: What?

Zoro: Until I can separate your name and balls from my thought processes.

Sanji: Ew. (Sanji does as he is bid.)

Makino: Well those last chapters were a waste of time.  Who knows when the Author will start the opening day festivities.  I best get cracking in case she tries to catch me unprepared! (Makino, after this awkward segue, begins unpacking her boxes.)

Nami: So what'd you buy?

Makino (excited): So many exciting things!  You know that little pink girl from Ohtori - the one that my new cook turned into a puddle? Before that happened, she gave me her aunt's business card and I contacted her for some special work. (points to an especially large box) For example that's my jukebox.

Luffy: Cool. I wanna hear some music.

Zoro: A little Sinatra would be nice.

Vivi: No!  Something fun like Aqua or S Club 7!

Usopp (to no one in particular): And she's the smart one?

Makino: It's not that kind of jukebox. Unpack it and you'll see.

Nami: Well, you heard the woman.  Zoro, Luffy, unpack it.

Zoro (glaring): Me?

Luffy: How come I have to do it?

Nami: (to Zoro) Loguetown.  Berii I loaned you.  (to Luffy) Drum.  Jacket you destroyed. You both  owe me.

Luffy (unconcerned): Kokoyashi.  Village I liberated.

Zoro: Alabasta. Ass I saved.

(A boot and a frying pan become attached to Zoro and Luffy's heads respectively.)

Sanji (grinds his captain's head further into the counter): Don't talk about Nami's past, Luffy.  It upsets her. (to Zoro)  Don't talk about Nami's ass, Zoro.  It upsets ME.  Now do as the lady says.

Nami: Thanks.

Sanji (beaming): Anything for you, Nami-san!

(The Captain and First Mate grumble but comply.  They unwrap the package and lug the jukebox into a spot near the swinging doors.  Nami does the honors of plugging it in.  The jukebox immediately begins to play "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend.")

Makino: It identifies appropriate theme songs for each person!  Isn't that nifty?

(Luffy jumps in front of the jukebox.  The "Gumby" theme song comes on.)

Luffy: THAT SUCKS!

Shanks: Me next.

(A Jimmy Buffett medley of 'If You Like Pina Coladas/Margaritaville/A Pirate Looks at 40' begins to play.)

Shanks: Ben, come here!  You gotta try it!

(Ben does so. Something sinister and foreign begins to play.  Luffy and Chopper turn pale.  Luffy falls over himself in an effort to get to the bar.  He lands on the barstool next to Vivi and the still sniffling Chopper, whose cries grow progressively louder as the music continues to play.)

Luffy: Makino.  Beer.  Now.

Makino (dubious): You want another Natty Light?

(Makino shrugs since there is no accounting for taste or lack thereof.  She just serves the drinks.)

Shanks (to Ben): Is that German?

Ben (reading the playlist): It says it's Rammstein's Buck Dich. Never heard of it.

Vivi (shivering): It's scary.

(Chopper sobs louder still.)

Usopp: German's kind of like Dutch.

Nami: Luffy, do you understand this?

(Luffy chugs a beer and cracks open another one.)

Luffy (flatly): Not a word.

(Chopper continues to cry.)

=====================

"My goodness. What a diabolically clever little monster." - The doctor, Gormenghast

(Sitting across from Sanji is none other than - KOHZA!)
Kohza (calling out): Zoro, did you get it?
(Zoro steps out of the concealing shadows.  He holds up the video camera.)
Zoro: Oh yeah. The author's bribe is ready to go.

(Kohza and Zoro give each other high fives.)
Zoro: Good work, clone.
Kohza: Don't mention it...clone. (glares at Sanji) What have we learned from this?
Sanji: That you guys are perverts?
Kohza: Today's lesson is: Don't. Fuck. With. Four-Eyes.
Sanji (putting his pants back on): You have issues.
Zoro: It's always the quiet ones.
Sanji: Quiet? Please. He almost took over a country.
Kohza: And I would have too, if it hadn't been for those pesky pirates.
Sanji: Hey, Zoro, is that the new Sony digi-cam model?  Did you get that in Akihabara?  What kind of features does it have?  Can I see it?
(Zoro proudly hands over the camera before Kohza can stop him.  Sanji throws it on the ground, breaking it into pieces.)
Sanji (dusting his hands off): Thanks.
Zoro: Hey�Elt;br>(Kohza shakes his head sadly.)
Kohza: Version 2.0 still has bugs. (glances at quote)  And today's quote is about me.


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Terms Explained
The lyrics of 'Buck Dich' will be revealed at the appropriate moment, so no searching the Internet!  If you already know, no telling.  Ben fans may never forgive me�Ebut considering what else Ben fans like, I could be okay.
Concealing shadows stolen from fumbum.  Yes, we are a little circle of spammers who steal from each other.  What can you do?
Kohza mocked Scooby Doo villains and the opening of Charlie's Angels today.  And he got to be extra cool too.  It's a pre-emptive apology.  Muwahahaha.